24

Aspen

This is a dumb idea.

Agreed.

I sat on the sofa wearing my fluffy llama pajama pants and a tank top, waiting for Stef to stop whatever she was doing in the bathroom and finally come out here.

“Good morning.” I smiled at her as she emerged from her room in a bathing suit and sheer knit dress hanging over it. It seemed a little early to go swimming, but that was one of the reasons I was doing this. I needed advice.

“What’s wrong?” She eyed me skeptically.

“Why would anything be wrong?”

“You’re still in pajamas. Those look ridiculous by the way,” she huffed, grabbing a tote from behind her door. “And you’re smiling at me.”

“They’re comfy.” I chose to ignore the insult to my llama pants. “So, you’re going to the pool?”

“What was your first clue?” She crossed her arms over her chest. That pink triangle top was barely holding on to her breasts.

I hadn’t even brought a bathing suit. Goddess, I wasn’t prepared. “Are you meeting anyone? Any particular Alphas?”

I was about as smooth as sand.

Stef arched an eyebrow. “Why are you being weird?”

“I… Just…” I filled my cheeks with air and slowly let it out. “I want to know how you got four Alpha votes.”

“The popular vote wasn’t enough for you?” She laughed. “That’s rich. Maybe if you actually smiled at a few of the Alphas instead of spending all your time sucking up to McCaw and Tulia Packs then you wouldn’t have to worry about being mateless and alone.”

Is that what everyone thought I was doing? “I’m not worried–”

“Save it.” Stef held up her hand as she marched across the room. “All that time you argued you weren’t a rank chaser. Guess the equal footing here really went to your head.”

I raised my middle finger to the door she slammed behind her, blaming temporary insanity for the conversation we just had.

Groaning, I went to the bathroom and stared at my reflection.

“Smile more.”

I bared my teeth at the mirror, ignoring my wolf’s snicker.

Dressed in a simple sundress of soft yellow and daisies at the bottom from Jesse’s rack, I braided my hair and headed downstairs for breakfast.

It couldn’t hurt to try and smile more.

My smile might as well have been a grimace for all the good it did me. The heady rush of Alpha pheromones was tolerable this morning in the cafeteria so I made a point to look at all the different Alphas available. I was no stranger to keeping my gaze direct–one of the traits Alpha Derek had tried to beat out of me–but for some reason, every gorgeous Alpha I saw averted their eyes.

“Is there something in my teeth?” I asked, defeated as I took a seat at Edith and Fallon’s table.

“No. Why?” Fallon looked at me from over the rim of her coffee cup.

“No reason.” I glanced over my shoulder, imagining that every Alpha instantly turned away. This place was making me paranoid. First the thought of being watched in my bedroom and now this.

*

I decided to take Jesse’s dress out for a spin instead of sticking to my room until the public speaking portion of the trials started. My smile wasn’t working so I tucked that away and instead took my time people watching.

With Karen gone, there were forty-five of us Luna candidates left. Twenty Alphas mingled with them. The cameras were everywhere, filming moments in the cafeteria and lounge and bar.

I pushed open the back doors to the pool.

Early spring sunlight reflected off the clear water, but there was still a bite of frost in the air that wouldn’t clear until around midday. Shifter blood kept us warm. Still, I don’t think I would have hung out on the loungers with Stef and the other women this morning even if I’d brought a bathing suit.

I walked over to the gardens on the side of the resort, admiring the water fountain of fish that stood in the middle. It was a smaller replica of the one out front, but the water trickling was still a peaceful sound. Butterflies danced on the tops of the newly budding cherry blossom trees planted around the rose hedge and birds called in the forest beyond.

I breathed in the tranquility, taking a moment to think. The public speaking didn’t worry me. It was like when I was teaching a class, I’d adopt a persona that was a little more extroverted than I normally would be. I hoped this was a test of my knowledge and I could answer questions that would make a difference.

My papa was right. I did have ideas. And despite not being here for the right reasons, I could still use my few minutes of screen time to maybe do something bigger with my life.

“Why are you here?” The deep voice startled me and I jumped as my heart tried to leap from its cage.

I wasn’t used to this. The racing, warning impulse that burrowed in my skin as my wolf turned traitor, panting, when Ranger came walking from the woods with his bare chest glistening with sweat.

“Because I want to be.” I swallowed past my dry tongue, refusing to lower my eyes even though there was so much else I wanted to look at. It wasn’t like he owned these gardens and I wouldn’t let him intimidate me into leaving them until I was ready.

Ranger’s wolf flashed in his eyes as he looked me over and I felt naked again, uncomfortable in this flimsy dress that really wasn’t me. “You look nice.”

I blinked, not sure I heard him right. “Thank you?”

“You need a jacket on,” he said.

My eyes widened. “Excuse me?”

“That dress shows a lot of skin and it’s cold out here.” His fists clenched at his sides like he was struggling to make his tone less harsh.

I looked down at my new dress, feeling mortified. It wasn’t like I was out here in a bathing suit, but I guess I offended him by showing my skin. This was the second time he commented on what I was wearing. “Screw you.”

“What did you say?”

I raised my chin to glare at him. “I said you could go screw yourself. I’m a shifter. It’s warm enough. And if you don’t like what you see, look away.”

Ranger chuckled. It was a dark and menacing sound as he narrowed his heated gaze. “Who says I don’t like what I see?”

There was a tug in the center of my chest, a deep primal pull that urged me to tease him and draw this out. To see if I could make him smile or if he’d frown. The intensity of that feeling was frightening and I crossed my arms, taking a step back. “Could have fooled me.”

Ranger stilled as if I were prey and he didn’t want to make a sudden move. “Why are you scared?”

“I’m not scared,” I lied. Thank the Goddess I was downwind.

“You know I’ll take care of you, right?”

Come again?

“I didn’t ask you to take care of me,” I said, a little too high-pitched in my attempt to understand what was happening.

“You didn’t have to ask.” Ranger sighed, running a hand over his head. I glanced down at his workout shorts, seeing the outline teasing me beneath the material, and forced my eyes back to his face.

“If this is what you want, I’ll find a way to make it work.” He sounded tired, unsure. Like I was causing him pain.

“If… I… want you?” I wasn’t normally the TSTL type of girl, but what he was saying didn’t make any sense.

“You want me.” He smirked.

Arrogant. Freaking. Alphas.

“Do I want you?” No.Yes.Maybe!

I didn’t know. But the way he was looking at me had heat spreading through my core and an ache building between my thighs.

“Oh, you want me.” He sniffed the air.

Damn shifters and their sense of smell.

“Biological reactions.” I shrugged it off.

Ranger’s eyes narrowed as if he didn’t understand. I was about to explain it to him when he held up his hand.

“Why are you really here, Aspen?” he asked.

The sound of my name on his tongue shouldn’t have affected me the way it did. “Why do you care?”

His pupils widened and he took a step toward me, right as his jaw flexed and he looked away. “I asked you a question.”

“I asked you one too.”

He grinned. The sight of it made my heart flutter and I got the sense he didn’t do it often.

“You’re a brat.”

“Excuse me?” He might as well have slapped me across the face. It didn’t matter that he’d said it like a term of endearment.

Those were fighting words.

My fists tightened. He smiled bigger.

A branch broke to our right and Ranger snarled, pushing me behind his back.

I shoved away his massive forearm. “It’s just the cameras.”

“Carry on.” The audio guy waved, pushing the microphone out through the trees.

“You like the cameras.” Ranger turned. His fangs were still extended as he growled down at me. I glared back up at him.

That was insult number three during this conversation and I wasn’t planning to stick around for one more.

The resort intercom buzzed to life, saving me from giving Ranger a real piece of my mind. “Luna candidates, please head to makeup. You have two hours before the second trial begins.”

*

“As much as I adore your scowling dangerous look, I’m never going to be able to wing this liner unless you relax,” Jesse hissed.

“Sorry.” I smoothed out the lines of my face, trying to glance around the edge of the mirror to see if I could spot where Fallon was seated. Ranger had my head all messed up. I didn’t have siblings so I wasn’t sure what the protocol was on asking questions about her brother.

On second thought, she was the last person I wanted to talk to about how I was feeling.

“Stop cringing.” A makeup brush smacked against my nose.

“Sorry. Again.” I looked up at Jesse.

“Do you want to tell me what’s bothering you?” He balanced a palette of blush on his hand.

I liked Jesse, even knowing he probably had ulterior motives for helping me, but I wasn’t sure if he could be called a friend. Did I even have real friends? I missed Clara and hated that I couldn’t call her whenever I wanted. And my papa wouldn’t understand.

“Look, I know your heat is coming up, but you went from angry vixen to wounded pup in two seconds flat. This seems a little extreme for you. What’s wrong?”

At the mention of my heat, I froze. That explained so much. In less than a month, I’d be in the throes. No wonder my head was so twisted now.

“Talk, please. Before I do your lips.”

“That sounded dirty.” A giggle slipped out.

Jesse blinked at me with his long lashes.

“Fine.” I sighed. “It’s this place. I don’t know how to play these games.”

“The games haven’t even started yet.” Jesse worked a brush over my upper eyelids. “Is this about Ranger?”

“Maybe.” I almost bit my lip until Jesse flicked it. “Okay. Probably. He’s so hot and cold. I don’t know what to think about him.”

“It’ll be fun to watch what he does during the Alpha Games,” Jesse said. There was a strange look in his green eyes.

“If I make it there.” I huffed. True, I had the public vote. But I couldn’t even get one Alpha to want me. Not even Ranger with all his sexy talk casted a vote my way.

“You’ll be fine.” Jesse managed to sound reassuring even though I didn’t feel it. “You’re America’s sweetheart this season. Now close your eyes so I can make you look the part.”

*

The stage looked different. Two tan leather arm chairs sat under the spotlights. Alphas were still piling into the convention center and taking their seats to watch the filming start. The curtain closed, cutting off my view, but I got a glimpse of him sitting in the front row.

I wish I could blame my nerves for the way my hands shook, but I was already used to the cameras by now. And the public speaking portion was just a test of knowledge.

My inner nerd loved tests and the adrenaline rush that came from getting the answers right.

“Everyone quiet,” one of the production crew shushed us. “You’re going to enter stage right when your name is called, sit in the chair across from Jay, and exit stage left when your time is up. After this, you’re done for the day.”

Sweet precious sleep was calling my name. I didn’t have to do anything until the elimination round tomorrow morning.

I stood still as the sound guy adjusted the microphone on my sundress, trying not to feel like cattle being herded through a fence. From the little I’d seen of the show, they made this look so natural, sprinkling the interviews and conversations in with the footage of the trials. I didn’t realize it was so methodically planned and orchestrated.

“Aspen, you’re next.” Molly moved me to the front of the line as the ten-minute buzzer signaled the end of Edith’s turn. I should have been paying attention to her answers.

Jay’s makeup team hovered around him, offering sips of water, until he waved them away.

“3, 2, 1. Action.”

Someone gave me a gentle shove forward.

Don’t trip… Don’t trip... I smiled and waved to the general direction of the cameras, making my way across the stage. The lights were so much brighter out here and heat seemed to radiate from them. I was starting to sweat again, but this close, I could see the foundation caked into Jay Renfro’s skin. It helped me feel more at ease and less worried about being perfect as I sank onto the chair.

“There she is. Our darling Aspen from Nuva Pack.” Jay clasped my hand within his, leaning closer like we were good friends. I was surprised he even knew my name.

“It’s so good to see you, Jay.” I followed his lead and shook his hand in earnest.

“That’s quite a grip you’ve got there.” He laughed, shaking his hand dramatically in the air.

“Shifter problems.” I shrugged. It seemed strange that his wolf wasn’t anywhere near the surface. I could barely sense the animal within. “But you know that.”

“I do.” Jay smiled with all his teeth, not missing a beat. “Speaking of shifter problems, how has your time in the Luna Trials been so far?”

I resisted the urge to look at the audience even though I could feel Ranger’seyes on me.

“It’s going well,” I said. “All the girls have been super sweet.”

“Just the girls.” Jay wiggled his eyebrows. I’d never seen someone actually do that in real life. “Or have any of the Alphas been sweet too?”

Since most of them wouldn’t look at me and the one who did was not what I’d call “sweet,” I figured I shouldn’t answer that.

“Maybe.” I winked.

Jay laughed. “Fair enough. Mysterious. I like it. Well let’s get to the questions. Our producers picked three from the ones the Alphas submitted and we get to be mysterious too by not saying who they are from. Are you ready?”

“Throw them at me.” I leaned back in the chair, crossing my ankles and still smiling. I was going to ace this test.

“The first question the Alphas have for you today is ‘what are you looking for in an ideal mate?’”

Come again?

I was expecting something about policy change or world history or even quantum physics. Not… the typical thing you’d ask on a dating show.

My palms started sweating and the lights were suddenly too bright as Jay sat there staring at me.

“Um. Can you repeat the question?” I really needed a sip of water.

“Your qualities of a mate?” Jay looked to the cameras like he couldn’t believe what he was dealing with.

“Cut,” the director yelled from somewhere on his perch.

Molly stormed out, rubbing her temples. “It’s a simple question, Aspen. Do you need notecards?”

“No… No. I’ve got this,” I stuttered. There were a few snickers from the Alphas watching and for some reason I felt young again, tormented under the laughs of the football team with Trenton sitting there, saying nothing.

A deep predator’s growl echoed through the room. The same one that had my wolf perking up and paying attention. I clenched my fists, hating that he was watching me flounder like this. The jolt of anger renewed my confidence.

“My apologies.” I stared at Jay. “I’m ready now.”

Molly crept off the stage.

“Take two.” The clapperboard snapped.

“Well, Jay. I hate to say that I’m picky, but I need a mate that is kind and honest. One who works hard and loves nature. Who values my opinion and isn’t afraid of me challenging him. Oh, and my papa has to approve.”

I shrugged with one shoulder, playing off my earlier misstep and causing Jay to laugh again.

“I wonder if we could get your papa to come to the show.”

“Between you and me,” I leaned forward, lowering my voice to a stage whisper, “I wouldn’t do that. He’s a total main character and would steal the spotlight from all the lovely contestants.”

Jay laughed in earnest this time and not with that fake sound he’d been doing. “We’ll have to talk to the network and get him his own special.”

“I would pay to watch that show.” I giggled, thinking of how awful it would be with the cameras chasing my papa around.

“Me too.” Jay was still laughing as he flipped the card. “Okay, next question. Mysterious Alpha number two wants to know ‘what would you do with your title as Luna?’”

I was ready for this one. These were the questions we should be asking.

“I think that depends on the pack.” I smiled for the cameras, knowing I could use this moment to throw my own pack under the bus. I wasn’t going to, but maybe if we had a better Luna, things wouldn’t be the way they were. Alpha Derek’s wife never did a damn thing to stop what he did to me. She’d closed the door, shooing Trenton away when he’d just stared at me too. Watching as his father beat down on a young she-wolf and saying nothing.

“A Luna’s job is to protect and care for her pack. Ideally, she’d give her Alpha strength and support him through his limitations,” I said, ignoring my painful memories. “She’s also the first line of defense to keep the Alpha in check. A Luna is the balance to an Alpha’s power. I’d try my hardest to do all that and more, especially implementing policies that are needed for shifters. Education is important to me which you already know, but so is crime prevention and rehabilitation for shifters who might have lost their way.”

Jay nodded. Aced that. Next question please.

“I love it. Your future pack will be lucky to have you,” Jay said. “Our final question from mysterious Alpha number three is “why are you really here?’”

Jay hesitated, looking up to the director. I placed my hand on his arm before they could call cut.

“I wonder who asked that one.” I pretended to think, looking over the crowd and locking eyes with Ranger. My heart thumped harder as our gazes met and I forced myself to look away. “I can understand why they’d ask. I wasn’t completely honest in my interview anyway.”

“You weren’t?” Despite his wolf being dormant, Jay had the predator’s gleam in his eye as he leaned closer, begging for the drama. I caught Molly off to the side, pressing her hands together under her chin in a silent prayer.

I had to laugh; it was so ridiculous. “I said this was a fairy tale, but it’s more than that. You… You’ll think it’s silly.”

“I promise I won’t laugh.” Jay crossed his heart, acting like we were sharing a secret as the cameras zoomed in.

I didn’t want to do this, to share the piece of myself I kept hidden so long and on national television nonetheless. But I needed to give something to stay on this show and I figured this was what they were looking for.

Even if it killed me to speak it out loud.

“My papa and gram were fated mates.” I took a deep breath, preparing for the laughter. “I grew up on their love story. I know it’s rare in our world now, but once upon a time, we didn’t have to pick. The stars aligned and fate decided the perfect person to complete our soul. My wolf refuses to settle for anything less. So, yes, I’m hoping for the fairy tale. But it’s more than that. I want my happily ever after and I haven’t been able to find it yet.”

It wasn’t exactly a lie. I did leave out the part that I wasn’t expecting to find magic on this stupid show. They didn’t need to know everything.

Whether real or staged, Jay’s eyes misted with tears as he clasped my hands within his. “That is beautiful, Aspen.”

He smiled at the cameras. “Trust me when I say that I, and the rest of the country, will be rooting for you to find your fairy tale ending.”