62. Olivia

Chapter sixty-two

Olivia

“ I can’t go. Not today,” Victor says as I walk into the kitchen.

I eye him as I pour myself a cup of coffee. He’s probably talking to Malachi or one of the other guys from the motorcycle club. Victor walks over to me and kisses my forehead. I give him a small smile, feeling bad I’m keeping him from going riding with his friends. My phone vibrates on the counter and I glance at it, seeing Ansley’s name pop up.

Ansley: Caroline wants all the girls to hang out today. Are you feeling up to it with everything going on?

I sigh in relief. If I go to Caroline’s, then Victor can go riding.

Olivia: Yes! It’s been a while since we’ve all hung out.

Victor is getting off the phone as I send that. I turn to face him, leaning against the counter. He smiles at me, but I see the worry and stress in his eyes.

“What do you want to do today?” he asks.

I stare at him over the rim of my mug as I take a sip. He’s not going to mention going riding because he doesn’t want me to feel bad. It makes me feel good, but also makes my heart ache at the same time.

“Well, Ansley just sent me a text. Caroline wants all the girls to come to her house and hangout. So, I thought I could do that and you could go riding with The Outsiders.” He steps forward and places his hands on the counter, caging me in.

“Olivia, I know you overheard that conversation. While I miss riding, I also need to make sure you’re safe.” He stares down at me. I see the truth in his eyes. He does want to make sure I’m safe, but I need some space.

“I’ll be safe. I’ll be at Caroline’s house with all the girls and Leo or whoever you choose will be sitting outside keeping watch,” I tell him.

He stares at me for a moment and I can’t help but want to squirm at his proximity. The way he affects me is disconcerting. His mouth lifts into a smile, like he knows what I’m thinking. He takes my coffee from me and places it on the counter while wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me close while he also steps close, pressing me into the counter. I suck in a breath as I stare up at him, wondering what he plans on doing.

“Maybe I want to stay here all day and have my way with you,” he whispers as he kisses my jaw. I tilt my head back and exhale as goosebumps breakout along my arms and neck.

“You can have your way with me anytime you want,” I say breathlessly as he leans down and pulls my clothed nipple between his teeth. I love that he’s more spontaneous, but it’s so confusing. When he was more controlled, it was easier to compartmentalize, but now? I want more and I’m not sure if he’s willing to give it to me.

“That is true,” he replies as he runs his nose along the edge of my top. “Alright, you go to Caroline’s and I’ll go riding, but tonight I will have my way with you. I’ll text you and tell you exactly where I want you before I come home. Understand, treasure?” His voice has dropped to that octave I love so much. I swallow and take a deep breath.

“Yes, Sir.”

Leo and Arden are sitting outside. I asked Victor who would watch him and he chuckled while naming off the many members of The Outsiders. When Bec arrives, she hugs me and part of me wants to hold on to her longer. She’s had experiences with Donovan as well. It has caused us to have a connection I don’t have with the others. Caroline brings out a large charcuterie board that she’s made.

“Wow! This looks great, Care. How did you have time to make this with a newborn?” Ansley asks as she eats a grape.

Caroline chuckles and shakes her head. “I had no idea newborns sleep all the time. I had to wake Mia up at four this morning to feed her because my boobs were hard as rocks.” She points to her boobs like we don’t know what she’s talking about. With a giggle, I shake my head as she brings over a pitcher of margaritas and begins to pour everyone a glass.

After everyone has a glass, she lifts hers. “Cheers!” We all clink our glasses and say cheers in response, then dig into the charcuterie board.

“You could start your own business doing this,” I tell Caroline. Everyone nods in agreement as we all sample everything. If I were to ever get married, this is something I’d like to have at my wedding.

“How are things going between you and Connor?” Bailey asks Bec.

Bec’s face turns pink and she shrugs. “Good.”

I wait for her to expand further and it seems like everyone else does too, but she doesn’t.

“That’s all? Just good?” Ansley asks.

Bec has this bewildered look on her face, so I keep my thoughts to myself. I understand what it’s like not wanting to share, so I’m not going to be the one to push.

“I expected more. You’ve wanted this for so long,” Caroline says. Bec pulls her bottom lip between her teeth as a smile forms.

“I love him so much,” she gushes. “It’s so much better than I could have ever hoped for. But I don’t know what happens next. His guys are almost done with my grandpa’s house, and I don’t need to stay at his house to finish decorating it. I don’t want to leave.” Bec has been staying at Connor’s since he got hurt, so he used the opportunity to fix up the house her grandpa left for her while she was there.

“Tell him that,” Bailey says. I look between Bailey and Bec. Bailey always says what’s on her mind or what she wants. It’s not that easy for everyone. “I bet he’s not going to let you leave.” Bailey has a point. I see the way Connor looks at her.

“He adores you. We’ve all seen the way he looks at you. Even before you two became official,” I tell her.

Bec gives me a small smile. “It feels like I’m living a dream. I’ve wanted him for so long. I’m so scared he will wake up and decide he doesn’t want me anymore,” she admits.

I understand where she’s coming from. I feel that way about Victor. After we get Donovan and I’m safe, what will happen to us? I wish I knew. I wish he’d tell me.

“I know how you feel. I have loved Lincoln for years, since I was fourteen or fifteen. It still doesn’t seem real some days. Connor loves you. As Liv said, we’ve all seen it. He’s never not going to want you,” Ansley encourages her and I nod in agreement.

“Have you two broken in the new gym yet?” Caroline asks. My heart drops. When they talk about the shenanigans they’ve been up to, I would love to share, but no one knows about Victor and me. I’m also unsure if they’d understand our relationship.

“No, but we broke in what we now call our booth at Sombreros yesterday,” Bec says. I gasp along with everyone else.

“Please tell me which booth that is, so I never sit in it,” I say, scrunching my nose. Everyone chuckles.

“Restaurant sex is the best, isn’t it?” Ansley asks with a sigh. Bec and Bailey gape at her, but Caroline and I already know about this. Ansley smirks. “Our guys seem to have a thing for public extracurricular activities,” she says unapologetically.

I rub my neck and look away. The most public thing Victor and I have done was in his garage.

“You know, this seems surreal, too. The only friends I ever had were Connor and Bass. I had to watch my back on the streets, and I couldn’t trust anyone. I love you girls so much,” Bec says. I’m glad she’s changed the subject.

“I think all of us have struggled somehow with making friends. That’s why we clicked,” I say with a smile.

“Exactly,” Caroline agrees. “I love Sebastian, but you girls saved me just as much as he did.”

Bailey hugs Caroline. “Life is good,” Bailey exclaims, lifting her glass in a toast. We all click our glasses again and share a smile.

“Have you received any more flowers?” Bec asks me.

I run my fingers through my hair. “Yes.” I take a sip of my drink, not wanting to talk about it.

“Is Victor still staying at your place?” Bailey asks. I’m not sure what to say, so I nod.

“Is something going on between you and Victor?” Ansley asks.

My eyes widen, and I shake my head. “No.” The word tastes bitter on my tongue, but what’s going on between us is so complicated I don’t want to explain it. “Do you all think that?” I ask, glancing around.

“Well, when I told you about Julian a few weeks ago, you said age doesn’t matter. As long as he wasn’t forcing me to do anything I didn’t want,” Bailey says. Was that only a few weeks ago?

“Oh, that.” Running my hands down my thighs, I ignore the need to reveal my secret. “I have a crush on him, but nothing has happened. He’s perfectly proper.” Pinching my lips together, wanting to tell them. “I’ve never been attracted to another man like I am to him. I’ve known him my entire life, and he’s old enough to be my dad. But things are different now. He’s different,” I whisper. It’s the closest I can come to an admission.

“Different how?” Bec asks.

I swallow and look at Caroline. “You know how you said Bass could read you without you having to say anything?” I ask her. She nods, understanding lighting her eyes. “That’s how Victor is. He’s learned my quirks and how to hear what I’m not saying when we talk. It’s almost scary, but I love it. He doesn’t get mad or judge me. He accepts me.” I think of everything I’ve told Victor that I’ve never told anyone else.

“Yeah, that is the best,” everyone says and begins laughing. I look at each person.

“So, you’ve all experienced this, then?” I ask. Maybe if I told them they would understand.

“Yeah. I speak my mind, and I don’t apologize for it, but Julian loves it. He’s very blunt and doesn’t beat around the bush,” Bailey says.

Ansley nods with a small smile. “Lincoln acts frustrated with my brattiness, but he loves it. It’s our thing, and it always leads to amazing sex.” She sighs with a dreamy look in her eyes.

“I still struggle to say what I want. Being in an abusive relationship for so long, those survival mode techniques don’t just magically disappear. Sebastian understands that and will talk me through them when it happens,” Caroline says. I get that because Victor does that for me too. I glance at Bec and she shrugs.

“I’ve always felt like I was too much for people. I’m silly and take things to the extreme, but Connor loves it. Even when we were just friends. One year, I wanted to dress up like a penis for Halloween, so he dressed up like a condom. He jumps on board with all my crazy ideas and supports them 110%.” Everyone begins laughing as I think about all of their revelations about their relationships. I have all of that with Victor.

Bec smiles at me. “We all know exactly how that feels. It explains why you would have a crush on him.” I return Bec’s smile, my cheeks heating up.

“Have you thought about saying something to him?” Bailey asks.

I shake my head, thinking about the number of times I’ve wanted to ask Victor if I was more to him than his submissive. “I couldn’t deal with the rejection. Then if he doesn’t feel the same way, it would make things awkward. He probably views me as his goddaughter.” That last part isn’t even a little true. If he viewed me that way, he wouldn’t do the things with me he’s done. I grimace. “That’s sick. Isn’t it?” I watch everyone closely.

Bailey places her hand on my arm. “No. You haven’t seen him in years. You’ve grown up. It’s not sick.” Everyone nods in agreement. Victor has been in my life for almost a year, but I don’t think anyone knows that.

“We will always support you, Liv,” Ansley says. Everyone gathers into a group hug and part of me feels guilty. I need to talk about this to someone.

When Caroline goes upstairs to check on Mia and Bailey and Bec begin their own conversation, I walk outside onto Caroline’s back porch. Ansley follows me.

“Are you really okay?” Ansley asks as she closes the door.

I lean against the rail and she walks over to stand next to me. I want to talk to someone about Victor and me. He hasn’t kept our relationship a secret from anyone in his life. Why should I?

“So, I wasn’t completely honest about my relationship with Victor,” I admit to her.

She squints at me and sighs. “I had a feeling.” It’s all she says, so I’m unsure how to continue this conversation. “I understand being secretive. I wasn’t completely honest with you or Caroline about Lincoln and me in the beginning.” Clenching and unclenching my hands, my heart races. Should I tell her?

“What Victor and I have is unusual,” I tell her, watching her out of the corner of my eye, trying to gauge her reaction.

“Unusual how?” she asks.

I take a long breath and release it slowly as my stomach somersaults. “We have a Dominant/submissive relationship.” I swallow and stare straight ahead, not wanting to see her reaction.

“A Dominant/submissive relationship?” Unsure if she means it as a question or not, but that’s what it sounds like, so I nod.

“He’s helped me overcome a lot of things I went through with my stepfather, but now things are becoming complicated.” My throat is so dry.

“Complicated how?”

I swallow several times, trying to wet my throat. “I want more,” I whisper.

“And he doesn’t?” Ansley turns, so she’s facing me. I’m not sure how to answer her question, so I shrug.

“This has been going on for a while and he hasn’t even hinted at wanting more. His ex wife did a number on him and I think he’s scared,” I tell her. Ansley steps closer to me and wraps her arm around my waist.

“Liv, I know taking that jump is scary. Trust me. But you deserve to be happy. You deserve it more than anyone I know.”

I offer her a small smile. “So you think I should tell him?” I ask.

“I do. You deserve to know for sure, but I’m almost positive he’s going to give you everything your heart desires.”