Chapter 6 - Danil

Fuck. Papa hasn't said anything, he just keeps looking at me. Should I say something?

"Papa?" I ask tentatively.

"Just give me a moment," Papa replies, and I'm not going to argue with him. Leaning back into my chair, I turn my face to the sun. I need to feel its warmth on my face.

I'm betting that Papa is just surprised at my outburst, but part of me just hopes that he isn't disappointed with me. Papa of all people would know that this isn't a choice. Its who I am.

"Danil." Hearing my name, I look over to my Papa, but his face isn't giving anything away. "Did you just tell me that you're gay?"

"Yeah Papa," I say quietly.

"I was not expecting that."

"I've been wanting to tell you for a while," I tell him, because that's the truth, I just needed to find myself first.

"When I came out to you, you never said anything then," Papa replies, and for the first time I can hear a hint of hurt in his voice.

"Papa, when you came out, I was honestly still trying to figure myself out. I think I was still in denial, plus I was more focused on the fact that you told me you were dating someone that was virtually the same age as me."

Looking over at Papa, I watch him as my words sink in. Our relationship has gotten stronger over the last year or so. Probably since Gio came into our lives. But growing up, he was the stereotypical absent father. Appearing on birthdays and Christmas, but never sticking around too long. I remember when mom told me and Anya that she and Papa were separating and getting a divorce. Neither of us had been surprised.

Papa has always been an enigma. The person on the sideline of our lives, looking in. We knew that he loved us, but that he was also keeping us at arms length. Mom tried to explain it to us. Told us that Papa has a very serious job and that he did what he did to keep us safe. When the truth finally came out, that he actually worked for a drug lord, as his right hand man, everything sort of fell into place.

"I'm sorry that you couldn't talk to me about your feelings," Papa suddenly says. "If I had come out to you sooner..."

"Papa," I cut him off. "You know you told us when you were ready. I understand that. Plus, I wanted to do this on my own. There are a lot of voices in this family that are gay. I wanted to find my own."

Papa throws his head back and laughs. "Well, we are adding to those voices. Matteo and Domenico both came out yesterday."

"Yeah, I know." The words falling from my mouth before I can stop them. Fuck. I'm not supposed to know.

"You do?" Papa asks, and his brows raise in confusion.

Double fuck. How the hell am I going to explain this? Shit. If I lie, he's going to see straight through me. That's the only issue with having a father that is, or was, basically a hit man, he can read people very well.

"Domenico –" At least I remember to use his full name and not call him Dom, another sure sign that we are closer than we should be, "– called me last night. Mentioned something about Matteo being there."

"But I thought you were hiking all weekend? Which is why you booked today off."

Sweet fucking Christ, does this man remember every single detail that I tell him?

"Came back early. The trail wasn't what we hoped for." I try to keep my voice as neutral as possible, but he is still looking at me like he's not sure that he quite believes me.

"Domenico went hiking on the weekend too," Papa tells me, but there is a hint of something behind his voice and I know that I'm going to have to say something to get him off the scent of me and Dom. I'm still not ready to share this with the family. I am enjoying us too much.

"Yeah, he mentioned that on the call. Looks like we were within a few miles of each other. I told him next time to let me know if he is going out and maybe we can combine parties."

Papa picks up his coffee and takes a sip but never breaks eye contact with me, and I keep staring back. Trying my best to steady my nerves. The second I look away he's going to know that I'm lying, and today was supposed to be about me coming out, like Dom.

"You know, Gio loves the fact that you and Domenico get along."

Relief fills me. Either he believes what I have said, or he has decided to ignore it, knowing that I will talk to him when I'm ready.

"Well, he is going to become my step-uncle," I reply, timing my words so Papa is just taking a sip of his coffee, causing him to spit it out.

"Your what?" And for the first time ever, I think Papa's face goes red.

"Well, think about it. When you marry G, he's going to become my stepdad, which means that Domenico, being his brother, will become my step-uncle."

"No that cannot be right," Papa replies, and I can see him trying to work it out.

"When Mom married John, he became my stepdad. The same applies here. But don't think about it too hard, it will give you a headache like it did me." I pick up my iced tea and take a sip, trying to hide my smile.

"That isn't funny. Domenico is going to be my brother-in-law."

"Yep, still doesn't change the fact he is going to be my step-uncle. Seriously, dont try to overthink it," I tell him, but I also know that he is probably going to go home and try and figure out if I am correct.

"You know that this means Matteo and Alessia will also be your step-uncle and aunt."

"Yeah, I had worked that out too." I hadn't, but I didn't want Papa to realize that I had only been thinking about Dom. "We're going to be one big inter-connected queer family."

"That we are, son," Papa replies, and I can feel myself smiling at him calling me son. It's not something that he does very often. I'm guessing this links back to a time when he needed to keep his children safe.

"Wonder what Mom will say," I ask.

"About us being a huge queer family?" Papa asks.

"Yeah." I had actually been thinking about me coming out as gay, but kept the thought to myself.

"She's going to love it. She always wanted to be part of a big family. One that she could defend, and we are all certainly giving her that. You should see what she is like with Gio and Matteo."

"Why, what was she like?" I say.

"She was your mom." Like that would explain everything. "She figured out that something was happening with Matteo before any of us. Then of course, he came out."

Taking a deep breath, I ask the question that has been lingering in the back of my mind. "Papa?" And when he looks over to me, "You aren't disappointed?"

"Disappointed?"

"That I'm gay," I say quietly.

"Danil. No, I'm not disappointed. I would be quite the hypocrite if I was, but I'm glad that we aren't in Russia. You are going to be able to live the life I never was able to, and that is wonderful."

Shit, I never thought of that. Growing up in Russia and being gay was not possible, and in order to survive he had married his best friend, my mom. No one had known the true him, except Mom.

"But there is something," Papa continues, and I look over to him. "You cannot tell your grandparents, they wouldn't understand. And please, don't ever go and visit them with a boyfriend. If you feel that you have to, never indicate that you're together. They will report you straight away."

Papa never really talks about his parents, neither does Mom, for that matter. I know Mom has gone back to visit, but I don't know about Papa, though I'm guessing from that little speech he's telling me that he isn't welcome back there.

"Don't grandma and grandpa know about you and G?" I ask.

"I haven't spoken to my parents in a long time, and I have made my peace with that. I don't think they ever forgave me for divorcing your mom. Telling them I am gay and going to marry a man, no that is something that I don't think they need to know," Papa explains.

"Mom isn't going to care that I'm gay?"

"Mom, like me, just wants you to be happy. So, I am guessing you haven't told her yet?" Papa says to me.

"No," I state simply. "You are the first person; other than some friends I've told."

"Do you want me to be there when you do?"

"Thanks, but I think I want to do it on my own," I state.

"Good for you," Papa replies. "Send me a text when you're going to, just so I can be prepared for the call."

"Will do."

Silence descends around us, its nice. There isn't really much more to say, and I'm just thankful that he hasn't asked about my love life.

"So, is there anyone you want to introduce me to?" Papa asks, and I wonder for a moment if he was reading my mind.

"Papa, really. Are you seriously asking if I'm dating anyone?" I try to distract him, lying about Dom would be tough.

"Of course. I need to make sure that he's good enough for you," Papa states.

Good enough for me. Will he think that Dom is good enough for me? I know that he is. In fact, I know that I have never felt this way about anyone, but would Papa think that is enough? Would the fact that he's marrying Dom's brother upset him?

"Good enough for me," I say, not realizing that I said the words out loud.

"Yeah," Papa confirms with a nod of his head. "He has to be good and kind and treat you well. Not to mention able to stand up to the grilling your mother and I will put him through."

"Papa, no, don't do that to him," I say, forgetting my words.

"So, there is someone, then?"

Fuck!

"No, I meant in the future. If I'm ever brave enough to introduce someone to you, after hearing that, then he is going to be very special, and you are not to scare him away."

"If he is good enough, then I won't."

Looking over to Papa, I know that he is being deadly serious, and at the moment, I'm glad that I have kept Dom a secret. In fact, I'm pleased that I have only had a string of one-night stands, because honestly most of the men I have been with would have run a mile after meeting Papa.

"So how are the wedding plans coming along?" I ask, needing to change the subject.

"I'm letting Gio do most of it. He asks for my input and the only thing I have asked for is for the wedding and reception to take place in the same hotel where he and I started."

"That is kind of romantic, I didn't think you had a romantic bone in your body."

"Yeah, well, if he hadn't gone to that hotel, and defied his parents, we would never have met, and I probably would still be hiding and cruising for one-night stands," Papa adds.

"Too much information there, but thanks," I laugh.

"But I am glad that you brought up the wedding, because there is something that I have wanted to ask you."

"Okay," I reply, wondering where on earth this conversation is going.

"Well, I wanted to ask if you would be my best man. I'm not sure what that will entail at the moment as I think we are going to be entering the ceremony together."

I was not expecting Papa to ask me this. I had automatically presumed that he was going to ask Lorenzo, especially with how close they are. I know that Papa became the father figure in Lorenzos life when he needed one most. Protected him. Most sons would have been jealous, but I never knew about Lorenzo, so how could I be jealous of someone I don't know.

"I thought you would ask Lorenzo?" I questioned.

"I thought about it. I considered asking you both. I wanted you both by my side." Papa pauses for a moment, and I think that it's to collect his thoughts. "But Gio has decided to ask Matt."

"Matt?" I ask.

"Sorry, Matt is Matteo; he prefers to go by Matt now."

"Really, so he's going to ask Matt?" And there is no hiding the surprise in my voice, because I have to admit that I'm not sure I could ask my brother to stand by my side when a year ago he tried to kill me.

"They're working on their relationship, it will take time, but the wedding isn't for another six months. So, there is time, but I didn't want to ask Lorenzo in case Gio needed to."

"But what about Domenico?" Thinking about Dom. Would he be hurt if G asks Lorenzo over him? I would hate to see that.

"I think Gio is going to talk to him," Papa confirms.

"Good," I reply, thinking about Dom, but I also realize that I haven't actually replied to Papas initial question, when nothing would make me prouder than to be there for Papa. "Oh, and I would love to be your best man."

A huge smile spreads across Papa's face, lighting up his eyes. Seeing Papa this happy is not something I will ever tire of seeing. Papa looks at his watch before looking back over to me. "I'm going to have to go soon. Lorenzo gave me a couple hours off, but I still have some errands to run before I need to collect him."

"I understand," I say over to him, and I really do, because we might be some weirdly interlinked family, but during the day Lorenzo is still his boss. "I might make my way over to Mom's. May as well make the most of my day off."

"That will be nice, I'm sure she'll be glad to see you, but will you tell her too?"

"Yeah," I confirm.

"I am so proud of you," Papa says as he gets up from his chair. "And I know your mom will be too."

Getting up from my chair, I pull Papa into a hug. "Thank you," I whisper.

"You never have to thank me. You're my son and I love you always," Papa says, breaking the hug and looking me in the eye. "Talk soon, yes? Pass my love on to your mom, and John too."

"Will do."

Papa shoots me a wave and I watch as he walks down the street before getting into his car and pulling out into traffic. Sitting back down, I pick up my iced tea and take another sip. Maybe, just maybe, me and Dom should slowly come out to the family. Maybe not Mom and Papa, but maybe test the waters with our siblings. There is no way I could tell Anya, she couldn't keep a secret if her life depended on it. But I wonder what Dom would think about telling Alessia.

Pulling my cell out of my pocket, I find Dom's number and hit call, not even bothering to check the time. I may as well talk to him while I'm thinking about it.

"Hey," Dom's voice sounds in my ear. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, I just met up with Papa," I started, "and came out to him."

Dom screams so loudly that I have to pull the cell phone away from my ear.

"You are fucking kidding me!" Dom says down the line. "How come?"

"Well, with you coming out last night I thought I would join you."

"Wow. How did he take it? Was he okay?"

"Well, he would be a hypocrite if he disapproved of me being gay." And I hear Dom laugh at my statement.

"That is true. So, he was okay?"

"Yeah, but apparently, he has to meet my boyfriend to make sure that he's good enough for me," I explain.

"Fuck, you told him about us too?" And there is no mistaking the confusion in his voice.

"No, God no. I meant he wanted to meet future boyfriends," I laugh down the line at him. "But it has got me thinking."

"About?"

"Well first Papa asked me to be his best man..."

Before I can say anything more, Dom is shouting down the line again. "Oh that is lovely!" But then he pauses before saying, "Fuck, you in a tux is going to be so hot, no doubt I will end up with a hard on in front of the entire family."

It never occurred to me that Dom might have to wear a tux to the wedding if they do formal, and fuck that is a sexy thought, and I know he wouldn't be the only one sporting a hard on in front of everyone.

"You in a tux would be just as fucking hot," I say. "But today got me thinking. Maybe we should come out as a couple."

"To the family?"

"Well, I was thinking about maybe starting with Alessia. Test the waters first." And then quickly I add, thinking on my feet, "Could add our friends into the mix too."

"Youre sure about that? Only this morning we talked about keeping everything secret," Dom asks.

This is one of the things that I adore about being with Dom. We discuss things. He will always make sure that I am happy with something we are doing and if I'm not sure, we talk and end up doing something we both want. Plus, we both have friends outside of the relationship that we socialize with, so everything we want to do gets done. It's just either with each other or friends.

"Yeah, I'm sure. I know it's only been a few hours, but at Papas wedding I don't want to keep my boyfriend a secret. I want to be able to stand there and say you're mine."

"That might just be the most romantic fucking thing you have ever said to me," Dom laughs down the line at me. "But do you know when the wedding is? I haven't had much of a chance to talk to G about it."

"Six months," I reply.

Suddenly Dom goes quiet, too quiet. Checking my cell, I see that the call is still connected.

"Dom?" I ask.

"Six months," he whispers back. "You think we will still be together in six months."

"Seriously Dom," I reply, and I can feel the smile on my face at his words. "I'm not planning on going anywhere, unless you are. We are good together. The last few months have been great. Last night being the best."

"Yeah, last night was good." Dom goes silent again for a moment. "My ass is still a little tender, but each twinge reminds me of you."

"Fuck, Dom," I say breathlessly down the line. "I know you can't come over tonight, but can you come over tomorrow?" His ass should be recovered enough by then, if not I will take my time.

"Yeah," Dom confirms.

"Good, and Dom?" I pause. "Bring your toy."