April 12

Springtime is supposed to be all about rebirth. Flowers popping up from the cold ground, animals being born…that was basically the whole plot of Bambi, right? The calendar has flipped to April, spring has officially sprung, and yet I have no daises. I have no sunshine to speak of. I’m metaphorically the Bambi of this story, still bumbling around on the ice after his mother was shot. Side note: what a terrible children’s movie.

Just when I think I’m doing okay, I’m putting one foot in front of the other, I look around and realize I’ve barely made any progress. It’s like I’m running a race in mud or quicksand, and I’ve got to claw my way out while everyone else is passing me by. Or maybe I’m simply not trying hard enough. I don’t know. Whatever it is I’m doing or not doing, life seems to be passing me by.

It’s been two months since Raymond died, and I can hear him in my head saying, “Get over it already.” He’d probably accuse me of using him as an excuse to stay in my hibernation. A reason not to step out of my comfort zone.

He once told me I write the word literally too much in my posts, but this time, I mean it. “Moving on” is literally the hardest thing I have ever had to do, especially when I’m not sure how. But I’m going to try. I’m going to do my best impression of Bambi and learn to walk again. Because if he can become the King of the Forest after humans murdered his mom and his woods are burned down, I can certainly slap on a pair of skinny jeans and try to have some fun. I’m going to find what makes me happy.

#Grief #RaymondStGeorge #KingOfTheForest #BambisMomDeservedBetter #SaveTheTrees