Chapter Thirty

Three months later …

‘Are you ready?' Charlotte asked, slipping into the stockroom and securely closing the door behind her.

‘No,' I replied. ‘I want to cancel the whole thing.'

‘I'd kill you and do the event wearing your skin like a Snuggie.'

‘You're truly terrifying, you know that, don't you?' I told her, a chocolate Hobnob frozen halfway to my mouth as she folded herself into a deep and elegant bow.

‘It's a full house, we've sold every copy of Butterflies.'

My mouth dried out and I traded my Hobnob for a swig of Diet Coke.

‘Oh good. Exactly what I'd hoped for.'

She poked through an open box of chocolates on the table and helped herself to a nut truffle. ‘William set up a screen outside for the overspill and anyone who misses the livestream can watch the replay. For a fee.'

‘You're going to be a billionaire,' I told her with a mixture of admiration and genuine fear. ‘Please spare me when they put you in charge of the entire universe.'

World domination looked good on my little sister. Her emerald green jumpsuit made her newly platinum hair shine and if I ever found the confidence to wear bright red lipstick out in public rather than in the comfort of my own home, I hoped it would look as good on me as it did Charlotte. In the three months since Charlotte's Bookshop opened, she'd already established herself not only as a destination store, hosting events with every kind of author, but as an authority on the industry, appearing all over international media and even deigning to do a radio interview after Mum explained it was very much the same as a live podcast for older people. In their own way, I was sure Woman's Hour took it as a compliment.

She pulled out the card from the enormous bunch of flowers on the table and scanned the short but sweet message. Congrats on your first event. Don't fuck it up xxx.

‘These from Mal?' she guessed.

‘How did you guess?' I confirmed. His assistant subscribed to the bigger is better school of thought when it came to gifts and the oversized spray of roses, hydrangeas and blue delphiniums filled the space literally and figuratively, knocking us all out with its overpowering scent. ‘He said he would try to come but it depends on the trains.'

Charlotte snorted out a pretty laugh. ‘If he's relying on trains, we should expect him by Christmas. I'd say I'll save him a seat but seats are for paying customers.'

I glanced out the tiny window up at the frozen November sky, not even the slightest amount of light to let in now. No matter that it happened every year, the dark winter nights always came as a surprise. On the drive over, William said it was an evolutionary thing, we forgot how painful winter was, so we didn't throw ourselves off the edge of a cliff when the nights started drawing in, but then Mum reminded him that was childbirth and started talking about her episiotomy and he shut up soon enough.

‘Knock-knock,' said a voice as the door opened again, allowing the excited chatter from the bookshop to crackle into the stockroom. I gulped down my Diet Coke and wiped damp palms on my jeans.

‘Thank god you're here.'

I jumped to my feet, immediately tripped over Mal's floral arrangement and fell face first into Sarah's chest, smushing my shakily applied make-up against her freezing cold coat.

‘Your fans are rabid,' she replied, visibly quaking. ‘I didn't think I was going to get through alive. Some of them even knew my name?'

‘We should look into doing a collab,' Charlotte said, snapping her fingers. ‘Buy a copy of Butterflies, get a free cookie at your coffee shop.'

‘You scare me,' Sarah said to my sister who, as ever, took it as a compliment. ‘It's not sane out there, Taylor. I hope you're ready or they're going to devour you whole.'

‘I should've said yes to I'm a Celebrity,' I whispered, Hobnobs churning in my stomach.

‘You hold out for Dancing with the Stars or you don't do anything,' Charlotte corrected. She picked up her phone and scowled

‘Is there a problem?'

‘Uninvited guest,' she replied, hammering away at the screen. ‘Not an issue. I'll be back to get you in two minutes.'

The door slammed shut, closing out worryingly raised voices, and Sarah sat down beside me, digging into the open box of chocolates. ‘You'd better get changed if you're starting soon,' she said as she unwrapped a strawberry cream. ‘Show me what you're wearing.'

‘This is what I'm wearing?' I pulled at the sleeve of my new striped cashmere sweater to demonstrate. ‘You don't like it?'

‘It's jeans and a jumper,' she said, completely unimpressed. ‘I thought you'd be wearing something a bit more, you know …'

She waved her hands around, Sparkle Motion-style.

‘Brand new jeans and a brand new jumper,' I amended. ‘And the jumper is cashmere. I won't even tell you how much it cost.'

‘No, please do,' she insisted. ‘I had to spend two hundred pounds on new school uniforms for the boys last week because they decided to tag team on a growth spurt and have already grown out of everything I bought them in September but, do enlighten me, Este Cox, how much was your cashmere jumper?'

‘It was a bargain,' I muttered, wrapping a strand of my carefully curled hair around my finger. ‘Also remember to send me their Christmas holiday dates so I can book the Disneyland Paris tickets. And the Eurostar. And the hotel.'

Smoothing the empty chocolate wrapper into a flat sheet before folding it into a neat little package, Sarah nodded. ‘Will do.'

The three months since Dad's birthday might've passed quickly but that didn't mean they'd been uneventful. Charlotte's accidental TikTok reveal went viral and it didn't take long for the internet detectives to find me, but it wasn't as awful as I'd expected. Getting a new phone number was annoying and having to set up all new private social media accounts was an inconvenience but so far the only people who had turned up at my house were some very sweet Brazilian bookstagrammers who pushed dozens of gifts through my letterbox, and the only reason they had to do that was because I wasn't home to let them in. I would've been powerless against them if I'd been home; I'd seen the videos they posted, they were so incredibly cute.

Staying away from the Goodreads reviews had been good practice for avoiding all the posts and articles that came out after the reveal. Sarah occasionally took screenshots and sent me the more absurd rumours. We were both thrilled to find out I was having an affair with Austin Butler after casting him in the movie adaptation, especially since I wasn't and we hadn't. There was only one thing that really pissed me off and we all should've expected it: the ‘Saucy Author's Ex Tells All' interview that ran in one of the tabloids with CJ's best attempt at a heartbroken face splashed right across the page. Only there was very little to tell and ninety-five percent of the feature was concerned with how annoyed he was not to have been featured in the acknowledgements, something I could relate to.

‘My main goal was comfort,' I said, picking a bit of imaginary lint from my shoulder. ‘I'm here, ready to be trotted out like a prize cow. I didn't think gilding the lily was necessary.'

‘Only if you consider yourself a lily in the first place,' Sarah clucked. ‘And I wouldn't say prize cow.'

With one eye on the door, expecting Charlotte to burst through any minute, I took another chug of Diet Coke. ‘I do feel more like a regular dairy heifer. All I've done for the last three months is churn out pages.'

‘Better to be churning out pages than trying to decide who gets to play Mary in the Nativity,' she said. ‘Remember last year?'

‘It's not easy to forget a seven-year-old performing a dirty protest on the school stage because they were asked to play a shepherd,' I replied, pushing the chocolates away. ‘But it is still weird to think I won't be going back to school any time soon.'

Sacrificing my job was the one thing I'd been absolutely right about. I'd talked to my head teacher, Mrs Hedges, on the phone after the party but she didn't seem to comprehend what I was saying. It was only after some of the less understanding parents saw CJ's newspaper interview I was summoned into school during the summer holidays, something that felt wrong whether you were a teacher or a student. We had a very awkward conversation, followed by lots of crying on my part and annoyed grunting on hers, and agreed the best course of action would be for me to resign.

‘Still can't believe they managed to replace me in less than a day,' I said with a distinct edge of grumble to my tone as Sarah pulled a theatrically sad face.

‘I bet they'd have you back in a heartbeat.'

‘No,' I assured her, remembering Mrs Hedges deeply unimpressed face when she held up a copy of my book. ‘They wouldn't.'

‘Better not fuck this up then,' she said brightly, patting the card from Mal that shared the same sentiment as the door opened.

‘One-minute warning,' Charlotte bellowed over the racket outside. She beckoned Sarah, cocking her head out the door. ‘I saved a seat for you, but you'd better go and claim it before someone starts a riot.'

‘Please, I'm a single mum of two boys,' she replied with a scoff. ‘They haven't a chance in hell.'

‘I thought seats were for paying customers only?' I said as Sarah stuffed a handful of sweets into her pocket.

‘She gives me free croissants,' Charlotte replied, one finger delicately pressing the earpiece of the headset she'd acquired since she was last in here. ‘Put more lipstick on and get ready. Sixty seconds to An Evening with Este Cox.'

With a double thumbs up, Sarah followed my sister out the door and they left me alone. The first time I'd been by myself in here since my very first visit, sitting in the chair behind the desk I'd avoided like the plague with Joe on his knees in front of me. It already felt like something I'd read in a book. It couldn't possibly have happened in real life.

I hadn't heard from him since that Sunday. I deleted all his voicemails and texts without reading them, reminding myself over and over I'd known him less than three days and the whole thing was meaningless. But weeks later, I was still half hoping to see him every time the doorbell rang, my heart still in my throat whenever flowers arrived, just in case they were from him.

They never were.

Mal never mentioned him. My books had been passed on to a super-talented new creative director who I loved and had no interest in shagging whatsoever and the only time Dad had spoken Gregory's name in my presence was when he called with the good news that not only had he signed Nelson Allen, but Nelson and Genevieve Salinger were also collaborating on a project together, having hit it off during his birthday party. Funny how things turned out.

‘Soph.' Charlotte stuck her head around the door one more time as I gave the desk a longing look. ‘We're ready to start when you are.'

‘Ready as I'll ever be.'

I stood up and brushed out my hair with my hands. Should I have worn it up? Should I be wearing something more glamorous? Would I regret necking that Diet Coke before my first-ever public appearance? Possibly, probably and almost definitely.

‘You've got a Taser for any trouble-causers, right?' I asked, only half joking, and she threw up her fists and put on her most threatening face.

‘Don't need a Taser when you've got Take 'Em Out Taylor,' she said, raising her fists in front of her face. ‘Anyone even looks at you the wrong way and they'll be eating their Christmas dinner through a straw. My dad was a boxer in his youth, you know.'

‘I have heard that,' I replied, kissing my little sister on the top of the head as we walked out into the shop, arm in arm, and the screaming began.

‘Yes, the lady with the amazing pink headband.'

I pointed towards the far side of the bookshop and a young woman with an impressive amount of gorgeous curly red hair stood up, holding out her hand for Charlotte's roving mic.

‘Hi, I love the book and I read that there's going to be a film. Do you get any say in casting and can Sebastian Stan play Eric?'

The room erupted in conflicting roars of agreement and dissent and I sat back in my comfy armchair, almost unable to believe all these people had such passionate opinions about a book I'd written in bed after CJ fell asleep, trying not to type too loud because the sound of clacking keys ‘gave him nightmares'.

‘I haven't talked to anyone,' I replied, speaking up before a fight broke out. ‘Honestly, I have no idea, I haven't even seen a script yet, but I'll definitely let the people in charge know all your suggestions.'

So far, the event had been a huge success, my most pinch-me moment yet. I'd wasted so much time worrying about the people who would look down on me for writing Butterflies, I hadn't given myself a chance to think about the people who would celebrate it. And they so desperately wanted to celebrate it. We started with a reading then Charlotte asked me some annoyingly intelligent and insightful questions, Mum, Dad, William and Mal all lined up along the side of the shop, beaming with pride. I could've done without the dreaded uninvited guest, CJ, gurning at me from the doorway but the family had decided it was easier to let him in than risk a scene outside. Personally, I'd have voted for a scene. Preferably one where I got to punch him again.

‘Any more questions?' I asked, already wiggling my fingers to prepare for what my sibling assured me was going to be a mammoth signing session. I would have happily sat there all night long chatting with them about everything from which Taylor Swift album was Jenna's favourite to my most-watched Real Housewivesfranchise, but it was getting late and there were so many people crammed into the bookshop, I couldn't even see the faces in the back three rows. If we didn't start the signing soon, we'd all be here until midnight which probably wouldn't go down very well with the people who needed to catch a bus home.

‘Why do you think romance novels are so popular right now?' asked a voice in the middle of the room, a girl in a sparkly lavender T-shirt dress with arms full of friendship bracelets. Everyone's arms were full of friendship bracelets, including my own, and I planned to treasure each one forever.

‘I'm sure there are a million reasons,' I replied, having practised the answer to this one plenty of times over the last few weeks after Mal forced me into media training, something I was grateful for now. ‘For me personally, I love romance because it gives me hope. When I was very unhappy and lonely—' a brief pause to glare at my ex in the background ‘—these were the books that kept me going. Not that I want my life to be as dramatic as Jenna's but writing her story helped me convince myself I would find someone too. Someone better. Someone who really saw and appreciated me for who I am. That's why I think modern romance novels are so brilliant, they celebrate women exactly as they are.'

‘We've got time for one more,' Charlotte announced as a dozen more arms shot up. One reached much higher than the others, a large hand coming out of the cuff of a white shirt. ‘Right there, in the back?'

‘Thank you, appreciate it.'

I heard the voice and every muscle in my body tensed. The entire crowd turned in their seats to see who was speaking but I already knew. I'd know that voice anywhere. Slowly, Joe rose to his feet at the very back of the room and accepted a microphone from my traitorous baby sister.

‘First, I wanted to say thank you for Butterflies. It's an amazing book and I know I speak for everyone here when I say we cannot wait for the sequel.'

He paused to allow for the cheering and stomping, not even flinching at the death stare coming from the stage.

‘And since you've written my favourite romance novel of all time, I was hoping I could get your advice on a romantic predicament.'

‘I'm the last person who should be giving out advice on love,' I replied, the back of my neck prickling with sweat. Definitely should've worn my hair up. ‘Trust me, I make terrible decisions when it comes to my own love life.'

‘I told you she wanted to get back together,' I heard CJ stage-whisper to a disgruntled-looking man in an ‘I'm a Swiftie Dad' T-shirt at the side of him. ‘She's probably going to make some big romantic gesture right now. Try to look surprised if she proposes.'

Joe's hair was slightly longer, his skin a little paler, but he still filled out his beautiful white shirt like it had been tailored to his body. Maybe it had, I wouldn't know. I didn't know anything about him.

‘I'd still like your opinion,' he said. ‘We've all made bad decisions.'

‘Not as bad as mine,' I insisted, wishing he would disappear. ‘Take this summer for example, I thought I'd met someone amazing.'

The crowd let out a chorus of oohs.

‘Don't get too excited. It turned out he was married. Can you even believe it?'

The oohs turned to boos with record speed.

‘What's she talking about?' CJ asked too loudly.

‘Not you,' Sarah replied wearily from the front row. ‘Never you.'

‘He sounds like a complete arsehole.' Joe shook his head with feigned shock. ‘Unless he had a good reason not to tell you.'

‘What reason could possibly be good enough?' I replied. ‘How could anyone justify lying to someone, cheating on their wife and then disappearing completely?'

‘He didn't disappear completely, did he?' he said. ‘He called you about a hundred times and left millions of messages, but you didn't answer any of them. He thought that meant you didn't want to speak to him.'

‘He was right,' I agreed as he left his seat and began edging down the row. ‘I didn't and I don't.'

‘He'll never forgive himself.' He kept going until he reached the aisle in the middle of the shop, his dark hair shining under the halogen lights. ‘And he doesn't expect you to forgive him either but he does need to explain.'

‘No, he doesn't, he needs to piss off.'

The happy mood of the bookshop had turned into something electric. Phones were out, everyone was whispering, heads were on a swivel. The only people who looked unhappy to be there were me, my parents, CJ and Mal, who was clearly beginning to regret bothering with the train.

‘I didn't want to speak to him then,' I said, determined to keep my composure. He would not see how much he'd hurt me. He would not know about all the nights I'd cried myself to sleep. ‘And I don't want to speak to him now.'

Anyone who hadn't worked out what was going on, suddenly figured it out and Joe had to duck to dodge a barrage of flying friendship bracelets and assorted projectiles. He pressed a hand to his face when a random copy of Butterflies struck him on the face.

‘OK, ow,' he said, looking for the culprit. It could have been anyone. I wished it had been me.

‘A thrown book is a sold book,' Charlotte yelled. ‘Do not trash my shop. All angry mob participants will be asked to wait outside where you'll be able to kick him after the signing.'

‘I'm sorry, I can't do this,' I said, moving to stand. ‘Charlotte, can we skip to the next bit?'

‘Sophie, I miss you,' Joe shouted over the din. ‘I think about you constantly, all day, all night. I hate myself, hate myself, for what happened.'

‘What exactly did happen?' Sarah asked, turning all the way around in her seat to follow him up to the front, the rest of the audience following suit. ‘Soph might not want an explanation, but I'd like to hear it.'

‘None of it was planned. Every word I said to you that night was true.'

Joe was in front of the crowd now, his words only for me. I sank back into my seat and he set his microphone down on the floor. He was so close, I could see the dark circles under his eyes, the bloodshot streaks of red, the determined set of his jaw. But he wasn't nearly as determined as I was.

‘Except for the no secrets part.'

‘Except for that,' he replied softly. ‘If I'd had one more day to fix things, I would've told you everything.'

‘Cool story,' Sarah sniffed. ‘Soph, say the word and we'll tear him limb from limb.'

I shot her a thankful look but couldn't afford to risk a smile. My face was fixed, angry and hurt, and I knew even the slightest emotional variation would see me in floods of tears.

‘My best friend Caitlin and I got married last year,' Joe said, moving very slightly closer as I moved very slightly further away. ‘So she could keep her job in New York.'

‘Marriage of convenience plot twist,' mumbled a woman in the front row, the girl beside her nodding with wide eyes.

‘She forgot to renew her work permit and it expired. I have dual citizenship through my mum and I was trying to be helpful.'

‘You really do have a terrible track record with that.' I dug my fingernails into my palms before relaxing my hands suddenly. The scar on my right hand had taken forever to heal; hands that spent all day flying across a keyboard did not recover quickly. ‘And to think I called you inconsistent.'

‘You'll be thrilled to know I've taken a vow never to try to help anyone ever again,' Joe said, the slightest hint of a smile on his face that fluttered and died when I didn't respond. ‘I married my friend for a visa, that's the short version. The longer one is, I did it because I'm selfish. She was my best friend in the world, maybe my only real friend in New York, and I didn't want her to leave, and I honestly thought I would never get married. I'd always said I wouldn't, not after growing up with my parents. No one knew except our closest friends and family. As you know, I made the mistake of telling my dad but, obviously, he didn't understand.'

‘Predictable,' my dad muttered somewhere across the room. ‘Classic Gregory.'

‘It worked out great for a while,' Joe went on, the rest of the room so quiet, you could've heard a Post-It drop. ‘Then my mum got ill and I needed to move home which messed everything up. We had to fill in all these extra forms, do more interviews, get letters from my mum's doctors to prove why I was coming back to the UK and Caitlin wasn't. It was a whole new mess. We made a pact to keep things clean; no social media and no serious relationships with other people. To make sure we didn't get rumbled, no one else could know.'

He reached one hand out towards me but I jerked backwards. I couldn't bear it.

‘But things were serious with you from the first moment we met,' he whispered. ‘From the first moment I saw you.'

‘And your mum is OK?' I asked.

‘Mum is OK,' he confirmed, the room sighing with relief.

‘If you weren't really married-married, why didn't you just tell me?' I could feel my resolve weakening when he raked his hair away from his face, close enough for me to smell his clean, warm scent, and feelings I'd fought off for what felt like forever came flooding back, consuming me too easily. ‘If you'd explained it like this, I would've understood.'

‘Would you?' There was a genuine and reasonable question in his voice. ‘Oh, hello woman I just met and have completely fallen for, this is incredible and everything but, heads-up, I'm married and I can't get a divorce for at least another six months and, until then, we'll have to keep our relationship a secret, cool? Cool.'

‘You didn't give me a chance,' I said.

‘Because you didn't trust me to begin with,' he pointed out. ‘And I wanted to trust you but if things went badly, and they always go badly for me, that put Caitlin at risk. If I didn't tell you and you found out, you'd never trust me again. It was a Catch 22.'

‘Overrated book,' I heard Mum comment followed by Dad gasping in horror.

It stung because it was true. We'd made it very clear we didn't trust each other. Only I thought we'd agreed to try.

‘After that night, I knew things had changed. All I needed was one day to go home, call Caitlin and explain before I could even attempt to explain everything to you. She's been my best friend for years. I couldn't break our agreement.' Joe took a deep breath and held it in his chest. ‘Even if I had fallen in love.'

He must've known the crowd's intake of breath would suck every atom of oxygen out of the air. It left me light-headed, reeling against my chair.

‘If this is all true and you got only married to help your friend, how come you're telling me now?' I asked, recovering myself and catching sight of Sarah's warning glare melting into begrudging acceptance behind him.

‘Because when I talked to Caitlin yesterday, she could see this was killing me,' he answered. ‘She's decided to move back to Toronto. The whole thing was a terrible idea and I never should've suggested it in the first place but I really was—'

‘—only trying to help, I know.'

‘You still should've trusted her in the first place,' called out a boy with furiously red hair and an even more furious expression.

‘He's right,' agreed the girl in the pink headband. ‘Eric would never do something like this.'

‘That's because I'm not Eric.' Joe's eyes were still on me, fixed and focused. ‘I'm real and real people make mistakes, they apologise then try to earn forgiveness.'

My front teeth dug into my bottom lip to hold all my words in until I was absolutely certain about what I wanted to say. Joe had no such intention of holding back.

‘I did not see you coming, not ever,' he said, shaking with determination. ‘I made myself stay away because I was so sure you were better off without me but, even when I managed to keep my distance from you, I couldn't let go of this.' He held up his copy of Butterflies, so well-read, the writing on the spine was completely illegible. ‘Every time I was lonely, I read your book. Every time I missed you, I read your book. Every time I woke up in the night and couldn't understand why you weren't beside me like you were in my dreams, I read your book. I know every word off by heart, because they're your words. They're sacred.'

‘That's quite good,' Pink Headband Girl whispered to Red Haired Boy. ‘He's been practising that.'

‘Are you still streaming this?' I heard Sarah ask my sister.

‘No,' she replied, somewhat unhappily. ‘I turned it off right before that idiot confessed to visa fraud. No one likes a prison romance.'

‘Sophie, these have been the worst three months of my life,' Joe declared, grabbing hold of my hands and falling to his knees in front of me, stoking a fire in the pit of my belly my body immediately tried to put out with tears. ‘Please, I'm begging—'

Whatever he said next was drowned out by the roar of the crowd, almost everyone in attendance screaming so loudly, I had to cover my ears with my hands.

‘I'm not proposing, I'm begging!' he said loudly, only slightly panicked. ‘This is the begging position, both knees, not one. I love you and I want you to give me a second chance but I know you're not insane.'

A mix of sighs of relief and murmurs of disappointment filled the room and I had to wonder for a moment whether or not he was right about my mental state. I could hear other voices but far as I could tell, we were the only two people in the room. The only two people in the world.

‘Sophie Taylor, you are my favourite author and my favourite person. Whatever it takes, I will do anything to earn your trust. Complete honesty. You're going to know more about me than you do yourself. You can have the password to my phone, I'll show you my browser history, anything you want.'

‘I don't know what to say,' I whispered as the real world crept back in and I felt all two hundred pairs of eyes on the two of us. ‘Except I really don't want to see your browser history.'

‘That's better than no,' Joe replied with a crooked smile. ‘Can I take you out for dinner after your signing and we'll go from there?'

‘Sorry, Joe,' Sarah said. ‘She's got plans and I paid for a babysitter. There's no way she's weaselling out on me.'

‘Wouldn't dream of stepping on your toes, Sarah,' he said, holding up one hand but keeping his gaze on me. ‘Tomorrow?'

‘She's got an event in Paris,' called William. ‘The day after that, she's in Amsterdam and the day after that, Berlin.'

‘The day after that?' Joe asked. ‘How about I sit outside your house until you've got five minutes spare?'

‘It's supposed to get very cold after tonight,' Dad commented behind us. ‘I hope he's got a proper coat with him.'

We faced each other, me still clutching my microphone with his hands wrapped around mine, and I flashed back to the first day. Hot and sweaty in that karaoke room, singing and laughing before everything got so complicated.

‘This is all up to you,' he promised as I turned off my microphone and placed it on the floor. It protested quietly, a soft whistle tone sounding under his words. ‘Tell me to go and I'll go. Ask me to stay and I'll stay. Tell me you're not sure and I'll wait until you are. You make the rules.'

Joe Walsh was everything I said I didn't want.

He was frustrating and impulsive and he couldn't help but complicate everything he touched, even when he was trying to help. Especially when he was trying to help. He was arrogant, overly charming and altogether too sure of himself, even this grand romantic gesture was testament to all of that. But he was also kind and good-hearted. He listened to me when I talked and he saw me in a way I couldn't see myself. He could be raw and vulnerable, and much braver than me. He was real. And if I wanted him, he was mine.

‘Stay,' I said eventually, falling forward onto my knees, my arms looping around his neck like they belonged there. There was no other choice. ‘I want you to stay. But if it goes badly, you'll have to answer to Sarah and Charlotte.'

‘Then I'd better behave because they would never find my body,' he said, holding me tightly, as though he might never let me go. I pulled back, just far enough to find his lips, smiling at the fluttering feeling in my chest. It floated down to my belly and exploded inside me right as his mouth met mine.

Butterflies.

‘There were other things I wanted to say but not in present company,' he murmured against my lips as the crowd went wild. ‘They aren't suitable for the under-eighteens.'

‘Please,' I replied as I lost my hands in his gorgeous hair. ‘There's nothing you could say that could shock a single person in this room. They're romance readers, they've heard it all.'

‘I still don't think your family want to hear what I'm planning to do with you the moment I get you alone.' His teeth grazed the soft skin of my ear and my body flushed from head to toe. ‘Remind me to make sure Charlotte turns off that livestream. We've got unfinished business in that stockroom and I would prefer not to broadcast it across the world.'

‘How is it possible that I missed you this much?' I asked, incredulous as the crowd began to ebb and flow around us, my sister joyously declaring the event over and shuffling everyone into a signing queue.

‘You tell me,' Joe replied, his eyes full of love. ‘You're the romance writer.'

I had no idea what I was doing, no clue if we'd find our way to a happily ever after. This was the beginning of a new chapter, a fresh page that hadn't been written yet. Maybe we'd find ourselves living in a castle in a faraway land or end up fighting dragons for the rest of our lives. There was no way to skip to the end, no guarantees, no easy promises.

But when he kissed me again, I knew enough to kiss him back with my whole heart.