Chapter Five

Chapter Five

Vault

EVERY SINGLE DAY I seem to spiral farther down the rabbit hole. I don't care about anything or anyone and all I do is drink from the time I wake up until I eventually pass out again. My actions are reckless and deep in my mind I know this. If I don't end up killing myself, I'm going to hurt someone else every single time I climb on my bike lately. Now, it's gotten to the point that Slim pulled me aside after hearing I tore into Annabell when I was drunk before her game and grounded me. I'm not to leave the clubhouse until further notice. He did nothing but piss me off. Since I'm not allowed to leave, I've been drinking even more than normal for me lately. It's the only thing I can do to forget the hell my life has become.

No one wants anything to do with me, except for the house bunnies. I should be upset I'm pushing everyone away, but I don't care. I'm over the shit and I just want to leave here. I want to be away from Valor, the guys in the club who knew my dad, and the numerous reminders of the man I miss more than anything. My heart breaks every second I'm awake and sober with the knowledge he's not on a run or just off somewhere. He's never coming back and I need to get over it. At least, that's what everyone keeps telling me. I'm told every day that it's okay to mourn my dad but I need to make healthy decisions when it comes to doing that. Apparently being drunk isn't a healthy way to cope with my loss.

Well, I hate to break it to them, but there's no limit for grieving. I'll take as long as I fucking need to and I'll do it in the way I choose. No one has any right to tell me how to get over the loss of my father. They may have known the brother who was in the club, but he's my dad and they'll never know the memories Valor and I have with him. Of the men he wanted us to be because of the way he raised us. They wouldn't have gotten to see the side of him my brother and I did when we were away from the club or the members. My dad had a huge heart and we got to see that on a daily basis. Not everyone was lucky enough to see that side of him.

No, I'm not a man who's making my dad very proud right now. If he's watching over me, I'm sure he wants to come back and kick my ass for the way I'm acting and treating everyone. Especially Annabell. My dad always had a soft spot for her and would do anything she needed just because it was her. But he's not here and can't come back so I have nothing to worry about. I'm going to keep doing me until I can't anymore. Until I hit rock bottom and need to do something to pull my ass back up. Eventually I'll get to that point. I'm just not sure if I'll still be in the Phantom Bastards or not when it happens. At this point, I really don't care if I get kicked out or not either.

Walking into the common room, I grab a bottle of Jack and walk back toward my room. I don't want to sit where anyone can see me or run into the house bunnies. I've already kicked one out of my room and I'm not about to have a turn with anymore. With every single woman I bring into my room, guilt, remorse, and hate fill me. I shouldn't be doing this shit to Annabell. It's not right. But, I can't seem to stop myself because for a brief moment in time, I get to forget all about my dad and the fact that he's gone. I don't give a fuck if the house bunny I'm with gets off or not. I'm out for my pleasure and the need to distract myself from the pain filling me. If they don't get off, there's someone else here who will make sure they do.

It's also not like Annabell could give a fuck about what I do or who I'm with these days. I've seen the way she looks at our newest Prospect, Hunter. She looks at him the way she used to look at me—like he hung the moon and stars just for her and she's only waiting to be old enough for him. Annabell will be eighteen soon and that's all I was waiting for. Everyone knew I was waiting for her birthday in order to make her mine. It wasn't a matter of if it would happen between us, it was when it would happen. Now, she wants nothing to do with me and I don't blame her one bit.

Cracking the top of the bottle, I toss it somewhere in my disaster area of a room and take a long pull from the bottle. I let the alcohol burn its way to my stomach and warm me from the inside out. Since losing my dad and pushing Annabell away, I haven't felt warm at all. It feels as if I'm constantly freezing and there's nothing I can do to get warm again. Hot showers don't help. Piling as many blankets as I can on my bed does nothing to push the deep cold feeling away. It feels as if I've been outside for countless hours in the middle of a snowstorm without any clothing on. The coldness, and a certain darkness, have filled me and continue to get worse on a daily basis. The only thing that even starts to make me feel something other than anger and regret is Jack, my new best friend.

Thoughts of Annabell fill my head as I turn on the music and continue to drink. Let You Go by Machine Gun Kelly blares in my room. I picture Annabell when we first saw her with those assholes and how she meekly climbed in the van. Of her wearing my long as fuck sweatshirt and talking to Slim like she wasn't scared out of her mind, like she wasn't trading one hell for another. Then my thoughts turn to Annabell sitting on the porch of Slim and Shy's house the day I kissed her. The sun was shining from behind her and making her look like an Angel on Earth. Blonde highlights were brought out in her hair and her face looked so serious as she told me she'd never kissed anyone.

The only thing I could think of was being her first kiss—her first everything. I brought her face to mine and kissed her the way a man kisses someone he's in love with. As I did it, I knew there was no going back and I shouldn't be doing it, but I couldn't stop myself. Her lips are the softest I've ever felt against mine and she tastes of cherry candy and something unique that's all her. I had to force myself to go slow and not overwhelm her. To pull away from her instead of pulling her body under me and showing her exactly how much I love her and want to give her everything she wants.

Now, I'm not there when Annabell needs me. Shy and Slim adopted her and I was the only one who wasn't there for them. I didn't want to see Bell getting one more thing that she deserves when everything is being ripped from my grasp. Yes, I know it's my own doing, but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with. I wanted to be there for her but I know deep in my heart that she didn't want me around. Besides, she had the club, Slim, Shy, and Valor there for her. My brother has stepped up and become someone she can depend on. He's taken my place once again. Valor doesn't mean to take things away from me, but it just kind of happens since he's a better man than I am.

Before I know it, the bottle of Jack I brought in with me is gone. I toss it on the floor and make my way back to the common room. I'm stumbling about and I know I don't need another bottle considering it's still early in the day. Hell, it's early enough all the men are at work and most of the house bunnies are still recovering from the night before. I pull another bottle from the shelf and sit on one of the couches in the common room. No one's here to bother me anymore so I should have some peace.

As I start drinking the second bottle, one of the house bunnies comes out and sits down next to me. I'm seeing two of her and don't know which one is sitting with me now. She sits as close as possible to me and I can smell the overwhelming perfume she's sprayed all over her body. Even though I'm drunk, it doesn't stop me from taking in the make-up that's caked on her face and seeing her clothes practically falling off of her small body. This woman is everything that Annabell isn't and it's not a good thing. She's jaded, forward, desperate, and a slut. She spreads her legs for anyone here and doesn't give a fuck who it is.

"Hey, baby," she purrs, running her hand up my leg toward my cock.

I don't bother responding to her, there's no need. She lets her hand stop on top of my hardening cock still encased in my jeans from the day before. I lick my lips and set the bottle down. If she wants to take care of me, who am I to stop her?

"Take my cock out and suck it," I tell her, slurring my words as I relax back against the couch.

She does as I say and pulls my zipper down after unbuttoning my jeans. I close my eyes as she slides her mouth down my cock and back up. After several minutes of her doing this, I pull her off. The bitch has no clue what she's doing with a dick in her mouth. It's clear even in my drunk state that this woman hasn't ever been taught how to suck a cock and yet still thinks she's the best at it. She's not. Fucking my hand feels better than whatever the hell she was just doing to me.

I'm sober enough to pull a condom from my pocket as she watches me roll it over my length and make sure it stays in place. I grab her hip and slide her over so she's straddling my legs and pull her down on my length without doing anything to get her ready for me. She moans out my name in a loud, annoying voice and I tell her to shut the fuck up. I don't want to hear her voice for any reason. In my head, I'm with Annabell because it's the only way my cock will stay hard. If I let myself think about the woman I'm actually fucking, my dick shrivels up and playtime is over. It's happened more than once over the last few weeks when I forget and I don't want to be with the women I'm with so it's easy to pretend I'm with the only woman I want.

I thrust my hips up repeatedly into the bitch riding me and trying not to moan like a porn star.

"If you want to get off, I suggest you get yourself there," I tell her, gritting my teeth.

Continuing to pound into her, the girl reaches down between us and plays with her clit. I don't kiss her, play with her tits, or anything else. Other than my hands on her hips to slide her up and down my cock, I don't touch her at all. I don't want to. I never want to touch these women. They read too much into that shit and I'm not about to have one of them thinking I'm their man or some shit because I've gone back to fucking them and can't remember if I'm fucking the same one repeatedly lately. They all bleed into one another and I can't tell the difference in my drunken state. She screams out her release as I find my own, filling the condom with my cum.

I lay down on the couch after taking the condom off, tying a knot in it, and tossing it on the floor. The bitch lays down on top of me like we've done this a thousand times before. I don't let the house bunnies lay with me once I've fucked them, and I sure as fuck don't cuddle them. They won't ever be my woman and that's shit I'll only give to her. These bitches know what they get with me and I'm not about to change that shit now. However, before I can tell her to get the fuck up, I'm passing out. Darkness is consuming me and dragging me under for some sweet relief once again.

Waking up to a slamming in the common room, I jump up and knock someone to the floor. Looking down, I see one of the house bunnies lying there glaring up at me. While I know I didn't hurt her, I don't give a fuck if she's pissed I just dropped her to the floor. She doesn't matter to me at all. I turn my attention toward the kitchen and catch the back of Annabell flying through the door. Fuck!

She just caught me with my cock out, literally, and one of the house bunnies on top of me. Slim, Hunter, Killer, and Valor stand there looking at me with varying degrees of rage on their faces. I'm not sure who's more pissed off at me in this moment—Slim or Hunter. Valor has a look of utter disappointment on his face. Right now, he looks so much like our dad that I reach up and rub the ache in my chest. This is my sign that dad would be disgusted by my actions in ways I've never experienced before.

"What did she see?" I croak out, my heart racing and shattering in my chest all at the same time.

"What the fuck do you think she saw?" Slim asks, snapping once again at me as he steps up close and Killer places a hand on his shoulder. "I don't know what the fuck to do with you anymore, Vault. But I won't have that girl hurt any more than she already has been. She's my fuckin' daughter and I will protect her from you. You're done fuckin' with her. I'm glad she's fuckin' graduatin' early and can leave this place behind. She can leave you behind and live the life I thought she'd have with you."

"Slim . . .," I begin to say.

"Fuckin' save it! Get this fuckin' place cleaned up. Since you don't want to work anymore and all you wanna do is fuckin' find your way to the bottom of a bottle, you can clean the clubhouse," he yells before following in Annabell's direction.

I want to yell out that I'm not a damn Prospect anymore, but one look from Killer stops me in my tracks. He's right—I'm acting worse than a Prospect because I'm not pulling my weight around here. I'm letting everyone else cover for me while I fuck around and become someone I can't stand even more on a daily basis. Fuck!

After helping the house bunny up off the floor and watching her walk away from me, I start picking up the shit in the common room. There's empty bottles, cups, and breakfast shit littering the tables along with shit all over the floor. It's been a while since I've had to do this kind of work, and it's not the easiest when I'm still more than a little drunk, but I do what I can before grabbing my bottle and heading to my room so I can be alone for the rest of the night.

The only thoughts running through my head are when I'm going to stop being such a fucking dick to Annabell. She deserves the world and I used to be the man who would give it to her. Now, I'm nobody anyone wants around. Something has to change. Maybe I need to get sober and leave here for a while. Try to find my own way in the world or at least a way to deal with the grief and pain I'm feeling. As long as I'm not hurting my girl anymore, I'll do whatever it takes.