Chapter 1

CHAPTER ONE

OCTOBER

LUNA

N eed to work some shit out. You available?

The text, from my good friend, occasional play partner, and running buddy Maureen, who was a Domme here at Rawhide came through on a random weekday afternoon.

For a moment, I frowned at my phone, wondering what had prompted this impromptu message. Then I decided it didn’t really matter. Maureen was an excellent Domme, and I too, needed to work some shit out.

Yes! I texted back. Yes, please. I need a session badly. I was just sitting here feeling like I was going to implode.

Perfect. Meet me in the dungeon in ten minutes.

Will do! See you then.

Ditching the uniform I wore to work doing housekeeping around the Ranch when I wasn’t in class for my psychology degree, I quickly changed into something more dungeon appropriate.

The short, skin-tight top and hot pants were what I would normally wear to scene with Maureen, but at the last second before putting them on, I logged into the Ranch system to check the schedule to see who was working the Dungeon Security and sighed when his name popped up.

Drake. Of course. I sighed, and for a split second, considered texting Maureen to back out, but the thing was, I really needed a session, and Drake was the main reason why.

Drake Oliver had been my fuck-buddy at the Ranch for years. He was my favorite play partner, an excellent Dom, and my best friend. And, as I had found out only last week, when he blurted it out during aftercare, he was in love with me.

Well, fuck him.

That wasn’t part of the deal. Feelings did not fit in our fuck-buddy arrangement. Drake knew that. He knew I wasn’t one to believe in the whole meant to be, happily-ever-after-soulmates deal. Relationships were for other people. Drake knew how I felt and what I wanted and he broke the rules.

So yeah, I was mad. Because with his selfish words, I’d lost all the best things I had in my life. Submission with someone I trusted. Incredible mind-blowing sex. My best friend in the whole world.

He’d gone and messed everything up. And I’d been avoiding him ever since. I knew it wouldn’t last forever. Probably wouldn’t even last the month, but for right now, I just wanted to be mad so that’s what I was going to do.

I also… maybe wanted to be a little bit petty. So instead of wearing something that would cover all my naughty bits, I dressed instead in a mesh crop-top with nothing underneath, and a hot-pink thong. That’s it.

Eat your heart out, Drake Oliver.

I sprayed some perfume, put my pink hair up in a high ponytail, slid on a pair of shoes, and made my way down to the Dungeon, my heart pounding every step of the way. The thought of seeing him again was making me slightly nauseous because I just knew it was going to be super awkward.

Was it too much to hope he’d gotten food poisoning and had to call out? Or that something had come up and he’d been called away from guarding admittance?

No such luck. My throat went dry when I saw him. Tall, muscled, tattooed, with a sexy-as-fuck beard. I took a minute to appreciate from afar all the things I admired about him and stopped when he caught me looking and the corners of his mouth turned up in a smirk.

Averting my eyes, so I was looking anywhere but at him, I stepped up to the entrance. “Room available?” I asked, deliberately sounding bored.

“Sure is, but I don’t see anyone with you. You gonna put on a show for us? Spank yourself?”

“Ha!” I scoffed, far too loudly. “If you must know, I’m meeting Mistress Maureen.”

His eyes, full of interest before, shuttered. “Go on in, she’s already waiting.”

His sudden boredom stunned me, as did his apparent lack of interest. I faltered for a moment before reminding myself that was exactly what I wanted.

Well, good then. Good.

I still made sure to sway my hips when I walked by him, and I was pretty sure the feeling of his eyes on my ass wasn’t just my imagination.

I wasn’t sure why I cared, but I needed to put my issues with Drake behind me and be in the moment. My friend needed me and I needed her.

As I approached Maureen, her gaze bounced between me and to where Drake stood, and for a dreadful moment, I expected her to have questions. I’m sure she did, but she didn’t push.

I smiled when I reached her and raised my brows. She definitely looked frazzled and out of sorts, which was out of character for her. “Hey, chica. You okay?”

Maureen just gave a slight shake of her head and immediately slipped into her Domme persona, setting aside our usual friendly banter with five little words. “It’s Mistress Maureen to you.”

My eyebrows raised to my hairline, and I let out a low whistle. She wasn’t one to insist on protocol straight out of the gate. At least not with me. We’d usually chat like friends while she set the scene up.

But as quickly as she’d slipped into her role, I slipped into mine. With a curt nod meant to communicate that I needed this level of severity as much as she did, I lowered my gaze to the floor. “Yes, Mistress Maureen. I’m sorry.”

Stepping forward to close the space between us, she grabbed my chin between her fingers and pulled my face upward until my eyes met hers.

My breath caught and Drake's presence was instantly forgotten as I quickly shifted my mindset so that we would both get what we needed. We only had a short time, but I had a need deep inside me to make this a “real” scene.

Mistress Maureen held my attention, letting her gaze roam over my face in silent scrutiny before she spoke. Finally, she said, “What are your needs this afternoon? How are you feeling? Any boundaries I should know about?”

She already knew all my hard boundaries, but she was asking for what I wanted and/or couldn’t handle today, because those things were fluid and could change daily, or even hourly.

I let my shoulders rise and fall in a shrug and Maureen clicked her tongue. “I see you’re in a bit of a bratty mood today, Miss Luna, aren’t you?”

Again, I shrugged, and watched with sinking dread as a wicked smile spread slowly across Maureen’s face.

“Well, that’s just fine, then. Because as it turns out, I’m in the mood to tame a brat.”

My eyes widened, and before I had a chance to say or do anything else, she moved her grasp from my chin to my shoulders, whirled me around and laid down a volley of hard smacks against my bare ass. I was too stunned to move, and Maureen just kept going, spanking until I was whimpering, and I knew my ass cheeks were starting to pinken.

That action, combined with her earlier declaration, should have scared me, maybe, but it didn’t. It surprised me, because Maureen was acting so differently than she usually would but it didn’t cause warning bells to go off in my head or anything.

Instead I was intrigued. And maybe a little bit excited.

She turned me again and forced me onto my knees in front of her and my panties instantly grew damp.

Maureen was never this harsh and demanding. I liked it.

I looked up at my friend with wide eyes, unable to stop the slight tremble that ran up my spine. It wasn’t fear, though, it was excitement.

“Address your Mistress properly,” Maureen scolded. “And when I ask you a question, answer with words.”

I gave another quick nod of understanding, and followed it with, “Yes, Mistress Maureen. I’m extremely sorry for my brattiness. Please punish me for my mistakes.”

The sigh of relief she gave at my quick acquiescence made me resolve to check in with her in a few days to find out what was going on. But also, they had me heaving a sigh of relief as I exhaled a breath I hadn’t known I was holding. I truly needed this. Not just the control, and the freedom of who I was in my submissive role, but the back and forth, the give and take, the deep submission and trust, and yes, even the bratting.

“I will punish you,” she agreed sharply. “On your feet.”

I quickly did as I was told and jumped to my feet in front of her.

I always wore as little as possible, and had a bit of an exhibitionist streak, but Maureen wasn’t like most of the Dominants I played with. She never required full nudity. So when she looked me up and down and commanded that I strip… needless to say, I was a little surprised.

But, I quickly obeyed.

“Come.” She grabbed my hand and pulled me across the room to a sturdy spanking bench that just so happened to face the door where Drake was standing guard.

Fuck.

I couldn’t help the gasp that escaped when I realized her intention. My eyes went wide and I looked between the two of them, my stomach sinking at Maureen’s expectant expression.

Was she really going to do this to me? On today, of all days?

The answer was: Yes, yes, she was.

She patted the leather center of the spanking bench and held my hand as she helped me into position, ass out, arms and legs secured.

Drake would have gotten more of a show if she’d had my ass facing the door, but apparently she really wanted to torture me so she made me face the door instead.

He turned, just as she finished securing the restraints that would hold me in place, and I scrunched my eyes closed, but not before I saw him looking.

A sharp smack across the center of my ass had my eyes popping open again, and Maureen walked in front of me, admonishing with a shake of her head. “Eyes straight ahead. Keep them open. If I see them closing…”

Instead of finishing her sentence, she walked behind me, and smacked between my legs, one hard slap against my bare pussy.

Pain reverberated through my body and my mouth fell open in shock. I was no stranger to a little pussy spanking, but this was not Maureen. She did not do that.

Who was she tonight?

“Do you understand?” she asked, sharply, and I understood that she was ready to do it again if I didn’t respond quickly and appropriately.

“Yes, Mistress!” I squeaked. “I understand!”

“Good.” She flattened her hand and rubbed it across the center of my ass in a move I knew all too well. Soothe just enough to create a false sense of security, then move in for the attack.

“I wonder,” she mused… “What kind of implement of ass destruction should I use on this naughty bottom tonight?”

My only response was a whimper. Though some said I had a bratty streak, I was a sub through and through. I did not like being asked questions about things like implement choice. Those were not my decisions to make. I did not want to be in charge.

Glancing at the implement armoire nearby, knowing exactly what it would be stocked with, I considered my options, wondering what she would choose.

I watched, with sort of a detached interest as Maureen walked over to the cabinet and flung it open. Her back straightened as her gaze flicked over the choices for just a moment before she quickly made her selections, a soft tailed flogger and a heavy wooden paddle.

My stomach dropped to my toes and I shuddered.

I hated wood. I craved it sometimes, but I still hated it, even more when I was restrained like this, when I had no choice but to take it, to feel every hard thud of the paddle against my bare ass.

Closing the cabinet, Maureen walked in front of me and held up her choices, as if I hadn't already seen them. As if I hadn’t been watching. As if she hadn’t known I was watching. I winced at the paddle, but secretly, deep down, I was glad. I needed this too.

When my Domme for the afternoon took up her position behind me, my gaze flicked to the entrance before I could stop myself. It was hard to miss Drake's careful gaze watching us with a satisfied smirk.

I glared at him, a split second before the soft leather falls landed on my bare ass, massaging the skin on my butt and thighs. It stung but felt good. I knew it wouldn’t stay this gentle. This was just the warmup.

The falls splayed across my ass several more times, and I could almost see the tiny spots of pink spring up.

She did it a few more times, and I whimpered, more from the humiliation of Drake’s eyes on me, than from any pain I felt. The pain was delicious.

Behind me, Maureen picked up the paddle, and positioned the cool wood flush across the fleshiest part of my cheeks.

My back tensed, then my bottom.

“Relax,” she scolded.

I forced myself to unclench.

Drake was staring at me. Longing in his eyes and a wistful smile on his face. The expression made me feel seasick. I wanted so badly to close my eyes and shut him out, but I knew better. Maureen would make me regret it.

I just needed to gain the upper hand. I just needed to control my reaction to Drake, and not let him get to me.

Easier said than done.

“Whap!” The sound of the first blow of the paddle, and the sharp, thuddy pain it elicited was always shocking, no matter how many times I felt it.

“Holy mother—!” I cried, rearing up as much as the restraints allowed.

The paddle crashed down again before I’d even finished crying out. Again and again and again. She gave me no time to breathe between swats.

Maureen was relentless, and before long, I wasn’t even thinking about Drake and his stupid declaration ruining everything, or how angry I was with him. I wasn’t wondering what had put Maureen in her current mood. I could only concentrate on the constant crashing of the paddle. Of the stinging, followed by the deep thuddy pain settling in my muscles. Of the waves of pain, glorious pain, washing over me, pulling me out of my own head.

Maureen paused only long enough to rub my aching ass cheeks.

I glanced up to see Drake looking at her over the top of my head, his expression one of genuine concern.

Well, he could get fucked. It was none of his damn business.

I glared at him, and oddly enough, he relaxed, but only slightly. I had a feeling he’d been about to come over and intervene, but he stayed put, keeping a steady gaze on Maureen and me.

This man pissed me off. Acting like he wanted to be the one whaling on my ass right now. Newsflash: He very well could have been, and probably would have been if he hadn’t gone and ruined everything with those three little words.

I wanted so badly to close my eyes, to shut him out, but I knew if Mistress Maureen noticed she would not be happy. And with the mood she was in tonight, not even the masochist in me wanted to piss her off.

Instead of closing my eyes, I looked down, averting my attention from Drake, or maybe attempting to avert his from me. Doing so allowed me to clear my head and get away from the anger boiling in my blood every time I looked at him. I was so consumed with looking at the floor instead of at him, I missed the shift in the air around me, and wasn’t expecting the hard swat Maureen delivered. I reared up in surprise, my body jerking in response to the unexpected burst of pain.

“Ow!” I screeched.

I half expected the correction, the barked instruction to keep my eyes straight ahead like I’d been told, but it didn’t come. Instead, the paddle fell relentlessly across my bottom, over and over, barely giving me time to draw my next breath.

My ass ached, tears pricked my eyes. Relief filled me even as the pain consumed me. This was exactly what I needed.

DRAKE

My heart dropped when Luna walked past me into the Dungeon, barely dressed, and shaking her hips like she knew I was watching her. Of course I fucking was. Any man would.

But I wasn’t any man.

I was the man who was one hundred percent, head over heels in fucking love with her.

If I admitted that, my fellow Doms might think I was a pussy for not telling her and just going after her already. They’d probably even claim that she was obviously in love with me.

They’d be wrong.

I’d managed to act like it wasn’t tearing me up inside to see her, to know she was playing with someone else, even if that someone was a woman I knew she scened with platonically sometimes, but I wasn’t even kidding myself, so I was sure she didn’t buy it.

I sighed, and shifted slightly, so I could have one eye on my post and one eye on her.

I watched as she met Mistress Maureen, saw her body language shift as they began their push and pull into the dance of submission, and snickered to myself when Mistress Maureen positioned Luna on the spanking bench that had her directly facing me.

The Domme looked up and winked at me, and my breath caught in my throat.

God bless that woman.

The fact that her choice was intentional let me know that at least one person was rooting for us and was enough to cancel out the sting of the daggers Luna was glaring at me.

Throwing her a knowing smirk, I settled in to enjoy the show.

LUNA

Thwack, thwack, thwack!

Goddammit, I was mad at him. Not just mad. Infuriated. Utterly pissed. How dare he go and ruin the good thing we’d had going for years. He knew how I felt. He knew I loved him in my own way. And he certainly knew that I wanted nothing to do with a serious relationship.

Parental issues. Trust issues. Commitment issues. All stemming from a long history of never being able to trust anyone but myself and watching my parents fail their way through nearly a dozen marriages between them. The psychology degree I was currently studying for gave me the tools to psychoanalyze myself all day long, but one could go crazy doing that. I just wanted to give in to the pain. So that’s what I did.

I felt every swat, and let my brain work its way through its issues. I pushed my ass out to meet the paddle as much as the restraints would allow and let the catharsis roll. My brain bounded between solutions to my current dilemma and anger that I had a dilemma in the first place.

And then, finally, I broke. The intensity of my emotions surprised even myself—I wasn’t one easily spanked to tears, or usually at all, if I were being honest.

But I cried for everything I’d lost, for not knowing how to get it back, to not knowing if I wanted it back. My breaths came in gasps and pants, and I knew my whole body was shaking.

Mistress Maureen slowed down, laying the last dozen or so swats with far more control and precision than she had the first few dozen. I could feel a few mottled bruises settling themselves deep in the tissue of my ass. Another thing that rarely ever happened. Color me impressed.

“Color?” Mistress Maureen demanded.

My response was a strangled half-laugh, half-cry, that escaped in a puff of air. “Green. Still green. But are we almost done?”

“Almost, sweet girl.”

Though I didn’t have a praise kink, the sweet endearment made me preen, filling my insides with warm, fuzzy feelings.

My Domme—at least for the evening—rubbed the cool wood against my heated backside, bringing sweet relief.

What was going on with me tonight? I was tough, played regularly with far stricter and more sadistic Dominants, and was a bit of a painslut.

The fact that I was already ready to be done after a paddling from Mistress Maureen, told me that not only was I under a ton of stress, but that she was too.

Mistress Maureen paused long enough that I started to wonder if she’d decided we could be done after all. I was working out whether I’d be satisfied or disappointed when the paddle came crashing down again, across my sit-spots this time. She was using less force, just enough to heat the untouched skin, and leave a delicious sting in my nether regions.

I whimpered and mentally scheduled a date with my battery-operated boyfriend later. Normally, I’d go to Drake with this problem, but that wasn’t happening. Apparently I’d been fooling myself that we could do what we were doing and neither of us would catch feelings.

When I was feeling nice and stingy, and yes, needy, the paddling stopped abruptly. I sighed. Mistress Maureen knew exactly what she was doing.

I heard a clinking sound as the used implement was set in the sanitation bin for cleaning before further use and listened to the sounds of her straightening up the area around us. After a few moments, she returned to my side, rubbing my shoulders, back and ass.

“Good girl. You took that so well.”

“Thank you, Mistress. It hurt, but…” I couldn’t help but smile, thankful that she’d reached out. “It felt good. I think I needed that.”

“Good.” She walked around the bench and knelt down in front of me to uncuff my hands. Before she did though, she gently wiped the sheen of sweat from my brow and tucked my hair behind my ears. “Thank you, sweet girl. I needed that too.” She pressed a soft friendly kiss to my forehead then went to work on the restraints.

“If it's not too forward, Mistress…” I purposely kept my voice at a soft whisper, and sought her gaze, looking for permission.

She granted it with a nod.

“Go ahead.”

Reminding myself that she was my friend, as well as a Domme, I pressed, “I could tell you were in a rare form tonight. Are you okay? Do you feel better? Did you get what you needed? Because if not, I could probably go again, after a bathroom break and some water.”

Mistress Maureen shook her head with a soft chuckle. “You can have both of those things, as well as some arnica for your bottom. You may not be feeling it right now, you’re probably numb, but trust me, you will be soon.”

She was wrong. I could very much feel it and was relieved to not have to rally for a second round. Though I could have and would have, if she needed me to. “Yes, Mistress.”

“And to answer your questions, yes I do feel better. And yes, I think I’ll be okay. Today was just…” She pursed her lips, and frowned, and it was clear she was not quite ready to talk about what was bothering her yet. “It’s a long story.”

I could have used a long story, anything to distract me from my own long story, but I knew better than to push.

She went around to both sides, undoing my ankle restraints, then came back around and helped me to stand. My legs trembled a bit, but quickly recovered in time for Maureen to add, “One I might share another time.”

I nodded and she walked me over to the aftercare station, handed me a bottle of cold water and a small bar of chocolate, then grabbed a tube of arnica. Lowering to her haunches behind me, she massaged it into my torn-up skin, providing an instant cooling relief that I appreciated.

When she finished, she helped me dress, and gave me a hug. She looked better, and likewise, I felt better. Not good enough to talk to Drake about the things we so desperately needed to talk about, but enough to face him, and maybe even tease him a bit.

“Thank you,” she whispered, pressing her face close to mine.

“Anytime. You sure you’re good?”

Pulling away, she nodded. “Let’s get coffee in a couple days. I’ll tell you all about it.”

I nodded, gave her one more squeeze and skipped away, making my ass sway extra when I passed by Drake on my way out of the Dungeon.

To my dismay, he didn’t let me make a clean escape, and instead, caught my arm as I skipped by, impeding my planned escape.

“Luna.”

His serious Dom-like tone stopped me in my tracks, and I met his gaze, swallowing hard, while still trying to keep my own tone light. “What’s up?”

He didn’t let up. “You know what’s up. We need to talk.”

Without getting my ass beat tonight, I probably would have told him where to shove it, but as it happened, thanks to Mistress Maureen and her sneaky antics, I was still angry, but was feeling a new softness toward the situation, and like I had the ability to deal with it I hadn’t possessed before.

“So talk,” I challenged. It may have come out a little bratty, but it was still progress.

Drake sighed, shifting his gaze from side to side. “I have another hour before I’m off.”

I shrugged my shoulders. I wasn’t going to make this easy for him.

“Go get dressed, eat something. Meet me in the bar in an hour.”

His tone was firm, brooking no argument, which of course made me want to argue. I didn’t though.

“Fine. See you in an hour. Drinks are on you.”

“They always are.”