Eight

Cade

"W hat's your problem?"

"I don't have one." Except I do, and it's obvious. And beyond bothersome. Especially when said problem is talking to me, sitting a little too fucking close to me.

I've always liked Baby. It'll be a goddamn shame if that has to end over something as insignificant as Nic .

My jaw tenses before I make myself relax, my chest expanding with a sigh I don't want to let out. I'm all mixed up over my stepbrother. I'm not even that surprised. Being so mind-numbingly stupid means that these kinds of things happen. I am the king of inappropriate crushes.

Crush doesn't feel like the right word. I don't know how to explain it. But I feel it, and it's awful. Nic.

Nic, Nic, Nic.

He's like a disease. A nasty infection. Venomous little shit. I gotta hope I can suck the poison out somehow—before it's too late.

But there's a part of me that kind of hopes Nic does it for me. Gets on his knees and just sucks it right out. Seems only fair, since he's the whole reason I'm over here suffering and shit.

"But really, Cade. What's wrong?" Baby shuffles in his seat—right next to me on the couch—and the genuine concern on his face has me feeling close to guilty. "Is it because Sebastian is coming over?"

Movie night, he said. I want to be mad at Sebastian, but it doesn't feel like I can be. I went years wanting to kiss Liam and decided that the perfect time to actually do it—be brave and get it over with—was right after he got himself a boyfriend. That's a punchable offense. So, no, I'm not mad at him. That doesn't mean I want him here, but whatever. There are bigger issues.

"No." I roll my eyes. That's all I do these days. I can't help it—everything is just so ridiculous.

"Well. Okay, then what?"

"Did you and Nic fuck?"

"What?" His eyebrows jump to his hairline, the movement making a stray strand slip over his eye. I'd be a little shocked too, if I wasn't so focused on the way his cheeks flush. Little dude looks guilty.

My eyes narrow.

"I beg your finest pardon? Cadence…"

I huff. "It's a yes or no question, Baby."

"No! God. No, you freak." He gives a single shake of his head. "Where the hell did that come from?"

"He spent the night in your room," I deadpan.

"So?" He stares at me, searching my face for an answer, and then gasps. The sound of it is so dramatic I have to fight the urge to jump. "You're jealous!" A shit-eating grin warps his face as he clambers onto his knees, moving closer to me.

"Ew, no. That's not what this is," I lie. I don't even realize it's a lie until I say it. "Don't change the subject."

Jealousy is a nasty feeling, and I am very much acquainted with it. I've been stuck wallowing in it ever since Liam first laid eyes on Sebastian. It's an ugly, baseless thing that I have no right to feel.

But, fuck , am I feeling it.

Only it's far worse than usual. More confusing. This is fucking Nic we're talking about.

"I called it!" He is way too excited about this—downright giddy as he slaps at my shoulder. "You guys did kiss! You pervert. You're hooking up with your stepbrother." He cackles, and the obnoxious sound of it pushes me to stand. Has he always been this annoying? "You guys would make bank doing porn."

I do not have to take this.

"Wait!" He grabs onto my arm, and I jerk it out of his hold. "No, I'll stop. I'm sorry." He pats the couch cushion, wanting me to sit back down, but I ignore him. "Sorry. If it helps, I don't think anyone would blame you." He shrugs. "Nic is crazy hot."

My brows dip at that. "Did you—"

"I already said no, dipshit. We just smoked a bit and passed out. He slept on my bean bag chair."

That's… mostly believable. I've slept on that thing a few times. I still squint at him, though. Maybe a tiny bit accusingly.

"Awe. Little jelly bean." He pokes at my stomach, and I scoff.

"I'm not jealous—and we're not hooking up!"

"You are so—"

A key in the front door has both of us shutting up.

The vibe in the room as soon as Nic enters can only be described as uncomfortable. I have to hope that it's me alone experiencing it, but somehow, I doubt it. It's too charged—makes my skin crawl. No way is it just me.

It's absurd. All he did was walk in—looking like his sexy self—and it made me nervous. He doesn't speak to either of us, barely manages to give the room a clipped nod before he saunters off down the hall.

"Oof. I could feel the sexual tension," Baby says as soon as we hear my bedroom door shut.

"Eat a dick," I hiss.

"You know what… I just might. Gonna go see if Nicolas––"

"Sit the fuck down." I use one hand to gently push him back onto the couch when he tries to get up.

∞∞∞

N ot even getting to pick the movie we all watch has me perking up. Liam and his giant boyfriend are cozied up on the loveseat while Logan somehow gets away with sitting next to Baby. Nic is on the floor, not paying attention to the film as he scrolls through his phone.

And I'm just… here, feeling like I don't belong. Ignored.

I try not to focus on them, on anybody at all, but there's a low hum as they all talk quietly amongst themselves, and that feeling of being ignored starts to grow. It's been like this for months. I didn't realize how much I relied on Liam's friendship until I didn't have it anymore.

I know we said we were good, and things do seem that way for the most part, but things are different. He has his own life, and where that's always been the case, there's less room for me now that Sebastian is in the picture. I'm by myself a lot these days.

When I look over, I see Nic with his head craned as he talks to Sebastian of all people. They laugh and I clamp my mouth shut tight, jaw strained as I grind my teeth. I don't think I've ever seen either of them laugh. Assholes. Seems fitting that they'd get along.

I notice Liam shift closer to his boyfriend, practically on top of him at this point. When I look at him I catch him staring at me, a pissed-off look on his face. He thinks I was glaring at his precious Bash . I guess I was, but not for reasons he'd understand. Still, I fix my face and look back at the screen. How would he look at me if he knew the real reason I was staring?

Like I'd lost my mind. Have me hauled away and checked into some facility. It kind of feels necessary, to be honest. I could use an extended vacation locked up with some therapists.

I get up to grab a drink, and when I come back, I don't even think about it as I sit in front of the couch next to Nic. I want him to acknowledge me—I'd even settle for a glare, honestly. But he gives me nothing. Too busy ignoring me.

Well. That doesn't seem right. It's not fair. I shouldn't want him to notice me. But if not him, then who? Liam is busy. Baby and Logan are doing whatever they're doing, and I definitely do not want Sebastian's attention. Maybe I shouldn't want it to be Nic, but fuck. I want somebody to notice me.

So, I scoot over. Just a tad—no more than an inch—and when I feel his shoulders stiffen next to mine, I'm thrilled. The feeling zips through me and has my skin thrumming, my heart pumping a little harder.

" Move ."

I match his whisper with one of my own. "No."

He makes a sound close to a growl, quiet enough that only I can hear him, and it has my body comfortably slumping against the furniture behind us. It's almost relaxing, having things as they should be—Nic annoyed because of me and no longer talking to fucking Sebastian.

"Sit somewhere else."

"I'm fine here." My lips twitch when he huffs in response. Consider it a punishment for making my dick hard .

He doesn't pick his phone up again. Doesn't look over his shoulder to talk to the guy who broke my nose. He just sits here, right next to me, seething. I kind of love it.

It's uneventful, but it's… nice. My mind goes sort of blank as I pretend to watch the movie. There are a lot of things I could be worrying about. Liam. Finals are coming up. Going to my mom's for winter break. But somehow, Nic's attention is enough to have all my frazzled nerves settling. I sit there, mind at ease so long as his body stays stiff next to mine.

God, what's wrong with me?

This is not normal. It wasn't even twenty-four hours ago that the dude was calling me a slut.

My face heats, and my only saving grace at the moment is the credits that begin to roll on the TV. At least the room is mostly dark. But then Baby gets up and turns the light on, standing on his tiptoes as he stretches and I duck my head so nobody notices my frustration.

I don't pay attention to anything anybody says, too focused on the way Nic stays seated as the rest of the room starts to move about.

"Cade."

"Yeah? Oh." I blink, eyes meeting Sebastian's as he glares at me over Nic's head.

"I wanted to tell you…" He sighs, rolling his broad shoulders before trying again. "I'm––"

"Wait." I look for Liam who is coincidentally over by Baby, very unsubtly peeking over here every other split second. I understand what's going on instantly and wish I hadn't been so adamant that I needed to sit by Nic. Now he gets a front-row seat to this mess. "Let's not do this. I'm sorry, you don't need to be, and we're good."

His brows dip, that scowl he's always sporting deepening before he shrugs. "Yeah, I wish that was enough, but that's not going to satisfy my pr—Liam."

I snort. "It's not a real apology if you're only doing it because he wants you to."

"No, it's… I am sorry," he grumbles. "You deserved a punch, for sure."

"You're doing great so far." I give him a thumbs up with a small smile, teasing. "Solid apology."

"You did," he insists, ignoring my very poor attempts to make light of the situation. I know he's right, so I don't argue. "But I shouldn't have done… that. So, I'm sorry."

I'm glad he doesn't drag it out. He doesn't even wait for me to acknowledge it. He gets up and heads straight for Liam, who opens his arms and immediately wraps them around his boyfriend's waist. My best friend looks… in love.

I wish I could say good for him and mean it, but the words feel like a lie, even in the privacy of my own thoughts. There's a sense of wistfulness as I dwell on it. I wanted that with him for so long. I'm glad he's happy. I am. But I'm kind of… not. I'm not glad because I'm a piece of shit plagued by jealousy. I can't be happy for him. Not exactly. I just want what they have too badly.

Well, not what they have exactly. There's a softness about Liam when he's around Sebastian, and I can admit that I never pictured that when I imagined us together. Thinking back, I don't think I even knew what I wanted from him—other than something more than friendship.

That's not the case anymore. I'm as over him as I can expect. Now, I have no idea what I want, but I know it's not this —this sense of being surrounded by people but feeling alone. Plus, Nic. Being stuck in a mess of I'm not good enough, and nobody wants me is bad enough without having to deal with a case of Dumb Dick on top of it.

It's a condition. Possibly a mental disorder. It has me picturing Nic and me in the happy couple's places, and the image makes everything worse—the mellow ache of loneliness amped up. It's not believable and yet, I don't hate it. But Nic isn't that. He's not any sort of soft or nice, and even knowing that doesn't keep me from imagining it.

Liam gives his boyfriend a quick peck on the lips, and I sigh. That has the image in front of me evaporating. Nic would never do that—let me do that. I'm just too jealous to be happy for my best friend.

"He rejected you, and you still can't move on," the cause of said Dumb Dick says, and for a moment, I'm too confused to react. "It's no wonder. It's pretty pathetic—of course he doesn't want you. Who would?"

I open my mouth to respond, but what can I say? His words pick at the insecurities I was already wallowing in. The word nobody is playing on a loop in my head as an answer to his question, and it's true. Nobody wants me. Nobody I want anyway. Not Liam. Definitely not Nic.

No, he's made that abundantly clear.

Nic makes me stupid, makes it hard to conjure up any wit. So I say nothing—let him win and simply watch as he gets up and leaves the room.

Why? It's a question I ask myself a lot. There's nothing wrong with me. I know I look good. Personality-wise, well, that's subjective. But passable.

I shouldn't be giving these thoughts any attention, but it cannot be helped. Sexual frustration is hell. And worse than that was the reprieve I felt because of him . Getting a taste of calm just to have it stripped away far too soon.

Nic had me satiated for mere moments before he fucked it all up. Not long at all, and yet my brain and this Dumb Dick I'm stuck with have come to associate him with peace. It's laughable.

But he could do it again—give it to me again. If he just fucking would. And god, do I want that. But he. Doesn't. Want. Me.

Bullshit. It's bullshit. I feel like stomping my feet, flopping on the floor, and banging my fists. Why not? Why? Fucking fuckhead. I'm a goddamn catch. Sexy and… I'm hot, dammit!

I feel like I need to show him. I will. I am. Right now.

I get up and head down the hall, leaving the rest of the apartment without any goodbye so that I can do that very thing. Yup. I'll fucking show him .