Chapter 25

25

New Year's Eve was always an exciting time in our household.

Dad went all out with decorations and food. He pretty much invited the whole neighbourhood, as well as his, mine, and Nate's friends, to bring in the new year. Nate usually brought his gaming console down to the lounge, and they all glued themselves to the screen until the countdown. Avery, Alex, and I usually watched and took turns before we snuck out to watch the fireworks by the river.

This year, though, we opted out of our usual tradition, instead choosing to stay at the party when we saw the rain forecast.

Nate's friends came over early while I was helping Dad with the decorations. I had been on the ladder hanging the ‘Happy New Year' banner above the stairs when they all started shuffling through the door, heading straight to the couch. Some of them I recognised from the baseball team and some I knew as Nate's old school friends.

My eyes immediately locked on Reece as I looked over my shoulder. He paused in the doorway in the middle of kicking his shoes off, eyes already on me. His mouth quirked up into a hint of a smile, one just for me, and I beamed under his attention. He took a step towards me after kicking off his other shoe, but then one of the boys wrapped an arm around his shoulders and told him to hurry up, before guiding him toward the couch. He shot me an apologetic look over his shoulder before his friends wrapped him up in conversation.

I was too engrossed in setting up decorations, so it wasn't until later in the evening that I saw him.

I was setting the New Years themed paper plates on the table in the kitchen when Reece sidled up beside me, plucking a plate from the pile and looking over the food lined up.

"Need any help?" he asked, his gaze shifting from the food to me.

I looked up at him, noticing how close he stood to me. So close that my arm brushed his as I turned to him.

I hummed. "You could actually," I paused to collect the bag next to the dining table and held it out for him. "You could hand out these to your friends."

I pressed my lips into a thin line to suppress the twitch in them as I pulled out one of the black and silver sparkly party hats that said ‘Happy New Year' on them. I placed one on his head and secured the string under his chin before he could pull away.

His lips fell and he shot me a deadpanned look. "Really?"

I grinned. "Get into the celebrating mood, Reece. It's coming up to the new year. It's meant to be exciting."

His lips twitched a little as he pulled out one of the party hats in the bag to inspect it. "To be honest, I've never been excited for New Year's."

I tilted my head as I stared at him, his eyes downcasted to the hat in his hands. "Why?"

He doesn't look at me and I can't tell the expression in his eyes, but I noticed his lips turn down. I reached out to touch his wrist, skimming my thumb across his skin, a show to tell him I was here for him.

His breath was nothing but a hoarse whisper, clogged with memories and grief. "The beginning of the year is always hard. And especially my birthday. It's just another reminder of my mother."

My breath hitched. He never brought up his mother. I didn't know a single thing about her. All I knew was she wasn't around. My hand tightened around his wrist.

"What happened?" I said quietly.

He didn't say anything for a moment, but the hand opposite to the one I was holding wrapped around my wrist as if to gain some semblance of strength. As if I was the one holding him strong.

His voice came out strangled, holding onto his emotions tightly. "She died. Because of me."

My stomach sank, sorrow punching me deep in the gut as he stood there with his eyes still downcast as he delivered the news.

I reached up to his face, but he stepped back, his eyes finally flicking up to mine. They swirled with every type of emotion before he blinked and his carefully laid mask slipped back into place.

"I'll go deliver these to the guys. I know they'll love them."

He stepped away and left me standing there, grieving for him, not knowing how he could shift so easily and plaster on that smile all day when it was obvious that the absence of his mother weighed him down.

Dad pulled Nate and his friends out of the lounge so he could take over later that night. He bought a karaoke game to surprise us all when the adults had enough alcohol in their system. Alex, Avery, and I had a slight buzz too from stolen drinks — not that Dad cared.

The couch had been pushed to the side of the room, opening the floor for entertainment.

Alex and I didn't even hesitate as we took the first duo song we knew how to sing to kick start the night, while Avery shook her head at us, hiding her smile and laughter as she watched us make a fool of ourselves.

Dad convinced every reluctant person to join, even Nate's friends. It was quite funny, watching Dad in his inebriated state stumbling around, wrapping his arm around all of them like they were the best of friends, belting out lyrics of 80s and 90s hits. He had Nate under his arm at one point, forcing the mic on him as Nate grumbled half about how drunk he was and half the lyrics.

He roped me into a duo with him, but there wasn't much convincing. This was our daily.

Once he had set the vibe, everyone started to take over. Some of it was so over the top and embarrassing that I felt sorry for any of the neighbours that stayed home to have a quiet night. Dad, however, looked very triumphant as he stood in the corner of the room watching everyone enjoying themselves.

Reece took a seat beside me on the couch later that night as I curled up with a plate of food clutched to my chest. He crossed his arms against his chest before he leaned towards my ear.

"Can we go somewhere quiet?" He nodded towards the front door as the screeches of one of Nate's friends and one of Dad's friends sang the lyrics of Take On Me .

I winced before turning my head to look at Reece.

From the outside, you would think everything was normal with his casual appearance and the twitch of his lips when the men tried to hit the song's high note. But looking closer into the eyes he could never quite hide his emotions from, they swirled with an inner turmoil I knew he was barely hanging onto.

That was all I needed before I agreed and stood, looking for Avery to let her know I'd be out.

I found Avery on the opposite side of the lounge, leaning back against the wall, while Jake stood beside her, his shoulder propped up against the wall, smirking down at her. She rolled her eyes and shot him a look as she spoke to him, no doubt saying something snarky.

As soon as Jake saw Avery earlier that day, he took every opportunity to talk to her. When she walked into the room, when she walked past him, and when he walked past her, I could see the interest in his eyes. Any time she shot a quick remark to him or an eye roll his way, his eyes gleamed.

I whispered in her ear that I was stepping out for a moment as I watched Reece sneak out the front door without anyone paying attention. But Avery caught sight of it and lifted a brow.

"If you're not back in at least twenty minutes, I'll send a search party."

She nodded to me before I left her side and snuck to the front door. I glanced back to the lounge, making sure no one, especially Nate, saw me, and as quietly as I could, stepped out of the house.

It had started to rain since we got caught up in the karaoke entertainment and water pelted the cement of the driveway.

Reece stood in front of me, leaning against the left-side pillar of the porch. The light pouring through the window from the lounge room caught on the keys to my car that Reece held in his fingers.

"Let's go sit in your car. People will notice us out here." I nodded and then he held out his hand with a curl of his lip. "Ready to run?"

I grabbed his hand and we quickly made our way across the front lawn to where my car was parked on the street. He unlocked the car before opening the passenger door and beckoning me to enter. He closed the door behind me and ran around to the driver's side, hopping inside, hair already drenched from the rain. He shook his head and flicked his hair back from his eyes, whipping water everywhere, making me shriek.

He chuckled and muttered a ‘sorry' before turning the car on and flipping the heater on. It took a while before the heat kicked in, finally relaxing my muscles.

It was quiet between us while we tried to warm up from the freezing rain.

"Do you mind if I put on music?" Reece cut the silence and made me look up from my hands as I rubbed them together.

I shook my head. "Go ahead."

The first song played through the speakers and Reece lowered the volume until it was a quiet murmur, just enough to break the silence and be heard through the raindrops pelting against the car but not too loud where we couldn't hear each other.

He sighed and tilted his head back to lean against the headrest, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel along with the soft beat of the music and his eyes closed tightly.

I watched him as I curled into the seat sideways, head resting on the headrest. I took note of the tense set of his jaw and the furrow of his brows, wanting to reach over and smooth them over. But I waited for him. Let him take his time processing his thoughts or whatever he needed to do before he explained why we were out here. Although I did have a small suspicion as to why, I would hold him tight through whatever was going on in that head of his.

The first song ended and then the next song started, the guitar riffs of 3 AM by Matchbox Twenty I recognised immediately.

Reece let out an empty chuckle before he opened his eyes and dropped them to mine. What I saw dropped my heart. Water lined them, just waiting to break through and escape down his cheek. His eyes were puffy from the unshed tears, and I wanted to crawl into his lap and try to somehow transfer all the pain that deepened in his eyes into me so he didn't suffer anymore.

He swore under his breath before choking out, "The universe must be telling me something." He leaned his head back against the headrest. "This was my mother's favourite."

I wanted to know more, but I didn't question him. I kept silent as he swallowed as if to push down his emotions and reached for my hand. He squeezed it twice as soon as I grasped it. It was like a wordless ‘thank you' that I understood immediately.

I sat there, letting the music wash over us, holding his hand as if I could pour whatever strength I had into him through that connection.

Reece's voice was more of a croak as he began to speak. "I don't actually know if this song specifically was her favourite, but Dad told me she loved Matchbox Twenty." A smile touched his lips but his eyes remained closed. "And I feel more connected to her listening to this song." Then he swallowed, his smile dropping. "I kept her CDs and hid them when Dad started throwing her things away. It's the only thing of hers that I have."

There was a bitter chuckle that escaped him as he lifted his head and looked at me. "I don't even have a single memory of her. Not a single picture with her or even of her."

His jaw clenched before he dragged his teeth over his lip, one single tear escaping down his cheek.

I squeezed his hand to drag his attention back to me when I saw the turmoil start in his eyes. "What happened?"

He swallowed and sniffed, wiping the tear away with his shoulder. He tore his gaze away from mine, looking down at the empty floor of the passenger side.

"She had a lot of health complications during pregnancy. It was hard for her to even get pregnant, I was told. But through close observation throughout, she was finally going to have her own child. But then during labour, she went unconscious and they had to do an emergency C-section. An hour later, she was…" His face strained as his jaw clenched and he took a deep breath. "Gone."

My heart bottomed out.

I couldn't even imagine what he'd been going through. Losing his mum like that was just so…

"What you said, earlier, was that it was because of you." My head spun to him. Again, my heart cracked when he nodded. "Why would you blame yourself for that? You didn't have control of that. It wasn't your fault."

He shook his head. "It was, though. Because of me throughout her pregnancy, it was bad news after bad news and now I'm here and she's not. She shouldn't have had to suffer just for me to live and for her to die." Two tears dripped down his cheek. "Why did it have to be me?" he asked almost to himself in a pained whimper.

I climbed over the centre console, into his lap and wrapped my arms around him, holding him to me. His arms wrapped me tighter, coming around my waist and tugging me close as his face pressed into my shoulder with a shuddering breath.

I held him as his shoulders shook and I felt his tears pool on my shoulder. I held him for so long that my legs started to go numb from being cramped in the small space. He didn't let go and I pushed through the pain just to hold him longer.

The rain became softer, more of a sprinkle, and the music a soft hum between as we pulled away. I stared into the sad depths of his eyes, the pain, the grief, the sorrow all laying thick in them.

I swallowed as I took his face in my hands and punctuated my next words. "Her death was not your fault. But her death was not in vain. You, Reece, are such an amazing person and she would be so proud of who you are. And I'm sure she would not want you blaming yourself over something you couldn't control."

He bit his bottom lip to contain the trembling as his eyes watered again. He stared at me with this deep-seated intensity, awe, and something I can only describe as need — like I was all he needed.

"Thank you," he whispered in a raw voice. "Thank you for listening to me. I don't know what I would do without you."

I smiled. "I will always be here for you, Reece. You're stuck with me." I paused, wondering if that was too strong, so I added, "You know, with your close friendship with Nate and all."

His lips lifted. "Nate out of the equation, I hope I'm stuck with you."

He kept his heavy-lidded eyes on mine. All his attention was on me and I was just as hypnotised. They softened the longer he stared, an intensity building in them that I'd been experiencing more often than not with him and I couldn't quite understand it. But it made my heart lurch, like he had reached into my chest and tethered my heart to his. My nose knocked against his and his eyes followed the movement with a small lift of his lips. His tears had dried and the few tears that had escaped stained his cheek. I reached up to wipe them away.

His gaze flicked between mine before he opened his mouth. "You're too good, Kody."

I caressed his cheek. "And so are you, Reece."

He shook his head, but he didn't say anything else about it, just nodded toward the house and said, "We should head back in."

I nodded but before moving I ran my thumb against his cheek, furrowing my brows. "Are you okay?"

His smile was small but he nodded. "I am now."

My eyes moved over the features of his face as if to make sure he truly was. As if I could tell just by looking at him. And I knew he wasn't, he would never be truly okay. He believed he was the reason his mother was dead and no matter how many times I could say it wasn't his fault, I knew it wouldn't remove that belief. It's like it's been ingrained in there. Nailed to him like a wanted poster.

But I nodded and opened the driver's door, climbing off his lap before he followed.

I led the way, planning to go first through the front door with Reece following a few minutes later.

A hand tugged me back as we were halfway up the driveway and I turned as my body collided with Reece's. His fingers tilted my chin up and he leaned down before his lips pressed against mine.

There was so much passion and emotion behind it, with the pressure of his lips and the tug of his fingers pulling me further into him. I would've happily fallen into him, into that kiss, as I grasped the sides of his shirt. He let go all too soon, but kept his lips just above mine, brushing against them.

"Thank you," he whispered into my lips. My eyes fluttered open to see the utter sincerity in them, a dipple popping in his cheek. "Now, let's get back in there before they start looking for us. We've already been gone a long time that some are probably questioning."

I leaned up to peck his lips again then pulled away with a smile and brushed his hand with my thumb. He mirrored me and then I was ducking through the door once I knew no one was looking. Returning to reality where there was no him and I. Smiling and laughing with everyone, pretending that my heart wasn't aching for the boy full of grief and misplaced guilt. That my heart wasn't yearning to fix him.