11. Harlow

CHAPTER 11

HARLOW

N ot going to lie, I’ve made myself perfectly at home in the SkyBnB rental. Teddy and I have done a great job pretending the kiss never happened.

Okay, that is a total lie.

The other night, we were roasting marshmallows in the fire pit out back. I must’ve gotten some on my lip and he wiped it off. Let’s say given the proximity of his thumb to my mouth, I was not having non-kissing innocent thoughts.

It’s like we’ve been playing house, cooking together, and hanging out. Almost every night, when he brushes his teeth, he wanders over to my bathroom, and the next thing you know we both have minty fresh breath and end up talking for hours.

Even though this place is huge and I practically have my own wing, it’s like an invisible magnet draws us to the living room at the same time.

Right now, he’s at an Ice Breakers meeting, but I expect him back anytime. He’s been busy with team things like a meet and greet for photos and signatures and endorsing the Happy Horizons charity.

Meanwhile, I’m wearing one of Teddy’s jerseys. Yes, it’s clean. No, I haven’t been sleeping in it unless naps that last from about ten p.m. until sunrise count.

I’ve got it on right now and have made a nest for myself on the couch as a fire burns low in the hearth. I’m definitely not waiting for him to come home. Nor did I make him a dinner plate, so he has something warm and delicious to eat since he had to stay late. He’s a fully grown man. He can scavenge for himself.

What I am doing is reading about plant drying methods and best practices for tea making. I miss my little green babies (and Leo the Leopard Gecko) in Oklahoma, but that’s about all.

I could sure get used to Maple Falls or anywhere but Tulsa. Penn has called several times, leaving me messages and basically demanding I return. He’s asked questions that a normal lawyer would already have answers to. If he’d attended any of the meetings, read the memos I sent, or had the vaguest idea of what he was doing, he wouldn’t have to pester me.

Also, supposedly, he’s dating our secretary now. She can have him.

My phone rings and I answer, assuming it’s Teddy because he always calls on his way home, asking if I need him to pick up anything in town—we’re big on movie snacks lately.

Instead, it’s Penn. I almost hang up, but something about being here in Maple Falls makes me slightly less grumpy. Penn launches into conversation as if we’re the kind of people who pick up where we left off. To be clear, that’s not the case. More like the guy has a running monologue with himself on center stage. “Listen, the Doggy Dooty Bags, Poo Pails & Other Pet Supplies case that you left hanging, settled out of the court. Thanks a lot for nothing. But we need you for this one. It’s big. Huge. Could make your career.”

I’ve already had one of those, thank you very much. “I told you that I quit. On the subject of that case, staying at the firm as long as I did was like keeping a turd in my pocket.”

“How can I sweeten the deal for you? How about officially becoming a partner?”

“I’d already had all the responsibilities of a firm partner.” With no thanks to his lazy, entitled keister, which, let’s be real, no one is looking at—unlike a certain hockey butt I’m familiar with.

“But think of the pay increase.”

“You’d be willing to cut into your precious expense account and fork it over to me?”

“You’re the best we have.” The sweaty desperation in his voice is unusual, piquing my interest.

“More like the only,” I mutter. “Who requires legal services?”

Penn blurts, “Tim Powell.”

I launch myself off the couch, scattering the blankets. “Teddy’s brother?”

“None other.”

Does he know that his brother’s schemes got him into actual legal trouble and not merely in debt with sketchy dudes? Teddy and Tim have a fraught relationship, but I know he’d do anything for him. And I’d do anything for Teddy. Chances are Tim will face jail time if I don’t work my courtroom magic.

Without further thought, I answer, “Yeah, I’ll do it.”

Penn chortles. “I knew you’d come crawling back.”

“What? Let me make this clear, Penn Preston. I am not crawling or groveling. You are a slimy, deceiving, lousy, lazy, loser who calls himself a lawyer. There is no world in which I’d do you any favors. No, I’m doing this for Teddy.”

The line is silent. I’ve never had any trouble standing up for myself with one exception: to my family and by extension, Preston & Lemieux Legal Logistics.

I tell Penn my terms. He shares more details about the case than is wise or legal over the phone. If everything he says is true, Tim is in a world of trouble. I end the call after reminding Penn of the rules surrounding client disclosure across open channels in cases like this.

No sooner do I find an article online about the seriousness of the sports betting scheme and allegations against Tim, does Teddy enter on a gust of chilly air.

Feeling like he caught me doing something inappropriate, my voice is jumpy when I say, “Tim’s last meal is in the fridge.”

Teddy’s eyebrows slash with concern.

“I mean your dinner is in there. I made it for you, figuring you’d be hungry. And I ordered you more of that protein powder your nutritionist texted you about. Also, the artisan Star Wars chocolates we saw an ad for are on the counter. Thought you might want dessert.”

I’m pretty sure I’m malfunctioning.

It’s definitely not because Teddy looks especially tough with his long wavy hair, making me think of a Viking going ashore, ready to plunder and protect his fair maiden. I’m not entirely sure Vikings protected anyone, but I’d like to believe that for the purposes of this fantasy.

Mostly anything to stay in this little haven of him and me so I don’t think about Tim or going back to my job . . . and other reasons that my barbed wire heart is scared to admit.

Teddy crosses the room as if he’s about to embrace me in a bear hug and maybe spin me around, but then holds his hand out for a fist bump. “Thanks for having my back.”

“Speaking of that . . .” I busy myself by warming up his plate, beating him to the fridge, then the drawer for silverware, and pouring him a glass of cold water because that’s his routine.

Holding his hands aloft, he says, “I see you’ve got this.”

No matter how fast I talk or how much I try to remain in motion, the truth wants out. “Sure do. Also, um, I have a new case.”

Teddy tilts his head to the side. “A legal case? I thought you quit, went out in a blaze of glory.”

“I did, but Penn asked me to come back.”

“And you said yes?” Teddy doesn’t hide his surprise or disappointment.

“It’s a big case. Huge,” I say, echoing Penn’s comment.

“Is that enough to go back to the pits of Preston & Lemieux Legal Logistics?”

I can’t keep it from him. Going still, I peer into his eyes and say, “Teddy, the client is Tim.”

“Tiny Tim? Tim Horton? Timmy Albertson from homeroom?” he jokes .

“No, he’s rather large in stature. Former hockey player. Prone to sports betting. Oh, and you share a last name. Possible sibling, though I’ve never been convinced. I’d need DNA proof that you’re related,” I say in one quick stream.

Teddy’s fork clatters to the plate. He wipes his mouth and pulls out his phone. “It’s that bad?” Anger streaks his voice.

Turning my computer to face him, Teddy reads the article I’d found. Nostrils flaring, he shakes his head from side to side.

“He’d been trying to get ahold of you,” I say, recalling the message he left.

“And I’ve been ignoring him, hoping he’d solve this problem on his own for once. I should have known. Why?—?”

“It’s not your fault. I’ll fix it. Promise.”

Teddy’s eyes, dim and dismal, meet mine. His lips part as if he wants to say something. Instead, he gobbles down the rest of the meal. When he’s done, he thanks me for dinner and storms out of the room, phone fixed to his ear, presumably ready to lay into his brother.

Usually, we clean up together, which feels dangerously domestic. But I understand why tonight he pounds up the stairs. His voice rises and falls from above while I clean up.

After wiping down the counter, he appears, shirtless and in swim trunks. I audibly gasp because those abs sure got a good workout today.

Gaze fixed on me, Teddy says, “It was a long, intense practice. Now this with Tim. I’m going in the hot tub. I’d like you to join me. ”

I automatically start shaking my head.

Teddy nods and comes close, one hand gently cupping my elbow. The other lifts my chin so I meet his eyes.

A warm ripple flows through me and for one silly instant, it’s like the sun shines on my face and a pleasant autumn breeze wafts through the room, chasing away the stress of the last hour.

“Harlow, you went skating on the ice. You proved to yourself that you can do a hard thing. This is the next step.”

My fear of water floods toward me, but somehow Teddy stands in the gap. Big, strong, truth-telling Teddy. I trust him. Nothing is going to happen if he’s in the water with me. He saved me in the lake. That’s logic. My brain knows these facts. My body has other ideas as a tremor works through me.

“Please come in the hot tub with me,” he says, holding out his hand.

Letting out a little breath, I say, “I don’t know—” My voice cracks like ice and liquid pools in the corners of my eyes.

“You’re teary,” Teddy says softly.

I shake my head, fully denying it.

“I’ve never seen you cry,” he adds.

I’ve never felt this way. It has nothing to do with the hot tub and everything to do with this man. He’ll do anything for me, and I’m afraid once I allow that fully into my life, I’ll lose him or lose myself, I’ll never recover. It’s easier to keep it all at a safe distance, shields up, grumpy guard in place.

“Shorty, I’m not sure what’s going on in your mind right now, but I’m here. Here for you. Nothing will change that. I’m not going anywhere.”

“But you might .”

His eyes move from left to right and then he says, “Nope.”

“What about the huge offer to get back in the game this season in Los Angeles versus waiting for the coach’s go-ahead and staying with the Knights? Teddy, it’s obvious you have commitment issues and?—”

“That doesn’t change anything between us.”

“But it might,” I repeat.

He could meet the love of his life and get married, leaving me behind.

His gaze narrows, fixes on me, and he steps closer, an unshakable wall of warmth. “I know you well, and there are things that you’re not saying, but if you were to ask, the answer is no. There is no one else. There never will be. You’re it for me and if that means being just friends, I can live with that. But I cannot live without you.”

I open my mouth to protest, but he rests his finger across my lips.

Teddy says, “It’s you and me . . . and this hot tub if you want in. If not, no big deal. It’s a nothing burger.”

I almost laugh. “This is definitely a something burger.” I’m not entirely sure though if I mean getting in the water, things between us, or both.

Joking aside, his lips tease an assuring smile that feels like us, like home. “There’s always tomorrow and every day after that. I have no plans not to be part of your life.”

Gathering courage, I tell myself that I can get in the water. Compared to the rest of what Teddy said, that’s the easy part. “Okay, let’s hot tub. ”

He smiles for the first time since I told him the news about his brother.

While Teddy finds a couple of towels, I go put on my bathing suit. I’ll never get the oil or goo stain out from Elvaira’s massage, but it’s dark out. He won’t notice.

When I get outside on the back deck, I shiver in the crisp fall night air. Teddy is a giant next to the hot tub as steam rises off it. His muscles flex with the subtlest movements and his swim trunks are low on his hips.

For the record, I am not admiring my best friend’s butt. At least not much.

Sensing my presence, he points to the smooth water. “Bubbles or no bubbles?”

“Let’s start with no bubbles and see,” I say, my voice slightly shaky.

“Do you want me to get in first or do you want to?” He holds out his hand for me to take, suggesting he’s going to hold mine every step of the way.

“You go first.”

Teddy steps into the pool of warm water. His eyes float to me, turning heavy before he quickly looks away, but I catch the edge of his grin. It sends a little tumble through me.

The water doesn’t even reach the top of his shorts, indicating it’s relatively shallow. I follow with my grip on his hand like a vice.

“You got this,” he whispers.

“I know how silly this is,” I say.

“I know how very real your fear is.” He lowers down onto one of the seats, invisible beneath the surface of the water.

I drop down mostly because the air is cold and the water isn’t. I wince because I expect trepidation, tremulousness at least, but if it’s there, it’s minimal. Though, I’m on guard, knowing it could appear at any moment and take me down.

The corners of his lips peel into a proud smile. “You did it.”

But I know how my fear works, it might sneak up on me and drown me when I least expect it. “So far, so good.”

Teddy doesn’t let go of my hand. Instead, he draws me close. “There’s a tree in the way. You can’t see the stars from over there,” he explains, pointing upward.

I remain as stiff as a board, unwilling to take my eyes off the dreaded water. Don’t like it. Don’t trust it. But I do trust my best friend. I shift closer, letting myself melt against him.

“Congratulations,” Teddy says, settling in and letting out a long sigh.

Meanwhile, my breath is trapped in my throat. But it’s not because I’m sitting in a hot tub—in water. It’s because of the man beside me.

Voice shaky and slightly anticipatory at the same time, I say, “I haven’t taken a bath since I was a kid. Maybe we could try the bubbles.”

He pushes some buttons on a pad and the bubbles burst to life. I let out a laughy little yelp as the jet shoots water at me. Teddy pulls me into the crook of his arm and points to the sky again, “We should make a wish.”

My thoughts rush because there’s something I wish for that I can’t have.

All the same, I say it in my head. After, Teddy’s gaze is heavy, fixed on me.

There’s something more frightening than the water. It’s losing my best friend when things don’t work out. Of losing myself in a relationship. But I want him, want us. I know the logical, inevitable outcome. But my body and my heart are at odds, the latter betrays me with longing.

My voice is soft, secretly hopeful, when I ask, “Why are you looking at me like that?”

His lips quirk. “Like what?”

“Like that.”

“You know why.” He bumps me with his shoulder, tucking me close. He kisses me on the temple.

“We didn’t do this as friends.”

“Should we talk about it?”

“Kissing?” I ask, the word hot in my mouth.

With surprising enthusiasm, Teddy says, “Yes, we should talk about it . . . with our mouths.”

I stiffen, my brain telling me no and everything else shouting YES !

With a laugh, Teddy continues, “I can’t think of anything else we should do with that particular part of our bodies right now. I rather enjoyed it last time.”

I splash him. “You are such a flirt.”

“When have you seen me flirt with anyone?”

“I’ve been your wing-woman for years. Of course, I’ve seen you flirt with other women. For instance, Lucy Coogan in college.”

“She took really good world history notes. But lately, can you think of any examples? Have I even talked about my personal life in that way?”

I rack my brain and frown because even though I think of Teddy as a flirt, in recent years, it’s always directed at me. Me ?

“What about our friendship? I thought we decided we’re just going to go back to normal.”

“I’ve been thinking a lot about this. What if we do something crazy?”

My eyebrows shoot up.

“What if we remember that we’re adults who’ve managed to remain friends for decades, so perhaps we could try to be more than best friends?”

“But what if it’s awkward?”

“Only if we let it be.”

“But Teddy. This is me we’re talking about.”

He glides toward me through the water, head level with mine. “No this is us we’re talking about . . .”

He has a point. I’ve never been more myself than with him.

“Harlow, this week, I’ve never seen you happier. You’re much less grumpy.”

“Take off the letter G and you get rumpy.” I don’t know why I said that. What does it even mean?

His lips lift with laughter.

I hide my head in my hands. “See? I’m already being weird. Rump makes me think of your butt and?—”

“You’re my grumpy girl.”

I don’t miss the possessiveness in his tone, and I can’t deny that I like the idea of being his, but the trepidation only knocks louder in my chest, making my fears and misgivings echo.

His hand wraps around me. “I understand if you don’t want to change the dynamic and I’ll respect it as long as it’s fear keeping us from being together together.”

“What other reason would there be? ”

He shrugs. “That you’re not physically attracted to me.”

I squish up my face, feeling slightly awkward. “It’s safe to say I’m extremely physically attracted to you. All the attracted-s to you. Your body, mind, heart, every bit of you.” The heat in my cheeks spreads all the way to my toes. But what I said is true, and I’d say it again . . . while somewhere colder like the arena, but maybe not publicly.

He chuckles. “Where are you?”

I look around, thrown by the question. “Where am I? Um, Maple Falls.”

“In a hot tub. You can do things that scare you. I want to help you. Support you. And that means you can’t take the case.”

“What do you mean? With your brother? Teddy, he needs help and obviously Penn is useless.”

Teddy’s expression hardens. “You can’t go back there.”

“But I have to. You’d do anything for Tim, meaning I would too.”

“No, I’d do anything for you and that means insisting you don’t return to law. Not even for me. It’s time my brother grows up and faces consequences. I can’t bail him out forever. At some point, he has to learn. I already told him to find other representation.”

“But Teddy—?” I ask, voice stricken with shock.

“If I can’t have you, Tim can’t either.”

I know he doesn’t mean it romantically, but the finality in his voice rocks me. If anyone else were to say that, I’d give them an earful. But with Teddy it’s different. I want to be his and I want him to be mine. Yet if we let that happen and it falls apart like every other relationship I’ve ever been in, then I’m truly alone .

He gets out of the hot tub, and I expect him to stomp toward the house, but he holds out his hand for me. Seconds pass as water drips from his fingers.

My breathing is shallow because if I cross this threshold, I’m afraid of what’ll happen.

Anger pinches his features, but his gaze is steady on mine. “You can’t stay stuck in the past.”

“You can’t fear the future. You still haven’t told me what’s next for you.”

“Why do you care so much?”

My eyebrows crimp together. “Because we’re best friends. I’m invested in your career. Because I care.” And because maybe my next move depends on where he ends up. I should tell him that, but fear keeps the words locked up. “Just because.”

“If you wish.”

The meaning of those three words from The Princess Bride comes at me like raging waters. They mean more than a kiss. A kiss can be forgotten. Maybe. Probably not. But love? That has ruined lives.