49. Hannah

FORTY-NINE

"Good night." I usher Mom toward the stairs.

Ever since I came out of my room, I could tell she wanted to talk to me about Maddox. But having him here for dinner is one thing. Talking about our history in front of Chelsea is another.

"Good night," Chelsea calls down from the top of the steps.

Before Mom can stall, I flick off the lights in the living room.

"Yes, yes, good night to everyone," Mom huffs, then continues upstairs, accepting that I don't want to talk tonight.

It's not that late, but we've done nothing but indulge in good food all day, and I think we're all equally ready to lie in bed and scroll on our phones.

I double-check the front door, then the back, making sure they're locked, then head into my room and shut the door.

Already in my pajamas— another loose tank top with a thin pair of sleep pants— I leave my light off and drop onto my bed.

I cried a little after Maddox left. But unlike the other times, it was more from an overall feeling of depression rather than piercing heartache.

I believe him about the letter.

There's no reason for him to lie.

But it's all just so… disappointing.

The lost time.

Ships passing in the night.

So close to…

I sigh.

So close to what?

Even if he'd gotten the letter and called, it wouldn't have meant anything.

One year later, he'd have gone to play with the pros, and I couldn't have followed. Even if things were good between us, I couldn't have asked him to financially support my mom so I could go with him to Arizona.

I almost roll my eyes because, after watching those two all night, I actually don't doubt that Maddox would've helped in any way he could.

But we weren't his responsibility.

In the dark, I turn my head toward my bookshelves.

I noticed his pause when he was leaving, and I know he saw it. His book.

I always felt a little bad about keeping it since it was library property. But I weighed the book's importance to me against the weight keeping it would have on my cosmic karmic scale and decided it was worth it. I'd take the hit to keep a part of him close to me.

My eyes stay focused on the spot as I think about that night when I read the beginning to Maddox.

I climb out of bed and turn on the small lamp on my bedside table.

In the dim light, I go to the bookshelf and trail my fingers down the spine before I pull it free.

I've read this book cover to cover so many times that the binding doesn't so much as creak when I open it.

The pages fall open to the first line.

On February twenty-fourth…

Something taps against my bedroom window, startling me, and I drop the book.

It lands on the top of my foot, sending a zing of pain up my leg.

"Shit!" I lift my foot in the air and shake it around.

There's another tap. "Hannah?"

I freeze. "Maddox?" I thought the noise was a branch.

I pick up the book and slide it back into place before limping to the window.

The fact that we can hear each other so well is more proof that we need to install new windows in this house. The drafty things are practically worthless.

Grabbing the edge of the curtain, I pull it aside.

Standing on the other side of my window, moonlight casting his features in shadows, is Maddox.

"What the hell are you doing?" I don't whisper, but I keep my voice low.

"I…" He runs one of his big hands over his head. "Can I come in?"

I look at him and then at my narrow window frame. "Not through the window." Biting my lip, I tip my head toward the front of the house. "Go to the door."

He gives me one serious nod, then steps back through the oversized bushes lining the house.

I don't know what he's doing here. And even though I'm the one who told him to leave not much more than an hour ago, seeing him lifts some of that depressive feeling.

I hurry through the house and am nearing the front when I remember that my tits are on full display in this shirt.

I pause but decide not to care.

He's the one who came to my window when all the lights in the house are off. He shouldn't be expecting a bra.

I pull open the front door as he mounts the steps in a single stride.

Maddox opens his mouth, but I lift my finger to my lips, and he snaps his jaw shut with a nod.

Stepping back, I hold the door open, then close and lock it once he's inside.

He's in the same clothes he was in before. And he slips his shoes off in the same spot.

I cut past him and lead the way back to my bedroom.

His steps are quieter than usual behind me, like he's making a point to step lightly.

This man.

I don't know what he's here to tell me, but the fact that he couldn't wait even one night to do it does something to the defenses inside me.

He follows me into my bedroom and gently closes the door behind us.

Not wanting to stand again, I climb onto my bed and sit cross-legged at the top of the mattress, gesturing for him to sit at the foot.

He keeps one foot on the ground, and his other leg is bent on the mattress in front of him.

Maddox makes a face. "Hold on."

He stands back up and moves around to the other side of the bed, sitting in the same position, only this time, his other leg is bent on the mattress.

I raise a brow. "Everything okay?"

"Knees." He shrugs. Then he looks at me for a long moment before saying, "I'm sorry."

"Maddox —"

He shakes his head. "I made a call."

"Tonight?" I don't hide my surprise.

"Yeah."

I grab one of the pillows from behind me and hug it on my lap. Both to cover my nipples that are poking through my shirt and for comfort. "Who did you call?"

He holds my gaze. "The woman who told me you left."

The bitter, jealous person inside me shakes her fist at him. "You talk to her often?"

"No. Never."

"Then how…?"

"I remembered her name and figured she followed me on social media. I was right." I almost snort at his cockiness, but since he was right, I guess I have nothing to laugh at. "But we…" He trails off, and I don't really need him to finish that sentence.

"So you found her?" I prompt.

"I messaged her asking for her number, and she sent it immediately." He makes a face. "Even though I'm pretty sure she's married with kids now."

"That's nice," I say with heavy sarcasm.

His shoulders rise and fall with a big breath. "She was always a jersey chaser. I should've fucking known." He shakes his head at himself. "I was so stupid for not putting it together when it happened."

"You're not stupid, Maddox."

His expression is pained. "She saw you leave the letter. And she read it." The thought of someone other than Maddox reading that letter has me squeezing my pillow tighter. "Then she ripped it up so I'd never know."

"And pretended like she overheard me so you wouldn't go looking," I finish, seeing it all so easily.

Maddox hunches forward. "I can't believe I believed her."

"Maddox, it's easy to believe her when it was the truth."

"No. No, don't make excuses for me. She happened to find me when I was on my way to the library. She set me up, and I fucking fell for it. I didn't even go to see if she was telling me the truth. I just believed it and went back home." His fingers open and close around the comforter.

I hate this.

I hate that this is what happened.

That everything between us was undone so easily.

But I also hate seeing Maddox like this.

I reach out and place my hand on top of his knee. "It was Saturday. Even if you had gone that day, no one working would've known where I was. I'm pretty sure my boss didn't even check her email on weekends."

"I should have gone." Maddox tightens his fists around the material, not listening to me.

"There's no —"

"I didn't go back to the library for a long time. When I never saw you again on campus, I knew you were gone. But at the end of the school year, I just couldn't let it go. So I went to the library every day for two weeks, hoping to see that one friend of yours."

"Friend?" I furrow my brows.

"The short one."

"Sissy?" She was the nice coworker who befriended me during my short time working there.

He makes a sound. "I never knew her name, but I thought maybe she'd know where you were. But she wasn't there."

"I think she transferred out after the first semester. I still talk to her sometimes. She lives here. Works at some fancy gym I bet you'd like." I try to lighten the mood, but his face is tipped down so I can't see his expression.

I've been so mad at Maddox for so much of my life. It's good to know what happened, to finally put it all together, but truly, I just don't want to be mad anymore.

"I slept with her," he blurts out.

"Sissy?" I ask with a laugh, since I've met her wife.

But Maddox shakes his head, not lifting it. "The girl who lied."

"Oh." I grimace.

He finally looks up, guilt covering his features. "I'm sorry. It was only one—"

I lightly squeeze his knee. "Maddox, I did not expect you to be celibate. You don't owe me an explanation."

Yes, I hate the fact that he slept with the skank who caused so much pain. But it was half a lifetime ago. And even if he believed a lie, he's just as much a victim in this as I am. I don't blame him.

Maddox watches me, rolling his lips together. "Can I hug you for a while?"

"A while?" My mouth pulls into a small smile.

Maddox nods, then stands.

I expect him to circle around the bed toward me, but he pulls back the covers and climbs in, jeans and all.

"What are you doing?" I snicker.

"Come here." He lies on his side facing me, then starts to pull me to him.

"Okay, okay." I slap his hands away so I can slide under the covers.

I shift so I'm facing him, and he pulls me into him, with an arm around my waist, until my face is against his chest and his chin is resting against the top of my head.

One of my hands is tucked between us, trapped between his body and mine, but I drape my other arm up over his side.

We shouldn't be doing this.

I still work for his company; none of that has changed.

He tightens his arms around me. "I know you said I don't owe you an explanation, but I… I was pissed after a loss and got drunk, and she was the opposite of you," he rattles out.

The opposite of you.

I sigh. "Maddox."

"No, I just —"

This man isn't going to listen.

I tip my head back so I can look up at him. "The first guy I slept with after you was a skinny blond man about my height."

Maddox palms the back of my head and presses my face back into his chest. "I don't want to know."

I tilt my head to the side. "Then the next guy."

"I get it." He turns my face back into his chest. "Less is better." His body expands with a breath.

I feel a little better, knowing it bothers him too.

I tip my head back to the side so I can admit it out loud. "Because they were the opposite of you."