26. Olivia

Chapter twenty-six

Olivia

M y body temperature rises so quickly my underarms start sweating and my vision gets blurry. The pounding of my heartbeat is loud in my ears as I’m unable to see Victor anymore. Donovan is hovering over me, his hand wrapped around my throat so tightly I’m terrified this time he’s going to strangle me to death. “You’ll never escape me. I’ll always find you. Always!”

The first time I tried to run, I was sixteen with no plan. It was impulsive, and Donovan found me within hours. Unable to breathe, the walls close in and darkness overtakes me. Standing quickly to get blood to flow and try to stop the panic that’s seizing me. “He told me I’d never escape him.” I try to suck in another breath, but nothing is working.

Strong arms wrap around me and lift me off the floor, holding me tight. Placing my hands on his chest, I push with all my might, trying to get away, then his scent hits me and my muscles relax a little.

“Olivia, it’s me. You’re safe. I will never let him hurt you again.” Throwing my arms around Victor’s neck, I hold on to him with all my might. His hand rubs down my hair gently, causing my muscles to relax even more. “You’re safe. I promise you’re safe.” His voice soothes me and all the tension releases as I become more aware of my surroundings.

We’re no longer in the dining room. We’re sitting on a brown leather couch across from a desk. Behind the desk are windows that overlook the back of his property. Squeezing my eyes closed again and focusing on his scent, I breathe in and out. After a few moments, the pounding of my heartbeat subsides.

“That’s right. Breathe in and out.” He breathes with me and after a few more minutes, my vision clears. Exhaustion hits me as I rest in his arms. Panic attacks are the worst. I swear it’s like experiencing a heart attack. Victor’s eyes roam over my face. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have told you so bluntly.”

I shrug one shoulder. “What other way could you tell me? My reaction would have been the same no matter what.” Inhaling and exhaling again, I lift my head off his shoulder. “I felt someone watching me today. And I knew it was him.” Thinking about Bec and her reaction makes me wonder why she felt it, but Caroline and Bailey didn’t. “Bec felt it too,” I murmur.

Victor tilts his head as he studies me. “Who’s Bec? You’ve mentioned her a couple of times. She wasn’t at lunch the day I met Ansley and Caroline.”

“She works at the gym I go to. She’s gotten really close to Bailey, who is Caroline’s sister,” I explain. He nods, trying to keep up with all the names. “So, what do Leo and the other guys coming to dinner have to do with Donovan?” Remembering they have something to do with this.

He clears his throat and rubs his hands up and down my arms. “As I explained earlier, Leo is my head of security and Arden and Lane help out when needed. I asked Leo to assign them to you. Lane will be keeping an eye on you during the day, while Arden will be keeping an eye on you at night. We’re having dinner with them so you can meet.”

He’s having his guys watch me instead of taking my independence away. “Okay. Will Arden be staying in my house?”

“No, he will not,” Victor replies before the words are barely out of my mouth. I arch an eyebrow at him, unable to stop my smile.

“He’s going to watch from his car?” I ask, not liking that idea.

Victor sighs. “I doubt it. He’ll probably walk the perimeter of your house throughout the night. He doesn’t sit still for long and he prefers to work nights. Leo says he’s a vampire.”

“A vampire? Well, I can offer him coffee, but I don’t have any blood.”

Victor’s mouth lifts in a smirk. “Making jokes already? That’s a good sign.” He wraps a hand around the back of my neck and pulls me into his chest again, holding me tight.

“The idea of him in your house doesn’t sit well with me, but you can’t resist taking care of people. So, I’ll get over that.” Victor’s doorbell rings. “It seems they’ve arrived.”

After dinner, the exhaustion from the panic attack overtakes me. I fall asleep in the sitting room while Victor, Leo, Arden, and Lane go over all the details of how they’ll protect me. The four men couldn’t be more different, but they work well together. When I wake up, I’m in a large bed that’s a lot more comfortable than my own. It’s still dark, but it looks like the sun might be coming up because the light from the window is beginning to creep in.

I roll over and inhale sharply at the sight of the man laying next to me. His back is facing me and it’s like a work of art. Scooting closer to see the details, his shoulders move as he breathes. From the top of his shoulders down to his tapered waist are angel’s wings. Along his spine is a sword with a man’s hands holding it. It takes the expanse of his entire back. It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I had no idea tattoos could be so detailed.

Hesitantly, I reach out my finger to run along the details of the wings. Victor freezes underneath my touch as I gasp at the ridges I’m met with. The tattoo covers scars. “Let’s just say you’re not the only one that has scars.” His words come back to me. He’s awake, but he doesn’t tell me to stop, so I continue to trace along the wings a lump forming in my throat as my finger encounters more and more scars.

He allows me to trace the detail along one wing before he turns to face me. Placing both of my hands under my cheek, everything in me wants to comfort him, but I’m not sure he’ll let me. His eyes are sad as he takes me in.

“Who did that to you?”

He exhales as he brings his hands up to push my hair behind my ear. “Josie,” he answers.

My eyes widen at his unexpected answer. “Josie did that to you?” I never liked Josie, and neither did mom, but we tolerated her.

“Yes. I met Josie at a BDSM club. Normally, they only allow couples, but once a month, they allow singles to come in to meet others in the lifestyle. I had just gotten out of a relationship, so I attended and that’s where we met.” His finger traces along the outline of my face and the realization hits me how intimate this is. He doesn’t have a shirt on and the blanket is covering him from the waist down. Is he wearing anything at all?

I vaguely remember him giving me a large T-shirt to sleep in. He could have easily changed my clothes for me and allowed me to continue sleeping, but he respects my boundaries. Scooting closer to him and running my finger along the tattoos on his bicep, I pause at the raised skin there too.

“Did you get the tattoos to cover the scars?” I ask. He had tattoos when I was little before he married Josie, but I don’t know how many.

“I always wanted a back tattoo, but that became my motivator for getting one that covered all of my back.”

He rolls over onto his back and motions for me to scoot closer. I lick my dry lips, take a deep breath, and move closer. When I lay my head on the crook of his arm, he begins to rub his fingers up and down my arm. My muscles are tense because the last man I was this close to in a bed was Donovan, but with every swipe of his fingers my muscles relax.

“Josie said she was new to BDSM. She was sure she was a sub, but thought she might be a switch,” Victor continues.

“A switch?” I ask, not remembering coming across that term during my research.

“A switch is someone who enjoys the Dominant and submissive role.” He pauses maybe to see if I have any more questions. “I’m not a switch and told her as much, so I left it at that. A few months later I went to another one of their singles nights and she was there again. She told me she had been in a relationship with a Dominant and realized she was a submissive. She found she enjoyed that a lot more.” He takes a deep breath. His abs shudder slightly like he’s remembering.

Reaching out my hand, I trace the line of his tattoo and offer a semblance of comfort. He sucks in a breath and goosebumps break out along his shoulders and neck. I tuck my bottom lip between my teeth to try to hide my smile at the effect I have on him. He only has one on his chest, but both of his arms and hands are covered. The one on his chest is Roman numerals over a motorcycle. Maybe it’s the date he joined The Outsiders.

“We entered a relationship and she was an excellent submissive.” My finger hovers in the air at his admission and I clench my jaw. He runs his fingers through my hair and turns his head slightly to kiss the top of my head. He reads me so well. “When you enter a Dominant/submissive relationship, you go through a list of things deciding what your hard limits are. My hard limit was being submissive. Josie had very few hard limits. She wanted to try everything then see if it became a hard limit. She rarely safe worded. I safe worded more than she did.”

He runs his other hand over his face and shakes his head. Squinting, I try to keep up with what he’s saying. Some of these terms are very new to me, it’s like learning a new language. I don’t interrupt him though because this is upsetting him and he probably wants to get it out, so he doesn’t have to talk about it again.

“We got married after six months. We even had a collaring ceremony for just our friends in the lifestyle. I started noticing a change in her close to our one-year anniversary. She was becoming controlling. Josie didn’t like how much I was gone. If I didn’t answer my phone when she called, she’d throw tantrums. I don’t like brats. I’m not into the daddy/little scenario, and she knew that. Being a brat sometimes is fun, but she was doing it almost every day.”

He lets out a heavy sigh, so I lean up to look at his face. I offer him a small smile before tracing his eyebrows, then the edge of his beard, over his cheekbones, to his chin and up the other side of his face. He relaxes and closes his eyes.

“I sat her down and told her she had to stop or we were going to take some time apart. Only a few weeks after that, your mother passed away and the conversation got put on the back burner. She was so pissed I went to your house the day after the funeral to have breakfast with you. She wanted to come, but I told her no and left.”

Thinking back to the day of the funeral, she had been self absorbed as much that day as she was any other day she had ever been around. “Looking back now, there were signs that showed me she wasn’t a submissive, but I kept hoping I could help her or fix her.” He shrugs. “She finally admitted to me she was a switch, and she felt like being married to me was forcing her to give up that side of her. She asked if we could have an open marriage and I told her absolutely not. I don’t share.”

My stomach clenches more and more as he continues. It makes me want to find Josie and wring her neck. I lay my head back down on his chest and resume tracing his tattoo, but become a bit more bold in my explorations as I trace the lines of his abs too.

“So, I compromised. I told her I would switch with her once a month. The first few times we did it, it wasn’t that bad. I actually enjoyed it. She did become the Josie from when we first met. I thought it was helping. Then she tied me down on my stomach, which I didn’t care for but didn’t safe word because she had done that before and it was okay.”

He pauses for so long I sit up to look at him. He’s squeezing his eyes shut so tightly and his breathing becomes shallow and rapid. I lean up on my knees and grasp his face. “Open your eyes Victor,” I whisper. He slowly opens his eyes and stares into mine. “You’re in your bed with me. Josie isn’t here.” He brings his hand up and grips the back of my head.

“My dolce ragazza ,” he whispers.

His breath tickles my lips, and for the first time in my life, I want to kiss someone. The urge to lean down and press my lips against his consumes me. My stomach flips at the thought and an ache I’ve never had stirs in my core. Heat trails over my skin like needles pricking me, my throat is suddenly dry, and a bead of sweat slides down my spine.

I lean away from him, suddenly unsure of what to do next, but he doesn’t seem to notice my anxiousness because he continues. “She whipped me with a bamboo cane she made that I didn’t know about. Those are used by some couples, but it’s agreed upon beforehand like everything else. I safe worded after the fourth hit, but she didn’t listen. She kept hitting me and yelling at me that I ruined her and made her into what she had become and now I had to pay.”

He squeezes his eyes closed and I cover my mouth with my hands. I don’t want to hear anymore, but at the same time want him to finish telling me his story. “Crystal found me and called Malachi. He’s the president of the Outsiders, and they took me to the clubhouse.”

My eyes widen. “The clubhouse? You should have been taken to a hospital.”

Victor opens his eyes and shakes his head. “Malachi knew I wouldn’t want that kind of publicity. We had just moved to Mississippi. The plan was to get this place and property, renovate it, and move in. It was her dream, but after that day?” He huffs.

“I haven’t seen her again except when she took me to court trying to get half of everything. Thankfully, I listened to Malachi in that regard and got a prenup. There’s a doctor in the Outsiders and a nurse. They both took care of me until I healed. It really affected my businesses being out that long. It took me almost five years to recover.”

He sits up and pulls me into my lap. It’s so sudden it surprises me, but it doesn’t scare me or make me flinch. “It’s why I wasn’t there for you. I was an absolute mess and completely self absorbed, not seeing the signs when I should have.” He puts his face in the crook of my neck, holding me tight. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I hold him just as tightly. “I should have been there,” he murmurs against my neck and goosebumps break out along my skin.

“You’re here now and for the first time in a long time, I feel safe.”

Victor pulls back and stares at me so intently, seeing every secret, every scar, every fear. His eyes drop down to my lips and my heart races in my chest. He hardens under me and for the first time ever, that sensation doesn’t scare or disgust me.

“Can I kiss you?”