Prologue

I fluffed my pillow,adjusting it over and over again until it felt just right.

Not that anything felt right these days.

Morning, noon, and night, my thoughts wrapped around all the what ifs. What if we’d found it sooner? What if he’d fought harder to stay? What if everyone had known?

I could build elaborate scenarios in my mind, then weave the results piece by piece like a pro. My imagination was a dangerous place.

Especially when it came to Clancy Coleman.

I eased down onto the pillow, the soft fabric rustling in the quiet of the night. The sheet covering me only managed to create a paper thin barrier between me and the elements. Wind rolled over my skin regardless, the fabric more window dressing than warmth.

My hand eased over the engraving on the marker.

Clancy Coleman

Beloved husband and father

May he rest in peace with the land he loved

Every word punched me in the gut, their blows violent. I all at once hated them and loved them. Because the truth was there. Clancy had been a loving husband to his late wife. And he’d been the best father he could to his two boys. Even the bit about resting with the land he loved was true.

It was the part they’d left out that left an ache in my chest. The part about our relationship, about our love.

But no one knew about us. It wasn’t as if the removal of my role in his life was intentional. Atticus wasn’t trying to hurt me with his choice. I believed that if he knew the depth of love I’d shared with his father that he’d no doubt have found a way to include me on the epitaph.

Tears fell as I let myself sink deeper into the grass beside my love’s grave. Part of me wished I was in the ground beside him too. I didn’t know how I was expected to continue on in this life without him.

He was my everything.

My boss, my lover, my best friend.

My Daddy.

Losing him was never part of the plan.