1. Dare

CHAPTER 1

DARE

GORILLAS

Memories are the ghosts of the past stalking us every day, haunting us every night, reminding us we can’t elude them. Sometimes we’re lucky, and we get the friendly ghosts that come with memories associated with love and joy. Some of us aren’t that lucky, though, and we’re running scared through life with raging poltergeists strapped to our backs.

I’m the latter of the two, but no one suspects a thing because I’m also a big time Hollywood actor with a house in the Hollywood Hills, fancy car, and boatload of fake friends. I’ve learned to hide my ghosts and live with them, or that’s what I tell myself—and my therapist.

The door of my trailer closes, offering some relief from the noise of the explosions outside. I grab a bottle of water and a piece of fruit from the bowl on the counter like things explode around me every day. Of course they do—it’s an action movie set. Even my dog, Pongo, seldom notices them as he sprawls out on the bed after spending the last few hours watching the window for my return.

The schedule for this film has flown by at a brutal pace, and we’ve been at it since two this morning. Sleep comes in short shifts, so I’ve been looking forward to the shut eye I’m about to get for hours. Shit blows up, gets put back together, and blows up again for days on end, making me long for a nice, calm indie film. My stunt guy and I have been tag-teaming the scenes and rehearsing between takes for a solid week. We’re both exhausted and freezing our asses off, but expected back on the set again in a few hours. I’m glad I don’t have heavy makeup in this film. It’s impossible trying to catch a nap in that shit.

When another explosion echoes through the backlot, I dig in my pocket for the noise canceling headphones and crash into an unfamiliar bed. The next blast never registers as I tuck two pillows on either side of me to keep me from turning over. I lose consciousness almost immediately, drifting off to sleep with Pongo at my side.

When I wake up, I’m starving. I grope around, finding the apple and my buzzing phone from under the darkness of the blanket. If I do this right, I can keep the sunlight out until I’m better prepared for it. Once the alarm stops, I go through my messages while I eat, wishing I could close my eyes again for just a few more minutes. There are a few messages from my friend, Dani, telling me about some gig that she has but how I shouldn’t go. I keep scrolling until I spot Jamie’s name. I groan so loud, Pongo looks up. Jamie’s going to kick my ass.

JimJam

Hey man, we still on for the school gig tonight?

Planning to leave my place around 4:30

Shit. I pull up the latest schedule to check for changes after last night’s shoots. I forgot I’d promised my best friend I’d make an appearance at a charity art function with him. I need to find the PA and verify what time filming wraps today and if there’s time for me to make it. Either way, they’re always pretty cool about it when it’s a kids’ event.

I stumble out of my trailer like I’ve been drinking at a damn club all night with my buddy, Steve. The sun burns my eyes as I slap at my pockets, trying to figure out where the fuck I left my sunglasses. No luck, so instead I’m blocking the late morning sun with my hand as I reorient myself to the forest of identical white trailers.

“Chase, oh my god, is that you?”

I don’t recognize the voice, and when I turn around, I don’t recognize the woman either. Pongo presses against my leg as I scan around to check for anyone else nearby. The lot is a ghost town right now, with everyone either shooting or sleeping. It’s possible she’s a new intern or some other staff sent to wrangle me. My gut says she’s a fan, though.

She’s not wearing a badge—that’s a bad sign. We’ve had some security issues in this location, so I’m prepared for just about anything. Pongo, being a giant Pitbull, helps keep some of the wilder fans a few extra feet back, too. They don’t realize he’s a big sweetheart, and a therapy dog.

“Uhm, hi, how are you?” I croak out. I swipe at the screen on my phone and send a text off to Megan, the PA who has spent the week keeping me on track and on schedule. She’ll act as a buffer and get security here, plus I can list a million other set-related items Megan and I need to go over, anyhow. I’m sure she’s already looking for me, but the phone might help give the impression that I’m busy. I lay it on thick, in the hope that she’ll get the hint and leave me alone.

I don’t think my plan worked, and Megan still hasn’t checked her texts.

“OH MY GOD! I can’t believe you’re here.” She bats her eyes at me, trying to be cute as she pushes her boobs out and smooths down her hair. A few years ago, I might have given her an autograph and a selfie as I showed her the way out. Maybe even a tour, since she’s kind of cute. The fan entitlement has worn me out since I made it big. They interrupt dinner with introductions, interrupt movies for my autograph, and beg for selfies when I’m trying to pick up my coffee. So now, I try to avoid fan situations outside of official events. “I saw the filming and thought you might be here. You don’t remember me, do you?”

“Uhm.” I swallow hard. My hard nap brain fog won’t allow me to think fast enough to deal with this. Do I know her? “I’m so sorry, I’ve been filming all night so, can you help me out with that?”

“I’m Shawna!” Her voice borders on a shriek. When I don’t respond, she pouts—sticking her bottom lip out so far, it’s almost comical. Oh, she’s definitely a fan. I glance down at my phone again and I’ve got bubbles appearing and disappearing from Megan. That’s promising. “I can’t believe you forgot to call me when you got into town.”

She says it like I should understand what that means. I don’t. I text Megan again, sending nothing but the word help . While I do this, I’m trying hard to remember if I’ve gotten drunk with Steve over the last few weeks and forgotten about someone he’s tried to set me up with, but that can’t be right. Steve’s got a serious relationship and we haven’t done that in months. It’s a mystery when, or even if, I’ve ever talked to this woman before. Too many fans take an innocent wave and twist it into an invitation to my personal life.

“Shawna, right? Hi.” Pongo senses my nervousness and nudges my side. I give him a pat on the head and check my phone again.

“You’re just trying to be nice. You still don’t remember?” The longer I’m standing here, the less I want to remember her. The girl can’t be much older than early-twenties, maybe younger—not my type.

My agent will rip some poor assistant a new asshole for this, which I’ll feel bad about. By this afternoon, she’ll be hitting my new best friend, Shawna, with a restraining order. She’s justified in doing so, since breaking and entering on a private, closed set qualifies as stalker-level behavior. “Chase! I met you at Comic Con a year ago and I gave you the book I made for you with all the pictures of us. It had my number in it, so you could call me.”

Oh boy. I hate being that guy. The guy that has to break her heart and tell her I get about two hundred gifts at any signing that range from stuffed animals to personalized books and cards. It’s impossible to keep track of them all. Even the people I meet multiple times sometimes slip my mind unless there’s some other connection. I wish I could remember every one of them, but I can’t. I shouldn’t tell her that there’s a solid chance I’ve buried her stuff in a box somewhere in my dad’s garage or my agent’s storage locker, because that’s where most of it ends up going. My house isn’t that big. Okay, it is, but some of the stuff people give me qualifies as full-blown creepy.

“Right, the… pictures. Of us ?”

“You do remember! I was worried you forgot or that the dickhead on security took my book away after they made me leave. Oh my god, did they take the book away, and that’s why you didn’t call me? Those fuckers! It’s okay, I have another one in my car!” She lights up and my stomach drops as a memory clicks in my brain and I recognize her. She’s one of the few people escorted away from my table by security during a signing event. She damn near climbed over the table, insisting that we were friends. Apparently, I liked some status she’d tagged me in on social media a few years ago, and she read way too much into that.

Truth be told, if I did like the status she posted, there’s a solid chance I was drunk or high, scrolling social media out of boredom.

“Shawna, it was really nice seeing you again.” I make a show of looking at my watch. I’m hoping she hasn’t noticed it’s a prop and doesn’t even tell time. “I kinda overslept and they need?—”

“Coop! Shit, there you are!” Megan comes hauling ass around the corner, ready for anything. She wraps her arm through mine and starts dragging Pongo and me away from our new friend. “Doug has been searching everywhere for you. We need that reshoot before the sun shifts.”

“Absolutely!” I flash her a big smile and I nod to Shawna. The red in her face should signal embarrassment, instead, she’s pissed. Not at me, though, at Megan and the way she holds onto me.

“Okay, well, I can wait in your trailer with Pongo. It’s no big deal. I took the week off to spend it with you and I’ve read up on therapy dogs.”

My fake smile drops at the thought of her alone in my trailer with my dog. Aside from a few friends and my shrink, people don’t know Pongo’s role as a therapy dog. To the world, he looks like any other dog, and I never put a vest on him to advertise what he’s trained to do. Shawna’s awareness of that little piece of information has me more than a little spooked, and Megan can feel the shift in my mood.

“Coop, hun, why don’t you and Pongo go ahead to the set and find Doug? I’ll be right behind you.” Megan steps between us and Shawna. Megan’s not much over five feet tall, but she could kick my ass. She used to be a stunt woman until she had an injury she couldn’t come back from. “Sweetheart, where’s your badge?”

“Oh, no, it’s okay. I’m Chase’s fiancée.”

That escalated faster than normal. I pretend not to hear what she’s saying as I keep walking, holding the phone up to my ear to play it off a little better. I round a corner, and the looming figure of Jerry, head of security, heads my way.

“Sorry about that, Mr. Cooper. I have no idea how they’re getting in here. You two okay?”

“Yeah, we’re fine. Megan’s got her right now. Thanks, man.” Before he gets far, I add in, “Hey, if my agent calls and blasts you, I’ll buy you dinner to make up for it.”

Jerry waves me off. I wait for him to turn the corner before I lean up against the trailer, my hands covering my face. Jerry might be used to these kinds of things, but I hate this shit so much. I love acting and most of the fans are incredible. But man, there’s always one that has to ruin it for everyone else. Some days I wish I could just go back to being an unknown, but the rent and bills are a whole lot harder to pay that way.

“You okay, Coop?” Megan asks when she comes around the trailer. She rubs my shoulders, which should be funny since she has to stand on her tiptoes just to reach, but I’m too annoyed to laugh.

“Yeah. Thanks for the save. I was on my way out to find you and she was right there waiting by my trailer.”

“She’s the third one this week that made it all the way back here. They’re getting a little too good at acting like they belong on set. Last night, the guy even had a fake badge. A damn convincing one, too.” She gives me a sympathetic smile.

“Did he fuck up any of the shoot?”

“Nah, don’t worry. The takes from last night turned out fine, and they’re going to use them. I was on my way to your trailer to tell you that you’re free to go. Will I catch you in Romania next week?”

“I’ve got that awards show to hit, so I’ll be a day late, but yeah, I’ll be there.” I bend over and give her a hug, glad she’s going to be on site next week. Familiar faces always help me relax. “Thanks again. I owe you and love you forever.”

Once I change and turn the costume in at the wardrobe department, I check in with a few more people before Pongo and I head for the car. A piece of paper stuck to the windshield catches my eye as I get closer.

The note reads I love you Chase! along with a phone number. I unfold the piece of paper and find an actual marriage license filled out with the personal information of some woman named Julie.

“Jesus...” I climb in the car and toss the letter in the glove box so I can give it to my agent. She keeps things that go beyond the standard note or gift, just in case. I’ve never asked her what just in case situation she’s kept them for—well, frankly, I’m not sure why she keeps them, but she has her reasons.

This will join the book from Shawna that security took from me at the convention. I remember it now because my agent said it went overboard in all the wrong ways, but I never flipped through it. I rock my head back against the seat and pet Pongo while we sit for a few minutes to get my head back to reality. After I calm down, I text Jamie back.

Yeah, I’m headed your way now. Just wrapped for the day.

JimJam

Sweet! Shower’s open and fixed if you wanna come straight here.

As the engine revs to life, a question tickles the back of my mind. Has anyone leaked tonight's appearance yet? It’s a kids’ charity event, and while I wish the paps wouldn’t show up to those, they still do. If it’s not out yet, I can at least get in and help Jamie set up before someone posts about it and they swarm the school. If they have leaked it, they’ll already be at Jamie’s house by the time I get there.

“It’s no wonder I can’t keep a damn girlfriend, eh, Pongo?”

* * *

I pick up coffee for Jamie and his wife, Lexi, on the way to the house because I’m dragging ass and need the pick-me-up. When I pull into the driveway and check around the house, I don’t find anyone lingering in the bushes, waiting to jump out, so there’s a chance this event hasn’t leaked to the press yet. We get the van loaded up with easels, canvases, and other painting supplies in no time. Once we’re done, Jamie takes me to the studio garage in the back of the house. He opens the door and pulls back a sheet that’s covering the back wall. My jaw drops as I take in the giant mural he’s spent months on.

“What do you think, man? I haven’t shown her yet.”

“Dude, it’s fucking brilliant.” Jamie stopped painting after his dad died. That changed when he met Lexi. They have a textbook definition of a whirlwind relationship, sending them down the aisle in Vegas after only a few months. I didn’t believe in soulmates till they got together. Now, I can’t help questioning if there’s someone like that for me.

Someone not named Julie. Or Shawna.

“I figured the cherry blossom tree since it’s, you know, what I call her.” He walks around and points out the Easter eggs hidden in the mural just for her. “Her boba drink is here by the base of the tree. The train we took down to Oceanside is here in the background.”

He goes to point out more, but I step in front of him and pull him into a hug. “Jaim, I’m so fucking proud of you, man.”

We met in elementary school after I stuck up for him, and he returned the favor. He’s been my best friend ever since—more like my second brother. He keeps me grounded so this whole Hollywood movie star lifestyle doesn’t give me too big of an ego, and I do my best to support the shit out of him wherever I can. We came too close to losing him a few years ago, right before Lexi came into his life. I’ve thanked her every damn time I’m with her for being his ray of sunlight in dark times. I don’t know what I’d do without him.

“Thanks, pal. Hey, help me pull this back up so she doesn’t see it.” We get the sheet back in place and head back out to the van. “How’s the shoot going?”

“We wrapped the California stuff for now. Which gives me time to find a tux. I just found out I’m engaged.” Jamie stops and stares at me like I’ve lost my mind. “Yeah, when I got to my car to head over here, I had a marriage certificate on my windshield. Guess I got that going for me now.”

“Again?”

“They’re nothing if not persistent.” The exhaustion comes through in my voice. “I should take a break after this movie and go back to some of the smaller projects again.”

“Bro, I’m not sure anyone would hire you for small parts anymore. You’ve made your name, and it comes with one hell of a price tag.” He throws his arm over my shoulder as we walk back into the house. “You’ve got that award thing in Germany next week, yeah?”

“Yeah. I tried to get out of it, but my agent said I have to go for publicity. Do you guys mind watching Lulu for me?”

“Hell yeah, we’ll watch her. She and the pup can cause a little extra chaos. Are you taking Pongo?” I nod. “Hey, we could take a trip up to the mountains when you get back. It’s been a while since we did that, and Steve’s uncle still has the place up there.”

“I wish, but I can’t. I go from Germany to Romania, then off to Toronto for a bit, and back to Germany for the closing ceremonies. After that, I’m back for about a week before I’m supposed to head to Atlanta again.”

“Shit. Alright, well, how about we hang out this weekend before you leave? Play some video games, get high, clear your head.” He slaps me on the back before he checks his watch. “We’re early. Let’s go hit up Beard Papa’s on the way to the school. That shit always cheers you up.”

“Dude, you think food cheers everyone up.”

“Yeah, and I’ve been right every time so far, so let’s finish loading up and get you some damn cream puffs. Dick.”

Once again, he’s not wrong. By the time we get to the school, my mood has shifted and I’m eager to get in and hand out the bobble heads I brought to sign for the kids. I love coming to these things. Hell, anything that involves helping kids gives me a boost. There’s something about the way they view the world so differently than we do, even when it’s dealt nothing but shit to most of those kids. It’s like a shot of hope right into my heart.

“Okay,” Jamie says as he pulls open the van doors and starts pulling boxes out. “Once we get everything in, I’ll go find Dani’s sister and find out where we’re putting the extra toys you brought so they don’t get stolen.” He stacks the boxes on top of each other in my arms, grabs everything he can carry, and we head for the entrance to a gymnasium. “Have you met Dani’s sister?”

“Nah. Honestly, I forgot she had a sister.” We hang out with Dani every chance we get, but she never brings her sister along with her. She’s just scared we’ll freak her out or something. We’re kind of rowdy when we’re together. Dani included.

“She’s pretty cool. I’ll try to introduce you to her later if I get a chance.”