SIX

F lower

In the darkness of my son's room, I rock, and rock—and rock. I hear the soft sound of my baby's breathing. It soothes me. Maybe the only thing that can in this moment. The soothing sounds of his little puffs of breath ground me in a way that is both comforting and disquieting. I let my sweet boy rest not bothering to even stand and look over into his bed. Not to sniff the sweet smell of him before he starts smelling of puppy like little boys do once they start running around in earnest.

I know if I see his sweet face, I will probably burst into tears or fall out into a fit screaming loud enough to bring this whole mansion down and everyone running to see what all the fuss is about. That would bring him and that I can't abide right now.

Asa's peaceful sleep in the comfort of his home reminds me of what I hold most dear—my family. So that makes what I must consider terrifying.

"JeezeLouise," I whisper into the darkness, pain lancing through me like fire. It's hot and miserable and mean. Just like that mean motherfucker I married and let have my body. I'm sick just thinking about it. What he's done. What I've let him do. Now, I'm complicit. I'm as big a monster as he is. I've swanned around this estate, traveled all over Japan and the rest of the world while a girl suffered. Someone no less innocent in all this Takeda family madness than my own baby.

The hot burn of betrayal encapsulates me in scalding reality as my mind trips back to what happened to bring my world down mere hours ago.

I don't give myself any passes. I know what he is. What he's always been. All too well I remember how he was willing to tear my life apart for leaving him. I remember. We got past it. Ended up loving each other even harder. We made a baby. I know how ruthless and hard-charging he is. It's one of the reasons I'm so drawn to him.

I know he's waiting on me. He expects me to move forward like it's nothing. I can't see him. I don't even want to.

"Flower." The words are hard and commanding. Looking over my shoulder, I see Akchiro just at the threshold of the door.

He looks as if he's finished with work for the day. He's much earlier than normal. He hasn't come home before nine p.m. since Asa was a very small infant. I know we are his number one priority, but he has responsibility to thousands.

"Come to bed." His tone is unwavering. He's already showered. I can tell he rushed through drying his hair because it's not as perfect as it normally is. Why though? Is he worried? Hmm. I guess years of being a fucking deceiver will do it when the truth comes out.

"In a bit."

I turn back to face Asa, the slightly darker much more pure form of his father and I can't help but wonder how Akchiro would have turned out if he hadn't let the bitterness of his father's murder warp him.

The room pulsates with his frustration and rage of me blowing him off. Well, that's what he gets, I fume my mind flying back to when my world came tumbling down.

"Aishiteru yo," he whispers against my hair, his body still thrumming from his release.

"I love you too." I whimper in his neck pulling the skin between my teeth sucking gently.

So good. Everything he does to me is always so good. I slowly come down from the orgasmic bliss he's tossed me into.

Still holding me he slides out grabbing tissues to clean us up. The air is sweetly scented with a mix of my perfume, his cologne, and our sex. He made love to me with a quiet intensity on his desk, his eyes never leaving mine.

Stepping back, his eyes are hard as he regards me. "Flower ? —"

A hard knock cuts him off. My head swivels to the door then back to him. Impossibly his jaw hardens more as he takes in my questioning gaze. No one ever interrupts The Takeda at work not even I. Me being alone with him doubles the rarity of an intrusion.

"Go freshen up." He pulls away, plucking me off the desk to stand, his face closed and cold.

A sense of foreboding settles over me, making my tummy feel laden. When they say stress and anxiety can have physical effects they weren't lying. I look over my shoulder to see him regarding me making no move to answer the knock that's just repeated.

Stepping inside the bathroom, I close the door, use the restroom, clean up as best I can.

"Akchiro, thank you for seeing us." I walk in on Hishashi and a diminutive young woman bowing to my husband.

"I am so glad to be your honored guest for these last few years cousins." She demurely adds rising to gift us with a beautiful smile.

The only thing stopping me from turning and looking at my husband to demand what the hell she is talking about is the how my mother raised me not to show out in front of company. It takes everything and I mean everything not to go off on him. She said years as in the whole time we have been married and her brothers have been in control of the Creative Chaos chip factory in Shelby-Love, Alabama.

"It was my pleasure." The smooth use of tatamae is not lost on me when everyone here knows that he was holding this girl hostage to keep her brothers in line.

Even when it's just family Akchiro never lets down his guard. Only Asa and I see him truly soften to any degree. Even to his brothers he is the head of the family and the Takeda Empire.

I'm not surprised by any of it. The betrayal and humiliation eating at me is as sharp as a Katana blade. All this time I've asked after his cousin. Hoping to mend the family, hoping to maybe even find a friend, while he has held her prisoner all for nearly two years out of spite. Then lied to me about it in word and deed.

"How can we help?" I look from brother to sister resuming my role as hostess and highest ranked female relative of the family though that all seems like a farce. What must they think of me allowing Kana to be held against her will in my home?

"My mother is no longer able to see after Kana in her quarters." Hishashi informs us after a short beat of silence.

"I'm so sorry." The brothers rushed to their mother's side and now it seems as if she has made a turn for the worst.

"Of course you must stay in our wing." I don't even bother to look in Akchiro's direction. "Hishashi, you must tell us how we can help your mother. I am so sorry I haven't been to visit her during her illness." I bow deeply in apology. Akchiro should follow since he neglected them terribly, he even assured me that he thought it was a ruse. Now obviously that is not the case.

"That is unnecessary," Hishashi's voice is raw with pain.

"No, no." Kana is urging me not to bow, her face flushed with embarrassment. For some reason I don't think it's on my behalf.

Rising, I glance over to Akchiro, who looks on with cool shrewdness.

There is a brief knock on the door and Kiyoshi strides in his face a mask of rage and a myriad of other emotions.

"Cousin," his voice is rough, clear and more anguish ridden than his brothers. He makes a full dongeza bow that lasts longer than the customary thirty seconds followed by a succession of more bows, saying loudly in Japanese,"I apologize for the wrongness of my actions, all the trouble I have initiated against you. I offer my life as forfeit."

"No!" I say, but he goes on as if I have not spoken. "I only ask that you absolve my siblings. That day long ago when I watched my father die, I was misled to think it was by your hand when it was the woman who claimed to be my mother. It was only today that I discovered the truth when she made an attempt on the life of my companion, Krie. I humbly submit my life to you to do with as you will."

He might as well have dropped a bomb in the middle of the room. Kana clasps her hands over her mouth. I can only guess her mother's treachery was as new to her as it was to me. Hishashi looks disgusted though not surprised. Akchiro looks as unbothered by the news as a viper sunning itself.

"And here I thought you were as ruthless as your mother and conspired with her," he says in an almost bored tone. "I too owe you and apology for thinking the worst" he bows but not as deep. "Hopefully we can move forward as family. Hana has been wanting to meet Kana for some time now." His mouth quirks in a genuine smile to his young cousin. "The only thing I require is your continued loyalty to Takeda."

"Arigatō" Kiyoshi and Hishashi bow, continuing with more vows of loyalty.

"Hai," Akchiro smiles at his cousins seeming genuinely happy. "I will inform my mother, and we shall all have dinner tonight. Hana will see to the arrangements." He smiles over at me but there is a coolness to his gaze.

So not only is he a dastard, but he's also trying to run me by making me plan an elaborate dinner on such short notice.

Yet, I nod watching the cautious interplay between the cousins. Nearly twenty years of animosity won't be solved in a day but there is hope. I step out briefly to talk to the house manager to plan for Kana to come live on our side of the samurai mansion. Half an hour later things are still awkward, but far better than the interaction when they arrived the day before.

"I look forward to finally getting to know you better." I'm gifted with the most genuine smile from my cousin who has been imprisoned my monster of a husband.

"I do too." She bows to me before following her brothers out of the office.

I wait until I am sure they are well away from the our family area. I walk over to him where he's leaning against the a side table with his legs crossed like he doesn't have a care in the world.

"What the hell, Akchiro?" I whisper shout at him. My face is already hot. "How could you keep Kana locked up like that for two fucking years and never tell me about it?" I'm just thinking that most of my pregnancy, the birth of our son. My parents and friends visiting, he had this girl locked up like a criminal.

"I promised not to kill them. I kept my word." He pulls to his full height towering over me, looking down his face a cruel mask. "I did that for you."

Reminding me how I begged for their lives because I didn't want to taint our newly formed family. The joke is on me. Because while I was skipping through the daisies, he had effectively cut Kana off from the world she knew.

"It's a good thing you did. They didn't know the truth about their daddy's death."

He slit his gaze my way. "Possibly."

Covering my neck at his words, I gasp in shock. "You think they are lying?"

"Kiyoshi has been known to play the long game." He shrugs. "Though I did detect an amount of sincerity plus his little chef has made him weak." He muses seeming pleased to have found more leverage.

Cold dread seeps deep into my bones. This whole love makes you weak bs again.

"So, I make you weak?"

A slow blink, then his gaze slides away, looking out into the garden just beyond the window. "Not anymore."

He might as well have slapped me to the damn ground.

I look at him and it's like he's moved on. So many thoughts spiral through my head.

"Oh,"

His gaze snaps back to me. Maybe he didn't count on letting that slip out.

"Hana—"

I raise my hand. "No worries, I need to go get Asa ready for bed." I keep my voice calm and light, but I know he's not fooled. I also know he won't make me give face with the possibility of servants or the family overhearing us. I back-pedal halfway across the room before hurrying away from him.

So, Kana wasn't the only deception. My brain screams as I pull the door closed with a soft click.

He's bored with me.

He doesn't love me anymore.

Strong arms pick me up, dragging me back to the present. To my nightmare, as my monster pulls me close to his chest and stalks out of our son's room.