Chapter Twenty-Three

Morning arrives all too quickly, leaving me scrambling to pack my suitcase for Vancouver. Sure, I used to be a better traveler than this. But when a guy has two young kids running around like tiny chickens with their heads cut off, this is what he must learn to appreciate. I toss in a few warm clothes, my swim trunks, and a special gift I found for Durango. Millions of thoughts race right through me as I prepare to hit the road again. So it seems, I can never stay in one place for too long. There's always something. It's the old photographer in me, I suppose, always itching for the next adventure, another change of scenery.

All that's to say, this trip in particular feels different. It's not just another work assignment or a spur-of-the-moment getaway. This is a chance to deepen my connection with Durango, to explore a relationship that's been simmering on the back burner for what feels like a year. Though we've shared a bed, we haven't yet progressed from cuddling because he's been recovering from some physical situation that he's always apprehensive about mentioning. I can't help but wonder if it's the constant presence of our kids, or if there's something else holding him back.

This is, after all, Durango's first serious relationship as an openly gay man. Perhaps he's nervous or unsure of how to navigate this fresh territory. It's also possible that he's just taking things slow, wanting to ensure we're both on the same page. Whatever the reason, I'm determined to make this weekend special, and create a safe space for us to solidify our feelings for one another. Maybe even fuck the fear right out of him.

"Don't worry, munchkin," I assure Lily. "We're not going away for long. You and Gage will have a blast with Aunt Mellie," I add, tucking a hunter-green cashmere sweater into my overflowing luggage.

She sits on the bed, her brow furrowed in concentration. "How much do you really know about this guy?" She asks, her gaze full of adult-like concern.

To be honest, her question catches me off guard. And I can't help but laugh, either. I can't believe another loaded question has escaped from her innocent lips. It's almost like having a mini philosopher for a daughter. But I also know she's genuinely curious, so I want to answer her honestly.

Sitting down beside her, I reel her into my ribs with a tight squeeze. "Okay, babe, seriously—" I begin. "What have you been watching with Aunt Melanie?"

Her head bounces from one shoulder to the other. "This one is about fashion—and it has some pretty ladies in it—and they talk about sex a lot!" she exclaims, her palm colliding with her forehead. "Which sounds really icky to me."

I can't hold back a grin at that. At least her values are still intact, even if Melanie's taste in television leaves something to be desired.

"And?" I prompt her.

"And this show called ‘Friends.' Joey is such a tool," she laughs. "At least that's what Auntie Mellie says all the time.

With my phone in hand, I summon Siri to the surface. "Siri, remind me to tell Melanie she's banned from watching TV with Princess Peach."

Siri's voice replies promptly. "Okay, would you like to set a due date?"

I laugh into the device. "No."

Lily's eyes pique with curiosity. "What was that?"

"Nothing, babe," I assure her. "Just a joke I'm about to play on your aunt. She has a rude awakening coming to her—that's for sure," I add, offering a wink.

She jumps off the bed with a sigh while I finish packing the last of my things, carefully placing a brown paper-wrapped box tied with a thin white ribbon on top. "Yeah, so I guess you commandeer the remote next time Mellie watches TV with you, k?" I joke. "I want your innocence intact when Durango and I return on Monday."

Lily nods assertively. "You got it, mister—but you never answered my question," she reminds me, placing her hands on her hips in a pose that's both adorable and slightly intimidating.

"Oh, yes," I say, inhaling a deep breath. "I know a lot about him—we like each other very much." The words feel strange falling from my lips. A confession I haven't made about anyone other than Brogan in an incredibly long time.

"But what about—" she pauses, confused.

I'm unsure how to approach this delicate subject with my seven-year-old and need some time to gather my thoughts. "I still love Daddy B very much," I reply softly. "But when you become an adult," I add, forming air quotes. "For real, in several upon sevvverrral years from now, you'll understand that grownups have certain—" another pause. "Needs—that can't be tended to without someone showing them how not to be lonely anymore." I finish for another breath. "That's what I found with Durango. He's so much like Daddy B," I pause again, setting my suitcase on the floor. "And while nobody could ever replace the wonderful man who helped bring you into this world, it's nice to have another grown-up friend who has the same cares and interests."

Lily nods thoughtfully. "Okay, yeah," she says underneath narrowed eyes. "I understand that. Like how I found Gage to be such a nice friend."

I hesitate, unsure if she truly grasps the nuances of adult relationships. God, I hope not yet. "Sorta," I say, tactfully choosing my words. "But just know that you are my number one priority—always and forever. And that I always have your best interests at heart—" I assure her. "Okay, munchkin?"

"Sure," Lily retorts, shuffling towards the doorway. "But," she adds, turning back around. "I can still watch ‘Grey's Anatomy,' right?" She asks with a hopeful expression.

I roll my eyes and click my tongue. "No, sweetheart—" I hesitate. "I clearly need to lay this all out to Auntie Mellie."

Lily giggles innocently. "Oh no, that's not her fault," she admits proudly, pointing her finger in a sassy little girl pose. "I watch that by myself," she adds, twirling out into the corridor.

All I can do is shake my head while a wry smile plays on my lips. It's amazing how quickly a seven-year-old can shift the focus of a conversation. I'm cognizant of the fact that I've been so preoccupied with my own budding relationship that I've neglected to monitor Melanie's questionable influence on Lily's media consumption. And perhaps when we return, it'll be high time to have a serious chat with my dear twin sister about the proper programming for a child.

As for right now, I can't help but let my thoughts drift back to Durango. And oh, how I yearn for the intimacy we've only hinted at, the unspoken desires that simmer beneath the surface of our entwined souls. I hope this trip will give us that space and time to let these feelings blossom naturally. And casually.