Chapter Nineteen Andy

When that girl showed up and started flirting with Josh, I thought it was funny at first. But as it continued, I felt myself grow more and more jealous. I was fuming by the time she left, happy to never see her again. But when she came back and took his hand… something inside me snapped.

Suddenly my chest was flooded with cold fear as memories came flooding back to me. I knew I couldn't contain myself and the last thing I wanted to do was break down in front of my customers and my friends. And Josh didn't need to see it either.

So I ran. My uncoordinated ass tripped over one of the crates on my way out. When I made eye contact with Josh, I saw all the blood drain out of his face. He tried to start in my direction, but one of our customers intercepted him. But that was okay with me. I needed some time to be alone.

I knew I was being stupid, but that didn't stop the emotions from welling up inside me. Josh was good at flirting with women. Too good. I'd never been the jealous type in my life or insecure about myself. But the moment he started chatting with her, all of that melted away. Suddenly I had almost zero self confidence and I was terrified I was about to lose him.

After all, our relationship was brand new. Up until a few days ago, Josh had been trying to convince himself that he wasn't into men. Of course, he spent every night in my bed, usually balls deep in my ass. But for some guys, a hole was a hole. I'd known plenty of straight men who got easy sex from other guys. However, when it came to relationships and building a life, they always went with women.

I understood their train of thought. Being with a woman meant no questions from other people, no weird looks, and no constant correcting of other's assumptions. If I could choose to be straight, I would've done it a long time ago. In fact, if I had, I'd still have a pack and a place back home with the family I'd grown up with. But all of them were strangers now and had been for years. Josh was the closest family I had now. He was my mate.

I didn't want to lose him. I couldn't.

Wiping the tears from my cheeks, I walked the block and a half to a small park in the middle of town. It was a completely green city block covered in trees and well-maintained grass. There were paths leading to the center where a large artistic fountain depicting a trio of wolves had been erected. No doubt a donation from one of the local wolves. The trees overhead were starting to turn yellow and red at the tips, but the beauty of early autumn was lost on me. Instead, I found a bench in the shade and flopped down, placing my face in my palms.

I wasn't sure if I was mad at Josh for flirting or mad at myself for getting upset about it. Probably a bit of both. And my thoughts wouldn't quit spiraling. I was determined to sit there until I finally got a hold of myself.

"Hey…"

Oh no. He followed me. I wiped my eyes. I really didn't want him seeing me like this.

"I just… need a minute," I said, my voice shaky as I refused to look up at Josh.

"Take all the time you need."

The bench shifted slightly as he sat down next to me.

"You don't have to babysit me. I'm okay."

"You don't look okay."

"I'm just… being stupid."

There was a gentle touch on my knee. "Talk to me."

I took a deep breath in a vain attempt to calm my nerves. Anxiety had filled my chest, the likes of which I hadn't felt in years. I thought I was over my past. After all, it had happened nearly six years ago. I couldn't believe it was cropping up. But seeing Josh with that woman brought it all back in a flash.

I wasn't sure I really wanted to talk about it, but I had a feeling Josh wasn't going anywhere. Plus, it was only fair he know where I came from. He'd told me his entire story. I supposed it was time I shared mine as well.

"When I was your age," I began, my voice still shaking. "Maybe a little younger. I had a bad habit of falling for the wrong sorts of guys. Chalk it up to being young and dumb, but that's what I did. And that's how I ended up in Shifter Grove."

Josh squeezed my knee. "What happened?"

"This guy… don't make me say his name…"

"You don't have to."

I nodded. "He came in one night while I was out at a bar with some friends and swept me off my feet. He was older than me, tall, handsome, and seemed like he had all his shit together. The way he talked to me was so suave and mature, it was no wonder I fell for him in an instant." I paused for a moment, feeling a sliver of shame. "I took him to my bed that first night. He was a wolf too and even though I knew my pack didn't look kindly on male couples, I was willing to take that chance. I wasn't out yet and neither was he, so we kept things casual at first and very quiet. Before I knew it, I was developing feelings for him. I wondered if he might be my mate. Although, now that I've felt that connection… I realize how stupid that was."

Reaching up, I wiped the tears from my cheeks again. There was so much frustration and self-loathing still inside me directed toward my younger self. I hated it.

"But, I learned pretty quickly that things were not as they seemed." I let out a long sigh. "Just when I started to think things were going great and that we'd make out relationship official, I caught him flirting with a woman at one of the pack functions. At first I figured it was nothing, but when they snuck out to the woods to fuck, I lost it in front of the entire pack. I called him every name in front of the book and instead of apologizing or even feeling the tiniest bit sorry, he called me a liar." I shook my head, staring down at the pavement under my feet. "Of course, they all believed him. He was an upstanding member of the pack who'd never been seen with another man. Meanwhile, rumors about me had been going around for years. That night my family disowned me and the pack told me that they didn't have room for my kind among their ranks." I sighed again. "And that's how I ended up here."

I stole a glance up at Josh, his brow furrowed in an expression of pity and sadness. Immediately I felt bad for telling him the story.

"Do you still want to date women?" I asked suddenly. "Because if you do, just tell me now. I don't know if I can survive going any further with this only for you to have regrets later. That woman obviously liked you a lot. You could–"

"Andy," Josh said, putting a finger against my lips. "I want you. Not her."

"But a couple weeks ago you would've picked her," I argued. "You didn't want to end up with a man. Hell, until a few days ago you didn't even want to have sex with me. How could you possibly change that quickly?!"

He shook his head. "I don't know. I'd love to sit here and give you an answer, but it would be completely made up. Maybe it's the mate bond or maybe it's just the fact that I found the most perfect guy in the entire world." He reached up, cupping the side of my face. "This is all new to me, so I can't tell you what the reason is. I just know I like you and I want to stay at your side as long as you'll have me."

I pulled his hand away, turning it over so that the phone number showed on his palm. "You're not going to regret this?" I asked. "A chance at a normal life?"

Josh pulled his hand back, considering it for a moment. Then he leaned down and spit into his palm before dragging it across the knee of his jeans. Dark ink smeared against the fabric and when he turned it over to show me, the number was completely illegible.

"No," he said confidently. "I'm not going to regret it. You're my mate, Andy. You belong to me. Nothing in the world could make me give up what I have with you."

Tears fell down my face again, the strength of his commitment overwhelming me.

"Y-You mean it, don't you?"

Josh leaned closed, grabbing the back of my neck and pressing our foreheads together. "I do mean it," he said. "Because… Well, because I think I love you."

Adrenaline flushed through my system again. However, this time it wasn't cold. It was a searing heat that drove every bit of doubt from my body. My breath hitched and my heart began to race. But the tears kept right on flowing.

"I… I love you too, babe," I stammered. "More than I thought possible." I looked up at him again. "You're sure this is what you want?"

"I'm sure," he nodded.

He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me against his chest as my emotions overwhelmed me. I felt so silly getting so worked up. Usually I was the stable one in most situations. But this time, with my heart on the line, I'd lost that ability. Thankfully Josh didn't mind.

A weight seemed to lift from my shoulders as I sat there in his embrace. For so many years I'd been carrying around the memories of the past, their presence influencing every decision I made. I'd convinced myself that being happy in a relationship would always end poorly. Sometimes what you most wished for could be the one thing that hurts you the most. But with Josh it was different. He gave me so much affection, marked me, and he loved me. And when temptation came knocking, he slammed the door in its face, choosing me instead.

How could I possibly ask for anything more?

Maybe it was time to let the darkness of the past go and step into a happier future at last with Josh at my side.