30. Lazaro

30

LAZARO

I watch Diana leave, hoping she'll do as I asked and head out of town without looking back. She didn't ask to be part of this life, this violence. If my family learns about the baby, they'll make Diana stay, but she deserves better than this life.

A baby? Is it really mine? My emotions run wild at the thought of being a father. A mix of shock, joy, fear, and regret washes over me. I never imagined this possibility. Now, it's all I can think about.

Yet here I am, staring down the barrel of Peter's gun. The harsh reality of my situation crashes back. I’ll never know this child. Never hold them, teach them, or watch them grow. A lump forms in my throat. I’m not afraid to die, but the idea of not being with Diana and watching our child come into the world breaks me.

I suck in a breath knowing there’s no sense in wallowing in what I’m about to lose. I find a strange sense of peace. Diana and the baby will be safe. That's what matters most. They'll be far away from this dangerous life, from the violence and chaos that follows my family. My child will have a chance at a normal life filled with love and light and adventure.

I lock eyes with Peter, steeling myself for whatever comes next. “This is your show, Pete.”

“I’ve waited so long for this. I almost can’t believe I’m here, about to get my revenge.”

I don’t point out that this is the second time he’s taken out his revenge on me. I suppose it doesn’t count since I didn’t actually die.

I glance out the window, noticing the darkness settling. The street lights flicker to life, casting long shadows across the pavement. My eyes scan the area, searching for any sign of movement. That's when I catch a glimpse of Matteo lurking in the shadows. I didn’t tell anyone I was coming here, so it’s a surprise to see him. I imagine Lana put some sort of tracker on my phone as a way to keep tabs on me. Any other time, I’d be annoyed, but right now, I’m relieved. Matteo or one of Elio’s men surely made sure Diana got away safe.

I turn my attention back to Peter, who's watching me with a mix of hatred and suspicion. I need to keep him focused on me, away from the window as I consider my options. Diana has pushed the ends of the tie into my hands, and I’m hopeful with a yank, it might come free.

“So, what’s next?” I ask.

He sneers at me. "You think you're some kind of hero, don't you? Advocating for that woman's release. But we both know the truth. You're nothing but a cold-blooded killer."

I meet Peter's gaze, my voice steady as I respond. "You've got it all wrong, Peter. If anyone here's a killer, it's you. My family never did anything to yours, yet you murdered my parents in cold blood."

"They deserved it! Your whole family deserves to die for what you've done!"

I shake my head slowly, my voice calm despite the tension in the air. It’s strange how calm I’m acting compared to the other times I was completely unhinged.

"You can tell yourself that if it makes you feel better. But deep down, you know the truth. And your father? He knows the truth too. Wherever he is now, I bet he's disappointed in what you've become."

I’m surprised his head doesn’t explode from the rage pulsing through him.

"You're going to pay for what you did to my father."

“You’re like a fucking broken record. Are you going to make me pay or are we going to stand here like two pussies?”

Peter's eyes go wild, and he waves the gun erratically. This is my chance. In one swift motion, I use my bound hands to knock the weapon from his grasp. The gun goes off with a deafening bang, but I'm already moving.

Without hesitation, I loop my tied arms over Peter's head, moving behind him and pulling him into a tight chokehold. He struggles against me, but I've got the advantage now. As we grapple, I manage to work the tie off my wrists, freeing my hands.

I release the choke hold and turn him. He has no time to react as rage and adrenaline course through me. My fists connect with his face and body in a flurry of punches. Each blow is fueled by anger. Anger for my parents, for what he did to me, for hurting Lana, for threatening Diana and our unborn child.

I don't hold back. Peter tries to defend himself, but he's no match for my fury. His bones crack under my knuckles. Blood splatters with each hit. I don’t want to be a murderer, but this motherfucker needs to die.

All the pain and confusion of the past three years pours out of me as I continue my assault. Peter's face is barely recognizable now, swollen and bloody. He's stopped fighting back, but I keep going, lost in a haze of violence.

I barely register the sound of the door bursting open or the shouts behind me. Hands grip my shoulders to pull me off Peter.

"Lazaro, stop!" Henry's voice cuts through the fog of my fury. He's trying to pull me off Peter, but I resist, unwilling to let go of the man who threatened everything I hold dear.

"Let him finish it," Matteo growls. "This should have been done when that bastard kidnapped Lana."

I raise my fist, but before I can land another blow, Elio's calm voice breaks through. "Enough, Lazaro.” He puts his hand on my shoulder. "He's done. Look at him."

For the first time, I truly see the damage I've inflicted. Peter lies motionless beneath me, his face a swollen, bloody mess. His chest rises. He’s not dead. For a moment, I want to finish him, but then I take in what I’ve done. I’ve become Peter, enacting revenge.

Slowly, I lower my fist and allow Henry to pull me away. The adrenaline fades, leaving me shaky and disoriented.

"You did what needed to be done," Matteo murmurs, but I can barely hear him over the roaring in my ears.

I stare down at Peter's battered form, my chest heaving as I catch my breath. The rage that consumed me moments ago ebbs.

I flex my bloodied knuckles, wincing at the pain. "He's not worth it. I won't become what he is."

Henry moves in to check Peter.

“Why you don’t finish him off, I don’t know,” Matteo says to him.

“I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to,” Henry admits. “But I don’t want to be what he is, either.”

Several uniformed officers enter the café. I tense, wondering if I’m going to jail until I recognize them as some of Elio's men on the force.

One of the officers, a stocky man whose name I can’t remember, approaches me. "You alright, Mr. D'Amato?" He eyes my bloodied hands.

I nod, suddenly feeling drained. "Yeah, I'm fine. Take care of him." I gesture toward Peter's unconscious form. “Lock him up and throw away the key.”

Rodriguez and his partner move to handcuff Peter, who's starting to stir and groan. I watch as they lift him none too gently, reciting his rights as they drag him out of the café.

Matteo claps me on the shoulder. "You did good, Cousin. That bastard got what he deserved."

“I thought he was in jail,” I say, wondering if I was remembering what Henry and Lana had said about him when I first got home and they were trying to trigger my memories.

“He escaped from the mental hospital a couple weeks back. He’s probably been following you,” Henry says.

I look over at Matteo. “Didn’t I tell you I thought someone was watching?”

He laughs. “You did. I thought you were just being paranoid.”

“Yeah, well, I wasn’t. And look what almost happened.” I think of Diana then. I have an overwhelming need to see her, to make sure she's safe, to talk about our future and the child we've created. Except… I’ve sent her away.

I turn to Henry, my heart racing. "Diana… is she safe?"

Henry’s expression is reassuring. "I sent her to the mansion. She should be there by now."

My stomach drops. This isn't what I wanted. Well, it is, but it’s not what I told her to do. Not that she wouldn’t do her own thing, but I hoped she’d listen to me and start a new life far away from the D’Amatos.

I clench my fists, ignoring the pain shooting through my bruised knuckles. "Damn it, Henry. She was supposed to leave town."

Henry raises an eyebrow. "You wanted her to go? But Lana said?—”

I cut him off with a sharp wave of my hand. "It doesn't matter what Lana said.”

“She drove her own car,” Matteo offers. “Maybe she ignored Henry.”

Elio looks at me with concern. “Why would you make her go when you love her?”

“What do you know of it?” I’m being an asshole, but I don’t want to talk about mushy emotions with them.

“I know love,” Elio says.

“It bit him in the ass,” Matteo agrees.

I gesture to the bloody spot on the floor. “That’s why. She deserves better than this. I’ll marry Ava and do my duty. Now can we go?”

Elio’s gaze is sharp, assessing. It makes me squirm, so I turn and head out of the café. As I drive home, I mentally prepare for the life I need to lead. I'll marry Ava, as planned. It's my duty to the family, after all. I'll try to be good to her, to make the best of our arranged union. Maybe, in time, I'll even learn to care for her. The question is whether or not my love for Diana will fade. Will she ever stop haunting me?

The moment I step into the foyer, Lana rushes toward me, throwing her arms around me in a tight embrace.

"Thank God you're okay," she whispers, her voice thick with emotion.

I return her hug, feeling a mix of love and guilt. As she pulls away, Henry enters behind me and approaches her. “What about me?”

She doesn’t say anything, but the way her arms wrap around him and she buries her face in his neck tells me she’s relieved he’s okay too.

Piper rushes past me and into Elio’s arms.

He laughs. “You do this every time. I don’t have a scratch.”

“Don’t mock me,” she snaps.

He gives her a kiss. “Yes, Ma’am.”

Jealousy flares that my siblings have true love. A love I had but am too afraid to grab onto for fear of hurting Diana.

Exhaustion suddenly hits me. My knuckles throb. I need to wash the blood and stench of Peter Hartley away.

"I need a shower," I mutter.

As I make my way to the stairs, I see Diana standing in the entryway to the living room, looking both relieved and uncertain. My heart leaps at the sight of her, even as frustration wells up inside me. Why is she here? She should be far away from all of this by now.

I approach her, my emotions warring within me. "You shouldn't be here.”

Diana meets my gaze with strength, even as I see how much my words hurt her. "I just needed to know that you're okay. I'll leave like you asked, I promise. I just… I had to see for myself."

Her words break me open. Fucking hell, how I want to pull her close, to tell her to stay. But I can't. For her sake and the baby's, she needs to be as far from this life as possible.

"Stop being an asshole, Lazaro!” Lana snaps at me. “You need her.”

I clench my fists, ignoring the pain shooting through my bruised knuckles. “So what?”

I turn back to Diana, steeling myself against the hurt in her eyes. But before I can say anything more, she lifts her chin, a sad smile on her face.

"It's okay. I've always known that this wasn't my place. I'm just happy that you're safe."

I want to tell her she's wrong, that this is exactly where she belongs. But I can't. I swallow hard, fighting against the urge to pull her into my arms. "Diana, I?—”

But she shakes her head, cutting me off. "You don't have to explain. I understand."

"Stop being so damn stubborn.” Lana’s eyes flash with frustration. "You're both miserable. Just tell her the truth!"

I feel my temper rising, the stress of the day threatening to boil over. "Enough.”

But Lana isn't backing down. She steps closer, her voice dropping to a fierce whisper. "You love her, you idiot. And she loves you. Don't throw that away because you're scared."

I glance around, suddenly acutely aware of the audience. Elio, Piper, Henry—they're all watching this unfold with varying degrees of interest and concern. Even some of the staff are peering through doors to catch snippets of our heated exchange.

The weight of their stares is suffocating. I need Diana to understand, but not like this. Not with the world hanging on every word and reaction. I’m not a fucking reality show.

"I'm not doing this here," I growl, my patience finally snapping. "Not in front of everyone."

Without waiting for a response, I turn to Diana. "Come with me," I say, my tone leaving no room for argument. "We’ll talk. Privately."

I don't wait for her response, simply turning and heading for the stairs. As I climb, I hear her soft footsteps behind me, following me up to my room.

I close the door behind us as we enter my room. Diana stands before me, her arms wrapped around herself as if for protection. The sight of her vulnerability makes my chest ache.

God, I want her. I love her. I feel like my world exists only for her. How can I make her go? "Did you mean it? When you said you loved me?"

Diana’s sweet face watches me. "Yes, I meant it. But I know you don't feel the same way."

"Is that what you think?" I demand, frustration seeping into my tone.

She simply stares at me. Of course she thinks that. I never told her I love her.

I run a hand through my hair, exasperated. "I remember you saying you were looking for your place in the world. I wanted to be that place for you, Diana. But all I've brought you is danger and grief."

Diana's eyes sharpen with a spark of defiance. "That wouldn't matter if you loved me too.”

Her words hang in the air between us. I stare at her, my heart pounding in my chest, torn between what I want and what I believe is right. If I tell her, I won’t be able to do right by her and the baby.

She gives me a sad smile. “I’m glad you’re okay. I’ll go, and I don’t need anything.”

Fuck. I can’t let her go without a means to raise the child. I’m paralyzed as she heads to my door. My heart races, and I know I can't let her walk out that door without telling her the truth.

"Diana, wait.”

She pauses, her hand on the doorknob, but doesn't turn around.

"I love you.” The words tumble out. "I went to that café because I couldn't stand the thought of living without you. I thought I'd go crazy if I didn't see you again."

Diana slowly turns to face me, her eyes wide with disbelief. "But you told me to leave.”

I’ve been battered and bruised. Stabbed. Shot. But the pain and torment I feel at this moment is about to bring me to my knees.

“This life of mine… God, watching Peter threaten you. I couldn’t breathe. If something happened to you, I couldn’t survive it.”

“But you thought I was working with him.” The pain in her eyes tells me that my doubt gutted her. Another item to add to my growing list of things to feel guilty about.

“When the memories came and you were there… I didn’t know what to think. I tend to go to dark places, you know?”

She nods.

“But by the end, I knew the truth. Even as I said those vile things, I just did it so he wouldn’t hurt you to hurt me.”

She gives me a nod.

I take a step closer. “I should have told you before you left, but… I’m a coward. The truth is, I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone.”

She arches a brow. “How do you know? Do you remember your harem of women?”

I think she might be teasing me. It gives me hope. “I know without a doubt that I love you more than anyone. That's why I wanted you to leave. I thought I was protecting you."

“Is that still what you want?”

Fuck no . My heart constricts at her question. Every fiber of my being wants to pull her close and never let go. But the rational part of my mind screams at me to let her go, to give her a chance at a normal life.

"I…" I start, then falter, unsure of what to say. "I want you in my life more than anything, Diana. But I don't want to ruin your life. You deserve so much better than what I can offer you."

Diana takes a step toward me, her eyes searching mine. "Don't I get a say in what I deserve?"

I swallow hard as the memory of Peter holding a gun to her head flashes through my mind, making me shudder.

"It's not just about what we want. It's about what's safe. What's right."

“I’ve been in danger before.” She purses her lips at me like she’s annoyed. “Once I was in a tornado. Another time, I had a roommate whose boyfriend used to beat her and when I intervened, he threatened to kill me.”

“Who?” The darkness fills me. “I’ll hunt him down and kill him.”

Diana shakes her head, her eyes softening. "That's not the point. The point is that the world is dangerous. I could leave here and get struck by lightning or run over by a car. But at least here with you, I’d feel safe and protected. You can't use danger as an excuse to push me away."

Her words challenge everything I thought I was doing to protect her.

"No more excuses. If you don't want me and the baby, just say it. Be honest with me. I’m a big girl, and I’ve had lots of experience in this sort of thing."

The thought of not wanting her and our child is so far from the truth it's almost laughable. It’s a crime that she’s had a life in which she never felt at home.

"I can't tell you that because it's not true. I want you more than I've ever wanted anything in my life." No truer words have ever come from my mouth. Well, except for when I told her I loved her.

"Then ask me to stay. If you really want me, ask me to stay."

I take a deep breath, feeling the weight of this moment. I've spent so long pushing her away, trying to protect her, that I almost forgot how to let her in. But I can't deny my feelings anymore.

"I love you, Diana. I love you more than I thought possible. You're the only thing that keeps my demons at bay, the only person who makes me feel like I can be better than who I was."

I step closer to her, reaching out to take her hands in mine. "That's why I broke off my engagement to Ava. I couldn't go through with it knowing you were out there. I had to find you, to tell you how sorry I am for ever thinking I could live without you. But then Peter?—”

“I don’t want to talk about him anymore.”

I take her hands and take the biggest step forward in my life. "Stay with me. Let me make it up to you every day for the rest of our lives."

She gives me a nod, and I pull her close.

“Thank fuck.” I bury my face in her wild red hair and inhale her scent. When I pull back, I look down at her. “A baby? I’m still reeling.”

Diana looks down. "I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I didn't want to complicate things for Ava and your family."

More guilt. I reach out, gently tilting her chin up so she meets my gaze.

"I'm so sorry. I was trying to do what I thought was right, but I was wrong. Can you forgive me? Can we start over?"

Diana's eyes search mine. “If you really want me and the baby to stay… like a family, Lazaro. I don’t want to be your woman for now until you find another one.”

“I don’t want another one. Did you miss the part where I said I love you?”

Her lips twitch upward. “No. I heard that.”

“I don’t think you did. I love you. I love you. I love you.” The more I say it, the easier it is. The more I want to shout it to the world.

She laughs. “I just… this feels like my place, Lazaro. I don’t want to be wrong.”

“You’re not wrong. Your place is here with me. If I got down on one knee and asked you to marry me, would you believe it?”

And then I see it. That sparkle. The life. “I don’t know. Maybe you should try it.”

“Fuck. I’m not prepared. I don’t have a ring or flowers.”

She deserves the works. Fancy dinner. Romantic music. A ring the size of a golf ball.

“I don’t need a ring. I just need you.”

Without hesitation, I drop to one knee, taking her hand in mine. “Diana. I know I’ve been a fucking idiot, but I love you more than anything. Will you marry me?"