11. Olivia

The pain gripped Olivia again as Dawson laid her on the couch.

"What's going on?" he asked sternly.

Oh no. Dawson hardly ever used his serious tone. At least not around her. Any of the playfulness she'd come to expect was thoroughly pushed aside to make way for the intimidating man standing over her.

She curled into a ball as another cramp gripped her insides. "My purse."

Dawson looked around. "Where?"

"My car."

"I'll go get it!" Levi said as he ran out the front door.

Olivia's dad stepped out of the room, and the moment she was alone with Dawson he whispered, "What's going on?"

Her cheeks and ears burned, but there wasn't any way to get around telling him about her embarrassing problem.

Her dad came back into the room with a bottle of water in hand. He passed it to Dawson who twisted the top off before handing it to her. Using the moment to figure out how to explain her current situation to him, she took a few extra gulps of the water.

Her dad's mouth pressed into a thin line as he looked down at her. Her hero had aged two decades in the five years since her mom died. The crow's-feet at the corners of his eyes were deeper, and more gray was weaved into his hair and beard.

"She's okay," her dad said. "It's an ongoing issue Olivia has, but it's not dangerous."

Her dad deserved a gold star. He'd repeated the explanation she'd given him to the letter.

"She's in pain!" Dawson insisted, gesturing toward where she lay on the couch.

Levi burst into the room holding up her gray purse. "Found it!"

He handed it to Olivia, and she unzipped the front pocket. She latched onto the pill bottle. Her hand shook as she opened the top. Sweat beaded on her temple, and she wiped it with the back of her hand.

"Levi, can you get her a wet rag?" Dawson asked.

"I'll help," her dad offered as he led Levi into the kitchen.

Dawson knelt down beside her and pinned her with his intense stare. His blue eyes begged for answers, and his words did the same as he whispered, "What's wrong with my queen?"

Olivia's chin quivered as she shook her head. "It's nothing. I have a condition where I have these pains every once in a while. It's nothing serious."

Nothing serious. That description waded into murky waters, depending on which part of the endometriosis she was talking about.

Overall danger to her health? Minimal.

Did it pose a threat to her service to others? Occasionally.

Did it narrow her chances for relationships and a family? Drastically.

Would it quickly become the talk of the town if she let everyone in her life know about it? Most definitely. The last thing she wanted was to have her friends and strangers talking about her feminine problems.

Dawson shook his head. "I'm not convinced, Liv. I need to know how to help you. It's tearing me up to see you in pain, and I need to fix it."

Something in this big man's soft expression prodded her to give in. What would it be like to let someone know? Fear and hope warred within her until the pressure was too much to contain.

"It's my time of the month. Every woman goes through this. Mine is just a little worse."

Dawson picked up her hand and squeezed. "I had no idea it was this hard for you. How can I help?"

The tenderness in his voice was a comfort she didn't know she needed. It seeped into her muscles and released all of the tension she'd been carrying.

Levi jogged back into the room with a damp rag in his hand. "Here you go!"

Olivia sat up a little to swallow the pills. Levi gently wiped at her brow with the rag, and a smile broke through the dark storm.

"Thanks, buddy. Sorry I made a scene," she said. "Did you have fun with the goats?"

"I did! Dawson even showed me how to milk them. I didn't know you could do that."

Olivia bit her lips between her teeth to hide a grin. "You learn something new every day."

Dawson was already kneeling at her side, and Levi did the same. Having the two rally around her was heartwarming, and the scene tugged at her heartstrings.

"What else can we do to help? What's making you feel bad?" Levi asked.

Olivia adjusted on the couch. "It's nothing for you to worry about. Sometimes, I get these pains, but it passes pretty quickly."

Dawson stared down at her, clearly still worried despite her assurances.

Levi straightened his shoulders. "What if we cook dinner for you?"

She'd told Aaron that Levi could have dinner with them at her dad's house, but she'd planned to do the cooking. "You know how to cook?"

"I do. Mom and Mama Harding let me help a lot."

Olivia turned to Dawson with a questioning look.

"I can cook too!" Dawson said. "I promise. I'm…decent at it."

Olivia shrugged. "Well, if you really want to. Now that I took my medicine, I should feel better soon and can help finish up."

"No way!" Dawson said confidently. "We've got this."

Levi puffed out his chest. "Yeah. We know what we're doing."

Dawson gave Levi's shoulder a little shove. "We take care of our women. Don't we?"

"Yeah. Dad taught me," Levi said.

The two high-fived and rose to their feet.

"You head on into the kitchen with Mr. Lawrence. I'll be right there," Dawson said.

Levi ran off, and Dawson resumed his position beside her. "Do I need to take you to the hospital?" he whispered.

"No. I promise. It's not an emergency. This is normal for me."

Dawson huffed and shoved his fingers through his hair. "Liv, please let me help."

"The medicine helps. It really does. I just didn't stop and take it like I should have."

"What else helps?" he asked.

"Food would help." She made a shooing motion toward the kitchen.

Dawson wrapped her hand in his and held it. A small smile played on his lips. He leveled her with an intense stare before whispering, "What am I going to do with you?"

The care in his tone sent a powerful jolt straight to her chest. One of her worst fears was being a burden, and she'd not only ruined Levi's play date at the farm, but now they were cooking dinner for her while she sat useless on the couch.

"Nothing. I'm fine," she whispered back.

She would be fine as long as Dawson stopped looking at her as if he could read the secrets of her soul in her eyes. Heat spread over her as she waited to see if he'd press her again.

Dawson laid her hand down on the couch and stood. "Okay. I hope you like squash."

She scrunched her nose. "Squash? Why?"

"I told Levi we could make it for dinner."

"Ooh kay then," she drawled. "I'll be in there in a few minutes to help."

"Nope. No girls allowed in the kitchen. Let the men do the work this time," he said over his shoulder as he walked away.

Olivia rested her head back and closed her eyes as another cramp twisted her insides.

Olivia steppedout of Dawson's truck into the darkness. She'd spent many evenings at Blackwater Ranch in her life, and the familiar scent called her memories to the forefront of her mind. It wasn't the musty smell of the chickens and goats but a woodsy, leather scent that filled the night.

"Don't forget your eggs," Dawson said as Levi slipped from the truck.

"Oh! Thanks." Levi climbed back in and gathered the eggs he'd chosen. They were all easter eggs–pale green, light pink, and brown.

With eggs in hand, Levi jogged up to Olivia's side and walked so close his shoulder brushed against her hand. "Thanks for these."

"You're very welcome. Be sure to share them."

"I will. Annie is going to love the pink ones."

Olivia chuckled. Annie was too young to care, but it was wonderful seeing Levi excited about the eggs. She'd been afraid her episode had ruined the afternoon, but the kid still had a smile on his face.

Dawson stepped up beside Levi and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. "And don't forget to tell your mom and dad about the best farm tour guides ever."

"I will."

The porch light was on at the main house, and Mama Harding stepped outside. "You have fun?"

"You bet. Look what I got!" Levi held up the eggs for her to see.

"They're so pretty! Are we having eggs for breakfast?"

"Oh yeah. I want the green ones, please," Levi said.

Mama Harding patted Levi's back. "Say good night to Dawson and Olivia and put those eggs in the kitchen."

Levi turned and snuggled up against Olivia's side, careful to keep his eggs out of the way. "Thanks for everything."

"You're welcome to come hang out anytime," Olivia said. Man, Levi radiated happiness, and she wanted to wrap him up and take him home with her.

This was only a taste of what she'd be missing if she couldn't ever have kids. She swallowed the thought as soon as it climbed up her throat, and it slashed at the sides like razor blades on the way down.

"Can you hold these for a second, please?" he asked Olivia.

"Sure." She took the eggs as he turned to Dawson and held up a fist.

Dawson bumped it with his, and the two dove into a series of hand gestures ending by knocking their forearms together.

"Catch you later, potato," Dawson said.

"Bye, squash!" Levi replied as he gathered his eggs from Olivia and darted inside the house.

"Squash?" Olivia whispered.

"Had to be there," Dawson answered.

Mama Harding clasped her hands together in front of her chest. "Thanks for letting him hang out at the farm. It's all he's talked about lately."

"We really enjoyed having him around," Olivia said.

"See you later, Mama," Dawson said with a wave.

"You two be careful!"

Dawson stepped off the porch and turned back to Mama Harding. "Always. I have precious cargo." He jutted his thumb toward Olivia.

Oh, man. She was in trouble. Did he have to be so sweet all the time? So caring and attentive? So ridiculously thoughtful?

And so good with kids? That one tore her up more than the others.

Dawson followed her to the passenger side of the truck but didn't open the door for her. Instead, he put his hands on her arms and rubbed up and down, soothing the tension she hadn't realized she'd been holding onto.

"Are you feeling better?"

"Yeah. Thanks for taking care of me tonight."

She did feel better compared to earlier, but she'd smiled through the pain a few times.

Dawson let his hands slide down her arms. "Always. I'm here if you need anything."

She pressed her lips together and nodded. Of course he would offer help he didn't understand. There wasn't anything he or anyone else could do to help. The doctors could perform surgery, but it would decrease her chances of having kids.

Life was a double-edged sword.

He opened the passenger door and stepped to the side. She climbed inside the truck, and he waited until she was settled before closing the door and walking around to the other side.

With Dawson in his place behind the wheel, Olivia shoved his shoulder as he backed out. "I knew you were good with kids, but I didn't remember how good. Levi loves you."

Dawson made a clicking noise behind his teeth. "Most people love me, Liv. It's sad you don't notice."

She laughed. "You're so cocky!"

"I'm not cocky. I just love people. Therefore, they love me back."

"Oh, wise one. Teach me your ways," Olivia deadpanned.

"You're loveable too. Don't sell yourself short. Half of the people in Blackwater adore you. They come to you first when they need help or have something to celebrate. That's awesome, Liv."

"I know, and I love all of our friends. I'm just not quite as charismatic as you."

"You're still my favorite," Dawson said.

Olivia chuckled. "I bet you say that to all the ladies, melting hearts along the way."

"No, I only have one favorite." He paused for only a second before asking, "What's your latest service project?"

Way to skate right over that sweet comment. It was getting more difficult to keep her walls up, especially when Dawson was right in front of her, and she hadn't seen Anna in days.

"Um, I'm working on a calendar for Memorial Day. People have been submitting photos of their family members who died in the line of duty, and I'll be pre-selling them to raise money for the Veterans Association in Cody."

"That's awesome. Can I help?" he asked.

"Not really, but thanks for the offer."

The truck was quiet for a minute before Dawson spoke again. "Have you done anything for yourself lately?"

She looked over at him, but she could only make out his profile in the shadows. "I do stuff for myself all the time. I feed the chickens, I'm planning Asa and Lyric's wedding, I'm putting together a gift basket for the volunteer fire department."

"You realize none of those things are for you, right? I know you love to do things for others, but if things are this bad for you every month, maybe you should rest instead of trying to push through. No one is cracking a whip behind you."

He was right, but that didn't change the responsibility she felt after committing to something. She didn't want to miss things or cut back. She wanted to enjoy life.

And she could only do that if she kept having the procedures every so often.

"Maybe you're right, but I don't need anything. I'm happy. I'm…"

Surviving. She was doing what she loved, but half the time, she was barely keeping her head above water. Where was the happy medium? Why hadn't she found it yet?

"I want in on the missions committee at church," Dawson said. "And I want to be a part of any service projects you're working on."

"You don't have to do that," she said, sitting up straighter.

"I don't know what I'm good at, but I guess I'd better get involved in a few things so I can find out."

Olivia sucked in a deep breath of the thick air that had suddenly filled the cab. "You don't have to do that," she repeated. The words were softer this time–not as bold.

"I want to. I love watching you help people. Not only do you make other people happy, but you get this smile on your face that looks like your mouth is about to snap like a rubber band. I'm talking megawatt smile. I love that. It's my favorite thing in the world."

He was treading into the deep end of the pool, and she was having trouble keeping her head above water. "Dawson–"

"Let me do this," he said, cutting her off. "I want to. And when we're working on something together and you need to step back because you're hurting or just not feeling up to it, you can know I'll be there handling things. We can do this together, and you won't have to break your back trying to do it all."

She was still processing everything Dawson had said when he pulled up at her place. The little house was all she could afford, but it was more than enough for her. She barely spent time at home anyway.

Dawson shifted the truck into park and got out. She slid out of the passenger seat as he made his way around. They walked up onto her tiny porch together, and he waited while she pulled out her keys and unlocked the door.

She turned back around to face him, mustering as much determination as she could. "I'd love to have some help."

Dawson opened his arms. "You got it, my queen."

Olivia fell into his embrace, resting her head against his chest. Lots of people in her life knew she had a passion for service, but Dawson probably understood her reasoning more than anyone else. Her mom had taught her to be the hands and feet of Jesus, and she took that job seriously.

She needed this comfort. She needed a place to rest her head.

"You're not alone," Dawson whispered.

"I know. Thanks for the reminder." She lifted her head and looked up at his waiting smile. "You smell like a goat."

He laughed, and she felt the vibrations from his chest tingle throughout her body. Jerking his chin toward the door, he said, "Go get some rest. I'll call you in the morning."

"I'm going to Brandi's for the catering rehearsal, so don't think anything is wrong if I don't answer."

"Oh, that sounds like something I can do for you. Consider it done. What time do I have to be there?"

Olivia threw her head back and groaned. "You're not going to let me do anything now, are you?"

"Of course I will, but I bet this pain you're having isn't going to go away overnight. You can sleep in and head down there when and if you feel like it."

"Lyric and Asa will be there, so you won't be alone."

"Then why are you worried about it? I'll give my honest opinion on the food, and everything will be a go for the wedding next week."

The wedding. She'd gone through a million little tasks to get to this point, and everything was ready to go.

Why did she feel like someone had dropped her into a rushing river with her arms tied behind her back whenever she thought of the wedding?

Probably because watching Dawson and Anna have fun together was going to be about as confusing as calculus. They were her friends. She should be excited that Anna was finally getting a chance to go out with Dawson.

Except the excitement was doused with lava that burned her insides.

"Okay, you can do it, but I'm coming if I feel better in the morning."

Dawson gave her another squeeze before releasing her. "Sweet dreams, my queen," he said as he backed away from her.

"I'll let Asa and Lyric know you'll be there tomorrow."

He held a thumb up in the air as he headed for his truck. "I've got this."

Of course he did. Olivia wished she had the same assurance she knew what she was doing every time he was around.