Chapter 7

The worldoutside of the rehabilitation center was nothing like I’d expected. Not because I thought it would magically be all sunshine and rainbow glitter. More that I believed there might be a swarm of dragons for me to fight.

While I had a full crisis management plan in place — thanks to a team of experts wanting only the best for me — I still felt so ill-equipped. My plan included the triggers that might send me back to the bottle, a list of self-soothing practices I could use when I felt helpless, and the resource I liked least, the contact of a few people at the facility I could call when I was having an exceptionally rough day.

I truly hoped I never had to use any of them, though I knew it wasn’t a realistic notion. Addiction was bigger than a 90-day program. It was bigger than months or years of sobriety. It was something I’d have to live with for the rest of my life. Every relationship, every job I’d have from now until forever, would be shadowed by the fact that I was an addict.

Leaving rehab shouldn’t have been as easy as stepping out of the front door with a bag on my shoulder. I shouldn’t have been able to grab a rideshare and take a car to the address I’d had Makyn search for me at the last hair appointment. We’d also exchanged numbers so I could track him down in a few weeks when my hair would be unruly again.

“You sure this is where you’re supposed to be?” The driver asked as we made our way through the dark night.

I nodded as my gaze caught on the creepy massive industrial structures lining both sides of the road. “I promise to tip well. And you don’t have to wait until I’m inside or anything. This is pretty scary, huh?”

The guy behind the wheel gave me a wide-eyed look in the rearview mirror. “You’re not going to peel my skin off or something? I’ve heard of other drivers getting into trouble. Please don’t take me too.”

I held my hands up. “Nothing off here. I just got out of rehab. That’s where you picked me up. I’m out this way because I’m trying to find a friend of a friend.”

My admission seemed to ease his worry. Maybe that or he remembered that he did indeed pick me up outside of a facility that wouldn’t have provided me with a weapon to harm him. Other than my size, I wasn’t a danger to him. And even then, the intent wasn’t there, so he was safe.

We pulled up outside of the building and the guy gasped. “Holy shit!”

I took a look around, deciding that yeah, holy shit about covered it. The place was massive, proving to be no less than the size of the surrounding buildings. Unlike the others, this one was well lit, painted pink in some places, and had flowerbeds around the front. It was homey despite the metal siding.

Climbing from the car, I took my single bag out and waved the driver away. Left to my own devices, I went to the door and knocked. More than one car was in the lot, but that didn’t mean much. It could have been all from the people who lived here, or from some other group entirely.

When the baby pink door opened, a large, tattooed man in a baby blue apron greeted me. I vaguely recognized him, though I was drawing a blank on the name.

“Is Princess Aster here?” I asked him.

He nodded, then yelled into the open cavern of space behind him. “PA! You got a stray at your door!”

I huffed indignantly at the choice of words. He turned to flash me a grin.

“Don’t worry, man. All of us were one of P.A.’s strays at some point. He collects us for fun.”

Before he could elaborate any further, the tiny slip of a man I remembered came to the door. His eyes connected with mine and his jaw fell open.

“Gerald Grimes! What are you doing all the way over here?!” His small hand wrapped around my bicep and tugged me through the door. “Close that up, would you, Pierce? We don’t need to pay more to the fucking electricity company than we do.”

“Language, Princess!” A voice called from across the room.

“Yes, Daddy. I’ll behave.” Princess Aster finished the words with an eye roll, proving that he would absolutely not do as he said. I wasn’t even sure if there was any other setting to my distant friend.

I said distant because he was really more Ean’s friend than mine. And I was only Ean’s friend because his husband Rhett had been close to him. The overlap of people was daunting if you didn’t have a map, some highlighters, and a key of names.

“Two things first,” he began once we cleared the door. “Are you in danger? And how can I help? I know for a fact you wouldn’t be out this way if it was ranch related. You’d have gone to Ean or Rhett first. Or hell, even Atticus.”

I nodded at his words. All of them were true. “If it was anything remotely involving that life, I’d have called them. But since it’s not, I came here.”

Taking a deep breath, I stared him in the eye as I gave him the truth I’d only said during therapy sessions.

“My name is Gerald Grimes, and I’m an alcoholic. I left rehab to come straight here. I… I can’t go back to the ranch. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to. You’d always said we could visit. That any of us could visit.”

“Shhhh,” Princess Aster said as he wrapped me in a hug. “Easy, Gerald.”

Until he tried to sooth me, I didn’t realize that I’d been crying. Not the ugly cries I’d gotten used to. These were more subtle.

“We’re here for you in whatever way you need.” The man Pierce was at my back, his meaty palm rubbing in small circles.

“Pierce is right. We take care of our own.”

I shook my head. “But I’m not. Not really. In the midst of therapy, I realized a few things about myself. Things about what my future would need to look like in order for me to properly cope. I can’t… I won’t have a D… Da —”

Princess Aster placed a finger over my lips. “That’s all for now. I’m putting the pieces together. If you’re up to explain more later, you can. For now, why don’t we introduce you to some new friends? Oh, wait!! Is it ok if you’re around this stuff or is that a problem?”

“Being around it is fine. It’s the art of practicing the dynamic that messes with me,” I admitted.

“Ok, good. And you’ll tell me if you’re ever uncomfortable? We can always move you to a new room or change things around. You don’t have to be in a bad place simply because you’re afraid to speak up. Got it?”

I’d forgotten how bossy he could be. Grinning, I gave him a nod and wiped away the tears clinging to my cheeks.

Princess Aster turned to face the group of men who’d stopped whatever they were doing to watch our interaction. I recognized several of them, though a few were strangers.

“Alright, everyone. This is Gerald. He’s an old friend of ours. We’re going to welcome him with big, open arms. I’m talking all the hugs if he’s up for it.”

I nodded quickly.

“Perfect! Now a few things to note: 1) He is not a practitioner of the Daddy lifestyle. 2) He is new to town, which means he’ll need a food guide. Yes, Doyle, you’re the best choice.” He pointed to a man who had his hand raised high in the back. “3) We’re going to operate on a color system for Gerald as a whole. If he’s looking uncomfy, we might have to shift some things around. And 4) Somebody get all the alcohol and move it. Pronto, people. Pronto.”

Everyone moved all at once, their bodies passing each other as they shifted to make room while simultaneously hiding the amber bottles of liquid I’d seen when I walked in. My body was attuned to it now. I could probably find it blindfolded to be honest.

But I wouldn’t touch it.

Not now, not ever.

I was getting a second chance at life. I intended to make the best of it.

Of course,Princess Aster decided the night needed to become a sleepover after his big announcement. He asked his husband Charlie if it was ok to have his friends over. The older man gave him a sweet smile as he easily agreed.

We were all camped out in the play area getting ready for bed. I was still working to remember everyone’s names, so I kept mostly to myself so I wouldn’t mess up. That and being around so many people again was overwhelming.

Or rather, being around so many kinky people was overwhelming. I didn’t flinch at the word Daddy, nor did I lose my cool at the obvious caregiving around me.

I thought I had myself together. It felt like a win.

And then Princess Aster asked me the question that disrupted the small bit of calm I’d found. “So, we’re not telling Ean or Rhett you’re here, right? I’m getting the sense that you don’t want them to know.”

The others sat back quietly, watching the exchange. All of them were in varying degrees of pajamas. A couple had full footie sets where every inch of skin minus their hands and faces were covered. Then there were one or two in short shorts and crop tops. There was even one guy in all black long sleeves and sweats.

After dragging out the silence far longer than necessary, I nodded. “I would prefer if they didn’t know. If they know, then Atticus will know. And quite frankly, I’m not ready to face him or any of the others just yet. I’m… I’m not strong enough.”

I felt arms wrap around me at the confession. “It’s ok, Gerald. We will do whatever you need us to. Besides, Ean and Rhett are super busy most of the time. Getting on their schedule is super hard.”

My laugh came out watery as I fought to hold back my tears. “It’s ok. I don’t plan to be here forever. I need to find a job first, then I can get out of your hair.”

“Nonsense,” Charlie declared as he brought over some blankets for us all. We were sleeping in a big circle, though some of the guys were so close it was practically a dogpile.

“Daddy is right. You are welcome as long as you need to satay.”

I gave Princess Aster a thankful smile. “I appreciate it. Still, there’s a lot I need to do. Experiences I want to try since I’ve spent so long torturing myself for the past. I don’t want to live in the dark anymore.”

“The dark is no fun,” one of the men calls out. I think he’s the one named Byron. “You’ve got our full support for whatever you need.”

“Yes! Byron is right! What do you need first? A job? A house? To eat as much cake as possible in a single sitting? We can take care of it all.”

I chuckled at Princess Aster’s enthusiasm. “Maybe not the cake or the house, but yes on the job front. I’ve got some money stored away, but it won’t last forever.”

One of the men wearing a crop top and shorts moved closer. As he approached, I noticed the outfit was covered in tiny donut shapes. It was really cute actually. In a past life, I might have even worn it for the sake of trying something new. Now, though, it was less an inclination to experience it and more an appreciation of a pretty fabric on someone else.

“Tell us what you’re good at. We have lots of friends all over. Maybe we can put in a good word,” the guy said.

I tilted my head back. “That’s a bit of a tough question. My skillset is ranch work. I know how to care for animals and run things there, but that’s not something I want to go back to necessarily. I’d rather start fresh.”

The man nodded and hummed. I should really work harder to remember his name.

“You said you ran things? Like how? Explain it to us.”

I leaned forward, my elbows moving to my knees where they were crossed. “I mean that I ran things. Mostly from the accounting side, but I handled a lot of the site coordination as well. Creating schedules, training new hires, setting up ads to bring in new workers, and things like that.”

Princess Aster grinned widely. “So, you were a manager?”

Shrugging, I tilted my head down to look at my hands. “More or less.”

“Then Doyle is right. We definitely know some people who would love what you do. The roles are more corporate than rural, though I’m sure a lot of it translates.”

One of the men towards the side raised his hand. Princess Aster pointed at him.

“Yes, Gracie?”

“We all know my boss is kind of a big deal,” he said, making the group laugh. “I’m sure if I explained that I had a friend with your skill, he’d have you hired within a couple of days. If not for himself, then for someone he knows.”

My heart swelled at the kindness before me. “Thank you. Even if nothing comes of this, the fact that you all believe in me so much means a lot.”

The group gave a collective sort of grumbling sound. Princess Aster scoffed as well, then said, “We take care of our people, Gerald. Despite whatever has happened to bring you our way, we know your heart is good. That’s all that matters to us. We know you’d have done the same if we’d have shown up on your doorstep.”

I nodded, though a still hurting part of me curled inward at his words. The person I was now would absolutely do so. But the one I was a few months ago, hell, even a year ago, would have been too far gone to notice someone else needed help. I let my pain take over my life. I let it lead me to an addiction that will be with me for the rest of my life.

We changed gears after that to discuss our favorite movies and food. Even though the men all knew each other inside and out, they entertained me with the games until bedtime. Only then did everyone settle down to get some sleep.

As the men around me began to drift away, I sent up a prayer that I’d made the right decision. While my heart would forever be connected to the ranch, I didn’t know if I could ever live there again.