2. Olivia

Chapter two

Olivia

Fourteen Years Old

I stare out the window, watching as Donovan’s car circles around the driveway. I continue to watch until I can no longer see his taillights. After opening it, I close my eyes as the breeze blows the curtain. Glancing down at the desk in front of the window, I make sure there aren’t any papers that can be blown astray.

Dropping to my knees, I wiggle the loose floorboard next to my desk until it comes up. I grab the small tin box, walk to my bathroom, close and lock my door, then turn on the shower. Grabbing the bottle of rubbing alcohol from underneath the bathroom sink, I look back at the bathroom door. I’m not allowed to lock any doors, but he’s not here.

He won’t know. Will he? He said he was going to be gone for a few days. Will he, really? Or, is this some kind of test?

The pressure in my chest makes it feel like my heart is about to explode. I climb up onto the bathroom counter and open the lid to the tin box.

Grabbing the small blade, I hold it over the sink as I pour some of the rubbing alcohol over it. I set it on the washcloth and push my pajama shorts up. The steam from the shower is beginning to fill the bathroom, making fly away hairs stick to my neck. I grab a cotton ball out of the glass dish, hold it to the opening of the bottle and tip, making sure I wet it thoroughly.

I lay my outer thigh on the counter, exposing my inner thigh. Then I rub the cotton ball along my thigh, disinfecting it. I pick up the blade, press it against the spot on my thigh, and push until the pressure in my chest releases. I close my eyes and lay the side of my head against the mirror. The smell of blood fills my nose when I take a full breath.

I pull the blade away after a few more seconds. Moments like this, it’s the only time the heaviness in my chest loosens. I still don’t cry, though.