PROLOGUE

FOUR YEARS AGO

TABBY

"Get out of my house!"

"But Daddy, I don't have anywhere to go! What will I do?"

"You should have thought of that before you laid down with a man that was not your husband. You're filth, Tabitha. Filth. And you're no daughter of mine!"

The hum of the wheels had lulled me to sleep, but the sound of the brakes and then the swaying motion as the vehicle made a wide turn nearly jostled me awake, but it wasn't quite enough to snap me out of the nightmare that had become my life.

"This is all I've got, Tabitha. There's a bus ticket to New York City waiting for you down at the station. Take what you can because he'll have me clean this room tomorrow or the next day, and I won't be able to store anything for you."

"What am I going to do?" I whispered frantically. "I don't know where to go once I get there. Where will I stay? I just . . . Mama, please help me!"

"It's not my place to go against your father, Tabby. I warned you this was what happened to loose women, and then you went and became one yourself."

"But I love him!"

"And if he loved you, he'd be here right now, wouldn't he?" Mama snapped. "You go on to the city and find him. I pray that you find peace when you get there, and I'll . . . I'll miss you, Tabby Lou."

"Mama, please . . ."

"Don't trust anyone else, Tabby. You hear me? Trust is what got you into this situation, and it's not what's gonna get you out. You look out for that baby because no one else will. Do whatever you have to do to keep her healthy and safe."

"You're not doing that for me," I whispered.

"I took vows, Tabitha."

"But you're my mother."

"I'm his wife first."

"Wake up, girl!"

My seatmate, a kind but harsh woman who'd boarded somewhere in Virginia, had a firm grip on my shoulder as she shook me awake. I winced as I sat up a little straighter in my seat and tried to blink away the memories that had held me in a trance since I left my home two . . . no, was it three days ago? She'd been next to me for hours and been a fountain of terse information. I was grateful not only that she'd pulled me out of my nightmare but for all the advice she'd given me during our journey.

"Are we in New York?"

"We're in the city now. This is the end of the line for us, sweetheart."

"Okay." I swallowed hard and willed the tears to stay back, hating that I couldn't control my emotions at all nowadays. Not that I'd ever had to try, but I hadn't cried at the drop of a hat until a few weeks ago either.

"You know where you're going?"

"Not a clue," I admitted as I scooted forward in the seat so I could get my purse out from behind my back.

It had been an uncomfortable place to put it, but Darlene had told me stories about pickpockets and grifters and how easy it would be for them to lift my wallet if I dozed off with my purse in my lap or, God forbid, beneath the seat where I had left it during the first leg of my trip before meeting her.

"The city is going to eat you up," Darlene mumbled. "I was just as naive as you when I first came here with stars in my eyes."

I studied her face - she had mentioned that she was just a little more than ten years older than me, but her eyes told a different story.

"I don't have stars in my eyes," I assured her. "I just need to find Randall. I don't want to be on Broadway or anything like that."

"I'm gonna regret this," Darlene muttered as she stood. "You'll stay with me until you find this man you've put so much faith in."

"But you said . . ."

"I know what I said," Darlene snapped. "I can't throw someone like you out there on the street alone. They'll take one look at you and . . ."

"Who will? What will they do?"

"I hope you never have to find out."

◆◆◆

TWO MONTHS AGO

TABBY

"I thought you found your way out," Simon said as he helped me drag my suitcase up onto the bed. As I unzipped it, he leaned over and kissed Ember on the top of her head and said, "Go watch TV while I talk to your mom, okay?"

"Thank you, Uncle Si!"

"Keep the volume low. There's no need to wake up everyone in the building."

"I will."

Simon's eyes cut to me, and I said, "I did, but I'm back."

"With more than just luggage," Simon said with raised eyebrows as he pointedly looked at my hugely pregnant belly. "What are you growing in there? A baby elephant?"

"Two, actually."

"Twins? Are they gonna pay you double?"

"No one is going to pay me anything, Si."

His snide grin disappeared and was replaced by shock. "You're doing this shit for free?"

"The woman who was going to pay me died suddenly, so now, I get two more kids instead of money!"

"Is that even legal?"

I raised one eyebrow and said, "I didn't realize you even knew how to pronounce that word."

"I read it in a book once."

"Yeah, right," I scoffed.

"Fuck you, Bumpkin."

"I need your help, Si."

"I'm already giving you a place to live!" Si flopped down onto the bed he'd just helped me make, dislodging the neat piles of clothes I'd carefully stacked as I sorted through the first suitcase. He put an arm up over his face before he sighed dramatically and said, "You're so needy, Tab. What else do you want from me?"

"I want you to tell everyone that you knocked me up."

Si moved his arm and squinted at me before he said, "Say again?"

"You heard me."

Si started laughing, and the piles shifted precariously again, so I began moving them over to the dresser as quickly as I could.

"Honey, the one thing I've never had to worry about was knocking someone up," Simon said once he'd caught his breath. "Anyone that's spent more than three minutes with me will know that's a lie."

"Can you just pretend that you suddenly wanted children and decided to take one for the team?"

"Absolutely not. First of all, the only child I've ever been able to tolerate is Ember."

"Ember's the only child you've ever interacted with, at least on purpose."

"Exactly. That's why no one would believe I suddenly got the burning desire to procreate."

"Maybe you got a wild hair and . . ."

"We'd also never be able to convince anyone that I ever slept with you which leads me to my second argument. Even if we did convince the world I suddenly felt paternal, no one would believe it unless we said it was in vitro or some shit."

"There's a paper trail for stuff like that," I said with a sigh as I pulled the empty suitcase off the bed and let it bounce on the floor. I crawled into bed beside him and said, "I need you to say you're their father, Si."

"Why?" Simon turned his head and studied my face for a few seconds before he said, "You're in a lot more trouble than just being knocked up and broke, aren't you?"

"Yeah." I got up and walked over to the window to look down onto the street, trying to find the source of the annoying noise coming in from outside. There was a woman on the sidewalk yelling at someone on the phone as she paced. "Jeez. That bitch has some pipes on her."

"She's one of Harlen's new girls, and believe me, the new has worn off quickly. How much trouble are you in?"

"Do they have the death penalty in New York?"

"Shit, Bumpkin. What did you do?"

"These babies may not have my DNA, but they're still part of me, and it's my job to protect them."

Simon sighed and let his head fall back onto the mattress. "I didn't fuck you, though. We used a turkey baster. That's a thing, or so I hear."

"I can roll with that."

"Well, if I'm gonna be your baby daddy, you're gonna have to pull your weight around here."

"I'll cook for you," I promised. "Can I work the bar?"

Simon poked my belly and asked, "I don't know. Can you?"

"For a month or two, maybe. I need to get some money saved up so I can get out of here."

"Where are you going to go?"

"I'm going to get lost somewhere so no one can find me."

"Is that even possible these days?"

"I guess I'm going to find out, huh?"

"Have you talked to Brett since your argument?"

"No. She said everything she needed to say, and now I know she was right. I never should have fallen for Rebecca's lies. I knew better." The woman outside was still yelling and I pondered if it would be worth the effort to crawl out onto the fire escape and give her a piece of my mind. I decided that it wasn't and laid back down and tried to relax instead.

"Darlene will be upset that you had to come back, but she'll be excited to have another baby around. Well, two in this case. You know how she is."

"I think it's hilarious that she wants Ember to call her Grandma."

"It's good that she's in your corner, and she'd do anything for you and Ember."

"Hopefully, she won't have to. I need to figure out a way to get out of here before they're born."

"If you don't, we'll just go on about our lives together, and Darlene will get more babies to spoil. You're the only way that's gonna happen."

I nudged my friend with my elbow and teased, "Admit it. You'd enjoy having a baby around here again."

"Okay, I do have to say that on a scientific level, they're pretty fucking cool." We were quiet for a few minutes, both lost in our own thoughts as we listened to the woman yelling on the street, until Simon asked, "Are you going to tell Brett what you did?"

"No."

"She'd probably thank you."

"I betrayed her, Simon. She doesn't know me as well as she thinks she does."

"What do you mean?"

"She thinks I'm an idiot who can't take care of herself and got suckered into Rebecca's trap."

"You kind of did."

"I will admit that I fell for her shit. I honestly believed that Rebecca wanted to have more children to make things right. I think I wanted to hope that there was at least one mom out there who regretted turning their back on their child and wanted a second chance. I know now that was wishful thinking on my part so I could rationalize taking money from her."

"That was a significant price she was willing to pay."

"I should have known better, but I'm going to chalk that up to another life lesson and learn from it."

"What did you learn?"

"That everyone has a price and no one can be trusted."

"Hey now! That hurt my feelings a little."

"When did you develop feelings?"

"This whole situation has got you fucked up, Tab. I can tell that you're different."

"Different is good. Different doesn't get duped by someone else's bullshit."

"That's a very jaded outlook, sister."

I turned my head on the pillow so that I was facing my friend. "I'll say it again. Everyone has a price; some are just higher than others."

"I don't have a price."

"Yeah, you do."

"Nope. I'm a strong person who can stand by my values."

"I'll bake you my granny's chocolate cake if you drag that caterwauling bitch upstairs and toss her off the roof."

"You've taught me so much, Tab."

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah. A few years ago, I would have had to ask you what that word meant, but now, I speak fluent country bumpkin and don't have to." Simon pushed up onto one arm and stared down at me, and I thought for a fleeting second that if someone walked into the room now, they'd think he and I were very much in love and talking about the future. The look on his face was unguarded, when it was usually cool and assessing. I knew that most people had never seen that side of him, and I was lucky every time I got the chance. "I love you, Bumpkin, and I'll do whatever I can to keep you and Ember safe."

"I know you will, Si." Simon leaned over and kissed my temple before he started scooting down the bed rather than try to crawl over me and my belly to get out. "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to shut that bitch up while you bake me a cake."

"See? I was right! Everyone has a price."

"Maybe, but in this case I'm just sick of listening to her, and I really want that cake."