Chapter 20

Chapter

Twenty

Emery

I may have leaped over the line like it was an Olympic sport last night.

I truly only wanted to thank him and let him know how much I appreciated how he helped me. I didn’t even realize he was in the bathroom until I stepped in. I should have looked away, but there was no way in hell I could. And as water streamed down his rock-hard body and his eyes squeezed shut, I couldn’t look away even if I wanted to. I had no right to watch him come undone like that, but in my defense, my absolute favorite thing in the world is watching Quinn Adler come. I thought I had memorized every single thing about how he came, but Quinn then compared to Quinn now…

I’m surprised I didn’t spontaneously combust.

Watching as his strong body tensed up, each ripple of muscle bulging while his jaw tightened so hard, I’m sure he cracked a few teeth in the process. I love how his ass clenched, how his abs tightened before he blew, the look of pure male satisfaction on his face… The whole scene left me lust-drunk. But all that was just the appetizer because then he made those noises. Deep ones in his chest that rumbled before they escaped. It felt almost like an otherworldly experience when he groaned my name. It’s like he started my name at the back of his throat before it ended on his lips like a whispered prayer.

It was so fucking hot.

And if he’s the altar, then I’m the sinner on my knees begging for his reverence.

I let my eyes fall shut and tell myself that getting turned on by the guy who is not engaged to me is not a good idea.

Especially when I’m with my dad.

After watching Quinn come everywhere but on me, I stayed in my room to give him space. While he looked damn good coming apart, I didn’t miss the guilt in his eyes. He’s struggling with his want for me and his engagement to Ava. I saw that, and weirdly, I’m starting to feel bad. Which is odd, I know.

I don’t like him to be upset. I don’t like him hurting, but I don’t understand this thing he is doing. It’s obvious he doesn’t want Ava—he wants me—so why is he torturing himself? If I’m honest, I feel a bit ashamed. Watching him like that, saying what I said, made me a bit of a whore, and I sure as shit don’t like how that makes me feel.

But I’d say it all again.

Or jump in the shower with him.

I’m sitting on a rock as my dad sets up some kind of laser thing that is supposed to help him measure out the land and then put the info into his iPad so he and Mom can design. While I’m appreciative of the technology he’s using, my asshole self thinks I could have done it better. Like, this is a lot of setup. I think it would be easier if he could take a photo with his iPad and it gives him the measurements. Or gives him info on what would fit well. Great, now my mind is running off the deep end to another invention I sure as hell don’t have time for.

My dad looks down at the screen, and his brows knit together as he glares at it. I can’t help the soft smile that pulls at my lips as I watch him. He’s my hero. If I were to say I could make a better system for him, he’d wait for me to design it, no matter how long it took me. He’s my biggest supporter, my biggest fan, just as I will always be his. He doesn’t have to be the best hockey player in the world for me to be a fan of his; he just has to be my dad.

His dark hair has a sprinkling of gray through it, even dotting his beard that my mom has been on him about shaving. I don’t know why he won’t, but I like it. When his gray gaze cuts to mine, I send him a wide smile.

“This system sucks. Find me something better, or invent it,” he barks at me, his frustration apparent.

I giggle softly as he comes over and grabs the water bottle he brought with us. I bite into my lip, and while I know my dad would rather deal with the program than talk to me about Quinn, I need his advice.

“Dad, what’s wrong with me?”

He pauses mid-drink and then directs his gaze at me. “That’s a loaded question, sweetness.” I give him a dry look, and he shrugs as he drops the bottle to his side. “For real. Are we asking mentally or physically…? I need more context.”

“Am I really that messed up?”

He chuckles softly. “I think you’re perfect, but a lot wouldn’t agree, which is their problem, not ours.” He lowers himself beside me, leaning his arm on the rock as he looks up at me. His gaze is full of love. The perfect dad. “What’s going on?”

I let out a heavy breath and shake my head. “Things with Quinn are getting messier than I anticipated.”

“What did you expect to happen when you decided to go after an engaged man?” he asks me, his eyes challenging.

“I thought I’d come back, and he’d leave her.”

Dad scoffs. “So, that’s not how it’s going? There is resistance, I presume?”

“Yeah, and I don’t get it.”

“He’s a loyal guy, which is one of the things I love about him.”

Me too. “But Dad, he doesn’t love her. He doesn’t want her?—”

“Yet, he’s engaged to her.” His words are like a slap, but I can’t accept what he is saying. “If the roles were reversed, would you want him to do that to you?”

“He wouldn’t.”

“Exactly,” he says, squeezing my knee.

“So, I should just let him marry someone he doesn’t want?”

“It’s not your place to decide that.”

“But he wants me.”

Dad makes a face. “Please, Emery. In my head, you and your sister are nuns.”

I snort at that. “Be real, Dad. Stella is married, and I’m very much attracted to Quinn.” My dad looks as if he might vomit, which only makes me laugh harder. But it dies off as I realize that I haven’t been with anyone since Quinn. “I wish I could go back and change how I handled things.”

“What do you mean?”

“I wouldn’t have broken things off with him. I would have admitted how I felt.” I swallow thickly. “I wasn’t happy in California. I compared every guy to him. I thought I didn’t want to be tied down, but I always was. To him. When I did things to celebrate, I wanted so badly for Quinn to be there.”

Dad swallows as he nods slowly. “A bit of advice?”

I nod eagerly. “Please.”

Dad reaches out, threading our fingers together. “The past is the past, sweetness. Trust me, I have always been so in love with your mom, and our past was a clusterfuck of hell. She hid Aiden from me, and all the while, I was miserable without her. I hurt her, she hurt me, but we wouldn’t be where we are if we didn’t leave the past in the past and make a future together. It wasn’t easy, but we overcame it with honesty.”

If I thought Quinn’s and my story was a shitshow, nothing compares to what my mom and dad went through. It sounds like it was difficult, but even a blind person can see how much they love each other. “How can I make a future when he’s marrying someone else?”

He thinks that over. “Have you talked to him? I know you—I know how you do things, and I doubt you’ve been honest.”

I press my lips together. “I mean, I told him I wanted him.”

“Did you apologize for the past?”

“Sort of,” I admit. “I told him it was a mistake.”

“Did you tell him what you’ve told me, that you were miserable without him?”

“No,” I answer softly. “But he wants to sit down and talk.”

He nods. “Then that’s your chance. Lay your heart out there. Tell him everything, and be honest. Don’t let your pride get in the way. If you want him, you have to lay yourself bare.”

I cringe. “That’s not easy.”

“Not at all. But is he worth it?”

I don’t even hesitate. “Yes.” I bite my lip. “But I made him feel like he wasn’t.”

Dad holds my gaze. “And that’s something you need to own up to. Something you need to fix.”

“But what if he doesn’t let me?”

“Then maybe you need to let him go,” he says softly, his eyes searching. “You can’t make someone want you, Emery, no matter how scary you are.”

Laughter sputters out of me as Dad pulls me into his embrace. I snuggle deep into his side, closing my eyes as he engulfs me in his arms. He kisses the top of my head, and I sigh deeply. I didn’t realize how badly I needed my daddy’s arms until now. Against my hair, Dad says, “Back to your initial question, Emery Elaine. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You are the most passionate, gorgeous, murderous little genius I’ve ever set my eyes on, and I’m honored to be your dad.”

Tears prick behind my eyes as I squeeze him to me. “Thanks, Daddy.”

I feel him grin against my head, and we sit like that for a long time. On an exhale, he asks, “You’re still going to try everything possible to break up that engagement and take Quinn for yourself, aren’t you?”

I don’t need to hesitate. I don’t even need to consider his question. The answer is easy.

“Absolutely.”

As his laughter fills the space around us, I smile against his chest.

“That’s my girl.”

My dad gave me good advice, and I truly listened. I want to be a better person. I want to be a patient good girl, but that’s not me. I am who I am, and I’m sure if I were a guy doing what I’m doing, everyone would make excuses for me. Since I’m a woman, though, I’m labeled crazy.

And guess what?

I don’t care.

I am crazy.

Fucking insane for Quinn.