Chapter Six

"Note to self: Women have memories of steel. Damn Bigfoot."—August Wellington

Hazel

I would end him.

And wait until it was dark.

Was I losing it? Probably. Was this fun? Absolutely. Every time he opened a gift or saw a prank, I laughed and wondered why he didn't just straight up come over and say something. Instead, he just responded.

It became our summer game, and while I loathed how I was treated and made fun of in high school, I kind of loved the attention now.

Maybe it would last a month or two. Perhaps it would end. But for the next few weeks, he was my hazard to hold, and I'd take it to my grave.

The clincher after he sent me the book, and I sent him special soap, was a pink princess blanket. You'd think it wasn't a big deal, but it had Disney princesses all over it. I didn't even care if he didn't know, but my great-grandma always told me to pick one, whatever princess I wanted to be. I was allowed to be her and changed my mind often, so looking at that blanket with literally every princess on it made me feel like he was crawling inside my psyche and trying to mess with me. Maybe that was why I went off the deep end. Who knew?

It had been a few days, and I knew he was antsy—not that I was stalking him or anything. But I saw the curtains pulled, and glanced from the tree when he went to the side yard and stared at our house like he was guarding his property against me.

So, to throw him off, I took a few days off to retaliate. This time, I knew I'd get him good.

He'd always had a fear of Bigfoot. I wasn't sure why other than that it was rumored to be in the Pacific Northwest. So, I splurged and went on Amazon to buy a Bigfoot costume. All I needed was to sneak into the house or climb up to his window. But when I put the costume on, it was too big, so it was hard to see through the eyes. Not to mention that it smelled like rubber inside the mask, and if any hunter saw me, they'd probably shoot me on sight for both meat and glory. But whatever, I could run fast.

Once my parents were asleep, I shoved the mask on and stared into the mirror. Oddly enough, I looked like a cross between a gorilla and a man with a bit of dinosaur dropped in.

My zip-in costume was covered in plastic fur, I had gloves with claws, and my mask was huge over my head. I nearly tripped over the threshold when I tried to quietly close the door. Ohhhh, that"s why I felt like a dinosaur. I had T-Rex arms that flapped in the wind as I ran across the yard and crouched in front of his house.

Dad had their code since we're friendly neighbors like that, so typing it in was nothing. 2021? Okay, who had such an easy passcode?

I typed it in and…success.

It flashed green.

Perfection.

I slowly crept across the floor. His dad wasn't home until next week, at least according to my sources, and his mom was asleep. And August? Oh, he'd be upstairs in his room, sleeping soundly until I scared the crap out of him.

Man, I wished I had a partner in crime to take a picture of him shitting the bed, but alas, all I would have was the memory of his fear.

I slowly crawled up the stairs on my hands and knees, still nearly blind from the mask slipping, and made it to the final step. It creaked as my right paw hit it. Wincing, I looked around as much as I could out half my right eye and waited, my breathing labored.

Nothing happened.

Smirking behind my plastic mask, I crept along the hall until I found his room. His door was open. Aw, he was sleeping soundly, a lump in the bed, though I couldn't see his face again on account of my stupid costume. Still, this would be incredible.

I crawled into his room and leaned by the side of the bed. This was my moment, my crescendo. I stood to my full height and raised my paws into the air, only to feel a searing pain as I collapsed against the bed and was forced onto my back while a body fell on top of me. "Stop or I'll call the police."

A muffled "Huh?" came out of my mask. "Why the police?"

"Intruder. And my dad's a retired cop so you should probably settle down, you sick creep. Who dresses like this and sneaks into people's homes?"

This was the part where I probably shouldn't have raised my hand, but I did.

He slapped it away. "Seriously? What's wrong with you?"

"YOU!" I roared. "You're what's wrong. And I can read. Well, in fact." I just couldn't let go of that note he'd left with Jane Eyre.

His green eyes squinted briefly before he tugged off my mask and threw it to the floor. "Hazel?"

"Surprised?"

Lips pressed together, he sighed. "Wish I was, but actually, no. No, I'm not surprised."

"Liar, you were terrified."

"Nope, just trying to abide by the law when it comes to someone trespassing on private property. You're lucky I didn't tase you."

"Aw, you need a Taser? Can't even use your fists?"

"I can use my fists."

"It's okay." I patted him on the shoulder, then squeezed as much as I could with my plastic claws. "Some men just can't use things. Admit it, you're one of them."

"I admit nothing." He pushed me down against the mattress. "And you smell like melted plastic."

"Some might call that romantic."

"Some might call you psychotic."

I stuck out my tongue. "You started this battle, but I'm pretty sure I'm winning the war. Now, I can sleep in peace."

"Bet you have a teddy bear," he taunted, still on top of me.

I laughed and leaned up, so close to his face that I could see the flecks of gold in his green eyes. "Bet you're a virgin."

His nostrils flared. "Bet you've never had a good kiss in your entire life."

"Bet you don't even know how."

"Challenge accepted." He leaned down so aggressively there was no way I could stop the onslaught of his perfect mouth before it pressed against mine. My hands had ideas of their own as they tried to pull at his hair while my lips parted for him.

His groan literally gave me no choice but to follow suit as my hands—aka gloves—stroked the back of his neck. It was a good, deep kiss. Such a good kiss that I hated him even more for proving me wrong.

His tongue slid into my mouth and then, sheer pain again, this time in the form of what felt like electrocution as I went limp beneath him.

"Are you okay!?" a male voice shouted. "I heard groaning. Holy shit, is that a bear?"

"Dad." August jumped up, then sat back down, pulling a blanket over his lap. "What the hell?"

"I thought you were getting mauled."

"I was doing the mauling. Her fault. And now you've tased her."

What? I'd been tased? My shaky eyes looked over at my arm and leg. Oh, look at that…tased. Was my tongue supposed to feel so heavy?

"You can't just go around tasing people. We've talked about this. Innocent until proven guilty," August yelled again. "I don't hate her enough to tase her."

"Well…" His dad put his weapon away. "Obviously not since her tongue was down your throat. Or vice versa. You know, there are better ways to tell a girl you like her."

Hear, hear.

Still couldn't talk.

His dad leaned against the wall. "Son, you don't need to pull her hair or throw rocks, send a note in class, or ask her to circle things then hold hands at skate night—"

"Oh, God, here we go," August muttered under his breath, still sitting next to my lifeless body. "I know, Dad. I'm a full-ass grown adult."

His dad looked at me, then at August, then back at me. He wasn't wearing a shirt, only red pajama bottoms and a black baseball hat that said, Yee-Haw. I mean, for a dad, he looked pretty fit. Good for him. He even had some marginally attractive chest hair.

I'd give him a thumbs-up, but my situation was dire, and I had no life in my bones.

August's dad looked between us again. "Yes, clearly you are a full-ass grown adult who, according to Travis—one of my best friends, mind you—has been on some weird prank-hate war with Hazel." He did a double take. "Oh, God. Hazel?"

"Mhiiiii." I tried to speak, but it came out sounding like I'm high. Not the best start.

"You're Bigfoot."

He said it like it was true, like the actual myth had just been solved. At that point, what did someone do but nod?

So, I did.

He sighed. "I'm calling your dad. This prank war stops now. In fact, no…" He started walking away, then turned back around. "You guys settle this without us. We have enough stress." He didn't say it, but I knew he meant his wife. "Enough stress," he said again. "Without dealing with whatever the hell you guys have going on here. Pack up. You'll get the Jeep, August. Solve whatever the hell issues you guys have in the mountains. When you come back, you'd better actually be functioning adults in society."

"Dad," August piped up. "We are. This has nothing to do with anything but her being a spoiled princess and me making some jokes."

"And…" I just had to have the last word, didn't I? "He was mean to me in high school."

Oh, wow. That was literally all I had.

Both stared at me while I sat there in a stupid costume with plastic folding and melting into my skin. I even had one weird claw on my right hand held up like I had an actual point to make, other than the fact that I had crept into their house in a full Bigfoot costume just to get the upper hand.

Ha, hand. See? Get it?

I hung my head. "Sorry."

"Six. It's six a.m.!" his dad shouted. "In the morning. Get your shit together, you're going camping, and you're working out whatever the hell is going on. Touch some grass, look at deer, see nature, get eaten by a bear, I don't care. Maybe we did you guys wrong raising you in the city. Do you even know where your food comes from?" He sighed. "Never mind. Just go, go, go, go. And, Hazel, if I see that costume again, I'm burning it."

"Agreed," August said under his breath.

I sneered at him, then immediately looked at his dad and felt a weird need to bow. "Sorry."

"Go," he said again. "And I'm calling your dad, damn it. You guys are in your twenties but act like you're still in middle school. Stupid baby boomers did every generation wrong after them. The hell?"

I hung my head as I passed him and walked home. I knew I was in trouble when my dad opened the door after I stepped onto the grass by the tree.

His arms were folded. Mom was next to him, and my sixteen-year-old brother was eating ice cream and eyeing me with judgmental eyes.

Yeah, I was in deep shit.

And now, I was going camping with the enemy.

"Inside, Bigfoot. NOW!" Dad roared.

He didn't have to ask me twice.