19. Lyric

19

LYRIC

A fter the intensity of the other night, I feel like my mind is a tangled mess of complicated emotions. I can't help the flutter that rises in my chest when the boys look at me with those lingering, hungry looks or how good I feel whenever I hear their praise. Falling for them again feels inevitable, like slipping into a warm, familiar dream.

Still, I can't let myself get hurt again. Not after everything they've put me through.

The sun filters through the campus trees as I walk, casting dappled shadows on the ground. My thoughts are a whirlwind of confusion and longing. I know better than to trust them, but my heart doesn't seem to listen to reason.

As I approach the student lounge, I spot a familiar face sitting on one of the benches. Madison Clement. The last person I want to see. Her presence sends a jolt through me, a painful reminder of the fact that the past never truly leaves you.

She waves, a bright smile on her face. "Lyric! Long time no see."

I force a smile, trying to keep my emotions in check. "Madison. What are you doing here?"

Madison stands and walks over, her eyes wide with what looks like genuine excitement. "I saw you at the car wash the other day! You look… different. In a good way."

I cross my arms, trying to create some distance. "Yeah, well, a lot has changed."

She laughs, the sound light and easy. "No kidding. I've missed you, you know. After everything, you withdrew and I never saw you anymore."

My heart races, but I keep my expression neutral. "Things changed, Madison. I had to grow up. You know that. Everything is different now."

She tilts her head, her smile softening. "I know. That's why I want to catch up with you and find out everything that happened."

I hesitate, the memories of our past swirling in my mind. But there's a part of me that missed the easy friendship between us back then, that wants to find a simple connection in these tumultuous times "Yeah, sure. We can catch up."

Madison's smile widens, and she links her arm through mine. "Great! Let's grab a coffee, then. I want to hear everything about what you've been up to."

As we walk toward the café, I feel the camaraderie easing back between us as we talk about class and what we've been up to since graduation.

"I'm sorry about what happened at the car wash," Madison says as we slide into our seats at the nearby cafe. Indie music pumps softly through the speakers and the scents of fresh grounds and sweet syrups fill the air.

"What happened?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.

"I meant with the boys flirting with me. I know you guys have a complicated history and I think maybe they were trying to make you jealous."

"Oh, I didn't notice," I say, giving her a reassuring smile. "You don't have to worry about it. It's no big deal."

"Oh, good, I'm glad," Madison says, flipping a lock of hair over her shoulder. "You look good," she says, though her smile doesn't quite reach her eyes, so I know she's just trying to make me feel better. I'm wearing a blue T-shirt under a denim jacket and some denim shorts, with scuffed black Converse.

She always had the classic girl-next-door look, but she's grown even more glamorous in college, it seems. Her pink- and white-pinstriped jacket compliments her low-cut halter blouse, and she's wearing pretty rose-gold hoops in each ear, blonde hair looking like she's had a recent blow-out. A far cry from the prim and proper uniforms we wore at Crestwood. She's tall and slender and everything I'm not. I'd always envied Madison's effortlessly chic looks.

"Nah, I look like a frumpy mess," I say, tucking a frizzy curl behind my ear. "Running around after my kid means I don't usually have time for myself, you know?"

"Oh that's right," Madison says, eyes lighting up. "Your son is a little over a year old now, isn't he? What was his name?"

"Eli," I tell her, wrapping my hands around the iced latte I ordered. "He's eighteen months old now, yep." An idea occurs to me. "You should meet him," I blurt out. "I have to pick him up from daycare soon. I'd love for you to meet him."

Madison's smile widens. "I'd be honored, Lyric."

We grab our coffees and head out, chit-chatting a little more about Eli as we walk. "He's so sweet," I gush. "Loves daycare, loves his teacher. He's such a happy baby."

Once we arrive, I greet Eli and introduce him to Madison. "She knew you when you were in my belly," I tell him, digging my fingers into his tummy to tickle him. He giggles and hides his face shyly against me, but he keeps one eye on Madison as we head back to my dorm.

Once inside, I put Eli down on his playmat with some toys while Madison and I sit on the worn-out brown leather couch together.

"Can I ask you a personal question?" Madison asks, lowering her voice as she glances at Eli from the corner of her eye. "He looks exactly like Archer. Is he…?"

"Yeah," I admit, my voice cracking a little. "He's their son." It's the first time I've admitted the truth, but I feel safer here, freer. I know Madison isn't going to spread it around. She's always tried to have my back.

"What happened?" she asked. "I'm guessing they don't know?"

"I was going to tell them," I say, looking at him now. "But the day I was going to tell them was the same day of the pep rally."

"Oh, ouch," Madison says with a wince. "I get it. What about now?"

"They still don't know," I tell her, looking down at my coffee. "I can't bring myself to tell them yet. Everything is so freaking complicated between us, Mads. I wish I could tell you but…"

"Hey, I'm your friend," Madison says, reaching out to put her hand on mine. "You can tell me anything. I promise not to judge."

I take a deep breath and look up at her. "They still blame me for their getting into trouble over the prank, so they decided they wanted revenge. They threatened to get my scholarship revoked unless I do whatever they want."

"Oh, my God, that's so messed up," Madison says, an angry look crossing her features. "How dare they! You should go to the dean!"

I let out a harsh laugh. "They're rich assholes," I tell her. "They have the money and resources to make me look like a crazy person. I have to go along with it for now until I figure out what to do."

"I'm so sorry," Madison says, shaking her head. "That is so fucked up. I can't believe they're doing all this to you. And you let them get away with it?"

"It's more than that," I say, squeezing my eyes shut. I haven't had anyone to talk to about this whole thing, so I find myself spilling everything, explaining about the sex, the complicated feelings I've developed, the way things seem to be tentatively better, but as I wipe away tears, I admit that I don't know how to get out of this whole toxic mess without getting hurt.

"It just feels like maybe things are finally going well, but how long will that last?" I ask.

"You shouldn't let them get away with this," Madison says, eyes narrowed. "They're assholes, yeah, but you can fight back."

"How?" I ask, a note of bitterness in my voice. "I have no power over them."

Madison's eyes brighten. "Oh, but it seems you do. You admitted it yourself. They keep coming back to you for sex over and over. You should fight fire with fire. They want you, they can have you, but on your terms, girl."

"I'm not sure about that," I say, hesitating. "They've tarnished my reputation and completely freaked out every time they thought I was flirting with someone else."

"Then flirt with them ," Madison insists. "Put yourself forward, make them look at you in a new light. Get them desperate for you and lay out the new rules if they want to keep having access."

"It sounds so good," I tell her, a note of wistfulness in my tone. "But it's not that simple. I look like a frumpy mess. I'm not about to seduce them with my mom jeans and frizzy hair."

"You know what?" Madison says, grabbing my hand. "I have an idea. Let's get back at them and I want you to let me help you. You went through all the pregnancy and raising Eli without any help, but let me help you now."

My heart hammers in my chest. "Are you sure about this?" I ask. "I don't want to get you involved in such a complicated situation."

"Us girls gotta stick together," Madison argues. "Let me help you take those assholes down a peg or two."

"Okay!" I say, my heart feeling lighter than it has in years. "Let's do it. Let's get back at them and fight fire with fire. I want them to eat their hearts out and beg me to be with them, then watch them follow as I walk away."

I sit up, newfound confidence surging through me. I may be a mom, but I'm still young and I have a lot to offer. I don't have to take this lying down, I can stand up to the boys and make them have a relationship with me on my terms.

I hope they're ready for a whole new Lyric.