Chapter Ten
Chapter Ten
Annabell
I'VE HEARD VAULT is on his way home. I'm not sure if he's leaving again, but I do know I'm not ready to see him. He's been gone almost two weeks now and I haven't stopped missing him or crying when I'm home. I put on a fa?ade when I'm at school, practice, a game, or when Slim's home. And I still haven't stepped foot in the clubhouse since the day he left. Like him, I'm avoiding memories of the times I spent inside with him. I haven't sat out on the porch swing because that was always our spot here at the house when everyone else was gone. I'm fucking miserable and everyone can see it. So, my plan is to continue avoiding the clubhouse so I don't have to see Vault just to learn he's only here to gather his things so he can head back to wherever he's decided to move. Plus, I don't want to see him with the girl who left with him. My heart has shattered enough and I'm not going to let it break anymore.
Shy is worried about me. I can see it written in her eyes as she looks at me. She's been trying to keep me company, but I usually tell her I'm studying or that I have a headache. Shy isn't buying my excuses and I know it's just a matter of time before she calls me out on my shit. But I miss Vault and there's nothing I can do about the way I feel. I want to have him here and wrap my arms around him longer. Kiss him and plead with him not to leave me. I can't do it though. It's not fair to either one of us. Especially him when he's doing what he needs to in order to find the new version of himself so he can move forward and try to get past losing his dad to the point it doesn't rip him to shreds on a daily basis. I would never hold him back from doing something that important.
Hunter has been trying to take me out. I know I said I'd go to dinner with him, but after talking to Slim, I know it's not fair to him. And I refuse to lead him on this way, so I've been avoiding him as much as possible. Instead, I need to talk to him and be completely honest with the man. Maybe I should do that now. I know he's sitting outside because Slim and Shy are gone for the day with the girls. They don't leave me alone at the house in case something happens. I personally think it's because Shy's so worried about what I'll do if I'm left completely alone. I'm not going to take my life. I made a promise to Vault a long time ago that I'd never do that again and I won't break that.
Getting out of bed, I make my way downstairs and out to the porch. Hunter is sitting in his usual seat on the steps as he looks up at me. I offer him a sad smile and I know it doesn't reach my eyes. Nothing does anymore because nothing can take away the sadness and pain of knowing Vault is out there alone. At first I head straight for the swing where I'm so used to sitting. Quickly, I stop and instead turn toward one of the chairs Shy keeps on the porch for Slim when he wants to drink his morning coffee outside or her when she needs a few minutes on her own after a long, rough day.
"Hey," I say, trying to get comfortable in the chair as I look at Hunter.
"Hey, Annabell. How have you been?" he asks, turning to face me, his face a blank mask and I know he already knows what I've been doing.
"I've been better for sure, but I think we need to talk," I tell him, sadness filling me because I don't want to hurt him.
"Yeah, I think we do."
"I like you, Hunter. A lot. But you know I love Vault. I've loved him for months now and I can't give up on him. I won't lead you on and pretend to feel something for you that I don't. You deserve someone who can give you her heart," I tell him, wishing I could be the girl he wants because Hunter is a really great guy.
"I don't know about all that," he tells me, a sad smile on his face. "I appreciate you bein' honest with me though. And I do know you love Vault just like he loves you. It killed him to tell me he was leavin' and to watch over you. That I could take a shot with you because you deserve more than the man he's become."
"I wish I didn't love him the way I do, but Vault took my entire heart with him and I don't know when I'm going to get it back. I want to like you more than what I do and give you the chance you want from me. Slim told me you said you were willing to leave the club for me and I've never had that before. Not even from Vault. You're gonna make some woman so lucky and you don't know the kind of life you'll give her once she shows you you're it for her," I tell him. "I want us to remain friends at the very least, Hunter. I can't take you not wanting to spend time with me anymore either."
"I'm not goin' anywhere," he says, the promise of his words filling his voice.
I nod my head and let the sun warm me from the inside out. I've been so cold since Vault left. Nothing has been able to warm me up like knowing if I wanted to see Vault all I had to do was walk to the clubhouse and I'd find him there at one point or another. Or knowing he wants to see me and spend time with me. It's been a long time since I've felt any of that from him and I miss it more than I thought possible. Now, I'm just filled with a cold numbness I've never experienced before. Not even when I lost my parents that fateful night that brought Vault and the club into my life.
"Well, I'm gonna go back inside and lay down. I really do have a headache now and I want to get rid of it before it gets too bad," I tell Hunter, a deep ache filling my chest as I stand from the chair.
"Okay. Go rest and we'll talk later on," he says, turning back to watch over in front of the house as his shoulders slump in defeat. A feeling I caused in him.
Heading inside, I climb back in bed and pull the covers over my head after I close my blinds and curtains to keep the sunshine out. The sooner I get rid of this headache, the sooner I can get to studying or reading my book. I've gotten into a new to me author named Keira. I'm not sure of her last name right now, but I'll look it up. She writes MC and I love seeing how it compares to the life I see lived here. The life I'm a part of even if it's from the sidelines at most.
Waking up, I sit up in bed and instantly feel relief from my headache being gone. It's all the stress I've been putting on myself since Vault left. And the crying. I hate crying and I've done more of it in the last two weeks than maybe my entire life combined. It sucks and I'm ready to be over this part of missing him. I want to be able to wake up in the morning and not have my first thought be of Vault and wondering if he's okay or what he's doing with his new life and the girl he left with. The need to get through each day without thinking about us laughing together over something that happened in school or practice overwhelms me as I try to force those thoughts aside and bury them deep. When I go to bed each night, Vault is the last person I think of before he infiltrates my dreams and I imagine the life we could've led if he hadn't pushed me aside because of his grief. I want the ache in my chest to go away and the tears not to fall from my eyes because it hurts so bad.
Grabbing my phone, I head back outside to the chair on the porch. I'm settled in my seat when I hear someone walking up close to the house. Since we're behind closed gates at the front of the clubhouse, I'm not nervous or scared about it being anyone else but a club member. Or one of the ol' ladies wanting to come over and check on me. If they know Shy isn't home, one of them usually stops by to see me these days. Savannah has been stopping over more often as well. She's got so much going on in her life and doesn't need me to add anything to it.
Looking up, I see Valor walking up to the house. He comes up and sits next to me in the other chair. For a few minutes, we just sit in silence together. I lean my head on his shoulder the best I can and wait for him to say what's on his mind. It's not the first time in the last two weeks he's come to see me, but it's the first time he's sat so close to me and let me take comfort from him. He doesn't ever ask me why I don't sit on the swing anymore. Valor knows my spot with his brother was the swing and that I haven't been sitting there since he left. We were always sitting on the swing together, talking and sharing secrets with one another.
"How you doin'?" he finally asks, not moving my head from his shoulder.
"Still missing him like crazy," I tell him honestly, trying to keep the tears from forming and falling from my eyes.
"Me too. He'll be home tonight or tomorrow mornin'. I'm not sure what's goin' on though. I still haven't talked to him," Valor tells me, pain filling his voice as he thinks of the distance between his brother and him. It kills him on a daily basis.
"I know you haven't. I'm sorry you guys have drifted so far apart," I say, my heart breaking for them because they've always been so nice to me and they don't deserve this to happen to them.
"We'll get our shit back on track. I'm not worried about it. I'm worried about him though. He's been gone two weeks and I'm not sure what his comin' home is gonna be like. Or if he's even stayin' here. He's been talkin' about goin' Nomad since dad was killed," Valor tells me something that I didn't know he was saying to anyone.
I don't say anything to him. It's not a surprise to hear Vault wants to get out of here. He can't stand to be around so many memories of his dad. I really can't blame him. I didn't want to be in a house surrounded by my parents' things when they were killed, so I know where he's coming from. But this is his home, where the rest of his family lives. I wasn't lucky enough to have that. Vault has such a huge support system and he needs to learn to take advantage of that instead of trying to rely on himself to solve all of his problems. Sometimes you just can't do that. The pain is too much to bear alone and it will weigh you down until you can't see a way out of the darkness surrounding you and pulling you deeper into its depths.
"Are you gonna see him?" Valor asks me, wrapping his arm around my shoulders.
"If he wants to see me, then I will. I'll never shut him out or give up on him. I promised you that and I told him the same thing before he left," I answer, snuggling closer to Valor and soaking up his strength and warmth.
"But do you want to see him?" he questions again, not letting me give him a non-answer because I don't want to face my feelings.
"Yeah. But I can't forget the woman on the back of his bike when he left here. He told me that spot was reserved for his ol' lady, so I guess he told me how he feels without saying a word," I tell him, not being able to stop the tears this time.
"You know he just gave her a ride home, don't you?" Valor asks me, letting go of me and sitting me up so he can look me in the eyes.
"I thought she left with him as his woman or someone he was starting to date. He told me to let him go, Valor," I say meekly, not stopping the tears now falling.
"No. She was talkin' about headin' home because she didn't want to be a house bunny anymore. So, she asked him for a ride and he couldn't exactly refuse because there wasn't a good enough reason to," he says, shrugging his shoulders because he knows how Vault feels about women on his bike. It's the same way he feels and why he hasn't put anyone on the back except for Savannah.
"Oh. Well, I mean, I'm not gonna force him to see me, Valor."
"He wants to see you. I know it's been killin' him not to see or talk to you. Alex really does love you in a way I've never seen him care about another person. Yeah, he loved dad and he loves me, but the love he has for you is one of magic. It's ones you read about in stories and never think you're gonna find for yourself," Valor tells me, a deep longing filling his voice because I know him and Savannah have been going through some shit of their own.
"What about you and Savannah?" I return, wanting to get the attention off of me and Vault because there's no point in talking about something that won't happen.
"I care about Savannah and I know she cares about me too. But it's nothin' compared to what my brother feels for you. He's spent every second with you since you came back here. He never spent more time with a female than it took to fuck them and then get rid of them. Not tryin' to be an ass, but that's how he's always been. Vault never wanted to settle down and take the chance a woman wasn't cut out for the life we lead," Valor says, being completely open and honest with me. "Besides I've had my eye on a girl since she turned eighteen. I know she's with someone else, but my heart doesn't seem to understand that shit."
"Oh. Anyone I happen to know?" I ask him, not sure who he's talking about even though I have a feeling it's one of the girls who grew up in one of the clubs around us.
"I'm sure you do know her. I just feel as if I'm torn in two. On one hand, I've been livin' with and fuckin' Savannah. Like I said, I care about her more than I've ever cared about another woman. With one exception. The girl I can't stop thinkin' about and have always wanted even though I know she's been with someone for as long as I can remember. It's like you and Vault. These two are destined to be together and my heart hurts because I don't know that he actually realizes what a great girl he's actually got in his life. Again, exactly like my brother. Don't you worry about it, Pretty Girl. Everythin' will work out the way it's supposed to one way or another," Valor answers me and I have a really good idea who he's talking about. I've met them a few times and I agree with him about the guy. He doesn't know or care what a great girl he has at his side.
There's not much I can say about it. I know that's how Vault was before I got here. Enough of the women have talked about it when I've been at the clubhouse. They like to rub it in my face about fucking him. Of course they do it when no one else is around because they all know none of the men and women would let them talk like that to me or in front of me out of spite because Vault hasn't been spending his time with them and they feel as if it's my fault. Women are cruel and it's not necessary if you ask me.
"Just promise me you'll give him a chance. He wants you too much and just needs to get his head back on right. Goin' through Dad's things before he left tore him up even more and made it final for him. More so than buryin' him. I've never seen another person's soul get crushed the way Vault's did those two days we went through everythin' in the house. Yeah, I'm hurt and it's the last thing I wanted to do, but my brother has always had a better bond with our dad and this is killin' him more than any of us realized it would," Valor says, his voice filled with emotions he's trying to hold back as his eyes fill with moisture and I know he'll hide before he lets one tear fall.
"I'll always give him a chance. Your brother is it for me and I feel it deep down in my soul, but right now it's time for me to move on with my life. I'm leaving soon for college and won't be here to see him every day. If we're meant to be together, it will happen one day. Just not right now," I tell him, sadness filling me. "Maybe this is showing me that I'm supposed to get out there and live my life away from him. To experience things that I've been denying myself because of him. Things like dating and meeting other guys."
"Yeah. Maybe you're right. I just realized your birthday is comin' up in a few days too. Hopefully, Vault will be here for it. Does he know when it is? Of course he does. That was a stupid fuckin' question. I'll let you get back to what you're doin'. If you need me, just message or call and I'm here. Savannah sends her love and wants you to know she misses you," Valor says, hugging me before standing from his chair.
"Thank you, Valor."
"Anytime. I'll make sure you know when he gets in. I'm sure he's gonna want to sleep for a while, but I'll message you. Or have Savannah do it," he says, walking off the porch and heading back to the clubhouse.
I know Valor enough to know he's going to park his ass in the common room and won't move until he lays eyes on his brother. He's missed him and wants to see him. I do too, but I'm not going to go straight over to see him. I'll let him get some rest and make sure he's had time with the guys before I go see him. Picking my phone back up, I let Keira's words pull me into another world so I can forget about Vault coming home. It's the break I need right now and I'm going to take it so I don't run over there and join Valor in waiting for the man we both love and miss with everything in us.