November 30

I’ve been absent on my social media for a long while. It wasn’t a conscious decision but an accident. An unplanned yet necessary break. Remember when I said I hit rock bottom? That wasn’t it.

I don’t recall the actual layers of the Earth from high school science, but here’s a quick tutorial. The first layer is the one we live on. The next is the one we lie down in after our bodies have fulfilled their purpose. Then the layer after that, it’s a pit of despair, rocky and hard, but not bottom. Because after that is the hot, sticky slide of embarrassment and self-loathing into the true bottom.

It is darkness. A blank mind. A pain behind the eyes and a thumping in the temples. Hitting the bottom is an incorrect analogy. It’s more like crashing into the bottom. It’s a cartoon fall so fast and hard, your body leaves an impression, and the only thing you can do is stare back up into the spaces that tricked you into believing this time is it, there is nowhere left to go.

But as they say, you have to truly hit bottom in order to find your way back to the top. I’m definitely not back at the top, but I’m working my way there.

Thank you, everyone, for the nice messages, worrying about my absence. I read them, and I’ll try to reply to them all individually, but consider this my apology to you and appreciation of you. I have a lot of mea culpas to make, and don’t worry, I’ll disclose all the dirty details once the dust settles. Thanks for sticking with me on this journey so far, friends. It’s only up from here.

#Grief #Journey #Epiphany