Chapter Twenty-Three Josh

Iwas quiet the entire way back to the hotel. And when we walked through the lobby, I couldn't even bring myself to look up at Sam when he said hello. My father gave him a friendly smile, but I just stepped into the elevator and headed up without a word.

The old familiar anger was seeping into every nook and cranny of my body once again. I felt just like I had when I'd arrived in Shifter Grove. Except this time, instead of being pissed at my father, I was pissed at myself. Andy had every right to react the way he did, to be absolutely infuriated with me because I didn't tell him what was going on. I withheld the truth, hoping I wouldn't have to face it head-on like I always did. I was a coward, and Andy deserved better than that.

I always thought it was somebody else's fault that my life was hard. Turns out it was probably my fault the entire time. I was being selfish. When my father gave me an ultimatum, I chose what I wanted, and it blew up in my face, landing me in Shifter Grove. And I'd made the same mistake again. By keeping it all a secret, I'd made the selfish choice once more, and my entire world came crashing down around my ears.

By the time I made it back to my room, there were tears running down my face. I hated myself for what I'd done to Andy. But now there was nothing I could do to fix it. The damage was done, and his trust in me was shattered. After everything he'd told me about his life, I'd gone and done the same wrongs to him again. I'd kept him a secret, ashamed of what my father might think of me, and hurt him in the process.

I wasn't sure I could ever forgive myself.

"Are you okay?" my father asked as he stepped in the room behind me.

"It's nothing," I replied, wiping my eyes. "Just nerves I guess."

Another lie, but I didn't really feel like going into it with him right now. In fact, I wasn't sure I ever could. He'd kicked me out of my home after I told him I didn't want to be Gamma, I had no doubt he'd react much worse to the fact that I'd been sleeping with a man for weeks. Besides, he didn't need to know, anyway. That part of my life was over now. Once I got back to Traverse City, everything would go back to normal. And, somehow, I'd have to figure out how to forget about Andy.

There was the sound of footsteps in the hall and I turned to see Sam appear in my door. His gaze zeroed in on me instantly and he looked like he was about ready to murder someone.

"Who is this?" he asked, pointing toward my father. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Who are you?" my father asked, putting himself between me and Sam as he suddenly went on the defensive. "What do you want?!"

"Stop," I said, pushing my way between the pair of them. "Sam, this is my father. Dad, this is the owner of the hotel."

Sam ignored my father's suspicious looks and stayed fixed on me. "I'll say it again. What the fuck are you doing, Josh?"

"He's leaving," Dad replied. "He's going back home to where he belongs."

"Is that true?"

I nodded, unable to look him in the eye.

He made a sort of exasperated snort. "What is wrong with you? You're just going to abandon everyone here and run back home? I thought you didn't have a pack or a family to go back to?" He reached out and grabbed me by the shirt collar, forcing me to look at him. "What about Andy?!"

Dad already had his fist raised, but I pushed him away.

"Don't you dare touch my son!" he barked.

"Dad," I sighed. "Shut up." He looked at me like I was insane, but he stayed silent. I turned back to Sam. "I have to go," I muttered, the emotion threatening to overwhelm me. "I… I fucked it up."

Sam's eyes widened as he finally understood what was happening. "You didn't tell him, did you?"

I shook my head.

"Did you tell your father?"

"Tell me what?!" He was growing impatient. "Josh, we need to get out of here before these rogues lose their minds and attack us. It's not safe here."

Sam was still staring at me. "Are you going to tell him, or are you just going to run away? Because if you stay on this current path, you're going to regret it for the rest of your life. Trust me. I've seen it time and time again." He let go of my collar, folding his arms over his chest. "Are you going to choose what's easy and familiar or what makes you happy?"

"Sam…" I shook my head. "Every time I try to choose what makes me happy, it blows up in my face. That's… That's how I ended up here in the first place." My father opened his mouth to reply, but I waved him off. "Don't pretend like that isn't true. And if I choose to stay here, there's no guarantee I'll be happy or that Andy will take me back. I could lose it all again."

"You're going to lose it for sure if you leave."

"Wait, wait," Dad interrupted. "Are you really that torn up about working in some little dump of a cafe? You could have an entire restaurant back home and all the notoriety that comes with it!"

Sam gave me a stern look. "Is this about the job, Josh? Or something else."

I shook my head. "I… I'm scared."

Stepping forward, Sam wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. "I'm right here. Nothing is going to happen to you. This is about as safe a place as you could ask for."

"What the hell are you all talking about?!"

I looked up at Sam one last time, nodded, and turned to face my father. "Dad… I have something to tell you."

"I hope it's an explanation for whatever you two are talking about," he scoffed. "Because I'm lost. I just offered you your dreams in a silver platter and I don't understand what's keeping you from leaving this nowhere town."

Taking a deep breath, I felt the tears well up again. They were already falling down my cheeks before I even began to speak. "Dad… I… I found my mate here," I said at last.

"You… You did?" I'd never seen him look so confused. However, his confused quickly morphed into a smile. "Well? What's her name? Maybe she can come back with us. After all, it's not like anyone wants to be in this town. Wolves like to be in packs."

Another deep breath. "His name is Andy." My voice was shaking so bad I could hardly speak.

"He?" The smile melted away. "Your boss?"

I nodded, pulling my gaze away from him. "I know it's not what you want or what you expected. And… I'll understand if you don't want me to come home now. I know our pack's stance on male couples. If you need to leave… just go. I know you're disappointed."

I started to walk away when I felt a hand on my arm. It was my father's hand. And instead of the look of disappointment on his face, I saw something else.

A smile.

"You found your mate?" he asked. "That's amazing."

"You… You're not mad?"

"Why would I be mad?" he replied as if it were the silliest question in the world.

"I thought you'd want me to find a girl… to mate with someone in the pack."

"You can't choose who your mate is any more than you can choose your sexuality."

I was shocked to hear those words leave his mouth. I was so certain he'd be staunch and old-fashioned about the entire thing. He was the Gamma of the pack for god's sake. If anyone was going to get uppity about a male pairing, I thought for sure it would be him.

"I don't know if you know this but… your grandfather was pretty mad at me when he found out your mother was my mate. He threatened to cut me out of the family." He let go of my arm, his eyes turning glassy. "But we were fated for one another and I loved her more than anything in the world. I couldn't help it. If she had been a man… it might've been difficult to figure out, but I wouldn't have loved her any differently." He reached up, wiping his face with the back of his sleeve. "The heart wants what the heart wants."

I just stood there in complete shock. I didn't know what to say.

"So," he said at last. "What the hell are you doing here?! Go apologize to that man before it's too late!"

"You… You really don't mind?"

He shook his head. "I don't mind. I'm happy for you. I always hoped you'd find your mate so you could experience the kind of love I had with your mother. Even if I found a hundred more mates in my lifetime, none of them would ever come close to how I felt about her." He reached up, his hand on my cheek. "It's unfair how early she was taken from both of us. And… it really fucked me up." He wiped his face again. "But I'm not going to lose you over something so stupid. Besides, I love having one son. I'm sure I'll love having two."

I pulled him into a tight hug. "I'm gonna stay here, Dad. I didn't like it when I first arrived, but I have friends here… family even. I can't leave them behind."

"I understand." He patted me on the back. "I guess I know where I'm moving when I retire."

"I'd like that," I nodded.

He seemed to shake himself out of his emotions at last. "What are you doing? Go back and tell that boy how you feel before it's too late!"

"Don't go anywhere, okay?"

"I'll be here waiting when you get back."

Sam gave me a smile and a nod as I ran out the door. At the end of the hall I ducked into the elevator and hit the button for the bottom floor. By the time the doors opened again, there was a pile of clothing lying in the corner and I had four paws on the ground. I took off like a shot, pushing my way through the front door of the hotel and sprinting down the street.

I had to tell my mate I wasn't going anywhere. I had to tell him I was sorry. And most of all, I had to tell him that I loved him more than anything in the world.