Chapter 30

Our hug-festand my breakdown wore me out after so many hours of buildup. Sir explained to the others how I’d been worried about the visit and that I would likely need lots of sleep before we could talk more.

Atticus was quick to offer us space in the main house or the bunkhouse. We had our pick of whatever we wanted. My old room was even preserved just how I’d left it.

Sir decided it was best for us to be in a familiar space. He made sure we had everything we needed, then he tucked us into bed while the others went back to their bonfire. Part of me hated missing out on time with them, but I knew that I wasn’t worth anything in this state.

Eight hours later, I felt like a new man.

Sure, I was still a little tired, and my eyes burned from all the tears I’d cried. That wasn’t all bad though. Holding it in for so long had been.

“We need to get up for breakfast,” I whispered to Sir after I woke up to find his eyes already on mine.

He grinned down at me from where he’d propped up on his arm. “We do. I could hear the others leaving a while ago. I’m sure they’re eager to see you during the daylight hours.”

“I want that too,” I admitted. “Shower with me?”

“Absolutely. Come on, Precious. Let’s get presentable.”

One brief shower later, we were dressed and walking up to the main house together, hand-in-hand. It felt surreal to have someone I could be openly affectionate with while on the ranch. I was used to having to sneak around while here.

Being with Sir meant no secrets though. It also meant that when we walked into the kitchen, Robin instantly bombarded us. He ran at us like he hadn’t just seen us the night before.

I chuckled at his excitement as I stepped aside. Only, the move didn’t help since Robin ran straight to hug me instead of Sir. Surprise bolted through me before I managed to get my shit together and hug him back.

“Thank you for getting him here,” Robin said once we pulled apart.

I shook my head. “Oh, no. It wasn’t me. I didn’t do anything.”

“Actually,” Sir said as he directed the three of us further into the house and towards the group gathered around the table. “You are the sole reason I’m here. If I’d asked, Robin would have come to us. But with him here and the ranch here, it made more sense to wait until you were ready.”

My eyes tried to well with tears again. I shook my head, then cleared my throat loudly. “No one else gets to make me cry before breakfast. I’m all dried up.”

The men all laughed at my haughty tone. Harlan waved us to the counter where several trays were covered in foil.

“Guests get the first plate. We’re all taking it easy today since we didn’t know how long you were staying. I made some of your favorites,” he said with a grin.

My mouth watered as he unveiled each pan of food. There was sausage, bacon, eggs, pancakes, French toast, and a massive pile of biscuits. I wanted a dozen of everything, even though I knew my stomach couldn’t handle it.

“Take it piece by piece,” Sir said softly. ”I’m sure there will be leftovers.”

Corey snorted from my left. “You’ve clearly never been to a ranch. We could put away twice this amount if we really went after it.”

The man I’d guessed was Ashley walked up to him with a frown. “Be nice, Daddy. I want to meet your family.”

Everyone went quiet at the word Daddy. Knowing it was because of me, I shook my head and stuck my hand out in Ashley’s direction.

“You’re Ashley, right? I saw the photo of everyone and kind of figured it out from there.”

Ashley smiled wide. “That’s me. You’re Gerald.”

“I am. How has the Coleman Ranch treated you so far? I’m sure it’s different than military life, but there’s still a brotherhood here. You’re discharged by now I bet.”

Corey threw up his hands. “How do you know that?! You’re a wizard!”

The room erupted into laughter. Even Sir couldn’t resist cracking up at my friend’s foolishness while he piled our plates high with food. Normally, I’d be the one taking care of that. I knew he was doing it to give me time to visit my friends. It was also because he needed something to keep him busy. He’s used to his office or our weekends at home. Being in a space that he’s unfamiliar with and full of triggers for me has to be wearing on him.

I rubbed Sir’s beard while I faced off my friend and his boy. “I knew because I’d seen one of your letters years ago. It seemed like something you wanted to keep secret, so I didn’t say anything.”

“Hmmm,” Corey hummed as he narrowed his eyes. “That makes sense, I guess. Just making sure you weren’t spying on us.”

It was Robin who interrupted that time. “You mean like we did when we hired Preacher?”

Sir faced his brother with a smirk. “You were never the patient type, Ro. I’m surprised you didn’t hunt me down yourself.”

“I was busy. Griffin here kept accepting clients left and right. The clinic stays busy, plus there are the animals we have to drive out to check on,” he replied.

“Speaking of, I put in a call to the vet from a town over. He agreed to let me transfer the emergency line to him today so we could visit with Gerald and Weston.” Griffin announced the update to the room at large.

“Thanks for that,” Robin told him. “I don’t know how long the big lug is here for. I’ve got a couple of appointments tomorrow morning, but then I’m free for the afternoon.”

“We’ll stay for as long as Gerald wants.” Sir’s reply was instant.

I watched the men around me, the men I called family, practically melt at his easy response. They could tell it was natural for him to think of me first. And if the smiles they wore meant anything, they really liked him for me.

Relief swept through me. I hadn’t known until that moment how important them liking Sir was for me. For as much as I wanted us to find a resolution to the past, I also wanted to know they saw what I did.

A man who’d won my heart.

A man who’d helped me heal.

A man who’d scream how much he loved me to any and everyone.

“I’d liketo show Sir around the ranch, if you’re all ok with it?” I said after breakfast ended. It wasn’t weird calling him that in front of the others. I don’t know why I thought it would have been. After all the times I’d heard Daddy or boy or any other affectionate name, you’d think I’d know better.

All eyes turned to Atticus at my question. He shrugged and steepled his fingers. “I’m fine with that. You’re welcome to use whatever you need. Can I ask something in return?”

“Absolutely. What do you need?”

His eyes locked with mine. “Don’t leave without saying goodbye this time, please. I know we might not get to see you after this, so we need a proper send off.”

I frowned. “Am I not welcome back after this?”

“Of course you are!” Sean said.

“I think Atty is trying to say he doesn’t expect you to keep coming back to the place that hurt you.” Travis spoke softly, his words careful.

“It’s not the place that hurt me. That’s why I came back,” I told the group. Sir rubbed a hand along my back, infusing me with more confidence to continue. “It was the memory of it all. Clancy’s ghost followed me everywhere. And then there were the secrets. It was too much. I felt like too much, while also feeling like not enough.”

Elton, who hadn’t said much since my arrival, chose that moment to get my attention. “You’ve always been enough, Gerald. Even when you thought you weren’t, you were.”

“He’s right,” Bobby Allen added. “We’ve always considered you family. Even knowing the secrets you kept doesn’t change that. It only gives more clarity to the past and to the things we didn’t know.”

“There’s nothing stronger than family, Gerald.” In a surprising move, Beau spoke without an ounce of humor in his tone. He was more serious than I’d ever seen him. “I learned that when I came to this ranch and then I was given a reminder when Jackson let me be part of his family.”

Jackson kissed Beau softly, a smile on his lips as he did so. “I’m sensing that you’re open to the idea of coming back to visit from time to time. Is that right, Gerald?”

I nodded, then quickly turned my gaze. “Are you alright with that, Sir?”

“Absolutely. I’m sure I could delegate some duties across my team if need be. We’ll make it all work however is needed to get us here when you want.”

The men clapped and cheered. Atticus cut them off with a brief whistle. “Now then, let’s leave them be so they can do their tour stuff. The rest of you have work to do. Take it easy, but the animals need food as much as we do.”

“Yes, sir,” Beau cried with a mock salute.

Ashley shook his head. “He’s doing it wrong again. It’s like he never learns.”

Jackson snorted. “Oh, you have no idea. This one is a troublemaker.”

The men shuffled out of the room one by one, leaving me and Sir to sit with Atticus and Sean, while Harlan went to the kitchen to clean. Since we were in their space, I moved to leave them be.

Atticus reached out a hand to stop me. “Hold up for a second, please, Gerald. Were you serious about visiting?”

“I was,” I told him. “My life is in the city now, but I want to come back when I can. Maybe for birthdays or holidays? It would just depend on our schedules.”

“There’s no chance you’ll move back is there?” His voice was guarded when he asked.

I answered quickly. “No, I don’t believe so. I love this place as much as anyone. It’s just not conducive to the new life I want. A healthy version of me, one that’s sober and happy, is founded in a life that’s not here. I have a support system in the city.”

“Then there’s no way I’d ever pull you from it. I just wanted to be sure you knew the option existed. I wouldn’t ever want you to think we don’t want you here.”

“I don’t think that,” I admitted to him.

Sean smiled at that. “Good. Now that he’s bared his heart, I’ll tell you that we’re going to have a big dinner thanks to Harlan, so be sure to make it back by then. The rest of the day is yours.”

The two of them went upstairs, which ended the morning reunion. I turned to Sir with a soft smile. “I think that went well.”

He laughed. “I agree. Is there anything we need before we get started?”

I thought about it for a minute, then nodded. “There is one thing. Can you grab the keys to the farm truck and meet me beside it in a minute? I just need to get something from our room.”

At his agreement, I took off at a jog from the main house. When I made it to our space for the weekend, I reached into my bag to pull out the folded envelope. Without looking down at it, I stuffed it in my pocket for later. I didn’t have much of a plan for it, but I knew if there was ever a time to finally find out what Clancy had to say to me, then it would be during this first trip.

I spentthe morning showing Sir around the place I’d called home for so long. He got to meet all the animals, and he even took the time to learn their names. We lent a hand when Corey needed it for some of the feedings. And when Bobby Allen offered to saddle a horse for us to ride, we took him up on the offer.

By the time lunch rolled around, he looked worn out. “Ranch life is taxing, isn’t it?” I teased as I opened the door to the bunkhouse.

He cut his eyes my way. “It is. No wonder you’ve got such a great figure.”

I choked out a laugh. “Says the man who”s built like a brick house. You’re so big.”

Rubbing my hands over his muscles, I felt an urge that I hadn’t in ages. It was a visceral feeling, one that demanding he fill me and fuck me senseless. I was equal parts overwhelmed and amazed.

“Where’d you just go, Precious? Your pupils are telling me it’s somewhere I want to be.”

When we were finally alone in our room I stepped closer to him. “I was picturing what it would feel like for you to fuck me properly. It was like my body woke up all of a sudden.”

“What do you mean by fucking you properly? I need you to be clear,” he murmured as he pressed kisses along my jaw.

I moaned at the feel, then tilted my head to give him more access. “I mean the kind where your cock goes in my ass, and we both come. The position and place don’t matter all that much.”

He froze as his breathing sped up. “When we get home. I’ll have you when we get home. This trip isn’t about that.”

“Ungh,” I groaned. “That means waiting.”

Sir laughed, then went back to kissing me. “In my world, it’s called edging. But don’t worry, the wait is always worth it.”

“I sure hope it is.”