36. Oakley

36

OAKLEY

Three months later - April

Between Voss and Jalon, I'm learning to cook. Not necessarily well, but I'm trying. However, it's Imry who's teaching me how to bake. I'm much better at baking. I think it's the structure and precise ingredients that help.

Loren doesn't claim to be closer to any one of his brothers over the others. Or say he has a favorite but secretly, I think he's closest with Imry. That might be why I am too. We spend a lot of time together when I'm not with Loren or they're not tending to one of Loren's contracts.

I'm at least 40% convinced that ‘contract' is a code word for something, though I've yet to truly figure it out. Which is fine.

It's been three months since I officially moved in. I kind of thought there'd be some growing pains and awkward moments, if not between me and Loren, then just in general because I'm brand new to their household. But most of the time, it feels like I've always been here. They treat me like part of them. Without getting sappy, I couldn't have ever dreamed up a better family to move into.

I spread the frosting over the top of the cookie and push it aside. As I'm picking up the last one, Imry adds another batch of cooled cookies to my tray. I'm not even sure why we're making so many, and yet, they just keep coming.

From the fresh batch, I slide a frosted one to Honey Bee, one to Haze, and after adding extra frosting to a third, I slide that one across the cool stone countertop to Brek. His eyes flicker to mine and I receive a crooked smile before he returns his attention to his book.

He's still convinced that he's in love with me, and while I don't mean to invalidate how he feels or pretend to know his feelings better than he does, I really do think he's just hanging on as tightly as he can because everything is changing so quickly.

In just under a month, we graduate. Nothing will be the same then. Levis is talking about marrying the girl he's seeing, Honey Bee has been out every night for the past seven weeks with the same guy, even Haze has said he's met someone he might be interested in. Then there's me, who's moved out. I'm not sure what Briar's plan is, though.

I keep hinting that I think Brek might benefit from talking to a therapist or something, because he has mad anxiety right now and it's only going to get worse. But he brushes it off, assuring us all that he's fine. Maybe while he has finals to prepare for, he can distract himself, but it won't be long before he achieves this goal, and he's forced to face the next part of his life.

"You need to study?" Imry asks.

Glancing at him over my shoulder, I shrug. Even if I failed these classes—all four!—I'd still have plenty of credits to graduate. Not that I'm going to fail them. However, I study much better when Loren and I are… connected. I call it study time and Loren seems more than happy to suckle my dick with his fingers lodged in my ass until I'm finished whatever work I'm doing.

My ability to concentrate under those circumstances is rather impressive. It's like he sucks everything out of me, and I only have the ability to focus on a single thing. Which should be the way he touches me, but that turns into background comfort more than anything. I feel him, but I don't feel him. It's hard to explain, even internally to myself, but it's just right for me.

"Nah. I'll study before bed tonight." When I can reward myself with a well-earned orgasm after. I leave this out, though I have no doubt Loren would have voiced it.

"You feeling good about your classes?" Honey Bee asks.

I nod, licking the frosting off the back of my hand. "Yep. Dunno what I'll ever use the information I've gathered from them for, but they're some of the best I've taken to date."

"I can't believe you're really graduating to stay home," Haze says, chuckling.

"But I'm graduating on time," I point out. "If we went with my indecisive first through eighth plans, I'd probably be in school for another decade."

"You love school," Brek says. His voice is quieter these days. As if he doesn't necessarily want to be heard.

"I do and I might still take classes. But I really am wasting time and money without having an established goal."

Every last person in the kitchen responds with some form of ‘you're not' and I laugh. "Okay, to me , it feels like I am. I want to be working toward something and until I figure out what that is, I'm just going to spend my days with Loren."

I don't think any of my friends approve of my plan moving forward. The Van Dorens seem as excited for this next step as if I were becoming president of the world, but my friends want more for me. Sometimes, I wonder how I'd feel if one of them were in my situation. Would I be disappointed that their only ambition in life was to tool around the house of their partner?

It's not that I don't want to do something, it's just that I don't know what that something is. What I know for sure is that I don't want to dread going to work every day. I want to enjoy my life and since we spend the better part of sixty years working, I need it to be something I love.

That's not unreasonable. The thing is, I'm only twenty-two. How the hell am I expected to know what I want to do with the rest of my life when I've barely begun to live it?! It seems rather unfair to put that kind of pressure on people.

I glance up when I hear the front door open. My heart races because I imagine it's Loren. He's gotten better about leaving me at home as long as it's under the condition that I don't go anywhere without him. Not even with my friends unless Levis will be bringing his wakizashi, which he can't because it's illegal to walk around with a sword.

My friends get frustrated, but I still have the scars on my neck to remind us that I was nearly murdered. I'm more than fine staying with someone who will kill any would-be murderer.

Loren steps into the kitchen and immediately meets my eyes, like we're drawn to each other. I grin and his smile is swoony. He comes around the counter and pulls me against him, kissing me breathless.

When he backs up, I notice that he has something in his hand. Before I can truly process what he has or what he's doing, Loren has the box open, my hand in his, and he's putting a ring on my finger. My eyes widen, jaw dropping as I stare at him.

"The officiant will be here momentarily," Loren says.

"Officiant?" Honey Bee repeats.

"Woah," Imry says. "Hold on." He pulls Loren back a step, laughing. "This is one of those moments when you ask him, not tell him. You need to talk about this before making plans."

Loren frowns. "We have talked about it. A lot." His gaze flickers to Imry for a minute before settling back on me. "You always say you want to be married before you graduate. So I'm making that happen."

"Yes, but…" My voice trails off. "What about my family? We need to plan a wedding. They don't just happen."

"What's to plan? I have rings and now the person who makes it legal will be here momentarily. It was a rather simple plan."

Imry laughs and claps my shoulder. "You will always have your hands full."

"What about Noah?" I ask. "Don't you want him to be here?"

Loren tilts his head slightly.

"We can't just get married now. Where will we do it—the kitchen?" I ask, feeling slightly hysterical.

He looks around. "It doesn't really matter where. All that matters is you."

My breath catches and the panicky feeling that had started to take over melts away. This man has never said the words ‘I love you,' but he still manages to tell me every single day how much he loves me.

Trying to not be a sap, I blink the tears that start to form in my eyes. I step into him and wrap my arms around his neck, bringing my forehead to his. "I love you. I want this. But… I need some time to plan a wedding. I want my family here. I want you to have Noah here. I want it to be beautiful and a day we're always going to remember."

"I will remember it. The day I made you my husband," he disputes. "The day you change your name to Oakley Van Doren. The day everyone will know you're mine and I will never let you go. It will never be a day I forget."

"Oh my god," Honey Bee mutters. "He makes it impossible for me to stay mad at his presumptuous decisions."

"It's not presumptuous," Loren insists, frowning. "Oakley tells me he wants to be my husband before graduation every night while I'm fuc?—"

I slap my hand over his mouth, cheeks burning. "Fucking Christ," I mutter. "Stop doing that."

I can feel his smirk under my hand. About half the time I know he does this without understanding it's inappropriate. The other half, he sure as fuck knows and does it to make me squirm.

Haze is smirking, sitting back on his stool with his arms crossed over his chest. Honey Bee is still smiling that begrudging smile because she hates to love how sweet Loren is to me. But Brek is trying very hard to find happiness during this moment.

Loren turns his head, making my hand fall away. "I'm sorry. I suppose we should have talked in more depth about it."

Sighing, I kiss him lightly. "I really, really love that I can say I want something even in passing and you just make it happen. It's the sweetest, most romantic thing and you constantly leave me breathless. But this one thing, I really think I need some time to get some details worked out first."

"Okay," he says. "How is Friday?"

"This Friday?" I ask.

Imry laughs as he moves cookies around.

"Or… next Friday?" Loren tries.

He really doesn't understand the process of putting a wedding together. To him, the only thing that matters is the two of us.

"Uh," Voss says as he steps into the kitchen, "there's a lady at the door saying she's here for the wedding?"

Loren kisses my nose. "I'll tell her to come back… in two weeks?" he hedges. If you didn't know him, you'd think he was being pushy. Really, he's just trying to figure out what I want. How long I need. What's the soonest moment he can give me exactly what I've been asking for.

I laugh.

"Tell her you'll call her to reschedule," Honey Bee suggests helpfully.

"Hmm," Loren hums as he takes a step back and turns to leave the room. I watch him go, my heart racing. The further he gets, the more I think that maybe he's right. The most important aspect of marrying him is him.

"Wait! Loren!" I call and throw my towel on the counter to race after him.

He's already at the door when I nearly slide into his side. "I've changed my mind. I want to do this now."

"You do?" he asks, amused and unconvinced.

"Yes," I say, eyeing the woman at the door as I turn into Loren. "You're right. You and me. That's what matters. And I do want this before graduation. So let's do it now. Okay?"

He smiles. "Yes. Right here?"

I laugh. "No. Uh… backyard?"

Loren nods.

"I'm going to change into something not covered in flour." Looking at the woman, I say, "Do you have a little bit of time? I need like twenty minutes."

"Of course."

"Okay good. Thank you. I'm going to change. Get your family and my friends and I'll meet you in the backyard. Okay?"

There's a soft look on Loren's face. A small smile as he looks at frazzled me. "Take your time," he says, pressing his lips softly to my jaw. "Take a breath. Everything will be perfect. I promise."

I take a breath and nod. Yeah, okay.

"Go. I'll meet you in the backyard in twenty minutes."

Biting my lip, I nod. There's a part of me that wants to drag him upstairs just to have him there. Loren never gets frazzled. He's this constant beacon of calm and steady. You know, unless he's ready to kill someone who kissed me when they shouldn't. But his quiet, sure presence always helps to put me at ease.

Heading up the stairs, I move through the shower quickly and then stand in the middle of the closet and look around. What am I supposed to wear?! I don't have anything appropriate for a wedding. Not even to attend a wedding, never mind be one of the grooms.

"Don't overthink," I tell myself and slip into one of Loren's favorite pairs of underwear. I choose fitted dark pants and the nicest shirt I have. I pull my hair half up, making sure that some of it falls loose around my face because Loren loves when it does.

I'm jittery and shaking by the time I come downstairs. The house is silent as I walk through to the back door. Beyond the pool paradise, Loren's family and my friends are waiting for me. I'm surprised and breathless when I see flowers everywhere.

Taking a deep breath, I step outside and am met with Honey Bee as she places a crown of flowers on my head. "He's planned more than he let on," she whispers and hands me a bouquet. "The only thing I was able to suggest that he hadn't thought of was getting your parents and brother on video. His friend is there too. I think Daddy Jalon also called his brothers in video."

"It's a good thing I don't wear makeup," I whisper back as she links her arm with mine and walks me toward the small crowd. "I already feel like ugly crying."

"He's pretty intense when he's giving orders. He knew exactly where he wanted the flowers and which were pulled for your bouquet."

The way my heart pounds makes me worry I might pass out. He did this. Loren did this for me!

I've always loved the way he looks at me. Intense and focused, as if I'm the only one who exists for him. Everything about him is breathless.

Honey Bee kisses my cheek and lets me go as I close the distance between us. Loren's smile is small, sweet, absolutely sexy, and all for me. "You're beautiful," he murmurs, and my knees nearly buckle.

"You did this," I whisper.

His smile spreads slightly. I'm not at all surprised that Loren places his hands on my hips and pulls me close before giving the woman a nod that she could begin. I don't know what she says. I barely register the fact that there are people among the flowers as I stare into Loren's dark eyes.

I repeat words when I'm prompted. I say I do when prompted. Once again, I'm taken by surprise when Loren produces more rings from his pocket so we can exchange rings when the time comes.

I'm only barely holding it together when we're given the okay to kiss as a married couple. I nearly jump in his arms and press my lips to his. He holds me tight, claiming, as if daring the world to try to take me from his arms.

This is the exact place I want to stay forever. In the arms of Loren's obsessive love, knowing that he has and will kill for me.