Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen

brONX

"I remember this feeling," Dallas said, cornering Bronx in the kitchen. "Just breathe. Everyone already loves him."

Bronx let out a long breath and hunched his shoulders. "I know. It's not that."

Dallas frowned, leaning back against the counter with his arms crossed. "So what is it?"

Bronx didn't know how to tell his brother that up until the night Jules broke into the house, he hadn't been a hundred percent convinced that everyone liked him. That he wasn't just Dallas's weird older brother with pity invites to single dad meet-ups. He'd turned down more than half the invites because he couldn't handle the thought that they were inviting him to be inclusive.

Not because they actually liked him.

Jules's words that night would have eviscerated him entirely if he hadn't had a kitchen full of people ready to chop his head off. Adele hadn't shown up because he liked to play hero. Dallas hadn't shown up out of obligation to his brother—or for fear that Jules might wreck his house .

Monty hadn't talked his son through his fear on the entire drive home and stuck close to him if he hadn't wanted to be there for Bronx. Because of Bronx.

It was a weird pill to swallow after convincing himself the opposite for so long.

And he had a feeling if he told his brother the truth, Dallas was going to get his feelings hurt.

"I wasn't sure that I was being included on my own merit," he finally said. "Uh…before. When I first got here. You had this whole life with everyone. Inside jokes, history, support. You'd built this family, and everyone's so…"

"Obnoxious? Loud?" Dallas chanced.

Bronx snorted. "Kind. Supportive. You all hang out together because you genuinely like each other. I felt like an outsider."

Dallas didn't look upset. He leaned on the counter, both arms folded, and looked at Bronx. "I get it. It might look like we've had years and years to build this foundation, but we haven't. The whole thing was cobbled together one afternoon when Adele met Frey. It took him forever to get Lane to agree to hang out, and then they met me. We've only been doing this a little while. It just feels like forever because it's right."

Bronx bit his lip. That was something Lucas had said to Monty—that this little family they were testing together felt right. There was no real explanation for it. If this had been anyone else, Bronx would be telling that person to pump the brakes. It was too fast. They hardly knew each other, and it was going to end in disaster.

But the truth was, he'd known Jules forever. They'd dated slowly and took their time, and he still ended up being one of the worst things that had ever happened to Bronx. He was pretty sure it couldn't get worse than Jules, so why not just lean in?

Especially considering his son was on board.

"You really thought the guys didn't like you?"

Bronx shrugged. "I thought maybe they were putting up with me for your sake. And I thought maybe you were humoring me because you felt like you owed me."

"I do owe you," Dallas said. "But I also like you. Staying away for so long was the worst mistake I ever made, and I know I've said that before, but I'll keep saying it until it sinks in. We probably could have both saved each other years of heartache if we'd stayed close. I would have been able to spot what an absolute dick-weasel Jules was."

Bronx chuckled. "And I would have done more to convince you that Katie was not the one."

"But we're here," Dallas said. "So quit moping, and get your ass outside. Monty's probably overwhelmed by Frey's enthusiasm, and you know his boyfriend isn't going to do shit to stop him. I'm pretty sure Renato gets off on watching Frey flail around like a wild man."

Bronx laughed and grabbed the two bottles of punch he'd been asked to bring out, tucking them under his arms as he followed his brother to the deck. He liked Adele's house. He hoped to have something like it one day. An actual home—not just a place his brother had given him.

Something he, Lucas, and maybe Monty had built together.

Glancing around, he spotted Adele at the grill with the guy he was supposed to be meeting today sitting in a chair beside him. The party was a joint thing to introduce Monty as Bronx's official boyfriend and to welcome Kash into the fold.

Bronx had gotten a very quick introduction when he arrived and Adele answered the door. Kash was a few inches shorter than Adele but broader, with thick, dark curls and tan skin. He had a very Mediterranean look about him, with dark eyes and full lips, and he spoke softly and shook hands with loose fingers.

Bronx couldn't tell if he was shy or if something else was going on, but he was betting the latter with the way Adele had been hovering over him all afternoon. He figured they'd find out eventually—or they wouldn't. It didn't really matter. Adele seemed happier than he had been in a while, and that was enough.

"Hey there."

Bronx turned to find Monty a few feet away, smiling at him, shielding his eyes from the sun. Pulling a pair of sunglasses from his shirt pocket, he slid them onto Monty's nose. "Better?"

Monty smiled and turned his face up for a kiss. Bronx ignored the wolf whistles and shouts as he obliged.

"Regretting this yet?"

Monty smiled against his lips, then pulled back. "No. It's a rite of passage, and I'm not afraid of a few voyeurs."

Bronx laughed. "Just don't let Lucas hear you say that. He'll sue me for emancipation and make me pay for his therapy. Where is he, by the way?"

Monty gestured toward the yard, and Bronx turned to find Gage and Lucas having a lightsaber fight with two glowing plastic replicas. He felt warm all over. He knew Lucas had never quite felt like he fit in, no matter what school he went to. But Gage had turned that around for him. He was also pretty sure that Lucas had a crush on the older boy, but he didn't think Gage liked him back.

His chest hurt at the thought of his son's first heartbreak.

"Did you meet Kash?" Monty asked, dragging Bronx to one of the tables under the big umbrella. They took up the love seat, Monty leaning against his chest.

"Not officially. Just when we came in."

"We just had a small chat. He's starting a job at 9-1-1 dispatch next week as a supervisor. I guess he used to do it before he joined the fire department."

Bronx glanced across at them and frowned. "I wonder why he left."

Monty hummed, grabbing Bronx's hand to play with his fingers. "He didn't say exactly, but I think he has some sort of illness. He just said he had to leave his job as a firefighter because he couldn't perform the tasks any longer."

Bronx wasn't sure what he'd do or how he'd feel if something took him out of his field. He'd cope, of course. He'd figure it out. But he never did have a plan B. He'd been working as a vet tech through school, and although he'd taken several years off to be a stay-at-home dad, it had always been on his mind. The moment Lucas was old enough for Bronx to go back and finish his education, he'd gone right back to what he knew and loved.

"What would you have done if you weren't a lawyer?" Bronx asked.

Monty smiled and leaned back into his arms. "Tricky question. I didn't spend a lot of time exploring my passions."

"Mm. I can help you with that," Bronx murmured.

"Hello, police, I'd like to file a report against my father. He's being disgusting, and it's traumatizing me."

Bronx dropped his head back to find that Lucas had come up the side stairs and was standing behind them. He was using the lightsaber as a cane, and he tapped it on the love seat. "We're just talking, bud. "

"Talking. Sure . Do I need to separate you two? There are children present. Young, innocent ones."

Bronx snorted and reached back, touching Lucas's arm. "Come around. There's a chair on my right with a cushion."

Lucas made his way using the lightsaber to walk himself around the circular table, and he took a seat, putting one foot up on the edge. "Are you two ever not super gross?"

"Only when you're not around. We save it up just for you. The schmoop, the kissing, the canoodling," Bronx said, laying a loud smack to Monty's cheek.

"It's your own fault," Monty told him. "You showed up at my office to play matchmaker."

"File that in the long list of mistakes I've made," Lucas told them, but he was smiling. He set the lightsaber off to the side, then leaned forward and started rocking back and forth. "So, Gabe just invited me to theater camp over spring break. It's in Georgia."

Bronx stiffened. He'd sent Lucas to camp plenty of times, but it was camp for blind and low-vision kids. There was trained staff and accommodations. "Uh…well…"

"I need you to say no," Lucas said very quietly. "I need you to be mean, overprotective dad."

"Okay," Bronx said, trying not to celebrate. "Why?"

"Because Marc is going to be doing a trial run of the food truck, and he wants me to be his sous chef. Gage thinks I should do something fun instead of work, but he doesn't really get it. He got into some fancy-ass theater school two hours from here, and he thinks that's, like, the best thing ever."

"If he's being pushy," Bronx started.

"No. Well, yes, but I can handle it." Lucas bit his lip and bowed his head, rocking a little harder, which told Bronx he was struggling. "His boyfriend is going to be there."

All the air rushed from his lungs. "Ah."

"I can't sit there and listen to them being all schmoopy and kissing and canoodling," he said, mimicking Bronx almost perfectly. "I'll get over it, but I just…I'd rather work."

"I think you should work," Bronx told him. "This is amazing for you, especially if you end up not going to culinary school. You don't get on-the-job training like this anywhere else."

Lucas's face lifted, and he looked happier. Brighter. "You're the best. But when he comes over to whine at you, remember to be a giant dickhead."

"Language," Bronx said, but he was losing that battle.

Lucas jumped up and unfolded the lightsaber. "I'm gonna go teach the kids how to fight. I'm getting pretty freaking good at tactile ASL with Rex, and I promised him I'd show him how to take his dad out at the knees."

"Wonderful," Bronx said dryly.

"Isn't it?" Monty said, his voice quiet.

Bronx turned to him, and he kissed him soft and slow. "Yeah, actually. It really, really is."

Business took off, and Bronx found himself swamped with work over the next month, which meant little time with Monty and being forced to choose between invites with the guys and collapsing on Monty's sofa when he was able to function enough to make a drive somewhere.

He almost always chose Monty, so the Thursday night Adele invited him over for dinner, he finally accepted.

"You're welcome to bring Monty," Adele said, sounding like he was in the kitchen.

Bronx considered it, but he knew his lover was drowning in a sea of paperwork, and he'd only put himself behind by saying yes. And he would say yes because he thought it would make Bronx happy. It would. But Bronx loved him too much to put that extra strain on him.

So he showed up at Adele's, sans Lucas, because he was trying to put distance between him and Gage. When he got in though, the other teen was nowhere to be found. Frey and Lane were setting the table, Dallas was pouring drinks, and Adele was finishing something up on the stove.

It was just the dads. Something about that allowed Bronx to settle in a way he hadn't realized he'd needed. They were almost all paired up now, so it was rare to see the guys without their partners. Not that Bronx minded. He'd come along late, and all but Adele had fallen in love.

But it reminded Bronx he was allowed to have something outside of his relationship.

"Grab a seat," Adele said, grinning as he carried a large platter to the table. It was loaded with tamales, and Bronx's mouth watered. "We're all set."

"Got you water, old man," Dallas said, plopping an icy glass in front of him.

Bronx rolled his eyes. "It's nice to see my son has corrupted you all."

"Oh, you should hear about your reputation at the restaurant," Lane chimed in with a small smile.

"I don't even want to know." Bronx took a long drink as Adele passed around the platter, and Dallas served everyone beans before they began to unwrap the corn husks and dig in. "I really needed this. Thanks for inviting me. "

"You weren't invited," Adele said, pointing his fork at Bronx. "You're in the club. There are no invites. There's just the expectation you show up when you can. But I think all of us needed this."

"I did," Lane said. "I love my life, but I can't remember the last time I had ten seconds to myself to think. Briar's been working on her whole stealing shit habits in therapy, but she's taking out her urges by hiding all my toiletries. Yesterday, I found my toothpaste in the silverware drawer."

Bronx hid his smile behind his napkin as he chewed. "I'd offer some advice," he said after swallowing, "but Lucas never went through that phase. Or if he did, he was terrible at it."

Lane snorted. "I'm sure he gave you a run for your money in other ways."

"Oh, he was a nightmare toddler," Dallas said. "I had him for a weekend, and he tried to drown himself like four separate times. Somehow, his little baby brain confused fearless with reckless. He went chasing the sound of these geese straight into the goddamn pond on the last day."

Bronx remembered Dallas and Lucas trudging in soaking wet and smelling like pond slime. "He's been keeping me on my toes since the day he was born."

"People say it gets easier, but I feel like the problems just get less obvious," Adele said. He glanced at Bronx sideways with a knowing look, and suddenly, Bronx realized that the crush wasn't a secret. Nor was Lucas's absence.

"Yeah. Ah. Well…"

"No, it's fine. Gage feels like a complete asshole," Adele said swiftly. "He didn't know, but he and this kid have been going together for a while, and?—"

"Hey," Bronx said, "no one blames Gage. Not even Lucas. His heart's a little sore, but he'll get over it. He loves having Gage as a friend. He doesn't want to lose that."

"He won't," Adele told him firmly. "Gage cares about him too."

Frey cleared his throat. "We've all been there, trust me. I had more than one crush on a best friend growing up and trying to figure out the difference between platonic and romantic needs to be affectionate."

Bronx bowed his head. "He takes it hard. He wasn't Mr. Popular at his last school, and it's worse here. He feels a little like a circus attraction sometimes."

Adele stiffened. "From Gage?"

"No. God, no," Bronx said in a hurry. "I think that's why he caught feelings. Gage is the first person outside of his blind school bubble that hasn't gotten, you know, weird. He didn't ask him gross questions like how does he know when to stop wiping his ass."

"People do that?" Lane asked.

Bronx snorted. "Strangers. In public. You would not believe the audacity some people have right to his face."

"I would. I've heard shit people say to Bowen, and if it wasn't for our rule that I'm not allowed to knock anyone out, I'd probably have a rap sheet."

Bronx chuckled. "Yeah. Me too. But I'm not going to be any kind of father if I'm locked up, so I keep my mouth shut and let him handle it. He gets creative."

"Good. He'll learn more, too, working in the kitchen," Lane said. "Something I should apologize for."

Dallas burst into laughter. "My brother worked as a dishwasher when I was in high school. He had a mouth on him."

Bronx shrugged, unrepentant. "I got paid a decent wage back then, and I got to bring home free food. I have no regrets." He polished off his third tamale before his stomach told him enough was enough, and he sat back. "I do appreciate you giving him a shot though. He's going to learn pretty quick that without a little nepotism, it's not going to be easy for guys like him. I hate it, but that's the reality of the world we live in."

"He'll always have a job for me," Lane said with a shrug. "And taking him on wasn't a difficult decision. He listens well and remembers what I taught him. And it's kind of opened up my kitchen to the possibility of others coming in once he heads off with Marc and the food truck."

Bronx zoned out. He didn't really want to think about that. The food truck would start during spring break, then into his senior year. But it was the mark of his step into adulthood. He was going to be eighteen a few months before he started his final year of high school, and even if he didn't go off to college, Bronx knew he was going to want to start reaching for full independence.

"I know that look," Adele said.

Bronx blinked and realized everyone but Adele had gotten up from the table. "That's the panicked ‘my baby isn't a baby' anymore, look."

Bronx blew out a puff of air. "How do you not lose it?"

"When I figure that out, I'll let you know." He bit down on his lip and glanced out the window. "Gage and Kash went out shopping tonight for a few things Kash needed. Gage is driving. He's paying. He's doing all the things I started doing when I was taking care of Bowen, and it made me realize that getting it all right as a parent meant he won't need me for much longer. That kind of stings."

Bronx rubbed a hand down his face. "I get that more than I want to admit. And it's a tough pill to swallow."

"Helps being in love though, yeah?" Adele asked .

Bronx bit his lip. "It does, but having Monty so late in life makes me feel like I was cheated out of a happy family. I know that sounds silly, but?—"

"It doesn't," Adele said, cutting him off. "Trust me, I get it. If I fall in love—if I get even a fraction of what y'all have—I'll be happy. But it won't be the same as Lane and Bowen or Dallas and Kylen. Or Frey and Renato. Their kids are young. They're going to grow up seeing how much two people can really love each other. Sometimes I think that if Gage finds his person…"

"It'll be in spite of what he had at home?" Bronx asked.

Adele bowed his head. "Exactly. Makes me feel like I royally fucked up in that department."

Bronx shook his head. "If our boys love as hard as we do, it'll be because we showed them that love can come in so many different forms. My ex is a monster. He was a shitty dad and a shitty partner, but as many mistakes as I made, I wasn't. Lucas knows that. And I know Gage does too."

Adele huffed a sigh. "Yeah. It's easy to tell myself that. It's harder to believe it."

Before Bronx could say anything else, the front door opened and closed.

"Honey, we're hooome," someone called.

Gage. There was a second set of footsteps, slower than Gage's. Then Kash appeared in the doorway, and his eyes went wide.

"Oh. We're interrupting."

Adele softened all over. Love was oozing out of his pores, and if Kash didn't see it, it was because he was deliberately not looking. "You're not. I saved you food in case you were hungry. "

Kash smiled but shook his head. "I think I need to lie down. Tonight wasn't great."

Adele looked worried, but he didn't follow when Kash left the room. When he was gone, he sagged back in his chair. "Or my son is going to see me be a complete and total disaster and die alone."

"Does he know?"

Adele frowned. "Kash or Gage?"

"Kash."

"No. He doesn't know. I never had the guts to tell him. He didn't date when we were younger, and I kind of gave up hope that anything would ever happen between us. I met my ex and got married, and he moved. I kind of figured that was it."

"But it's not," Bronx pointed out. "I mean, he's here, right?"

"I don't know what this new chapter's going to be like. He has some shit going on, and I guess I'm just grateful I'm the person he came to. If this is all I can have, it's enough."

Bronx wasn't quite sure he believed him, but he let him have the moment. Adele was a good guy. He deserved at least that.