Chapter 14

"Ithink you should go ahead and get the test when we add you to his birth certificate." Paisley had thought of nothing else last night and all this morning while they talked with Jon.

Luke turned to face her and arched one blond brow at her in question.

They were sitting at the dining room table, Luke burping Garrett as they talked.

"It wouldn't be a bad idea," Jon agreed.

"It's not necessary," Luke countered.

Paisley sighed. There was no doubt in her mind that Luke was Garrett's father. There was simply no way it could be anyone else. She hadn't slept with anyone for a while before Luke, only two other people ever and they were years ago now. She also hadn't been with anyone else since.

"It would be nice to have it confirmed and out of the way," Paisley told him.

"You know that I don't think there's any way he's not mine, right? You don't have to prove it to me."

"Right, and I appreciate the faith in me, but it's not for you. It's for everyone else."

"Honestly, it's not be a bad idea. It can't change anything once you're on the birth certificate and would appease social services while we work to find out what is going on there." Jon's focus remained on his computer screen. "It also wouldn't be bad for the two of you to get married if you haven't talked about that yet. It would ensure a lot of things went a bit smoother when it came to all of this."

Luke opened his mouth, but Paisley cut him off.

"How would it help?" She didn't understand how this was going to solve anything.

"Well, then you are bound together and they can't come up with a reason to get you to leave here as easily as they might without the marriage. Nothing is foolproof, of course, but it would certainly help some. It shows a united front to everyone."

"I hear what you are saying, but that seems very archaic to me. Do things still work that way?" Paisley questioned. To have marriage brought up again was bizarre to her. How in the modern world, did marriage make a difference?

Luke watched the exchange quietly as she and Jon talked.

"Sadly, yes. The things that change and open up for people when they get married are wild. I agree it's an outdated system and I won't force you to get married if you don't want to. I just wanted to put it out there that it has the potential to ease things when it comes to Mr. Hawkins weaponizing social services against the two of you." Jon held her gaze.

"How much would it really help?" Paisley pushed.

"Well, for starters, it negates the DNA test for Garrett. There's no arguing with the birth certificate, sure, but also the mother's husband. Then there's the matter of social services not wanting you to be included in things. It seems suspicious but I don't see to what end. My concern is that they are going to try to alienate you from them."

"I won't let that happen," Luke interrupted.

"I never said you would. I was just saying that it's much more difficult to do that if the two of you are married." Jon returned to his laptop screen.

"You don't have to, Paisley," Luke reminded her. "I know I've asked before, so I don't want you to feel pressured. It's totally up to you and no hard feelings at all if you don't want to."

She nodded, acknowledging Luke, and sat forward in her seat to focus on Jon.

It took a lot of effort, but she managed to mostly pay attention while Jon was there. Her mind wandered to what would happen if they did get married. Would it really change anything?

At most it would make it harder to break up. They already lived together, and despite her worries that Luke was still playing house with her and would change his mind, would it really change anything in the end? She couldn't really figure out what.

"Okay," Paisley said quietly, interrupting Luke and Jon as they said their goodbyes.

"Okay what?" Jon asked.

"Really?" Luke asked at the same time.

"I want a prenup though. I don't want any of your stuff if we get divorced, and I don't want your father to think that's why we are getting married."

"That's not—" Luke started.

"It's the only way I will agree." She was sticking firm on this point.

"I can get that drawn up asap. Well, not me, but I know who can and then get it back to you. Standard clauses?" he asked Luke.

Luke shrugged. "I don't even know what that means."

"I'll have her get in touch with you both to get this drawn up, probably tomorrow before it's done then. Once it is, do you want a wedding or to just going to the courthouse?"

"We need to talk," Luke shut Jon down. "Her and I. Then I'll be in touch. For now, we are proceeding with everything as planned before. Do the prenup. Nothing else changes."

Jon opened his mouth and then closed it, clearly changing his mind about whatever he was going to say. "You got it. Stay in touch."

Luke walked Jon to the door and locked it behind him.

Paisley stayed at the table, knowing that Luke was going to come back and want to talk.

"You don't have to do this," he started, taking a seat opposite her, Garrett still in his arms, now sleeping. "I know you don't want to get married, and I won't have you forced into it."

Paisley sighed. "I've thought about it, Luke. I don't feel forced. You have made it clear that I don't have to." A thought occurred to her just then. "Unless you don't want to anymore? Which is totally fine."

"What changed?" he asked.

She shrugged. "Not a lot and that's what made me realize I was fighting nothing. Nothing would change between us. We already live together and sleep together. We have a kid together."

"I don't want you to feel forced into this. If we get married, then it's for real. I don't plan on half-assing this."

"If you don't want to anymore, that's totally fine. We don't have to. Don't feel pressured on my behalf," Paisley worriedly backtracked as he kept giving her a way out and repeatedly reminding her about it. It was possible that he knew her answer would be no, or he thought it would be and had already changed his mind.

"It's not that. Far from it. I just don't understand how you went from absolutely not and not trusting me to deciding that you wanted to get married." Luke shifted Garrett to his other hip and ran a hand through his hair. "I want you to make this decision because you want to, not because you feel like Jon or I pressured you. I shouldn't have brought it up the other day, and I will let Jon know not to bring it up again either."

"I just thought about it again and realized that very little, if anything at all, would change between us. We are already living like we are married as it is." She stood and took a yawning Garrett from him. "Let me put him down and we can keep talking."

Luke nodded before she walked away.

The whole way up the stairs, she contemplated what she had done wrong. It was clear that Luke didn't want to get married anymore and she had clearly thrown him off by agreeing. Now she had to figure out how to backtrack without either of them getting hurt.

It would be her that was hurt in the end, though. She already felt it, knowing that he didn't want to get married anymore. What were they doing here if he had changed his mind? She needed to find more work while she had his help and put money in the bank for when all this mess with his father was over and it was time for them to leave.

Nothing in her life had ever worked out, why should this be any different? Every foster home was going to be the best and the last. None of them were even remotely good. Promises might be well intended, but that rarely mattered in the end. The only thing she could do was what she knew and protect herself and now Garrett from the heartbreak before it happened.

Maybe they could draw up a custody agreement now when they were both not hurt. It might be for the best to decide these things early.

She laid Garrett down and started the sound machine for him before giving him a kiss and backing quietly out of the room. He yawned and stretched as she did, not making a sound.

Luke was in the living room when she returned, his feet propped up on the ottoman and the TV off. Anyone else would assume he was relaxing, but she saw the lines creased on his forehead, showing he was deep in his thoughts.

She took a seat on the other end of the sofa. "I think I might have spoken out of turn in front of Jon earlier," she started before Luke raised his hand.

"Wait. I'm doing a shit job of explaining myself and I think I need to try again."

"You don't have to explain anything," she countered.

"I really do." He brought his feet to the floor and leaned forward in his seat on the sofa. "I absolutely want to get married to you. That's not the issue so don't even worry about that."

She studied him, trying to figure out everything at once.

"I'm just worried that you are doing this not because you want to, but because you think that Jon's idea is the best reason. I want to marry you, Paisley. I don't know that I would have brought it up as soon as I did if it weren't for my father, but it is what I want and I mean it in the forever type of way. This isn't something I am going to change my mind about." He held her gaze as he spoke, sincerity clear in his words.

"I—"

Luke stopped her words with his hand out again. "Let me finish, please?"

She nodded.

"I heard what you said the other day when I brought it up and I think that's a fair point. I have led a very different life until now, and as much as it hurts, you're right to question it. I was making changes all along though. Small ones, granted, but changes just the same. I don't want to go out and party. I haven't done that in a while and I don't miss it. I want to be with you, with Garrett, and any other kids we may have. I am all in and I will keep proving that to you." Luke dropped his gaze to the floor and held his head in his palms.

There were few things that she'd ever really been sure of in her life, and Luke was quickly adding himself to that list. She knew he meant what he said.

"I think that's it," he whispered.

She swallowed and tried to form an adequate response. "I hurt your feelings the other day when I said that and I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I was speaking from a place of fear, and I don't think that it's really against you or your character. It's my own insecurity. Everyone that was supposed to stay in my life hasn't. So trying to believe that it won't happen again is hard."

"That's what I'm talking about. I am absolutely on board, but you still have one foot out the door. I'm not mad at you. I just don't think you're ready."

"I want to be," she admitted. "I believe you. It's me I don't trust, I think."

"Let's just table it for now, okay? We can talk about it another time, maybe after we've lived here for a while."

Tears pooled in her eyes as she nodded.

"Don't cry," Luke pleaded, opening his arms for her to come to him.

She stood and went willingly, wondering what she did to deserve him and the patience he had with her while she tried to pull herself together.