Chapter 7

CHAPTER SEVEN

Nancy walks out of Katrina’s room, with my son holding her hand. She clearly sees what I see and the empathy on her face tells me all I need to know. She’s feeling my pain for me.

“I’m just going to take him to the children’s ward,” she explains, “he shouldn’t be a part of this, not yet.”

I get what she’s saying, I understand the why, but my heart just wants to snatch him up and run.

“Hi, Hero,” the little boy says as he smiles up at me. My heart breaking all over again thinking I’m his hero when he should know I’m his dad. “Thank you for saving me and my momma today. I’m glad we has the same marks.” As he says this, he points to that stupid birthmark I’ve hated all my life. But I now love it more than words.

“It was my pleasure,” I choke out, trying with everything in me not to cry.

“I’m gonna go play with the sick kids now,” he explains. “I hope you’re still here when I get back.”

At that, Nancy pulls him to follow her. I’m thankful for her help, as I don’t know what else to say to this little person.

Steeling myself, I look at Katrina’s door once again and take a deep breath, time to get this over with.

“Katrina,” I start as I walk in the room, but all other words die in the air as I see the regret written all over her face. I have every right to yell and scream and demand answers but seeing her the way she is right now, I just don’t have it in me.

“Heller, please let me explain,” she says and starts crying.

That breaks all my resolve and I rush over to her, pulling her in my arms.

“It’s okay,” I tell her. “We’ll figure this out together.”

She cries even harder and I just hold her as tight as I can. As much as it hurt losing her all those years ago, holding her in my arms right now, it feels like I finally have my life back.

We stay like this for what seems like forever and I just never want to let go. Afraid this may all be a nightmare that I don’t ever want to wake up from. This woman was once my everything and left. Now she’s back and has our son with her, making my life even more complete than it ever was.

I hold her still, though her sobs have calmed and now she’s gripping my t-shirt as if it’s her lifeline. That’s how I feel when I breathe in her scent once again. She was the air I needed to breath and I don’t think I’ve taken such a clear breath since she left. I feel like my home has returned and now instead of anger or betrayal, all I feel is hope.

Hope that now that we’re back in each other’s lives, that all the pain and anger we’ve held onto for so long can just dissipate in the air, like it should. However, I know we have to talk things out. I still need to know why she did what she did, but after holding her close to me again, I know I’ll forgive her and just hope that we can move forward, leave the past where it belongs, in the past.

“Rina,” I whisper against her head. “Talk to me, just tell me why.”

I hope that’s enough to get her talking.

“Hel,” she replies on yet another sob. “Why are you here? Why are you holding me like I never left?” She starts to cry harder, but I’m going to do everything I can to calm her.

“The past doesn’t matter, Rina,” I tell her. “I just need to know why. Then, I’d like to get to know my son. I know he’s mine, don’t even try to deny it.”

“He is yours and I’m so sorry,” she begins. “I never wanted to keep him from you. I know it’s not an excuse, but between the hormones and my bipolar, my mind went crazy. I was actually committed here on hold for three days before I left. I was a mess. I wanted to hurt myself. I didn’t think you deserved to go through that again after all we had already gone through when we were together. Eventually I learned that my pregnancy hormones were messing with my medication. It took months, almost a year, to get myself back under control. By that time, Katler was born. That’s his name, Katler. It’s a part of me and you, just like it always should have been.

“When I finally got myself under control, I thought it was too late. I decided to finish school, then I would come home. But as you know, life gets in the way. My meds were changed so many times. It took me until this past year to finally have the correct cocktail of meds to keep myself under control. I no longer cycle as much and I was coming home. To you. To finally have you meet our son. To apologize and to hope with all hope that even if you never wanted anything to do with me again, you’d want our son to be a part of your life.

“He’s wonderful, Hel. He’s so much like you. And that damn birthmark above his eye, that’s the twin of yours. Every time I looked into his green eyes and saw that mark, it was like I was looking at you, all over again. It gave me the hope that one day we could forgive and forget. Do you think you could ever forgive me? Do you think you’d want a relationship with our son?”

During her whole speech, tears steadily streamed down her face. I could tell she meant every word out of her mouth. “I do know how hard you struggled with your bipolar. I remember how hard things were for you at times. Add on a pregnancy and the hormones that come along with it, I can’t even imagine where your head was at.

While I wish you would’ve trusted me enough, I also understand. You don’t have to ask me to forgive you, Rina. I forgave you the minute I walked through this door. As for our son, what an amazing name you gave him. Katler. It’s different, but wonderful. I do want him, to get to know him, to bring him home and give him the family he deserves. So, what do you say? Call Nancy and ask her to bring our boy back in here? Let him know who I am?”

I watch the emotions taking charge all over her face. Shock is the prominent one, awe another. Relief, above all, I can see she is feeling.

While she deserves my wrath, my forgiveness is what she deserves even more.

She goes to reach for the phone, but I stop her.

“Before you make that call, I need to know something,” I tell her.

Confusion begins marring her brow and I put my finger right between her eyes, straightening the wrinkle that forms.

“It’s not bad, I promise,” I state. “I know you just came back, but I want to know if you’re ready to come home.”

“It’s so soon,” she replies. I almost want to laugh but see she’s truly worried.

“Rina, I’ve lived without you and our son for so long, I don’t want to live without you a moment longer. If you want, you can stay in the spare room until you’re ready to move in with me permanently. But, I want our son home, where he has belonged all along.”

“Why are you being so nice?” she cries once again. “I don’t deserve this.”

“No, what you don’t deserve is a mental disorder that makes you believe things that aren’t true. You’re conquering your fears, now you need to be happy. To have everything you’ve ever wanted.”

“Katler already loves you,” she whispers. “I’ve always told him all I could about you. He calls you his hero all the time.”

“Wait, what?” I ask. “He called me Hero when I saw him in the hall. I thought that was because of what happened yesterday?” I’m the one who is confused now.

“No, that’s been his name for you since he could talk. I’ve always told him how it was you who saved me. How you were the only one there for me and helped me whenever I needed someone. He knew you were my hero back then and he knows you’re my hero now. I don’t think I ever told him about your twin marks, because he was drawing a picture today and didn’t understand how the person who saved us was the same man that was his hero. He must’ve put it all together when he saw you and called you Hero.”

I’m ready to fall on my knees. My boy. I’m not his hero, he’s mine. He brought his mother back to me. Gave me what I’ve always been missing.

A ruckus sounds from outside the closed door and I walk over to answer it. When I open it, Katler comes running up to me. I catch him as he jumps, shocked by his acceptance and openness.

“Hero,” he says excitedly. “Are you here to take us home?”

“I sure am. You and your momma will always be my home.”

The End

Thank you for reading my contribution to Loving Carolina