Chapter 37

Oh, I’m really in the shit. My mum looks so pissed off and hurt. And she has every right to. I’ve been putting this moment off too long, looking for any excuse for avoiding telling her. Brodie has given up asking me about it. She must have found out where I’m now living through someone else. Probably Drew. So I’m gonna be in the shit with him too.

And Brodie? Well, he’s giving me a WTF look. My pathetic attempts to explain sound more defensive than explanatory. But before I can start again, Milo squawks, and all eyes turn to him.

“I’m going to get him cleaned up.” Brodie walks past me and gives my arm a squeeze. He picks up Milo and carries him out of the room.

As soon as Brodie and Milo are out of earshot, my mum spins around to me. “What’s going on, Ivan? This is all very confusing. You never wanted a relationship, and after your dad died, you became more determined to stay away from anything serious.”

“You know why.”

“I do, and I’ve hated it.” She gestures to the upstairs. “He seems nice.”

“He’s amazing. He makes me think differently, that some things are worth changing for. He’s handled this whole mess incredibly. Never faltering or questioning me. I couldn’t do this without him.”

“This is where it gets confusing. How on earth did you end up with a child? Have you adopted him? Is he your boyfriend’s?”

Before I can answer, Brodie comes back with a very awake Milo and passes him to me. “Can you get us some coffee, babe?”

“May I hold him?”

Her eyes swell with tears just as mine did when I first saw him. She talks softly to him, then looks at me with the expression she used to give me when I was ten and I’d done something bad. She’s going to want more answers. Answers I don’t want to share with her. She knows Kate. When my dad was alive, they were friends with her parents and often went out for dinner or drinks together.

Brodie comes back in, announcing he’s going to go out. I understand why he wants to leave us to work through this, but that doesn’t mean I want him to. But he closes the door behind him, and it’s just me and my mum. This woman has a way of getting the truth out of me. She’s always had a knack for knowing exactly the right thing to say to me.

“Okay, I can understand you don’t want to tell me who his mother is, or do you not know? Never mind. You can tell me what happened and how you finally got to have him. What happens when his mother wants him back?”

“She won’t want him back, and she can’t. She wants nothing to do with him and signed him over. She has left a substantial amount of money, but I don’t want it. We’ve put it in a trust until Milo’s eighteen. The documents are sealed, so he can’t find out who she is until he’s of age. Hopefully, we’ll have done a good enough job of raising him by then, and he won’t be interested in knowing the person who signed him away hours after his birth.” I pour coffee into two mugs and make Mum’s the way she’s always had it.

“Money, you said, and a substantial amount. Interesting.” She regards me with shrewdness in her gaze.

Fuck, she knows about me and Kate, which means she can put two and two together and work out that Milo’s mother could be Kate. I stay silent, but when she raises that perfectly shaped eyebrow above her right eye as she used to do, I give in. She won’t stop until she gets the truth out of me.

“Not really. I don’t need to be paid to raise my child. No money can buy a child to clear your conscience. I’m happy never to see or hear from her again. So don’t go poking about. I know what you can be like. You suddenly think you’re Miss Marple.”

“I don’t think I need to do that, nor am I old enough to be Miss Marple. You insult me, Ivan.” She taps a finger to her lips as if she’s weighing up her options, deliberating over her next words. “I can’t say I’m surprised by her actions. Doug and Eileen always considered Kate a burden. An accident. Hence the boarding schools and, once she was old enough to be left at the house, the constant travelling.”

“And if I told you you were wrong, what would you say?” I’m wasting my breath, and we both know it.

“I’d say I didn’t raise a liar.” She looks down at a sleeping Milo. “Did you know she was pregnant?”

“No, well, maybe. I haven’t seen her since last summer, which isn’t unusual. But you know I went away to work last year. I got a text message from Drew with a picture of Kate looking pregnant. I couldn’t work out why he would send it to me. So I kind of forgot about it or pushed it away or didn’t give it another thought. But when I got home, I asked Drew about why he’d sent it. I started counting back and realised it could’ve been when we hooked up. I doubted it, though, because we’d used protection, and she would’ve told me. She’s not the sort of person who likes to stay quiet about things. You know that, Mum. Again I stopped thinking about it.”

“Yes, the whole family are a loud bunch. I never liked the way they showed off, being too noisy in restaurants or talking over someone to make a point. Where does your man come into this? How did you meet? He’s not local.”

I chuckled drily. “He was a one-night stand that left me on my arse. He was special, but I had no way of finding him. Colour me surprised that he was here in Calston Cove. I like to think of destiny, that we were meant to find each other again. He’s the other half of me, my soul mate.”

“And this is his place? I went to the house first and saw it was virtually empty, then had to call Drew because I had no idea where you could be. He seems happy, settled down. I was shocked when you’d told me he lived in the Mill House.”

“Yeah, he and Merrick are very happy. Drew loves Willow like she’s his own. Just as Brodie loves Milo. Brodie is Merrick’s best friend. That’s why he moved here.”

“What will you do about work and Milo? You can’t not work, Ivan. Although Brodie seems to have done well for himself to do up this old place.” Everyone in Calston Cove knows the old Palmer farmhouse and the history behind it. Rumours ran rampant of a huge argument, and the only child of the Palmers’ left the house one day and never came back. Even when they died, he refused to come home. He didn’t want anything to do with it, including any monies from the sale of it. He told them to send the money to the Terrence Higgins Trust. This gave us all an idea of what the argument could’ve been about and the reason he left.

“Hey, cut that out. Brodie sold a mews house in London. He’s turning the barns into a gymnasium. He worked for Well Fit before moving here. He knows his fitness.”

She hit a sore spot, though. I haven’t worked out when or how I can get back to work. The Forestry Commission is off the cards now, and there’s only so much tree work in the area. Surfing lessons aren’t exactly a well-paying job. I’m going to reconsider my career path. But I’ve still got my savings, and even after the cost of getting everything we wanted for Milo, I still have enough left to tide me over for a while.

Milo squirms, ready for his bottle. “Would you like to feed him, Mum?”

She beams, her eyes still glistening with unshed tears. Even after all these years, she knows exactly what to do. The sight of her feeding my child brings home the enormity of what Kate has given up. The lump in my throat makes it hard for me to speak, but I need to talk about it to my mum—as a woman. She may have answers.

“How could she do it, Mum? How can a woman hand over her hour-old child? I mean, fuck, did she ever hold him? Did she not think that talking to me would’ve been a good idea? Instead, she signed a few forms and walked away.”

A thought I hadn’t contemplated springs to mind. “She knew all along she was going to do this. She had all the paperwork ready to sign as soon as he was born. What a bitch! She’d better stay away from me, from Milo.”

“Oh, sweetheart, I don’t know what she was thinking. She was cruel to treat you this way, and I’ll be sure to have a few strong words to her parents. All you can do is love this little mite. He’s innocent in all this and deserves the best life he could ever dream of.”