Chapter Nine

L ady Eleanor, Duchess of Smythington

"Yes." I crossed my arms, my hands moving up and down on the silk sleeves of my dress, unable to look at him. I couldn't believe I blurted out the truth like that. It was humiliating. "I have been overwhelmed and I, well, things are no longer as they were and I, well, I'm afraid Rex no longer desires me the way he used to. He barely touches me and, I am sorry. I shouldn't be burdening you with my problems."

Flynn sat forward in his chair. "I can assure you it is not the case. It takes no stretch of the imagination to realize you are having a hard time with all the changes in your life. He holds you in the highest regard, as do I."

"From what you implied, you would willingly cheat on your friend if I was receptive." The confusion left me in a wave, and fierce loyalty to Rex emerged. I couldn't believe my ears when he said it.

His surprised expression dropped, and he began to laugh. "You mistook what I said. You said Olivia recommended an affair. I was asking if you had considered her advice. I wasn't speaking about me specifically. You implied you had been thinking about it."

Mortification rushed through me. I settled my forehead on the glass windowpane. "I am sorry."

"Have you been thinking about it?" The husky timbre of his voice cut through the quiet.

"It is a moot point. I couldn't betray Rex by having an affair with you. Nor could I risk our friendship. I spoke out of turn. Pray forget we ever had this conversation."

"I am afraid I can't do that." He stood and came to stand beside me, close but not touching me. "I would be lying if I said it never crossed my mind. I would never betray Rex by having an affair with you. Yet, from what I can discern, the two of you need help to get your marriage back on track."

Truer words had not been spoken. "I have no idea where to start."

"Perhaps you should consider a more unconventional approach." He tilted his chin, caution in his eyes.

"I don't know where to start." I exhaled and glanced over at him. "Unlike you, neither Rex nor I are very adventurous and in many ways, we are polite strangers. We used to talk for hours. Now I barely know what to say other than to discuss the children. Once they are out of the home..." I trailed off, trying to keep my emotions in check. Lately, I had been feeling sorry for myself and no matter how many times I reminded myself that I had everything a woman could ask for, I couldn't shake the sense that life was passing me by.

"I think I know a way to help you. You must trust me and give me your word that this will go no further than this room."

Tension seemed to spark between us as I waited for him to continue.

"I trust you." I had no other choice. My heart was racing from his proximity and the mortifying misunderstanding that led to my admission. I would take any advice he could give because I was at my wits end. My stomach churned with guilt, and the fire in my cheeks intensified. I met his gaze in the windowpane.

His intense regard locked with mine. "What I am about to propose is very unconventional, therefore I bid you keep an open mind."

After a long moment, I nodded, growing more curious by the second. "I will try." An affair between Flynn and I was out of the question. Or was it? The idea was planted in my mind, and I no longer found it appalling. It was madness for me to even agree to this, but I wanted to hear what he had to say.

With the time at hand, he seemed to hesitate before lifting my hand and squeezing. The connection I always felt with him sizzled up my arm and into my core. Places that hadn't been alive for a long time seemed to spark, and I wanted to lean in and kiss him to see if what I remembered of his kisses still held true. With a deep breath, he said, "I propose the three of us have an affair. A ménage à trois if you will."

"A ménage a trois?" I stared at him, unsure whether I'd heard him correctly. Surely not. My conversation with Olivia about Guy leaped to the forefront of my mind. My friend said she had an instinct, but she said nothing about Flynn being queer. He had to be if he wanted an affair with Rex. My husband. "Rex would never say yes."

Or would he? I didn't know him anymore. Anything was possible.

"Rex and I discussed it this morning. He is in agreement if you are."

My entire world flipped upside down, and I clutched at his arm to steady myself. He put his arm around my waist and guided me to the settee, settling next to me. "Is he, is he...you said he never had an affair with another woman. You never said anything about another man."

"Eleanor, calm yourself. Rex has never had an affair since marrying you."

I folded into myself. My relief was short-lived as another thought occurred. "What about before we married?"

"Before you married, Rex was only with one person." He sifted his fingers through his hair before settling his palm on the back of his neck. "One night at Oxford, well, we were both drunk, and I had to help him to bed. I kissed him and he kissed me back. After that night, we never spoke about it again."

"After twenty years, you're choosing to tell me now?" I had an inkling that more than a kiss had transpired between them, and it sent me into further panic. "Are you and Rex having an affair?"

Eyes wide in denial, he replied, "No, never. He respects you too much, and I respected Mary too much to do that to her. Now that she's gone, I've realized how short life is, and how I want to grab on to things I used to be able to let go of."

"You'll forgive me if I am speechless right now. I never knew about your past with Rex other than your friendship. And I never told him about our, um, kisses and other liberties I allowed you by the garden fountain so many years ago. I was confused then, unsure whether my physical attraction to you was simply physical or we had a deeper connection. We are friends, and I love you Flynn. And, God forgive me, I do desire you."

"I know this is overwhelming. It's overwhelming for me and Rex."

"You said he agreed to the affair?" I had to know the answer. Was my husband enamored of other men? Was that why our marriage lost its passion? I had thought it was age and familiarity. It might be something more.

He nodded slowly. "Hypothetically, yes. He would do nothing to jeopardize your marriage. I would have let the matter drop, except our conversation got sidetracked and, well, I think it could work."

"This is a lot for me to absorb at this moment." Would I ever look at my husband the same way again? I was still in shock over Flynn's revelation. But I couldn't really talk to Rex without admitting my own guilt in considering an affair with Flynn. "You have put me in an untenable situation."

"I know." He dragged his fingers through his dark hair, ruffling the ends. With his arresting brown eyes and broad build, he was very pleasing looking. He was also an avid rower with my husband, and I will admit to seeing him several times in his shirtsleeves, and what I saw was impressive.

"I'm just asking you to consider this. You and Rex need help by your own admission and I have long since desired both of you. With Mary gone, nothing is stopping me from following my passions. Therefore, it seems like the perfect solution."

"Are you proposing this because you're lonely, or do you truly desire me? Are you proposing this because you want to be with my husband and the only way to be with him is through me?" I had to know every detail for my own sanity.

He shook his head. "No, never. There's not another person alive I've ever felt the same way I feel about you. Nor have I met anyone like Rex. I never considered myself a man who was interested in other men," he said in almost a whisper before raising his voice again. "That night with Rex was unforgettable."

"What you are proposing is very unconventional. What if it doesn't work out? There will be a strain in our friendship, one we can never get back."

He met my gaze directly. "I don't want to pressure you. If you don't agree to the affair, I will respect your decision, and we will never speak of it again."

I tried to absorb his words. "This is all so overwhelming."

"I know. All the talk of the past has dug up buried longings. We are consenting adults, and I see no reason to deny our mutual desires." The confession had left him vulnerable to my censure. If he had made the proposition a month ago, I would have cut off my association with him, painful but true.

"You have had much heartache in the past few years, and I will admit I am also having a hard time not reliving the past," I said. "I can't give you an answer right now. This is all too new."

It was cowardly of me because my body screamed yes. The cautionary side of me said no. This was a big step to take regardless of whether I lost his friendship.

"I am sure you will give me your answer when the time is right. If it is never right, then I will never bring up the subject again."

"I need to get through the wedding before I can think of myself." I had to forgo the audition, and emptiness loomed on the horizon. After the wedding, I would give him his answer. Anxiety rushed through me at the very thought I would have to commit to my word.

A sound from the hallway startled me, and I hopped to my feet, my behind hitting the table and nearly toppling the wineglass over. I stared at him, my fingers traveling to my lips. How was I to act normally when my insides were scorched with unexpected passion?

Anne's voice was lifted in laughter, Nigel's lower tones following. They would enter the drawing room at any moment.

"Before we are interrupted, I want to remind you that this proposal is not a lifetime commitment. Give me one night to convince you this is a good thing."

My father had stressed the importance of fidelity to my husband, and the church reiterated it. Yet it wouldn't truly be stepping out if Rex was involved. The two men together, pleasuring me, pleasuring themselves. My conversation with Olivia over luncheon had stuck with me. The music in my head began a lively tune reflecting the fluttering in my heart.

Rex and I had a traditional marriage and our coupling was traditional by my insistence. Oh, how I regretted that decision. In my defense, my father had hammered home the importance of being a lady at all times. I sensed Flynn would bring out the physical side of me, and I wanted to say yes. I would have to have a discussion with Rex before I decided.

Yes or no, I needed some crucial answers. Our marriage depended on it.