3. Lyric

3

LYRIC

A s my eyes land on the man in front of me, my pulse races. I'd recognize Zane anywhere. He's grown taller, filled out a little, but he still has the same boyish smile, the same wavy brown hair, the same icy blue eyes…

Panic sets in and I race off in the opposite direction before he can speak to me, nearly tripping over the hem of my jeans in my desperate attempt to get away.

I stop to catch my breath as I stand behind a nearby building, frustrated at myself for acting like such a coward. But I never expected to see any of them ever again, certainly not here at Sterling Heights. I know they were sent off to military school, so I guess my brain figured they'd end up somewhere far, far away from here.

Then again, Sterling Heights is probably one of the most prestigious universities around. It makes sense that they'd come here, even if they'd been shunned by the entire town of Crestwood back then.

I trudge along, my mind a whirlwind as I piece together what just happened. If Zane is here, that means Archer and Levi are as well, because the three of them do everything together. There's no way they aren't. This means I need to steer clear of them until I can figure out how to talk to them, to explain myself.

Pushing open the door, I enter the building and head down the hall. "Hey, Annie," I call out, knocking on the door to the classroom. "I'm here for Eli."

Annie looks up from where she's rocking a baby. "Hey, Lyric, Eli is playing, but you can come on in."

"How was he?" I ask as I enter, watching Eli banging blocks together.

"He was great, as always. He's such a sweet kid," Annie replies with a bright smile. "How was your first day of class?"

"It was good, actually. A bit overwhelming, but I think I'll manage," I answer, shifting my bag on my shoulder. "How about you? How's your semester starting?"

"Oh, you know, the usual chaos." Annie laughs. "But it's exciting. There's always something new happening."

I nod, glancing at Eli, who is now engrossed in stacking the blocks. "Are you free to babysit Eli later, like you mentioned?"

"Oh, actually, I might be going to a party. Have you heard about Alpha Lambda?"

I tilt my head. "Not really. Are they a frat?"

"Yep. And they're the hottest ones on campus. There are three members, Zane, Archer, and Levi, who are practically celebrities around here. Everyone talks about them all the time. You should come with me and meet them."

I smile, though inside, apprehension rises. "Oh, you know, I can't. I have homework," I lie.

"You should try to come," she urges. "The three of them are just… I can't even explain it. Zane is like this charmer, Levi is so smooth, and Archer—oh, my God, he's like a Swedish model with his blonde hair and gray eyes!"

I chuckle, feeling a mix of amusement and unease. "Sounds like they've got quite the fan club."

Eli toddles over to us, reaching up to be picked up. I scoop him into my arms, and he snuggles against my shoulder.

"But we're bigger fans of this little guy," Annie says in a baby voice, warmth in her voice as she strokes his curls. "You're lucky to have him."

"I am," I agree, kissing the top of Eli's head. "Thanks for taking such good care of him, Annie."

"No problem at all. See you tomorrow, Lyric. Take care," Annie replies, waving us off.

As Eli and I walk out of the daycare center, I can't help but feel a knot of anxiety in my stomach. The boys' being such a big deal on campus is the last thing I need. I'm trying to avoid them, but it sounds like they're impossible to escape.

My campus housing is on the far side, away from the other dorms, in family housing for single parents and married students.

I have a nice little two-bedroom all to myself. While it isn't ideal, it suits the two of us. I walk inside and flip the lights on, glancing around at the sparse surroundings. There isn't much since I don't have much, but I have the essentials.

Bringing Eli over to his high chair, I set him down and grab some food from the nearly empty cupboard. "It's dinner time, Mister Man," I say in a sing-song voice. "Want some turkey and veggies? Yeah?"

Eli giggles and claps his hands, babbling as I sit down on the dining chair and begin to feed him. "You and I are going to have dinner, then I'll give you a bath and then it will be bedtime for babies!"

As I speak to him, I can't help but wonder what my life would have been like if things had turned out differently. Would the two of us be living with the boys right now? Would they have wanted to keep Eli? Would we be a family?

On the other hand, maybe they would have pressured me to terminate. I could see how the Hudsons might not be pleased with someone like me coming out to say that I was carrying their grandchild.

Something twists in my gut as I try to imagine what life would be like without Eli and I find I can't. No matter what happened, I'm grateful that I have my son.

Even if having him was the hardest thing I've had to do. I was all alone and everyone saw me as the town slut, the teenager who got knocked up.

Being at Sterling Heights meant freedom from that. I could create a whole new identity and get people to see me as someone more than the poor friend of the Hudson's or the teen mom.

I wish I could have gotten the courage to tell them about the baby, back when everything was happening. I tried to write to them, once. The letter was returned unopened.

"All done?" I ask, and Eli gives me a gummy smile. I pick him up and take him into the bedroom, undressing him and cleaning him up a little before heading for the tub. I set him in his bath seat and start washing him off, getting the crumbs out of his hair and the goop off his face.

"You're such a messy boy!" I tease, tickling his belly. He giggles and the sound fills me with fierce joy. "I'm glad you're my baby," I tell him, giving the top of his head a wet kiss. He claps his hands and bounces in his seat, his giggles echoing through the tiny space.

I'm doing this all for him. He's the only one who matters right now

3 and we're in this together, the two of us.

"Let's get you out of here," I say as we finish up. I wrap Eli in a ducky towel as I dry him off, then change him into a soft, blue dinosaur onesie for bed. Eli wiggles as I put his feet into the onesie and giggles, looking up at me with shining blue eyes.

Everything might be a mess in my personal life, but I'd never trade it for this little guy right here. "You're mama's sweet boy," I say, stroking a blonde curl. "You and me, we're going to get this degree and rock it!"

Eli babbles in agreement and I pick him up, cradling him to my chest as I soak in his warmth. "Bedtime for all little boys," I say in a sing-song. We dance around together to Nora Jones before bed, part of our usual routine and I watch as Eli's eyes start drooping, his little fists rubbing his face.

Finally, it's time for bed, I lay him down in his crib, rubbing his back as he yawns and settles down.

It's worth everything, seeing him look so relaxed and peaceful like this. He drifts off and I wait a bit to make sure he doesn't fuss before I head into the kitchen to make my own dinner.

As I cook, the soft sounds of smooth jazz filter in the background through the speaker. My apartment is tiny, but it's the first time I've felt at home somewhere since being around the boys.

An ache settles in my chest, the longing to run to them, to explain myself and beg for their forgiveness bubbling up. I want nothing more than to erase everything that happened since that day at the pep rally.

If I were stronger, I could have pushed harder to fix things, but I was weak back then, desperate just to get by. Being with Archer and his brothers was my only respite from my turbulent home life, and once it was yanked away from me, I had to stand on my own two feet.

What would it have been like if I could have walked up to Zane today when I saw him and demanded to speak to them, to tell them everything, to make them hear the truth? Would it change anything between us?

I should have told them about Eli a long time ago. Now I'm scared to say anything because I know they already think I betrayed them once. What's to stop them from thinking I'm a lying scumbag?

Still, they deserve to know about our son. They deserve to know that he exists, right? I should suck it up and tell them the truth, sooner than later. Rip the Band-Aid off and all that.

Fear settles into my gut, a churning nausea that threatens to rip me apart. Can I do it? Can I just walk up to the three of them and look them in the eye and say, "I know you think I'm the one who ruined your lives, but all that aside, we have a child together"?

I shake my head and take my mac and cheese to the table to eat, unsure what I'm going to do, only knowing that this is all hanging over my head like the Sword of Damocles.