Chapter 31

We don’t stay long with Merrick and Drew. Ivan is getting fidgety. I think he wants to get some of the essentials ordered to at least make a start on Merrick’s comprehensive list.

Merrick explains how his spreadsheet works. We have must-haves, nice-to-haves, essentials, and absolutely essentials, all highlighted in assorted colours and ratings by each different type of the same product. It’s mindboggling to get my head around, but it will be fun looking at it all, bewildering but in a good way. At least the spare room closest to our bedroom is decorated with neutral colours, and we can easily turn it into a nursery.

“What colour should we do the nursery? Any ideas?” I ask as we get back inside the house. “Maybe we could get some ideas from Pinterest.”

“I don’t even know what that is. Educate me.”

“Why don’t you grab a bottle of wine, and we can get comfy while we shop?” I clasp my hands behind his neck and kiss him. “Let’s have some fun.”

“You’re amazing, you know that? Most men would have run for the hills. Women too, I think. But you’re here talking about nursery colours.”

The thought of leaving him because he’s having a baby has never entered my head. This child is a part of the man I love. I’d always imagined children in my future, and this may not be how I thought it would happen, but it has, and it’s exciting.

“The only way I’m leaving is if you make me.” I kiss him again, deeper this time, sweeping my tongue into his mouth and stroking it against his. I greedily suck on his tongue, nip his lip, and dive back in. He rocks his hips, pressing his erection against mine, and we both moan.

“Never going to happen.” He kisses me between each word, then lets go of my hips and saunters off to the kitchen. God, he has such a fabulous arse.

With him out of sight, I collect his laptop and my iPad. He can be in charge of the ordering. I’ll go on Pinterest for inspiration on decorating rooms for babies. Bloody hell. Hundreds, no, probably thousands of pictures and boards.

“What’s that look for?” Ivan comes up to me and peers at my tablet. “Oh, okay. I get it. Good luck with that.” Chuckling, he hands me a glass of deep ruby-red wine.

“You think your job will be any easier?” I give him the spreadsheet. “Merrick is nothing if not precise.”

Ivan’s eyes all but bulge out of his head. “We can’t need all this. He’s a tiny baby.” Ivan silently mouths each item, looking more and more horrified as he goes down the sheet of paper.

“We should pick the obvious things first. A cot, pram, car seats, that sort of stuff. Then we can look at all the cute things. We only have to have the essentials for him for Friday. We can go out on Saturday for more. There has to be a baby shop or whatever they’re called somewhere around here.”

Ivan relaxes. “I can do that.”

When the first page of prams and pushchairs comes up, I nearly choke on my sip of wine. “How much? How can they charge so much for something so small? It’s not made of titanium, is it?”

Ivan laughs. “I’ve been looking at web pages for a few days. I know about the prices but didn’t know what we should be looking for in styles and sizes.”

I point at a three-wheeler one, which has suspension and shit, then read the reviews and check it against Merrick’s list. They mention it’s good for all terrains, and a few people use it when they go running. “This one, look. I can take Milo with me on my runs. That would be awesome.”

Ivan grins but doesn’t comment. All he does is click ‘Buy Now’ and adds it to our basket. “One down, four million to go.” He kisses my cheek and is suddenly enthusiastic rather than daunted by it all.

“We should measure his room. We need furniture, and I don’t want to get the wrong sizes.” I put my empty glass on the table. “That cool cot has dressers and shit to match.”

“I’m going to order a pizza. I’ll be up in a minute.” He’s already tapping on his phone. I’d forgotten about dinner as I fell into the Pinterest rabbit hole.

A few hours and thousands of pounds later, we have all the basics and a few cool extras we couldn’t resist.

“That was fun, expensive fun, but good. It’s making it a lot more real.” Ivan leans back on the sofa. “I’m going to tell my mum tomorrow.”

“Why have you left it so long? I’m not judging, mind you. Hell, my mum would have been in the car before I finished talking. She was like it when my sisters-in-law started producing grandbabies.”

“Exactly. I needed the facts. If Milo wasn’t mine, she didn’t need to know.”

“Except when you took him. You weren’t going to leave him in the system, love. We both know that.”

The smile Ivan gives me is sad, and his eyes gleam with unshed tears. “I’m exhausted. Today’s been one hell of a day.”

“Time for bed, then. We’ve got a busy day tomorrow.”

“Is that the last of it?” I ask Ivan as he places the large box on the landing floor.

“For today. The rest is coming tomorrow.” He peers into the room. “This is looking great. You’re much better at this than me.”

I climb down from the ladder and cast a critical eye over the room. “Yeah, it’s coming along nicely. We should be able to move the furniture in here tonight.”

We chose pale grey for three of the walls and midnight blue for the wall behind the cot. The cloud-shaped battery night lights are already on the dark wall. The hot-air balloon stickers are going on the grey walls when they’re dry. The white furniture will look great in here too.

“I’ll be done in about an hour. We can start getting it all in then. Have you called your mum yet?” He’s procrastinating, debating about whether he should wait until Milo is here with us. I can’t call him out on it, though. I haven’t told my family about Ivan. That I’ve fallen in love with a man. It’s not like we talk much anyway. I haven’t spoken to them since Christmas, and we were too new then to share the news.

“Nope, I’m going to wait until he’s here. We’ve got too much to do without having to answer a million questions. We got this today.” Ivan waves an A4 envelope at me.

“What is it?” I take the envelope from him and pull out the contents.

“It’s a copy of Milo’s routine. The foster family thinks it’s a good idea for us to know how his day goes. We should practice some of it. I mean, do you know how to put a nappy on a baby?”

“I helped with Willow when she was a baby. Merrick needed time alone with Josh when he was ill and after when he was grieving. It’s not too difficult. They can wriggle about, which makes it tricky, but I don’t think Milo is old enough to be rolling over.”

“I’m going to read the rest of it. Are you good here?”

I give him a thumbs up and go back up the ladder.

“This looks amazing,” Merrick says when he calls around. He’s alone, and I get the feeling he’s got something to say. My instincts are right when he lets out a sigh and closes the nursery door. “Are you really okay with all this, Brodie? I’m worried you’ll suddenly find yourself stuck with way more than you bargained for. I admit Ivan’s a great guy and you make a perfect couple, but that’s about to change. You don’t get any more Sunday mornings lazing around having sleepy sex or nights at the pub. Are you going to be happy with that? It would be different if this were something you’d planned together, but all this is out of your control. Your beautiful home isn’t going to be yours anymore. It’s going to be full of baby equipment and mess. Dirty nappies and mopped-up baby puke aren’t you. You’re a perfectionist, and that’s one thing babies don’t like.”

“Have you finished?” I ask, my voice as cold as ice.

Merrick holds up his hands. “I’m just looking out for you.”

“What was it you said to me when I wasn’t allowed to question Drew’s intentions? You said to quit it because it wasn’t like that. So now I’m going to say it to you. You don’t know what’s going on between Ivan and me and with Milo. I don’t want to hear it.”

“Okay, I’m sorry. You’re right. I was out of line. I’m here to help in any way I can.”

“I hoped you were going to say that. We need one of Willow’s dollies, the bigger, the better.”

His surprised expression makes me laugh.