24. Lucien

Chapter 24

Lucien

I take her back to her room and close the door without saying another word. I can't look at her. Because the way she looked at me almost ended me.

She thinks I'm like them. The men who hurt her. In that one moment, by speaking to her as if she was nothing to me, I broke the trust she had in me. And I broke her.

Not the way they did.

But enough.

And I hate myself for it.

She believes love equals control, and that she can't trust a lover to keep her safe. I was trying to prove her wrong, but I'm a monster. Of course, I can't give her what she needs.

I don't deserve her. I should have stayed away, kept watching her in the shadows. I should never have allowed myself the privilege of getting close to her.

Back in my study, I deliberately do not turn on the camera feed to her bedroom.

I can't watch her crying.

My heart swells in my chest. What if she...? I think of the razor in her hand. Would she? Now that the trust between us is broken?

I slam my fist into the wall so hard it makes the plaster crumble. My knuckles bleed but heal quickly. I punch it again, and again, and again, watching my skin break and heal, break and heal.

The thought of losing her is unbearable and, yet, I never really had her. It was all make believe.

I pace the length of my study. My hands clench and unclench at my sides, fighting the urge to tear the entire room to pieces, to unleash the storm of emotions raging inside me.

How could I have been so foolish? To think that I, a creature of darkness and blood, could offer Luna anything but pain and disappointment. I've lived for centuries, and all I have ever brought to this world is destruction and pain. What made me believe I could be different for her?

The memory of her face, the hurt and fear in her eyes, haunts me. I've seen that look before, on countless victims throughout the years. But it has never cut me so deeply.

I stop at the window and pull back the shutters so I can stare out into the night. The darkness that once felt like home now seems oppressive, a reflection of the void inside me. Luna deserves light, warmth, safety - all the things I can never truly provide.

My reflection mocks me, reminding me of who I really am, and of what I've done. The countless lives I've taken, the joy I once found in cruelty - it's all part of me. A part I can never fully escape, no matter how much I might wish to. No matter how much she made me feel... different.

I've been playing at being human, at being worthy of her trust and affection. But it has all been a lie. A beautiful, intoxicating lie that I allowed myself to believe.

No more.

I pick up my phone and text Trent. Have a blood donor brought up here as soon as possible. Young. Male. B+ blood type.

Immediately, Trent replies. Yes, boss. Anything else?

I don't answer him.

I am already thinking about sinking my teeth into the throat of whoever arrives on the doorstep.

The truth is, I'm at my best when I embrace what I am. Ruthless. Efficient. Alone. These are the qualities that have kept me alive for centuries, that have made me feared and respected. Not just in this city but in every place I've ever lived.

These are the qualities that allowed me to rise up to take control of this place. And these are the tools I need to use now, to keep Luna safe and to figure out what she is.

Because that's what this has to be about now. Not my selfish desires, not my misguided attempt at redemption through her love. She's in danger - from the Covenant, from rival vampires, from forces I don't yet understand. And the only way I can truly protect her is by treating her like a job.

The way I treated her when I very first set eyes on her all those years ago.

No more tender moments. No more pretending. I need to be cold, calculated. I need to be the monster I've always been, and I need to channel it into keeping her safe.

Then, when it's over, and when the threat is neutralized, I'll set her free. I'll give her the chance at a normal life, at finding love with someone worthy of her light. Someone human, unbroken, unburdened by centuries of darkness.

The decision settles over me like a shroud. It hurts - more than I thought possible - but it feels right. This is who I am. This is what I do. I'm not meant for love or happiness. I'm a predator without a soul. And it's time I remembered that.