18. Oakley

18

OAKLEY

On Tuesday, Loren gave me an origami puffy heart when he met me outside to walk to school. On Wednesday when he met me for lunch, he had the most beautiful purple and white flower I'd ever seen. Thursday evening, when he walked me to my door, he kissed me for real.

When I say my heart nearly stopped, I cannot emphasize that enough. He was super cute. Incredibly unsure. But when I stepped into him, his arms came around me and he gained a lot more confidence.

There was no tongue involved. Just our lips moving together. His arms wrapped around me and mine around him. Then he hugged me after, keeping me tucked in his arms for a few minutes as we held each other.

It was honestly the best day of my life.

This morning, he brought me a small rock the size of my palm with two penguins kissing on it, surrounded by hearts. He said his brothers painted it for him. I've been smiling like a fool all day as I carry it around.

It's too soon to be in love, right?

I keep reminding myself about how I definitely jumped in blindly with Daniel/Jason. I remind myself about all the red flags he waved and I'd ignored. But I don't see any of those red flags. He knows about my roommates and hasn't had anything bad to say. He's met them. I'm even sure he and Levis are friends. I've seen them hanging out when I get out of class and Loren is waiting for me.

There aren't any moments of jealousy or manipulation. He's not said something that makes me uncomfortable and then covered it with a generic compliment. In fact, his compliments aren't generic at all.

I'm not dreaming this up, right?

"Hey," Brek greets when he meets me in the hall. Today is the first day Loren isn't going to be around until this evening. He has a job. A contract. I'm not entirely sure why that means he won't be around, but I don't question it.

"Hi," I say. "Classes over, or you have one more? I forget what day it is."

He snorts. "One more. You gonna hang around?"

I shake my head. "I have to stop at the museum for class. They just opened a new exhibit on the Kush dynasty and now we have a paper due in a week."

"Fun."

I shrug. He doesn't share my love of history. Which is fine.

"What's that?"

He's looking at my hand, so I open my grip to show him the rock on my palm. I'm still grinning. I can't help myself.

"Where'd you get that?"

"Someone," I hedge.

There's no way they haven't figured out that I've been spending time with Loren. But considering the way Brek scowls at me, I'm not about to say so.

"It's cute," I say, closing my hand and bringing it to my chest.

Brek shrugs. "Yep."

"Does it offend you in some way?"

He looks at me warily. "No."

"Then why the sudden attitude?"

"I just don't want you to get in over your head again. You don't think he's a little…"

I'm right that they've figured out that I'm hanging around with Loren. I'm not sure if we're ‘seeing' each other since we haven't really said as much, but in my head, we are.

"A little what? Courteous? Kind? Thoughtful?"

Brek looks at me and I can tell he has a whole lot to say about this. He's not going to, though. "No. Is he all that?"

"Very much."

"He stares a lot. And Honey Bee was sure he was following us around. You're not concerned about that?"

I shrug. "He wants to spend time with me. He likes our conversations. Loren's interested in what I say, and remembers what's important to me."

Brek flinches like that was a direct jab at him. It wasn't. We have our own likes and that's completely fine. He looks away.

"So do I," he mutters.

"I didn't say you didn't, but you're trying to make me distrust Loren based on the fact he's around the same places we are? That's really what you're going with?"

"He doesn't even go to school here," he says, almost poutily.

"No. He doesn't. He walks the thirty-eight miles worth of trails, talks to the admissions office while he decides whether or not he wants another degree, and he's here to see me. Yes, he's said as much. That's one of the reasons he comes to campus. Do you think if he was being shady, he'd freely admit as much, Brek?"

"Don't get mad at me. I'm wary of people hanging around where they don't need to be."

"Because I have bad taste in men, right?"

"No! I'm not trying to fight, Oakley. I'm just worried. I miss you. You're hardly ever around anymore."

"But I'm the one you're giving a hard time to even though Honey Bee, Levis, and Briar are all seeing someone."

"They're still home all the time," he insists. "This is the most I've seen you in like, two weeks."

"Maybe it's time for you to get a girlfriend too. We're adults now and it's time that we expand our relationships, including you," I say. "I'm going to the museum. I'll see you later."

I half expect him to say something sarcastic like, ‘will I?' or ‘do you even still live there?' but he doesn't answer as I stomp off.

As I'm storming down the road, not paying attention to anything around me, there's a little voice in my head saying I'm being very defensive for some reason and maybe I need to think about it. Okay, I admit that at first, Loren always popping up felt a little unsettling. Him always watching me felt somewhat unnerving.

But he was nervous to talk to me. Just as I'm nervous to talk to everyone. Like me, he relaxes and opens up when it's just the two of us. We talk freely, comfortably. It's not hard to understand that maybe he's not as easy-going as everyone else.

I round a building and slam into a body.

"Woah," he says, his hands gripping me. I recognize his voice right away and pick up my head to look at one of the Van Doren triplets. Since he's not in a black tank, white tee, or shirtless, I'm not at all sure which one this is. "You okay?"

I huff. "Yes. Sorry."

"You look agitated."

Taking a deep breath, I hold it until my lungs force me to let it out. "I was arguing with Brek. It's fine."

"You shouldn't stay mad at your friends," he says, dropping his hands. There's a smile on his face as he looks at me. "They're almost always looking out for you."

"Yeah, well, when they're upset that I'm seeing someone for no reason except that I'm not home anymore, I think that's jealousy more than an altruistic reason."

"Is he upset that you're seeing my brother?"

I chew the inside of my lip. "I don't know exactly what his issue is. After making a bad decision on a guy because he says nice things to me and I'm not used to hearing nice things… Suddenly, all I make is bad decisions."

Only after the words are out of my mouth do I realize what I said. I flinch and glance up at him. "Sorry, that was far more ranting than you needed to hear."

He chuckles. "It's okay. Sounds to me like maybe he's worried about you."

"Do I have something to worry about?" I press in frustration.

Triplet brother tilts his head. There's a smile on his face, but it's almost absent. Reflective. Thoughtful. "No. You don't."

It's the way he emphasized you that has me staring at him. "Does Brek?" I ask.

His smile is vague now. "I think you need to trust your gut, Oakley. If something bothers you, listen to it. But if you're only feeling unsure now because of outside input, I think everything is fine."

That's a little… unsettling. "Right." He didn't answer the question. But he did say that I'm safe. I have nothing to worry about.

Maybe Loren doesn't like Brek?

"Okay, well…"

He grins. "I'm Imry. Ellory and Avory are almost always together. So if you see one of us alone, it's most likely me. Just so you know."

"How do you tell the other two apart?" I ask. "And when you're all together?"

Imry smiles. "You don't. I'm not even sure my brothers have it figured out."

"Have your parents?"

"Mom never did either except…" he pauses, then shakes his head. "Dad knows. I can't recall a single time when he's named us wrongly."

I almost ask about their mom because I've never seen her. No one mentions her. Loren and I talk about family sometimes and I've never once heard him so much as reference her. It's like the boys all randomly popped into existence.

"That's cool. You could at least get different haircuts."

Imry laughs. "Life is more entertaining this way. But I did just tell you how to figure us out to some degree. Keep it in mind."

He winks and steps around me. "I'm glad you and my brother are getting close, Oakley. He's not a people person and I can count on one hand how many people he likes outside of his family. You're something special."

My heart flutters as I smile after him. I feel better. The anger I felt toward Brek fades as I continue down the street. Now that I'm not feeling frustrated towards Brek, I can definitely see how he is just worried.

He's not even wrong. I know I fucked up and gained myself a crazy fucker. He turned out to be even crazier, with multiple identities and a history of domestic violence and restraining orders. Then he pissed off someone enough to be brutally murdered in the middle of the desert!

I get it. If that had happened to any of my friends, I'd feel the same way. I'd probably question everything they do for fear that they'd repeat the same mistake.

My phone pings and I reach into my pocket to pull it out.

Brek

I'm sorry. I don't want to fight. I just miss you.

Me

I'm sorry I was so defensive. I shouldn't have felt attacked.

Brek

See you at home later?

Me

Yes. definitely.

Much better. I should have apologized first, but he just came to the conclusion before I did. Seconds before, but still he got there first. I hate fighting with them. We rarely fight. Rarely take offense at something another says. We've been friends for so long, it's natural to maneuver around each other. Like extended limbs.

Closing out of my text conversation with Brek, I open mine with Loren. Last night we were talking about constellations and the stories behind them. It looks like a normal, mundane conversation, but the way he asked questions and then naturally threw in some really sweet things that just fit with our discussion makes me smile.

I feel the weight of the rock he gave me in my pocket, the image of the little penguins kissing danced before my eyes as I read.

Loren

Constellations always look like the stars are reaching out to each other. Holding hands.

Would you let me hold your hand? What would our constellation shape be? I like the idea of my story being written in the stars and passed down through lifetimes.

The way his questions shift, bounce around, and come back to the topic all in a single text make me think that he's literally just writing exactly what he's thinking. He's letting me in. Giving me a glimpse at the parts of him that are deeper than the world sees.

I glance up and come to a stop. How the hell did I get here?

No, more importantly—where is here?

Spinning in a slow circle, I determine I'm in an alleyway, but neither end looks like it dumps out onto the main road. There's a wall on either end, so the path must turn. The buildings aren't ridiculously tall, but they're made of stone and metal and glass, reaching up a dozen stories.

Okay, no big deal. I close my text conversations and open the maps app. While I wait for it to load, I listen. Straining my ears for the sounds of traffic, trying to ignore the way my heart races.

This is fine. I'm not in Chicago or NYC or… even a big city. Tucson isn't a huge city, right? We're on the outer limits. This is a college town. I'm safe. Perfectly safe.

But my maps won't load. The little dot is surrounded by gray.

"It's fine," I mutter and choose the direction I came from to walk. The alley is clean. There aren't signs of anything other than someone had moved in recently and there's a load of empty boxes flattened just outside a door.

I move quickly and round the corner, my pulse increasing when I don't see the road. How did I not see this? How was I so engrossed in my text messages that I got myself lost in fucking alleys?!

College town. This is a college town. I'm perfectly safe.

Taking a breath, I keep walking, peeking down different alleys and choosing the ones that look cleanest. Who knew the city had this kind of labyrinth in it?

Finally, I see the main street. I'm so relieved that I nearly cry. Stuffing my phone in my pocket, I nearly jog toward it. I'm about a dozen feet from reaching the sidewalk where I see people walking casually and a steady stream of cars on the street when a door suddenly opens.

A man steps out and I come to a stop. He's not looking at me, but toward the street. His hood is pulled up.

Oh, god, please keep walking .

I'm not heard. When the man turns my way, I see a long knife in his hand, and pretend I don't see blood on it.

My eyes widen and I turn to run the other way, dropping my bag right there so it doesn't hinder my progress. I'm not sure I've run so fast in my life and yet, it's not enough. His hand digs into the back of my shirt and I scream. But the sound is cut off when something wraps around my neck.

Reflex has my hands reaching for it, trying to tug it away because I can't breathe. Gasping for breath as the world around me darkens and blinks out of focus.

I try to scream. To kick. To dig at what feels like a rope around my neck. Tears fall and I lose the energy to keep struggling.

I can't breathe.

I can't… breathe…