21. Luke

My dreams had been all kinds of racy the last few weeks. I couldn’t get Xander off of my mind even when I was asleep, and today was no different. I could practically feel him inside me, sending waves of pleasure coursing through my body. He had a strange power over me that I couldn’t quite place, but it was captivating.

I shifted in bed, my eyes fluttering open for half a second before I closed them again. I wasn’t quite ready to wake up yet. I had unfinished business in dreamland, and I had no interest in waking up hot and bothered. Xander wouldn’t mind taking care of that, but this dream was too good to let slip away just yet anyway.

I nestled back into the blankets, Xander’s cock stretching me a little wider than I was used to. Maybe it was the position. Then again, in a dream, that kind of stuff didn’t matter. It was all in my head and I could imagine whatever I wanted.

Xander snuggled up next to me, his arms wrapping around my waist. I sighed and pressed back against him, allowing myself to slip back into my dream. I dreamed that he was fucking me slowly, gently, stroking my cock with one hand while the other played with my hair.

I smiled and moaned in my sleep, mumbling something to Xander as he stroked my length faster. The idea of him playing with me while I was asleep was enough to send me over the edge, coming all over Xander’s hand. I had no idea what the vampire was actually doing right now. For all I knew, he wasn’t even in bed any longer and I was all alone, grinding against an empty mattress.

My eyes flickered open again and I blinked a few times, hardly needing to adjust to the darkness at all from my previous sleep state. I rolled over and felt around for Xander, who was right next to me, just like in my dream.

“Mmm,” I murmured, “you’re still in bed. Good. You know, I had the best dream just now.”

Xander smiled. “I thought you might be. I do hope you haven’t worn yourself out again before you’ve even woken up.”

I laughed softly. “Not a chance. What did you have in mind for breakfast?”

“You.” Xander paused, waiting for my reaction.

I laughed again, propping myself up slightly so I could see him better. “Didn’t we just do that last night?”

“Of course. If you would prefer, we can have a different, less bloody sort of fun instead.”

“That would be nice.”

I sat up in bed, yawning and stretching lazily. Vampires could be strange, I had to admit that much. But at least they weren’t dangerous, because otherwise I’d be screwed. What Xander lost control over his impulses? What if he got too drunk on my blood and couldn’t get enough? What if he never let me leave, keeping me as his feeding prisoner for the rest of my life? It would be so easy for him to do that. I could never overpower him in a fight, and no one would believe me if I got a message out somehow that I was a vampire’s prisoner. It was all too unbelievable, even for the vampire skeptics.

“I, uh, I’m going to have a bath and get cleaned up,” I said, jumping out of bed.

Xander sat up straight, watching me go. He looked so hot sitting in bed, waiting for me to return, but my thoughts were running wild right now and I needed to get myself under control. I’d gotten so swept up by his charms, rushed into things so blindsided, that I’d neglected the very basic idea of self-preservation. Or was I just overreacting?

Nothing Xander had said or done up until this point gave me pause. He was a gentleman, always making sure I was okay and that he wasn’t going too far. But what if it was all a ploy to get me close to him, only to turn on me and show his true colors?

I hated myself for thinking that. It couldn’t be true. It had to be false, otherwise what did all the proclamations of love and sweet little acts he did for me mean?

I locked myself in the bathroom, turning on the bathtub faucet while I collected my thoughts. I felt bad for leaving Xander so abruptly, but I couldn’t help it. I needed some time alone.

Even if Xander was harmless, sucking blood only consensually and only when he knew it was safe, dating a vampire took strength and commitment to stick with the relationship, as I had come to realize over our whirlwind couple of weeks together. I never asked The Librarian for a vampire; I asked them for a monster. The monster I was given was not my choice, and I honestly didn’t think I would have chosen a vampire given multiple options. I thought I would get a fae or some kind of shifter, or even something really wild like a ghost. I could handle a ghost, no problem.

Instead, they matched me with Xander, someone who had a lot of needs and a lot of strange, archaic ideas about how a vampire and a human were meant to coexist. It wasn’t fair to him to expect him to be anything but a vampire, to fit into the mold I wanted for my monster partner.

Still, the nagging little worry in the back of my mind refused to go away. Did he really care about me? Did he care about me as a person, or did he care about my blood and the fun we had together? He’d gone too far last night when he took too much blood. How often would that happen? How much worse could it have been? Was everything done out of self-interest? It couldn’t have been. Or could it?

I was giving myself a headache with all this overthinking. I stepped into the steaming bath, cupped my hands in the water, and lifted them over my head. Clear hot water cascaded down my face and neck, suffocating me for a second. I was letting things get out of hand, whatever the answers to all of my questions were. All I really needed right now was some time to process my relationship and what I wanted out of a partner. Making a rash decision in the heat of the moment would only hurt both of us, and the last thing I wanted to do was hurt Xander after everything he’d done to accommodate me – even if it did end up being for selfish reasons.

I sat on the ledge of the bathtub while I drained the water. The porcelain dug into my skin, hurting more the longer I sat there, but I wasn’t ready to move just yet. Standing up meant it was time to leave the safety of the bathroom and face Xander again. I had no idea what to say to him, but I would need to think of something quickly.

I still hadn’t thought of anything by the time I opened the door, a crisp white towel wrapped around my waist. I thought the awkwardness would swallow us whole, so after I stared long and hard at the shiny wood floor, I couldn’t stand it any longer.

“I have to go,” I blurted out.

“Of course,” Xander nodded. “Let me gather your things for you.”

“No, I can do it. Thanks for the nice evening and morning and…everything else.”

I gave him a quick peck on the cheek, immediately regretting my cold goodbye, but it was too late to walk it back. I scrambled to get my clothes on, leaving the house with wet hair and a shirt buttoned crookedly.

Xander offered to take me home within minutes, but I declined. I needed a nice, long walk in the fresh morning air to clear my head. The only problem was that the walk didn’t clear my head at all, it only gave me time to overthink the last few hours all over again. The only thing clear to me was the one thing I didn’t want to think about: I was going to have to make a big decision, and soon.