Chapter 37

Dr. Rice smilesas she sits down in the armchair opposite me. Barbara is on the couch, fiddling with her blouse. Dr. Rice's private office, outside of the rehab facility, is decorated in warm grays with white accents. Colorful watercolors hang on the walls, complementing the light gray furniture and chairs. On the coffee table is a lit citrus-scented candle next to a box of tissues and a mini Zen garden. It's a tranquil atmosphere, immediately putting me at ease. Barbara has continued seeing Dr. Rice weekly since she's left the rehab facility, and I have been joining her every other week for family therapy.

Dr. Rice opens her memo pad to a fresh page and clicks her pen. "It's nice to see you again, Summer. How have you been?"

"I've been good." I smile, clasping my hands in my lap.

"Barbara shared with me you have a friend who came to visit from Italy."

"Yes." I uncross my legs, shift and cross them again, uncertain of how this will go. "Um, that's what I wanted to talk about today, if that's okay?"

Dr. Rice smiles, tilting her head and fixing her gaze on Barbara. "Barbara, are you okay with talking about Summer's friend?"

"Sure. He's quite the catch. If I were ten years younger—"

"Mom…" I groan.

"Summer, why don't you tell us about him?" Dr. Rice interrupts, jotting down a note. "Is he still here? Is he staying at your place?"

"Yes, his family owns an olive farm here. He's been working there all week, and yes, he's staying with me." I shift in my seat, worried about how Barbara will take my announcement. "I met Lorenzo while I was in Italy this summer. We were…are romantically involved. He's asked me to move to Italy with him."

"How wonderful." Dr. Rice smiles warmly. "Is that exciting for you, Summer?"

"Yes, very much so. I'd like to go, but I'm worried. I don't want to leave Barbara."

"What worries you about leaving Barbara behind?"

I cast an anxious glance at my mom. "I'm worried she'll slip back into her old ways without me around. She's been doing so amazing these past few months, I don't want to interrupt her progress by moving thousands of miles away. This summer when I went away is when everything fell apart."

Dr. Rice nods. "Barbara, do you want to respond?"

Barbara shakes her foot at a manic speed. "Summer, I'm a recovering alcoholic. It's something I have to live with every day. I'm trying to survive this. I want to survive this. I don't want to be the person I was before the accident." She looks over at Dr. Rice, who nods her head, reassuring. "I think it's a good idea for you to move to Italy. You need your freedom and I need to learn how to be independent…from you."

"But Mom—"

"I'll be alright, Summer. For God's sakes, stop acting like you're the glue holding me together—"

"But that's just it! I have been holding you together…for years. Making sure you don't crack again. Do you know how stressful that has been?"

My knuckles are white from clasping the armrests. The elephant in the room slowly makes a lap between us.

"The truth is, you're stifling me," she says.

I glance at Dr. Rice, my mouth parting in disbelief before my gaze returns to Barbara. "I'm stifling you?"

"Yes. Ever since the accident, you've been smothering me. I'm surprised you don't make me take daily breathalyzer tests."

"Well, excuse me for caring."

"I know you care! You care too damn much. I don't deserve it."

"Barbara, why do you feel you don't deserve it?" Dr. Rice asks.

"Because I haven't been a good mom to her. I haven't been a good person."

My anger dissipates like morning mist. She looks so frail, hunched over on the couch. "You're my mom. Despite all the awful shit, I still love you and care about you."

Barbara pulls out a few tissues, unable to meet my gaze.

"Summer, are you worried that if Barbara slips back to her old ways, you'll feel guilty and blame yourself?"

"Yes." I shift in my seat, focusing on the Zen garden.

"That's a lot to carry on your shoulders. Barbara, how does that make you feel?"

"Like I wish I had a cigarette right now," she grumbles, looking up at the ceiling. "Sometimes the pressure and scrutiny I'm under from her makes me want to backpedal."

"Whoa, wait a minute." I hold up my hands. "I'm in your corner. I just want you to get better."

"And I want to get better, I do. But Summer, you have to give me a chance. I've seen the difference in you since Lorenzo arrived. You're softer, more thoughtful…happy. I know I'm holding you back. I want you to go to Italy. I will be okay here."

"Summer, do you trust what Barbara says?"

"I trust she wants to be a better person, but I don't believe she'll be okay here without me."

"Oh, for Pete's sake, you're not my fucking savior, Summer," Barbara snaps.

Dr. Rice holds up a hand. "Summer, Barbara is right. You can't keep her from slipping or making a mistake. Only Barbara can do that. She has a great support system here, and we will continue therapy. You've been her conservator long enough. I think independence will do wonders for her growth and recovery. She has given you her blessing to go to Italy, and I support that move as well."

Barbara moves over closer to me and holds out her hand. I hesitate a few seconds, before placing mine over her upturned palm. Sadness and regret are etched in the fine lines around her eyes. "I'm sorry I haven't been there for you. Let me be the one to stand in your corner for once. Go to Italy, Summer. Be happy for once in your life."

I squeeze her hand before pulling away. I unclasp the golden horn from around my neck and lay it in her palm. "For protection, Mom. Wear it for me. La mia famiglia." I wipe a tear from my cheek, finally putting my past to rest. Free from the cage that has trapped me my whole life.