Chapter 28

The universe hada way of getting my attention. Even when I’d fight it, the damn higher power — whomever it was — would smack me around a bit until I saw reason.

My first sign came when Wes brought up going to see his brother. It had been a simple request one night. There was no guilt laid on me, nor did he try to push me outside of my comfort zone by insisting we go. I should have realized that wouldn’t be the end.

No, not because Wes would do anything to push.

Like I said, the fucking universe was keen on me opening my eyes.

The next sign I got to go back to what was once home came in the form of a laundry mishap. See, I tend to wash my clothes all at once. It’s no big deal and quite frankly, it’s good for the environment. The facts out there about the amount of water it takes to do laundry is mind-boggling.

While the process is normally seamless, one day it wasn’t. And on that particular day, I’d had another hair appointment with Makyn. That meant I needed clean clothes. Underwear being the first.

I searched my drawers high and low for something. I came up empty each time. Moving into the closet, I searched through there. Still nothing.

That’s when I went to my duffle bag. Deep down, I knew there couldn’t have been anything in there. Not after all this time.

Even so, I dug through the pockets in hopes of there being just one stray piece of fabric meant to cover my ass. Commando wasn’t an option with how closely Makyn watched and gossiped. One slip of the tongue about Wes, and I’d be staining my pants with precum.

When my hand closed around something, I yanked it out without thought. Had I taken a minute to realize what pocket I’d reached into, I might not have been as eager.

The white envelope taunted me. I gripped it tightly, too afraid to move lest I fall apart.

My name lay across the front in all too familiar handwriting. I could picture him writing it out a million different times in just as many scenarios. In the kitchen. During a business meeting. After we’d made love, his fingers moving over my back muscles.

The memories slammed into me one after the other. I dropped to my knees, my heart tearing wide open again where I’d thought it had mended. The crack inside me fell to the wayside as all the pain and anger I remembered resurfaced.

“No,” I whispered softly. “No, you can’t have this too. I won’t… I won’t fall apart.”

Slowly, I gathered the strength to stand. I’d refortify the walls of my heart. They’d worked before, and they would work again. I took a deep breath, then shoved the envelope back where I’d pulled it from.

Fuck the underwear. I’d just deal with Makyn and a hard-on. I couldn’t risk finding something else to set me off.

My last sign, and the proverbial nail in the coffin of my patience, hit when I was eating breakfast one day with Sir. We’d been playing around the night before, his commanding voice telling me what to do under the blanket as we laid side by side in the bed. After I’d come, he went to the bathroom, where I heard my name echo off the tiles as he showered. It was basically the hottest fucking night ever.

And then morning came.

Wes and I were up earlier than usual, so he decided to read the paper at home. He didn’t always do so, but when he did, I would take the time to watch him scour through it all before reading what he discarded. We’d then discuss high and low points until he had to leave.

I’d just taken a sip of coffee and reached for my first section of the day when it happened. I looked up to admire the man across from me, but my gaze caught on the back of the paper in his hand. My entire body shook with the force of the blow that came at seeing the large image printed there.

Leaning over the table, I tugged on the page. “Sir,” I said breathlessly.

He let go immediately, then moved to my side. In a crouched position, he watched me as I flipped to the article. It was a piece about the Coleman Ranch and their need to give back.

My eyes watered as I stared into the faces of my friends, the men I knew like family. Atticus, Bobby Allen, Corey, Harlan, and Beau were all there. But so were others. Men I’d not known quite as long, though they’d all welcomed me the same. Only one face wasn’t that familiar, but from the closeness he had to Corey, I figured there had to be something going on there.

For a while, I wondered if the ranch had turned into a matchmaker’s paradise. It seemed like after I’d lost my other half, everyone else’s showed up. Like Clancy leaving me paved the way for others to come around.

If I believed in guardian angels, I might have said it was his way of taking care of them all.

“Is that them?”

I nodded. “Yes, Sir. It’s them.”

He hummed. “They look happy. That’s good, right?”

“It is.” I couldn’t get anymore words out. I was too choked up to try.

“The article says that posts about them went viral online. Apparently, people loved that an LGTBQ+ group of cowboys were making blankets and hats for NICU babies. Some guy named Ashley is spearheading it. Says here he’s a veteran.”

I knew immediately that he was the one person I didn’t recognize. His name also further confirmed what he was to Corey. I’d known about his secret pen pal for ages. Originally, it had been an accident that I’d seen one of the letters before it got to him. Rather than open it and snoop, I left all the mail in the box, then sent him out to check on it.

If there was one thing I understood, it was a need to keep secrets.

Which… was that what I was still doing? Had I traded out one thing for another? In the past, I’d felt like Clancy’s dirty little secret. My love for him overshadowed my reasoning, keeping me from suggesting that we tell the others about us.

And now I was with Sir — with Wes. Instead of sharing it with the people who I loved and cared for, I’d kept to the city under the guise of not wanting to face my past.

The truth was, my past hadn’t ever left. It would be with me forever. I couldn’t outrun my addiction, nor did I want to. Going through what I did made me into the man I was, into the man who’d rebuilt himself from nothing.

I turned to face Sir. Sometime between last night and this morning, I’d shifted my thoughts to wanting him to be that for me all the time. With the way his gaze pored over my features, I assumed he’d have no problem with the change.

“Yes, Precious. What do you need?”

“I think I need to go back. To see them. To see your brother. I can’t go forward if I don’t deal with what I ran away from.”

He smiled softly. “Are you sure this is what you want? To go back to the place that left you hurting?”

“I’m sure. It feels right. Plus, I miss them. I didn’t realize how much until I saw their faces.”

“Can you tell me about them? I’d like to know who is who.”

I nodded, then told him little details for each. I shared memories with him, some funny and others serious. I talked about how we worked as a team, how we were all family.

“I’d love to meet your family, Precious. Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be there to support you through it,” Sir said softly, his smile comforting in all the best ways.

It was then I realized just how deeply I’d fallen for him. While I’d been hellbent on holding off sex and protecting myself from repeating the past, my heart had thrown up a peace sign and taken the dive. I was completely in love with Weston Jeffry.

I couldn’t picture a life without him, nor did I really want to.

Using all the courage I had, I admitted such to him. “I love you, Sir. And I really, really want to introduce you to my family. I want to meet yours too.”

Tears welled in my eyes as his smile lit up the room. “That sounds perfect to me. I’d love to meet them. And for the record, I love you too. I have for a while now.”

I huffed. “Then why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because you didn’t need my feelings influencing your decisions. Your choice to love me or not was never meant to hinge on anyone’s emotions but your own. And your past, facing it like I know you will, was another factor. We could never be happy together if you were still focused on outrunning the things that hurt you.”

I froze as I took in his words. They were true. I knew it as well as I knew my own name. It was just so insane to me how in sync we’d been without either of us sharing how we truly felt.

“Why don’t we get ready for the day, then we can figure out a plan to take some time off to visit our families? I’m sure it won’t take you long to get everything in order.”

“Of course it won’t. I already have a few ideas,” I told him.

The truth was, from the minute I’d seen the smiles on the page of the newspaper, I’d already started organizing the order of events it would take to go back. And once the thought seeped in, I couldn’t push it away.

I was going back to the Coleman Ranch.