Chapter 5

CHAPTER FIVE

Six Months Later

I sat at the end of our bed with my knees pulled up under my chin, staring out the floor-to-ceiling windows at the trees. Scott's Bigfoot t-shirt was the only clothing I wore most of the time when we were home. Although he had worked three other shirts into the rotation. A vintage Still Standing shirt, a very soft ODX shirt, and a St. Pete Mantas shirt that he said had a whole story behind it that he’d tell me one day.

Over the last few months I spent a lot of time breaking down my walls and letting people in. I started going to the bar with Joanne and our friends. Aunt Sharon had me over for dinner at least once a week. I officially joined TBCIMA and did some doggy babysitting for Barnaby. The more I became part of the town again, the less I worried about fitting in. But the grief just wouldn’t let me go.

And that was why I was staring out the window.

I wanted to give Scott the world, but I was afraid I'd always be a little bit of a closed off mess. The harder I tried to get back to who I was before my mother died, the less I got right. It was like my life kept slipping between my fingers.

"That's an awfully deep frown for such a beautiful view." He stood in the doorway, leaning against the frame. "What's wrong?"

I turned to rest my cheek on my knee. "What's it like to be so well-adjusted?"

He barked out a laugh. "I'm not well-adjusted. I'm just stubborn. I told you in the beginning that I knew what I wanted. I don't let anything get in my way."

That was very true. One thing I learned about sexy, grownup Scott was that he was tenacious and focused. It was hot as hell when it came to the way he loved me.

"I'm trying so hard."

He did that thing where he went all soft and came to sit beside me. He took my hand in his and set it on his lap. "Spill it. What's got you all up in your head?"

"I remember who I was before. Happy, carefree, silly. I keep trying to get back to that, but I don't think I can. I'm too different."

"Of course you are." He frowned with his whole face. "Why are you trying to go back? You were a kid. You didn't know what you know now."

"If I don't get back to that place, how can I find that peace of mind you love so much? I don’t want to ruin yours because I can’t find mine." It was like a puzzle I didn't have all the pieces to. I kept moving them around, but nothing clicked together.

He brought my hand to his lips and placed a soft kiss right in the center. "You know why the bar is called Still Standing."

"Because it's always been here."

"Right. But it's not the same place. There isn't an original part in that bar except maybe a piece of the old still on the wall. We still love it, right?"

I'd come to love it like it was my own. "It's better than ever, thanks to you."

"Thank you. It would be a pretty shitty bar if it never changed. It's not about staying exactly the same. Life will break you down. It will take everything from you. Still Standing means you get back up. You rebuild. You adapt and you keep going." He placed my hand on his cheek. "Just like you, Mackenzie. You adapt and keep going. It's one of the things I love so much about you. I know our life together will always survive because you have this fire in you. This fight. You've rebuilt your life and let me build it with you. I don't want the old you. I want this you."

He really was the perfect man. "Thank you."

"Any time. That's what I'm here for."

"To give me pep talks when I'm sad?"

He smacked a kiss on my lips. "Nope. To remind you that we all need help sometimes. Even me." He whipped my t-shirt off. "I need help picking out a book for naked reading time."

"Did you just make that up?"

He hopped off the bed, getting rid of his clothes, too. "Yep. And now it's permanent. Every day we need to have a mandated Naked Reading Time. It's for our health."

The health of our sex life maybe. "Well what are you in the mood for? I have a murder mystery for book club, a romance for me, and a fantasy for my other book club."

"Have you started the romance?"

"Nope."

He plucked it off my nightstand. "Then it's mine! Just know it's for research."

I grabbed my murder mystery and snuggled in next to him. "What kind of research?" He wrapped his arm around me so I could settle into his shoulder...and so he could hold my boob.

"I'm always looking for new moves. Got to keep things interesting so you don't get bored, darlin'."

I leaned up and kissed his scruffy chin. "How could I ever get bored when I'm in love with my best friend?"

He rolled over and kissed me properly. "I love it when you talk dirty."

"We call This Book Club Is My Alibi into session. Our most reluctant member picked this month's book, so Scott, get us started." Aunt Sharon grinned like the Cheshire Cat as she sat back in the booth.

Scott scowled from behind the bar. He looked exactly the same as the first time I came to book club. Flannel, backwards ball cap, teasing scowl.

He was so sexy I could die.

Which...in this place at this time, the Murderous Little Book Nerds would probably enjoy.

"I am not part of this book club. You're all hallucinating."

"I beg to differ," Maeve said. "You picked the book, ergo, you are part of the club now! You're official!" She threw a blue t-shirt at him.

It hit him in the face, which earned us all another scowl. Except me. He could never scowl at me. Instead he held the shirt up and groaned. It was an official TBCIMA shirt with their strange logo on the back. The front said Murdered By My Tbr Pile.

"Willow let you put that on your shirt?"

Aunt Sharon shrugged. "We're partners. She just doesn't want us meeting in the mornings, but we like mornings, so we meet here."

Scott groaned. "You're telling me all I have to do is kick you out? I've put up with all of this for nothing?"

Every set of eyes turned to me. I blushed from head to toe. They'd won me over by agreeing to let me skip books I didn't want to read and adding in a less deadly book club that met in the afternoon at the bookstore.

I called it balance. They called it bribery.

Not that they needed an excuse to read more books.

"Why are you all staring at me?"

Harrison shook his head. "Because all you have to do is tell your boyfriend that we meet here. He can't say no to you."

"Hey!" Scott yelled.

But it was true. He'd never kick us out if I asked him to let us stay. Besides, I knew he secretly loved having them here. It was amazing what I could get him to say when he was half-asleep, and I was naked.

"You do like trying new recipes on them."

"Traitor." He scowled, but I also saw the corner of his lip twitch which meant he was teasing.

So I hopped up on the bar and kissed that telltale sign. "I'm sorry."

"No you're not," he whispered.

"You two are so cute together," Aviana clapped, "but we need to talk books! Why did you pick this book Scottie?"

He grunted when I tried to slide back off the bar and put his hand on my thigh. "Don't move." Then he glared at the group. "I read it all on my own and you weirdos took it. That's not the same thing."

"But you did read it. And then we read it. That's what a book club does," Liam pointed out.

"Are they trying to kill me? They are, aren't they?" Scott grumbled.

"Just say what you liked about the book and they'll mostly leave you alone." I brushed my lips over his temple, wondering why he didn't want me to move.

"I'm never reading another book."

"Oh? Are we canceling naked—" He pressed his finger to my lips to keep me from finishing Naked Reading Time.

"Naked what?" Aviana asked loudly.

"She didn't say naked. She said...faked." He made a face.

"No, she definitely said naked." That came from Maeve.

He sighed. "You nerds make it very hard to love you." He hung his head and shook it before popping back up. "Look, you can stay. In fact, I wanted you all here this morning because six months ago you started all this, so I thought you should be here to see what you've done."

"And what have we done?" Aunt Sharon's eyebrows shot up.

That's when he spun me around to face him. "I've been thinking about this for weeks, but last night sealed the deal. That was the conversation we both needed. So now that we've established that you're still standing and will keep on standing, I thought here and now was the time to say that I think we should make it official. Marry me, Mackenzie." He held up a beautiful carved wooden ring.

No hesitation. No doubts. That was my Scott.

And I finally felt the exact same way. "I would love to be your wife." I threw my arms around him as he lifted me off the bar, kissing me the only way he knew how: thoroughly.