Chapter 18

Gideon blinked as Megs walked to the driver’s side door and opened it. “It's not far from Champlain, and I'm heading there anyway.”

He shifted his pack on his back. “My car is at Champlain. I had Alli meet me there this morning.” Partially because he needed to drop something off at his office. Partially because he didn’t want her to know where he lived.

Megs raised an eyebrow. “Working on a Saturday?”

“I always work on Saturdays. You know that.” He had recording hours every Saturday afternoon and evening. The first year he’d worked there, he’d tried to keep his weekends open, but had quickly realized that wasn’t in the student’s best interest. So many of them had day jobs or night shifts, they weren’t able to get into the studio during the week. Next year he was hoping to have a TA to help monitor the studios, but he didn’t mind. It wasn’t like he was going out before six anyway.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Megs.”

She looked up and her smile was a little too bright. “Okay, no prob—”

“Not because I don’t feel comfortable driving with you. But I don’t think it would look good.”

Megs nodded and leaned on her door. “Right. Because I’m a student.”

Gideon chuckled. “No, because I’m a professor. You aren’t the one with responsibility here.”

Her brow furrowed. “So, the administrators wouldn’t understand that this is an extenuating circumstance? It’s not like we planned to drive together. The train broke down and you needed a ride home.”

Gideon’s thoughts warred with each other. On the one hand, it was explainable. On the other, he did have the option of waiting for Alli. But what if they didn’t get back in time for him to open up the studios?

“What if they don’t get back in time for you to open up the studios?” Megs asked.

Gideon stifled a smile. It wasn’t that he thought riding with Megs was inexcusable. It was that he knew why he wanted to ride with her, and it wasn’t because of his responsibilities to his recording students. But his resolve was weakening. Especially because his other option was window shopping. “I could tell them it was an extenuating circumstance.”

Megs drew a breath and threw her bag in the back seat without meeting his eyes. “Either way, it seems you’re covered then.”

Gideon’s heart galloped. Was she trying to convince him to come with her? He’d stopped fighting himself on admitting that the attraction was still there for him. He hoped that if he accepted it, that magnetic pull he felt toward Megs would be less forbidden and would dissipate. Based on his one psychology class in college, this was a strategy that should’ve worked. But maybe he should’ve paid more attention to the section on Skinner.

Every time he saw Megs, whether in class or at Matt’s events, his subconscious knew there was a chance for a spark. A glance. A smirk. Or today, his arms wrapped around her as they jostled in the tractor cab. The tiniest moment with her spiked his serotonin so hard, he was quickly becoming an addict.

Which was why he was trying to give himself permission to feel it. To recognize that his body responded to her, but that he was still in control. He didn’t have to act on it, even though every cell in his body pointed to her like iron filings to a magnet.

After sitting with her backside curled against his middle and wrapping his hands around her soft stomach and hips, his control felt like cheap plastic. Gideon scratched his chin. Either way, it seems you’re covered then. “Seems like it.”

Gideon got in the car, but not without a plan. As soon as they were buckled in and Megs was pulling out of the lot, he dropped his hands on his knees. “So. What questions do you have about the course material?”

Megs shot him a look. “This is what we’re doing?”

Gideon’s smile was tight. “I’m just a professor who needed a ride to campus, and you’re just a student who can’t believe how lucky she is to have a private tutoring session.”

“The kind that Jennifer always asks for?” Megs grinned, and Gideon flushed. That was not helping.

“I’m trying to be professional here.” He knew it was ridiculous. Once two people had conversations about cloacas and lizard people, there was really no going back. Still, he had to try.

“Right. Okay, let me think for a second.” Megs straightened in her seat and held her hands at ten and two.

“I appreciate your responsible driving.”

“Thank you, professor.” Megs held back a smile, and Gideon didn’t even dare touch that comment. Thankfully, she continued before he could sink into analyzing why hearing that title on her lips made him crazy. “Okay, I’ve got one. I've heard both 'bit rate' and 'sample rate' in class, and I still don’t fully understand the difference.” Gideon didn’t answer right away, and Megs glanced over. “What?”

“I’m impressed. It’s a good question.”

She grinned. “Do you have a good answer?”

Gideon cleared his throat with a dramatic flare he knew Megs would appreciate. “Both bit rate and sample rate are essential concepts in digital audio. Sample rate refers to the number of samples (or snapshots) of audio taken per second. A common sample rate is 44.1 kHz, which means 44,100 samples are taken every second. Higher sample rates can reproduce higher frequencies and offer better clarity.”

Megs laughed out loud. “Did you memorize that from a textbook?”

“Let me finish. Bit rate is the amount of data processed per unit of time in the audio file. It determines how much information is used to represent each sample. A higher bit rate usually means more detail is retained and the audio quality is better, but it also results in a larger file size.”

Megs pursed her lips. “Right, so I still have no idea what that means. Explain it to me like I’m a twelve-year-old.”

Gideon pondered for a second, then tried again. “Imagine you're taking a bunch of quick photos of a movie on your phone to try and capture it frame by frame.”

“Okay, I’m with you.”

He looked out the window so he didn’t focus on the way she was biting her lower lip. “Sample rate is how many photos you're taking every second. If you take more photos, which would mean a higher sample rate, you capture more of the movie details.”

Megs’ eyes widened. “That actually makes sense.”

Gideon stifled the sudden urge to puff out his chest. “Bit rate, on the other hand, is like the quality of each photo. A higher bit rate means each of your photos is clearer and shows more detail, but will also take up more space on your phone.”

Megs turned to him as she pulled to a stop at a red light. “That makes sense. You’re a good teacher.”

“But you already knew that. Isn’t that why you decided to stay in my class?” Gideon’s pulse thrummed against the collar of his shirt. Thinking about her showing up to class only made him think about how much he wished she hadn’t. How he’d planned to go to the coffee shop and pick up where they left off at Sammy’s.

Megs shook her head and pressed on the gas as the light turned green. Gideon’s smile was smug as he leaned back in his seat. He shouldn’t have been enjoying how impressed she looked or that warmth in his chest that scorched his insides when her eyes lit up because of something he said.

Megs’ smile became more pensive. “I have a confession to make.”

Gideon’s heart stumbled over itself as warning sirens blared in his head. The inside of the car suddenly felt like a vacuum. “Megs—”

“I looked you up on YouTube.”

Gideon blinked. “What?”

“I looked you up. Your band. I heard Oscar saying something about it to Alli. She mentioned the name, ‘Worn Out Welcome.’ It’s catchy, by the way.”

Gideon didn’t know which sentence to dissect first. “That’s your confession?”

Megs turned, her brow furrowed. “Yeah, what did you think I was going to say?”

Gideon swallowed hard. In those brief seconds, possibilities had branched out in all directions. His favorite of which was the I can’t stop thinking about you admission. How messed up was it that his brain gone there? “I don’t know, but not . . . that.”

“Are you mad?”

Gideon leaned his head back on the headrest. So much for professional. “No, I’m not mad. Deeply ashamed? Absolutely.”

Megs looked affronted, and her hands slipped on the wheel. “Why? You were good!”

He barked a laugh. “We weren’t good.”

“Okay, so you get to tell me whether I’m talented or not, but you won’t let me do the same? And, reminder, I’m talking about your nineteen-year-old self. I think it was Fractured Daydream where—”

“You found a video of Fractured Daydream? Where?” Gideon gaped at her. That was one of the first songs he and Matt played live, and he didn’t even have a video of it.

“Here.” Megs pulled her phone from the cupholder and opened the screen, then handed it to him. “Check the account. It’s in my recently played.”

Gideon gave her a skeptical look. “I’m not going to find something I don’t want to see on here?”

“Only if you hate baby animal videos.”

Gideon held out the phone and tried to click on the YouTube app on the bottom of her screen, but her messages opened up instead. He cursed under his breath and tried to swipe out of it and only made it worse with his button mashing. Suddenly he was staring at a message.

It’s torture, Hales. Every time he licks his lips in class, I’m right back in that parking lot with him pushing me up against—

Gideon dropped the phone on the floor.

“Are you okay?” Megs shot out an arm as he bent over to retrieve it.

“Fine,” he wheezed, snatching it off the all-weather mat. Locked. The screen was locked. Which meant when Megs opened her phone again, she’d see exactly what he’d been looking at. His mind raced for a solution. He could ask her to open it now and hope she didn’t notice, but if she did? His stomach crawled into a hole and died at the thought of sitting there in her car for another twenty minutes with that knowledge sitting between them.

Gideon set her phone in the cupholder. “Not enough data.”

“Huh. That’s strange—” Megs reached for her phone, but Gideon pointed out the windshield. Red lights flashed ahead, and Megs pulled over to the side of the road. Gideon started to sweat.

“I hope nobody got hurt.” Megs watched the ambulance turn, then pulled back into the lane. Right. That put things back into perspective. Still, Megs seeing that he’d seen her text felt like life or death at the moment.

His own drive roared to life with the knowledge that she wanted him. He had proof. Every day in class, she was thinking about that night at Sammy’s just like he was. When he was distracted by her, it had been manageable to tamp the thoughts down when he could convince himself his feelings weren’t reciprocated.

But if they were? If every time he looked at Megs, he knew she was thinking about that kiss? Wanting to do it again? No, that would be impossible. And since when did he lick his lips publicly?

Gideon rolled down his window, and Megs frowned.

“Are you too warm? You can turn on the A/C.”

He forced a smile. “I just needed some fresh air.”

She nodded, but didn’t seem convinced. “I’m not going to share those videos. If you’re worried about that. I honestly thought they were good, that’s the only reason I brought it up.”

Gideon exhaled as the cool autumn air whipped through his hair. Megs thought he was acting strange because she’d found the videos. She thought she’d done something wrong. It was all he could do to grip the door handle and not reach his hand across the console. He needed to get out of this car.

When he spoke, his voice was tight. “I’m not worried about it, and I appreciate it. Matt and I loved that band. I’m glad those videos still exist, even if it proves I once had frosted tips.”

Megs snorted. “The bit rate isn’t high enough to make those out.”

Gideon laughed and didn’t roll up the window. There she was, taking him by surprise again. Megs wanted him. That sentence played on a constant loop in his head even as he asked Megs about her new job to fill the silence. He tried to listen, but when they pulled into the parking lot at Champlain ten minutes later, he couldn’t remember anything past her being nervous to start on Monday.

Megs turned off the car, and Gideon grabbed his bag. It was only four thirty. “Weren’t you going to get a milkshake at Sammy’s to celebrate?”

She smiled. “Didn’t think it would be as defensible to stop for dessert in our extenuating circumstance.”

Gideon thought about sitting in the booth across from her. About wanting to share her table and walk her to the parking lot, preferably without destroying her footwear. He nodded and stepped out onto the asphalt, then pulled his bag from the floor. “I really appreciate the ride.”

“And the trauma?”

She had no idea. “Especially that. Good luck tonight.”

“Thank you.” Megs smiled and waved as he closed the door.

Gideon felt like he drew his first full breath as he walked across the parking lot. He looked up and saw a group of students dressed in slinky dresses and tuxes. Was tonight the fall formal? Champlain didn’t host too many extracurricular events, but that was one of them.

“Professor Adams?” Jennifer’s eyes lit up when she saw him. She was about to say something else, when she looked over his shoulder. Gideon didn’t have to turn to know what she’d noticed. Megs. Pulling out of the parking lot.

At five minutes after seven, Megs walked to the car and tried not to wrinkle her certificate. She glanced over to Gideon’s regular parking spot and saw his car was gone. Not that she would’ve done anything if it was still there. After the last awkward minutes of their car ride together, she didn’t know what to think.

Maybe she shouldn’t have told him about the videos. It was next to impossible to keep things purely professional between them. Gideon felt like a friend, not only a teacher, and the more she got to know him, the more she wanted to know. She was like a stupid moth drawn to his flame, even though he’d be the one to burn for her getting too close.

Jennifer had already seen her pulling out of the lot earlier. Megs doubted she witnessed Gideon stepping out of her car, but it didn’t take a genius to put two and two together. Especially since Gideon was walking from that side of the parking lot instead of from where his own car was parked.

She pulled her phone out of her bag and had a momentary panic attack realizing she hadn’t checked it since arriving at the school. She’d opted to forego the milkshake completely and do some last minute studying before her final exam. Thankfully, she’d stowed her laptop in the trunk just in case the timing was tight after the hike. It had taken her years of racing around town last-minute with her hair on fire before auditions or appointments to learn that particular preparation skill. Maybe she was learning after all.

When Megs swiped up on her phone, she paused. It was open to her last texts with Haley earlier in the week. She swiped back to her messages and found one from Bobbi, two from her soon-to-be-roommate Neely, and one from her mom.

How was the train? Text when you’re finished with your test - break a leg!

Megs opened the passenger door of her car and set her bag on the floor, then placed her certificate on the seat.

I passed! Train was lovely until it broke down. Soooo much to fill you in on. Heading home now

Megs closed the door, rounded the car and got it behind the wheel. She’d barely started the car when her phone buzzed. This time with a message from Haley.

Hey! Can you stop by Juicy real quick on your way home? I need your help with something.

Megs sighed, her eyes already starting to droop.

I'm beat, Hales. Can it wait ‘til tomorrow?

She had her last shift at Green Mountain, and then she could pop over.

Pleaseeee, just for a second! It's important. Promise! ??

Megs groaned and typed.

Fiiiiine. See you in twenty-five

Megs' pumped the music to keep her from dozing as she drove toward Sammy’s. Had that day really happened? It felt like a week had passed since she’d woken up that morning. Or she’d dreamt all of it and she was about to wake up. She wouldn’t put that past her.

At ten o’clock that morning she’d gotten on the Rambler, and after that? She recalled Gideon finding her in the trees and offering to walk down with her, then hailing a tractor like it was a taxi cab and holding her on his lap the two miles into town.

She couldn’t stop thinking of his hands around her waist. Of his chest tightening against her back. They’d spent hours talking, and it hadn’t been enough. She still had a thousand questions for him, and when she pulled up to Sammy’s to get her milkshake on her way home, she scanned the diner no less than five times hoping she’d catch him sitting in a booth.

When she hopped back into the car, she thought of Oscar and the other contestants. She considered texting Gideon to ask if they’d gotten down safely. Justifiable since she didn’t have any of the other’s contact information. But she knew in her heart the only reason she’d be texting was to talk to him. I’m trying to keep things professional.

She had to stop. She couldn’t keep pushing the boundaries or she’d ruin any chance she had of something happening after this semester. If she even still had a chance.

The shake gave her a much-needed sugar boost, and by the time she finally pulled up and parked in front of Juicy, her head didn’t feel like an inflated balloon. Megs frowned as she got out of the car. The lights were off in the front of the shop. She pulled out her phone and texted Haley.

I’m here, did I miss you?

In the back. Front door’s open

Megs sighed. Very trusting of her. Yes, it was Sugar Creek, but anyone could’ve walked in and she wouldn’t have been the wiser. Unless she installed cameras recently? Megs scanned the front entrance for any security equipment, but didn’t find any.

Megs pulled open the door and stepped inside, then jumped out of her skin as the room erupted.

“Surprise!”

Her insides felt like a shaken bottle of champagne and she momentarily forgot to breathe as her mind raced to make sense of what she was seeing. There was her mom and Haley, along with a sea of smiling faces. Colleen from the hair salon, Frank, and friends from karaoke. This was—

“A surprise party?” Megs’ eyes landed on her mom. “You threw me a surprise party?” She scanned the room and saw gold balloons, looped streamers, and a table piled with appetizers and a three-tiered cupcake stand.

Tears filled her eyes and made everything swim as Haley ran forward and pulled her into a hug. “Congrats!”

Sylvia shooed Haley out of the way and cupped Megs’ face between her hands. “I know this wasn’t your first choice, and I’m so proud of you.”

Megs hugged her, still too overwhelmed to speak. She’d seen pictures of Bobbi’s graduation party from film school even though she hadn’t been able to attend because of COVID. She’d been to Haley’s grand opening, her mother’s engagement party, weddings and bachelorette parties for friends, even one baby shower already, but in the last seven years, she hadn’t been celebrated.

Not that she felt she’d accomplished anything celebration worthy, she hadn’t. She’d dropped out of everything she’d started, and the only jobs she’d gotten were because of people she’d grown up with. Truth be told, the job she was about to start was because of her mom’s efforts, not hers. But she had sacrificed for this certification. She’d been willing to give up the audiobook competition for it, and that was a step she’d never taken before.

Maybe three weekends of her life wasn’t the grandest accomplishment, but being willing to do it when it hadn’t felt exciting? She didn’t want to admit to anyone normal how much grit that had taken.

“Thank you so much, you guys.” Megs swiped the tears from her eyes and followed Haley to the food table. She greeted and laughed with everyone as they filled their plates with food. She ate mini quiche and cut veggies with hummus, then tried all three flavors of cupcakes from Sweet, Sweet Bakery—cookies and cream was her favorite.

People handed her cards and small gifts, which was completely unnecessary, but lovely nonetheless. After an hour of chatting, eating, and listening to music, Haley flicked the lights and told everyone Juicy was officially closing for the night.

Megs, Sylvia, and Frank helped clean up, but there wasn’t much to do since Haley was leaving the decorations up for the week.

“People love a good celebration, even if they don’t know what they’re celebrating.” She put new batteries in the light up pumpkins on the counter.

“Thank you, Hales.” Megs rounded the counter and gave her friend one last hug before walking out the door.

“Can I get a ride home with you?” her mom asked, giving Frank a quick peck before he headed to his truck.

“Frank drove you over?” Megs waved goodnight to him as Sylvia nodded.

“Of course.”

Megs put her certificate and backpack behind the seat, and they got in the car and pulled away from the curb.

“I’m going to miss this,” her mother sighed.

“What? Is this the last surprise party you’re ever going to throw?”

Sylvia laughed. “Heavens, no. I’m going to miss going home together. In two weeks we’ll both be living in different homes.”

“We’ll be five minutes from each other, and you’ll be with Frank. I doubt you’ll even remember I exist.”

Her mom slapped her shoulder playfully. “Not possible, Megs.”

They pulled into the driveway, and it was all Megs could do to gather her things and stumble to her room. Was it really only nine-thirty? She forced herself to take a quick shower since she was dusty and sweaty from the hike, then brushed her teeth and crawled into bed. Her regular cotton sheets felt luxurious against her steamed skin, and she sighed as she sank into the pillow.

Her mind flitted through pictures and colors as her brain clipped connections and powered down. Just as she was about to drift off, Megs gasped and bolted up straight in her bed. She grabbed her phone and flipped through the open windows.

YouTube wasn’t open.

She’d handed her phone to Gideon in the car to watch that YouTube video, but the YouTube app wasn’t open. Megs thought back to that moment in the car. How Gideon had dropped the phone, then put it in the cupholder like it was a poisonous snake. How he hadn’t said more than a few words to her after that, and the ones he did say were clipped. Colder than usual.

She flipped back to her messages with Haley and stared at the text that had popped up on her screen the second she’d opened it.

It’s torture, Hales. Every time he licks his lips in class, I’m right back there in the parking lot with him pressing me up against my car door . . .

She’d gone on. About how being at the auditions made it worse because she had to see him dressed up and laughing with his old college ex. Megs groaned and fell back against her pillow.

Gideon had seen this, he must’ve. The last ten minutes in the car that afternoon snapped into perfect clarity. Gideon knew what she was thinking about him, and then he’d had to sit there in her passenger seat so uncomfortable he couldn’t even carry on a conversation.

Megs plugged her phone back in and curled her body into a ball under the covers. Why had she handed him her phone? Why had her messages been open? How could she possibly show up at class Monday and face him? How could she show up at the bonfire and corn maze?

No audition was worth that kind of humiliation. She doubted the money was either.