23. Luke

Iregretted leaving Xander’s house with so many questions lingering between us. Whatever happened, we both deserved closure and after my embarrassing exit from his house, I didn’t want to be the one to come back groveling, begging for a little understanding.

So, I waited for Xander’s letter in the mail. I knew he would send it, and it was only a matter of when. But after over a week of waiting, the mail carrier never arrived to drop off my precious letter. The letter didn’t exist and I couldn’t stand waiting any longer. I had to see him, whether I’d been invited or not. I had my chance to think things through and it was time to talk about our future together – or apart.

I still wasn’t sure if I was meant to be with Xander for the rest of my life. I kind of hated to admit it, but I missed seeing him next to me when I woke up in the mornings. I missed the darkness of his house so much, I kept the blinds down all the time now. Any light that tried to filter through them was shut out by the curtains, which I kept drawn.

My performance at work faltered too. I made stupid, distracted mistakes and got told off more than a couple of times for my worst errors. I normally didn’t mind my job, but right now I was miserable. I couldn’t live with not knowing where I stood with Xander.

I waited to go to his house until evening out of respect for him. I should have told him I was coming, but outside of sending a letter, I didn’t know of a good way to contact him, and I couldn’t wait long enough for a letter to be delivered.

I walked over to his house, taking the shortcut through the woods that I’d learned about a week into our relationship. Xander had told me about it – it was a deer trail, but it served humans just as well.

When I got to his gate, I slipped the latch off and let the wrought iron beast swing open, grateful he hadn’t locked it in a fit of anger. I walked up the front steps, still cracked and slick with moss, and rang the doorbell a few times.

Xander never came, and I felt like an idiot standing outside in the cold. I doubted he was out. The guy never left the house unless it was necessary. I tapped my foot impatiently before trying the door handle. To my surprise, it was unlocked and the door opened slowly, creaking when I nudged it so I could squeeze through.

“Xander?” I called through the big, empty house, the door closing heavily behind me. “Xander, it’s me, Luke.”

Xander emerged from a lower level of stairs a minute later. He reeked of blood and his fangs were shiny with the stuff.

“Where were you?” I asked, involuntarily taking a step back as he approached me, his tall shadowy figure looming over me.

“In the dungeon,” Xander replied.

“The dungeon? Oh, the place you refused to show me when you took me around the house. Why were you down there?”

“I was having a meal to help sustain my strength,” he explained.

As he left the shadows and came closer to me, I saw that his eyes were that dark, bloodthirsty red. His skin was a little more vibrant than usual, the paleness not quite as stark, and his hands were stained a mix of dark and bright crimson.

“You weren’t drinking a person’s blood, were you?” I asked, my eyes widening in horror.

“No,” Xander replied dryly, growing irritated. “Now, if you wouldn’t mind answering my question, what the hell are you doing here?”

I blinked, shocked at how upset Xander was with my showing up unannounced. Sure, it was a little rude, but we were dating. He had to expect me to be a part of his life at more than just the high, carefully planned points.

“I came here to talk to you. Is this what you do every day? Drink blood from unsuspecting animals so that you can fuck me as long as you want later? Or do you have other more perverted things that you like to do when I’m not around?”

Xander’s eyes darkened and his mouth twisted into a scowl, but he didn’t lash out just yet. I hadn’t pushed him quite that far, fortunately.

“You said you were all right with dating a vampire.”

The words were simple enough, but they cut deep. Those were the words I’d been grappling with all week long.”

“I am –“ I hesitated – “I was. But then I started thinking more about the implications of it. I mean, come on, Xander. Look at yourself – you’re a monster!”

“Yes, I am,” he said slowly, each word stinging me like poison. “You never had a problem with me before. What changed?”

“Everything. I started thinking about what else you could do to me without my knowing or how little I would be able to fight back even if I tried to defend myself. I can’t be with someone I’m afraid of. You of all people, or vampires, or whatever should understand that.”

“And what have I done to make you think I would ever wish to harm you?”

His voice had a twinge of pain in it, and for a second, I felt bad for him. But then I remembered why I left last week and the scene I walked into today. I couldn’t be with someone as unpredictable as Xander.

“You’re a vampire.” I shook my head. “How could I ever trust your kind?”

I’d gone too far, I knew as much the second the last word left my mouth. That was an insult so mean, I could never walk it back.

Xander rose to his full height, towering over me with an intimidating glare. “Leave at once if you’re going to speak of my kind like that in front of me. There’s no place for a vampire hunter like you in my life.”

I bristled. “What the fuck did you just call me?”

From all my hours of reading about vampires, I knew how much of an insult that was. Xander knew too. He had to.

“You heard what I said. Now, get out of my house. And don’t come back unless you’re ready to act like an adult.”

That stung – not as much as being called a vampire hunter, but it still stung. I didn’t waste a second storming out, slamming the massive front door so hard, a horrifying crack reverberated through the frame.

I looked back once, long enough to see Xander watching me through the curtains. It was dark enough out now that he could open them a little and he did, his dark eyes piercing straight through my soul.

I scoffed and turned back around, nearly tripping on the gravel along the drive. It wasn’t the dramatic exit I’d hoped to make, but I hurried down the path till I was safely out of the gates and could stew in my misery.

I cursed under my breath the entire walk home, punctuated by feverish thoughts and questions that burned unanswered after they left my lips.

“What did he think would happen? Fuck him, the miserable bastard.”

I kicked a rock on the side of the road, sending a bolt of pain through my big toe.

“I can’t believe I ever thought I loved him, the little fucker. He can go straight to Hell.”

A car drove past, its headlights momentarily blinding me before it disappeared around a bend in the road. I was tempted to turn around and see where it was headed, but I couldn’t look back, not when I would still be able to see Xavier’s manor in the distance.

“How could it have all fallen apart so quickly? Things were great. Why did he have to ruin everything?”

In my blind rage, I didn’t notice the sudden dip in the earth beneath my feet. I stumbled over it, losing my footing as my legs slipped out from underneath me. I tumbled into the ditch, landing in a muddy slop of ditch water.

“Fuck!”

Today was not my day.

I thought back to Xander alone in his mansion as I pulled myself out of the ditch and back onto the side of the road, scraping off as much mud as I could with my bare hands. If he’d been here to witness this, he would have picked me up and rushed me back to his house, bathing me and providing me with a clean set of clothes while he washed mine.

Of course, after today’s events, he probably would have watched and laughed, leaving me to deal with my own mess. It was my fault after all.

My fault.

I shook my head vigorously, spattering mud all around from the tips of my head. No, it was best that things had ended the way they did with Xander. With a guy like him, a breakup was always bound to be messy. I didn’t need to apologize for anything.

Right?

“Right.”

It was time to forget about Xander and start worrying about myself, something I’d neglected in my rush to find love.