Chapter Ten Josh

The parking lot had a lot more cars than I expected when I pulled up to Sam's party a few days later. Even thought it wasn't due to start for another half hour or so, there were already several people milling about with beers in their hands. I spotted Andy's bakery van and parked next to it, knowing I needed to help him unload the food. He'd agreed to bake for the party, but he'd also volunteered to pick up all the food from the caterer as well. So it was up to us to get everything set up.

"There you are!" Andy called, the moment I stepped out of my car. "You're right on time! I need your help with a couple of these bigger trays."

I glanced nervously at the pavilion where a few people had turned our direction. I saw Sam, smiling and waving in my direction. All I could do was nod before I put my head down and started to unload the van.

With the pair of us, it only took a handful of minutes to get the food transported to the pavilion. After that it was just a matter of setting up the racks and warmers so that everything stayed fresh. Just outside of the building was a large hog roaster that looked like it had been going all day. Sam was hanging around it, talking to the guy who was doing all the cooking, but eventually he came over to us.

"Can I get you two anything to drink?" he asked. "I brought a lot of extra beer for my food people. It's the least I could do."

"Wine coolers?" Andy asked.

Sam shook his head. "You know I brought fruity stuff for you, don't worry." He turned back to me. "What do you want, Josh?"

"Just beer is fine with me."

Sam gave me a once over. "Judging by how fit you are, I bet you don't drink light."

"I'm not particular."

He narrowed his eyes. "How old are you again?"

"Twenty-one," I sighed. "But I doubt it matters considering everyone here is a werewolf and we've got the place to ourselves all night."

"Are you gonna get wasted and cause a problem?" he joked.

I just glared at him.

"Right. Leaded beer it is."

With that, he walked off toward a pair of big coolers.

"He's just messing with you," Andy said, the heat of his body suddenly close. "Sam's all about making people smile."

"Sorry," I muttered, instinctively taking a step away from him. I didn't like it when people got close and that juniper scent of Andy's was hard to ignore without a bunch of cinnamon to cover it up. "Just nervous I guess."

"It's alright." Andy patted me on the shoulder and went back to setting up trays. "Just be yourself and everything will be fine. Besides, I'm sure you'll see some familiar faces–" He stopped. "Speak of the devil!"

"You talking shit about me again?" a familiar voice called.

I turned to see both Matt and Ace stepping into the pavilion. Ace had his black cowboy hat on as always and a dark t-shirt while Matt looked like he was about to go swimming at any moment in his tank top and very short shorts.

"I always talk shit about you," Andy replied, giving him a quick hug. "And I hope you brought a sweater, darling, because you look like a slut."

Matt just smiled. "Thank you."

Ace put down the cooler and a pair of camp chairs that he'd been carrying before shaking Andy's hand. "Hey," was all he said.

"Glad you could make it," Matt added, turning to me. He gave me a once over noticing I had no cooler or drink in my hand. "Do you need a beer or something?"

"I've got it!" Sam came striding back into the group, handing a brown bottle over to me that had already been tucked into a crimson koozie. "I'm taking care of these two for drinks tonight."

Matt nodded. "We brought extra just in case." He slipped an arm around my shoulder. "Wanted to make sure our new friend here was taken care of."

"You all know one another already?"

"Sure do! Met him down at the market this past week. We're practically best friends already!"

They all laughed and I tried to force myself to smile. The truth was, I felt horribly out of place. Everyone seemed to be so happy I was there and all I could think about doing was running for the beach and not coming back. I didn't want to be under the pavilion or close to so many people. And I really wished all of them would stop touching me. It made my skin crawl.

"I'll uh… be right back," I said quietly, excusing myself from the group.

I didn't have to turn around to know all of them were looking at me as I left, but I just needed to get out of there. Even with only a dozen or so people at the party, it was already feeling a bit overwhelming. Instead, I took my beer with me and headed out to the beach.

There was almost no wind, so I kicked off my shoes and sat down at the shore with my feet in the water. The tiny little waves lapped at my toes, the cool water giving me something else to focus on. Overhead the sky was already starting to tinge pink as the sun sank toward the horizon behind me. I didn't turn back to see if anyone was staring or whatever. Not that I cared if they were.

Maybe I was being a little dramatic, but I just wanted some space. I liked Ace, Matt, Sam, and Andy. They were good people. That much was good to see. But they weren't my people. All my people were still in Traverse City, going to school, living their lives, or out on pack land getting ready for the full moon. My father was undoubtedly there as well, fulfilling his duties as Gamma. The same duties that I refused to take over.

I felt so stupid for refusing him.

"Hey…" I heard behind me.

There was no need to look back as that juniper scent washed over me.

"Sorry…" I began.

"No need," Andy replied. "Can… Can I join you?"

"Yeah," I said, letting out a long sigh.

Andy sat down next to me in the sand. Following my lead, he kicked his shoes off, rolled up his jeans, and pushed his toes into the water. He let out a tiny yelp as the cold hit him for the first time and I couldn't help but grin. Somehow, without trying, he always seemed to make me laugh.

But he didn't talk or force me to have a conversation to make me come to my senses. Instead, he just sat there with me, both of us drinking our beers as the dark edge of the eastern horizon got larger and larger. The sounds of the party rose up behind us as the last traces of sunset faded away. Overhead the sky darkened quickly, opening up into a vast starscape. As the stars came out, the full moon rose higher in the sky, its light glittering off the water.

The longer the quiet stretched between us, the more odd I felt. It was like I was stopping Andy from enjoying the party and having a good time. I didn't want to be a little black rain cloud over his full moon fiasco that only happened once or twice a year.

"You can go back if you like," I said at last. "I'm fine out here. You don't have to miss everything for me."

"I'm not missing anything," he replied without skipping a beat. "I'm hanging out with my friend."

I couldn't help a scoff. "I'm your employee."

"I think of you as a friend."

"Why?" I asked before I could stop myself. "I'm no fun to be around and I'm always in a bad mood."

"Are you kidding? You're a lot of fun to be around. I enjoy working with you at the bakery and your passion for cooking is honestly infectious."

It was a nice compliment and I felt my lip try to curl into a smile again. "It's the only thing I have left," I replied, forcing the smile away. "Everything else is gone."

There was a long pause. "Do… Do you want to talk about it?"

I let out a deep sigh, shaking my head. "There's nothing to tell. I made a stupid mistake and it cost me my pack, my family, and my future."

"Was it really that bad?"

"Must've been. Sure seemed to piss off my dad enough to kick me out of the pack."

"Is your dad the Alpha?" Andy asked. "I… uh… can smell the Alpha blood in you."

"No. He's the Gamma. We don't have enough blood to qualify us for that kind of leadership." I sighed again. "I don't like leading people, anyway. If I did, I wouldn't be in this mess to begin with."

"Ah," Andy nodded, finally understanding. "You turned them down, didn't you?"

I felt the tears well up in my eyes. I tried to will them away, but they were still there, clinging to the edge of my eyelid and threatening to fall. "I just didn't want that kind of life…"

"Wow… that's a really stupid reason for them to kick you out."

Sniffling, I looked up at Andy, surprised by his words. "What?"

"It's really fucking stupid," he repeated. "Pack leadership is no small task and those who take it on have to not only want it, but be humble enough to take the job in the first place. If they don't want to do the job, how would they ever be a good leader? You can't just force someone into a job like that. It's crazy and honestly, sort of dangerous for the pack."

"But… there's nobody else to be Gamma."

"I'm sure they'll find someone without any issue. You can't be the only wolf in the pack with Alpha blood and I'm sure there's tons of wolves that dream of being leadership." Andy sighed, shaking his head. "No, I suspect your dad was just being prideful and trying to force you into something you don't want. Probably because he's insecure. It's got nothing to do with you."

That juniper smell wafted over me again and I felt myself breathe in deeply. Why was Andy defending me? He hardly knew me. And yet, without me giving him hardly anything, he'd not only pinpointed my predicament, but he was convinced that it wasn't my fault.

"You're a good guy, Josh," Andy added. "It's really easy to see. I know it doesn't make things better, but if your dad can't see that, then maybe he doesn't deserve to be part of your life."

"I just… I wish I was at home…"

The tears finally fell down my cheeks. Andy reached over without a word, pulling me close to him in a sort of side hug.

"It's gonna be okay," he said. "I promise."

I lifted my head, looking up into those bright blue eyes of his sparkling in the moonlight. His scent filled my nose and goosebumps had broken out over my skin the moment he touched me. I felt a sort of pull toward him, one that I didn't really understand. I wasn't sure if it was the full moon or him, but I felt almost drunk in a way. The wolf inside me was running in circles, but I didn't understand why. Everything around me sort of faded away, leaving nothing but just Andy and me sitting there in the sand.

It was the first time I'd noticed the freckles across his nose and the way the shape of his eyebrows gave him an almost jovial expression all the time. My gaze flicked down to this full lips, their shape and color just begging to be touched.

Without warning, the wolf inside me lurched, pulling me forward. My lips collided with Andy's and before I knew it, I had a hand on the back of his neck, pulling him in closer. I kissed him like I'd never get another chance, my tongue pressing into his mouth before he could stop me. And he… kissed me back.

My wolf, drunk with the sudden rush of endorphins, let go of its momentary hold on my person. I tore myself away, my body flooding with ice cold fear. My eyes were wide as I stared at Andy. He was just as surprised as I was.

In a flash I was on my feet, heading back toward the parking lot.

"Josh?" Andy called after me.

I didn't reply. I just clenched my eyes shut and began to run.