Chapter 1

Lene Playlist: I need something – Newton Faulkner

I’m getting ready for my cousins birthday party, and I haven’t a clue what to wear. I’m concerned that my usual attire isn’t fitting enough for his rather... classy venue and more than likely classy friends. Not to say that I’m not classy, but we come from slightly different backgrounds with varying degrees of wealth. His mum/ my auntie is slightly higher up on the social ladder than my mother. They’ve always been a little in competition with one another. Who can have the biggest house, best job, most handsome, rich husband, nicest outfit, most successful children ( Hi. Just trying to make you proud mum. Love, Lene) . The list goes on and on. Believe me, for twenty-five years I’ve bared witness to it. Just sisterly competition I suppose. Although I wouldn’t know, being the only child and all.

Whilst I’m lucky with my family’s financial stability, I’m worried that I’ll be the odd one out and just not good enough. Then again, aren’t I always? Laughs internally .

“Adjust your camera Lene. I can’t see your whole outfit!” Eli says from the screen on my phone, that’s leant against my dressing table mirror. He’s thankfully helping me come to my senses about what I need to wear. He is my guardian angel and to be honest, my personal stylist.

I’m extremely grateful that he’s my plus one this evening, otherwise I’d be perched in a very fancy corner, sipping an overly expensive drink, looking like a lost puppy that no one wants to rescue. And let’s face it, it’s just not a good look.

I want to be less ‘lost puppy’ and more powerful ‘ knows who she is’ phoenix. You know?

He looks me up and down.

“Miss Magdalene, you look divine. I could eat you up” Eli says, pretending to bite me through the camera.

“Eli let’s be serious. Does it really say, ‘I’m a badass, gorgeous, classy woman who totally goes to fancy parties every other weekend’?”. He looks at me through the camera as if he’s lost the will to live, which he does often when dealing with my antics. I do too in all honesty.

“Lene, you are the most beautiful creature I have ever met. No outfit can possibly live up to who you are as a person. But yes, it does say that, because it’s on you. You look beautiful. Plus you shouldn’t be trying to please everyone. Just wear what you like, what feels comfortable and what makes you feel good”.

I love him. I really do. He is my rock. In another life we’d be married to one another and having beautiful babies, but I’m not so lucky. I’m not generally lucky with guys to be honest. And since I’m 25 and have never dated or been in a relationship, I don’t see my luck changing anytime soon.

“Thank you Eli, but it’s easy for you to say. You’re a six-foot-something hunk that could be on the world’s sexiest men list, so yeah” I say, with my ‘told you so’ face.

He laughs but he knows it’s true.

He is the most confident, but least cocky person I have ever met. And he knows he’s incredibly sexy. I want to be like him.

“Well, I mean, I can’t deny it” he says with a wink. “Seriously though Lene, if you don’t decide now, I’m coming over and dragging you out of the house, even if you’re naked”. He’s serious. He will do that. He’s done it before whilst we were in our first year of University. I’ve never gotten over it.

After Eli’s serious threats and us both ending the video call following his much-needed advice, I finally decide on the finishing look and head out in my car to pick Eli up. I decided on a black dress that drapes over both of my shoulders, showing a little bit of cleavage and my shoulder tattoos. When I say little bit of cleavage, I mean it, since that little bit makes up most of my actual breasts.

It's a flowing sort of dress that comes to my mid-thigh. It’s not very figure hugging. I like comfort you see. Plus, if there’s a good buffet, I need room for my stomach to comfortably bloat. I have to look out for her you see.

She keeps me alive.

Mmm food ... That’s my stomach talking.

I’ve paired it with a long blazer that matches the length of my dress and have some classy ankle high doc martens on, because fuck fancy high heels. Am I right? I’d rather be comfortable and compromise people’s opinions of my footwear, than be in pain and start eventually walking like I’m a new-born giraffe. Although they are super cute. Honestly though, what grown woman likes being referred to as cute? Because I don’t.

I’m wearing my best gold jewellery, which comprises of a thick gold chain and my thick hooped earrings with a charm on each. The charms may be a little less... ordinary and classy though. My mum hates it when I wear my ‘cheaper’ jewellery additions. But I love them, so fuck it. I’ve always been different to my family. Exactly the way I like it.

Eli kisses me on the cheek as he sits in the passenger seat of my car.

“I see you’ve gone for the classiest of shoes” he says, raising his eyebrow.

I look at him in admiration. He is truly breathtaking in his tailored suit. He puts me to shame.

“Only the classiest my dear” I say. We both laugh. But his smile straightens when he starts to take my outfit in.

“Lene are you serious?”. He is not amused.

“What have I done now your lordship? I ask, genuinely confused as to what I’ve done to inconvenience him.

“Why do you have your chemistry earring charms on?” he says, signalling to my earrings and shakes his head.

I’m very passionate about my style decisions. Especially when they are related to science.

“Because they’re great. Why would I not!?” I say, absolutely confident in my accessories of choice. The ones my mother would despise. The dopamine and serotonin molecular structure ones. My absolute favourites.

He puts his head in his hands. I continue my inspiring rant.

“What is the point in being me if I don’t express what makes me different? I’d rather someone notice me for being me, whilst I’m being true to myself” I say. Okay folks, motivation dialogue over. Cut the powerful background music.

“And this is why I love you” he says, gracing my cheek with a kiss. I drive on and put my best Autumn playlist on. It’s one that Eli and I share on Spotify, so we both have equal contribution to what’s on it. That way, we can both enjoy it and avoid arguing over who controls the soundtrack to whatever road trip we’re on. It’s an eclectic mix for sure, but it does the job. Singing along to the music definitely occupies my mind, but I’m still nervous about tonight. I can only imagine how gorgeous everyone will look, and it makes me self-conscious of my outfit choice, plus just myself in general.

Eli will fit in. He always does. Plus he’ll be garnering all of the attention, so I can just sit back, and people watch until it’s home time. It’s what I usually do whenever I’m out anyway. I’m not the type you read about where every guy will turn their heads when I walk in. I don’t think I’ve ever turned any heads. Ok, now I’m feeling a little out of my depth. We find a space in the hotel car park where the party is held, and I calm my nerves before Eli opens the door like the true gentleman he is, and I get out. I lock up the car, do a last-minute perfume spritz and link his arm before we walk into my cousins party. I am slightly shitting myself. Thankfully not literally.

Eli strides in with such confidence that it takes me back slightly. It does however help ease the growing tension in my stomach and help me feel a fake sense of confidence too. People look at us as we walk in, but I’m fully aware that they’ll be gawking over the sexy giant I happen to be linking arms with. He does have that effect on people. Even teenage Eli had that exact reaction from me, and he was nowhere near as magnificent as he is now.

I take in my surroundings as best as I can whilst trying to look like I’m not trembling under the weight of peoples possible thoughts of me. The hall is unbelievably beautiful. It’s definitely the perfect venue for Oliver. His mum will be proud. She’s definitely beat my mother on this one. For my twenty-first birthday it was definitely not as lavish as this. Not too far off, but Oli has definitely one upped me. Not that we’ve ever been even close to both of our mothers antics.

I spot Oliver over the other side of the hall, talking with a group of friends. He looks insanely good. It’s been a while since I last saw him, but I like to think we are still close regardless of how often we get together.

I signal to Eli to move directions, so we do.

“Oliver’s over there in the far corner. Let’s go and say hi” I say to him, discretely pointing to the group of men across the room. Proud to be making the first move, for once.

We start making our way over to where Oliver is standing. Nerves are building in my stomach but dissipate at the hilarity of Eli and his thought processes.

“Those guys your cousin is standing with might just be good options for you” he says with a deadly serious tone of voice but looks down at me and raises his eyebrows. I feel like an eighteenth-century daughter taking a turn around the room with her mother. The mother who is desperately trying to marry her off. It seems that Eli is more invested in pairing me up with a guy than I thought he was.

He's never pressured me, as such. But he definitely thinks I deserve love. I’m not so sure I need another man in my life, Eli takes up quite a lot of space. I’m also scared of the big elephant in the room— I’ve never been with anyone. No one has ever seemed interested in being with me I guess. I do a double take of all of the men standing with Oliver and shake my head.

“Are you out of your mind. None of those guys will look twice at me. Have you seen the other women here. I’ll quit while I’m ahead, thanks” I say, tugging him closer and looking down at the floor, suddenly conscious of how small and insignificant I am. Eli laughs under his breath, and I wonder why he’s finding my discomfort enjoyable.

“Why are you laughing at me right now?” I say to Eli deadly serious. He continues laughing. He’s starting to grate on me slightly because of how outside of the joke I feel.

“Because one of the guys who supposedly would; and I quote ‘ never look twice at you’ has been staring at you this whole time” he says with a smirk on his face. My eyes leave his and look to where Olivers friends are. That’s when my gaze meets a certain dark pair of eyes that happen to be staring back at me.