14. Killer

CHAPTER 14

KILLER

VALERIE brOUSSARD

The early morning cacophony of the small cafe is deafening, that makes it the perfect spot. Trying to grade at the kitchen table didn’t work. Neither did my room, even with headphones and music on. The echoing marble and tables full of chatting people are much harder to ignore, which makes the grading take longer, but at least I’m too distracted by the world to think about Chase and his little phone call stunt.

I don’t want a relationship. I don’t want the hassle of giving my time and energy over to another person for them to mishandle. I’ve already lost enough of myself to one toxic, horrible relationship. I fought for my freedom, struggled to keep any piece of myself intact, grasped for air while clinging to the last strings of hope. I won’t do that again.

Chase might be nothing like Luis. What if he respects and accepts me?

Is a movie star and all his baggage worth the risk? The paparazzi will catch me. They’ll blast my extracurricular activities all over the tabloids, and Miley will fire me. Or worse, he’ll hold my job hostage with the hope he can blackmail me into sleeping with him. Gross.

I’m arguing with myself like Gollum deciding the fate of a hobbit. But I have too much of a past to jump into anything that even resembles a relationship. It’s too risky. I have my work, my clubs, and my family. I’m making excuses, but deep down, I’m worried someday I’ll step ?into another trap.

I can’t afford to make the same mistake again.

Luis and I were teenagers—young and clueless about life. We were supposed to spend our younger years meeting friends, trying new things, and learning about love through the eyes of innocence. Dating as a teenager has the same feeling as dousing yourself with gasoline and walking through a crowd while hoping nobody has a match. It’s hell. Especially when you’re not one of the popular kids.

The other people in school teased me for my weight, being poor, or my accent even though the school had plenty of other Hispanic kids. The braces and puberty made everything a thousand times worse. I struggled to find a place to belong and when I thought I’d found it in a familiar face; I ended up in bed with the devil.

I fell for him, because there had never been anyone else. I thought he loved me when he said I’d be pretty if I lost a few pounds. I did everything he asked because I wanted to make him happy because in my impressionable mind, that’s how love worked. I became a prisoner under his rule, and after my father died, it became physical. Luis could lay the charisma on so thick, it fooled everyone around us. We played the part of a happy couple, and I learned how to hide the bruises behind a smile.

The crash of a glass shattering against the marble floor silences the room long enough for me to realize I’m doing it again. Drifting off into my mind and bringing up a past I want to bury. I’m staring at the same test I’ve been struggling to grade for almost forty-five minutes.

I worried this would happen, and I should have stuck to my rules and trusted my boundaries. I went on that date hoping for a good dicking down and a bit of fun. But hadn’t prepared for the guy doing it to knock down my mental walls, exposing feelings I hadn’t prepared for. I don’t want to admit I’m terrified I’ll fall for another man’s lies.

My phone buzzes on the table and I have to close my eyes and push out a slow breath to calm the butterflies. When I glance down at the phone, I’m relieved to read my sister’s name, but also disappointed at not see his name.

“Hey, Dani.”

“Yo! How did the meeting with the lawyer go? They throwing his ass back in jail?”

“No. He fooled them all with that fucking charm. They put him on probation and we’re working on a better restraining order.”

“Pshh, as if those work. Fucker.” She yells to someone in the background to stop being so loud, the hypocrisy makes me laugh. “I’m gonna get so many restraining orders on him, you could use them to plaster the fucking Great Wall of China twice over! Watch me!”

“I’ll let the lawyer, and China, know. How’s your trip going?”

“It doesn’t suck. Okay, one part kind of does suck. Can you please talk to Chase?” I don’t answer, and she gets the hint. “Seriously? Shit, I’m going to google the term spinster and find your picture right there, big as day!”

“Daniella, you’re just mad I didn’t fall for your stupid matchmaking bullshit. Besides, I’m too damn old to be a spinster. I prefer the term forest crone.”

“You’re afraid of the forest, you crazy city hag!”

“Only because you watch too much horror and murder shows where everyone fucking dies in the forest!”

Laughing feels incredible. There’s been too much on my mind, which aggravates my immune system and causes flares no matter how much medication I’m on. This morning, I almost didn’t bother to get out of bed. All of this because of a stupid boy and his stupid smile.

“He’s a nice guy, Ren. And you can’t tell me the sex sucked. Are you going to do the ‘ I don’t need anyone’ dance for the rest of your life?”

“Yeah, this coming from the girl dating a… what does Xander call himself again?”

“Artistic free spirit of the digital age, don’t change the subject. This isn’t about us.”

“Is free spirit a new term for unemployed, freeloading, rich brat who goes to rehab the way normal peasants take vacations?” I wince. That came out far more harsh than I had intended. “Sorry, I haven’t had enough coffee yet and I’m snippy. You know I love Xander.”

“It isn’t rehab.” She waits to see if I react, but I don’t. Xander’s bad boy aesthetic has no bite. He’s a bored, rich kid trying to act like a badass when he spends weekends at ski resorts in sweater vests. I’ve never called him on it because most people are dealers who lie and pretend to be anything else. I don’t want to learn about what went so wrong in his life to make him pretend to be a dealer. He doesn’t even try that hard. He’s little more than a nineties goth leftover that someone returned to Spirit Halloween and my sister picked him up on clearance. Dani believes she’s destined for stardom and riches, so in her mind, they’re equals, unlike Chase and me.

“Please, just call him?”

“He’s with you right now and that’s why you’re asking, isn’t he?”

“No! Okay, maybe! He’s across the room, sulking, and the guys and I are worried about him. Fuck, he’s so boring when he’s in a mood.” She lets out an exasperated sigh. “He’s putting on this happy front for Stevie and Ethan when he can because he doesn’t want to fuck up their wedding and all. But he’s a fucking mess. Like, Pongo won’t even leave his side. He’s so worked up. Not like in a Luis mess way, like a lost… I dunno ? —”

“Puppy?” The whisper comes out too easily and I can only hope Dani hasn’t heard me. “Well, it’s better for him that we got this over with before either of us could get hurt.”

“Oh my god, you’re both so dumb!”

“I love you, too. Tell me more about Italy.” She’s been texting us pictures non-stop. I give her and Xander a lot of shit, but he makes sure she’s got everything she could ever need. Including a beautiful hotel room with an amazing view. I’m more jealous of their relationship than I care to admit.

“Oh my god, I love Italy and you should have come!”

“They’re your friends, Dani. These are your people. They’re not mine.”

“They could be.”

“I need to go. I have to finish grading.”

“Don’t deflect! You don’t want to admit that Chase could be the guy!”

“For someone else.” She’s a busybody and nosey, like Mama. She’s going to be up my ass until either Chase moves on or I give in. I’ve got a stubborn streak she can’t touch, though, and she knows it. “We’ve talked about this. No more matchmaking! Let the man mourn the incredible sex, and move on with his life.”

“Gross, but also valid. Have you finished mourning his big dick?” She counters in a yell, and I have to pull the phone away from my ear. “Come on, your ex-asshole doesn’t deserve to get any more of your life, and you don’t even see you’re giving it to him!”

Once again, she’s right. The youngest of all of us and yet, she’s the oldest soul. I never thought about it that way, making excuses every time a man showed interest or limiting it to friends with benefits. I mull over the idea of calling him, but I shake the thought from my head.

“You still there, or did I cross a line?”

“Dani, you always cross lines, and I hope you never stop. I gotta go.” I try to rush her off the phone, but she gets one last dig in.

“Ha! I knew I could get you to call him. Matchmaking fucking bruja!”

“I’m going to work, not calling anyone.”

“Hey, wait! I need a date for a dinner party next week! Xander can’t make it. Please say you’ll come with me?!”

“A dinner party?”

“Yeah, with some of my artsy creative friends. You’ll love it. I thought about asking Kennedy, but she’s actually sticking to this sober lifestyle, which is great, but?—”

“Fine.”

“Wait, really?”

“Yeh, tell me what to wear and when. I need an excuse to get out of the house for a bit anyhow.” I love recharging and staying home when I can, but sometimes, to get a better charge, I need to drain my battery down to nothing. Besides, how crazy can a dinner party be?

* * *

When I get to my classroom, there’s a note on my door asking me to see Mr. Miley, the principal, as soon as I’m in. If he didn’t suck at his job, he would know I came in two hours ago. I don’t go to my room first thing most mornings because I’m in the cafeteria making sure all the kids are getting something to eat, or in the library running tutoring sessions. It’s been this way for the last few years.

I pull the note off the door and crumple it up. If he can’t bother to learn schedules, he can wait until I have my things settled before I give him my time. I flick on the light and head straight for the back room and open a storage cabinet, where a dozen bobbing heads of Chase Cooper stare back at me. They’re judging me. I can tell.

I’ve been meaning to give them to Dani, but keep forgetting to bring them home. I grab one and stare at it. “Those bastards even got your stupid eyes right.” I sigh and lock the cabinet, still holding onto the toy. I walk to my desk and put it on the corner. It’s a terrible reminder, but it also makes me smile.

I almost knock the toy off the desk when I go to write something on the board and see what’s taking up over half of my wall. As if I need another thing to remind me of him, I’m staring at the shiny new smart board Chase promised he’d take care of before he’d left. I’m not sure if I’ve got Miley or Chase to blame for this, but I don’t need the wrath of other teachers coming down on me because I got the cool new toy, and they didn’t. Fuck that. I grind my teeth while I march up to the office to clear this up.

Miley spots me as I walk into the main office. He’s sitting on the edge of his assistant’s desk, flipping through a supply catalog like he would have a clue what supplies it takes to run this place. Idiot. “Ah, the stunning and talented Ms. Silva!”

“Sir, if this has to do with the smart board, I didn’t?—”

“Boards. With an s , Ms. Silva.” He drops the catalog into the trash and nods to the door. “Let’s talk in my office.”

I follow him into the office, hesitating when he motions me to close the door.

“You’re not in any trouble, Ms. Silva. In fact, I want to commend your school spirit.” His chair screams for mercy as he throws himself into it. The walls are full of old trophies and awards from his youth, like a shrine to himself. None of the pictures are from the last ten years, and the body language of the people in them says he’s always been a creep. “This could be very beneficial for the school if you play your cards right.”

“My cards?”

He licks his lips and my stomach turns. “You must be damn good to earn yourself an entire school worth of smart boards. I signed off on having the remaining boards installed over the weekend. Pity you haven’t shown this kind of ambition before.”

My nails dig into the palms of my hands when he leans forward, pretending to adjust his glasses while he stares at my tits.

“You could have used your charms to get yourself a raise. Or a promotion. But I can understand using them on Chase if he’s going to repay you like this.”

“Mr. Miley, I don’t appreciate what you’re insinuating.”

“You’re denying using your feminine ways to, eh, convince Chase to drop this kind of cash?”

“You sent that reporter to my house, didn’t you?”

He sighs and leans back in his chair as he scratches his scraggly beard. I’ve heard he’s in his early fifties, but he looks at least ten years beyond that. He’s balding, but trying to cover it with a hideous comb over and always stinks of cheap cologne. I should buy a beat up, windowless, white van to park outside of this guy’s house as a warning. I’ve seen what he does online in his free time here at the school. I can’t imagine it’s much better at home.

“What if I did, Ms. Silva? You may not wish to disclose intimate details of your life, but I’d recommend you keep providing Chase with your… services . We need the press in order for me to request a larger budget. A budget that could help with your review this year. But only if you keep him in a happier and more generous mood than you do the other men in your life.”

“Excuse me?” Oh, I’m about to shove a pencil right into this man’s eyeball. “Mr. Miley, I will not be?—”

“Getting a raise anytime soon if you keep up the attitude?” He smirks, and my lip twitches into a snarl. “Try wearing something a little lower cut from now on, yeah? The children do love those new boards, so think of it as doing it for them. Besides, I’m sure he’s giving you much more than smart boards, honey.”

I stare at him, mouth open at the pure audacity. As I turn for the door, I glare over my shoulder, and reply, “If you ever insinuate anything else about my personal life or my attire, I will report you to the board with proof of your inappropriate behavior toward the female teachers and what you’ve been doing on the school computers. Also, he’s Mr. Cooper to you.”

He’s sputtering something that I don’t care to hear as I slam the door behind me. The receptionist offers me a knowing shrug and whispers, “Are you really dating Chase Cooper?”

“Allison, you’re a lovely person. Mind your own business.”

“Yes, ma’am.”