Chapter 22

twenty-two

E DITH COULDN’T STOP shivering once in the cab.

Between the icy water and the emotions of improvising surgery on the dirty table of a public house, her body was too shocked to keep its warmth.

Perry rubbed her hands. “You’re freezing.”

“Why do we always end up soaked?”

He chuckled. “I’m cold as well. We need to change.”

She snuggled closer to him, taking a moment to close her eyes and not thinking about anything. Perry’s arms were that powerful. His strength was contagious, and the closer she was to him, the stronger she felt. He rubbed her back when she shivered again, her teeth chattering, but not just with cold.

When the cab stopped in front of his townhouse and he offered her his hand, the smile brightening his face warmed her with a flutter in her chest. Yet another strong emotion to deal with that night.

“I’ll escort you home when you’re warm and dry. As usual,” he said, reaching out for the bell.

“No key?”

He shrugged. “Never had it.”

Mason opened the door, shooting a worried glance at them. “My lord. Miss Winkworth. What happened?”

“Just a normal evening,” Perry said.

“Mason,” she said, brushing past him.

“What do you need, my lord?” Mason took their wet coats.

“Tea, please, in my room. No need to rouse Mrs. Davidson, and discretion, please.”

The butler bowed. “My lord.”

Perry held her hand, going up the stairs. “I’ll give you something to wear while your clothes get dry.”

“We shocked Mason.” She exhaled in relief when she entered Perry’s warm bedroom.

“He gets worried easily.” He searched through his wardrobe.

Mason knocked and waited for Perry’s permission before bringing in the tea. After tossing another worried glance at them, he left them alone. Oddly enough, she hadn’t thought about being alone with Perry in his bedroom until that moment.

How scandalous. How perfect.

“Here. It’s the warmest garment I have.” He handed her one of his dressing gowns. “The screen is over there.”

Goosebumps covered her skin as she peeled off her wet clothes from her body. His hearty scent wafted from the soft fabric of the dressing gown, and she closed her eyes when she slid it on. Warm and gentle, like Perry.

“Are you done?” she asked.

“Bring your clothes.”

He wore another dressing gown that matched his sapphire eyes. His wet hair enhanced his fine features and that devilish smile of his; it still held the secrets of his former scandalous life.

He stretched her clothes on a chair in front of the roaring fire. The heated gaze he gave her warmed her more than the flames. He wasn’t the first man who had looked at her scandalously with hunger, but he was the first man who had made it count.

“I won’t forget this night.” She sat on the thick carpet and stretched out her legs towards the fire.

He sat next to her. “I’m glad you decided to start studying again.” He touched her hand with a finger, sending shivers up her arm. “Although you have a future as an art model.”

She laughed. “You really like that painting.”

“No. I really like you.” He held her chin for a moment, and she got lost in the intensity of his stare. A stare that didn’t belong to a gentleman.

She didn’t think; she didn’t need to. She kissed him hard. His response was immediate. A moan left her when he tangled his long fingers through her hair and pushed his tongue past her lips as if taking his right place. The cold wasn’t a problem anymore. Sensations burned her from the inside out.

The kiss became a battle of lips and tongues as she ran her hands over the hard slab of his chest. The way he held her head in place with authority had a dominating quality she swooned over.

She fiddled with his sash until it yielded and she touched his smooth, naked skin. He was all sharp ridges and hard muscles. She could count each one of them with her fingertips. They broke the kiss at the same time, their breaths mingling.

She caressed his broad chest and firm abdomen again to reach underneath. That was her personal Rubicon because once she touched him, she’d crossed a line with no going back.

His lips parted, and she waited for him to say something, perhaps to stop her. But the hunger in his gaze couldn’t be mistaken. A groan rumbled from his chest when she closed her hand around him. Of their own accord, her legs squeezed to soothe the throbbing ache between them.

He sucked his teeth as she stroked him carefully until he moved her hand aside and pulled off her dressing gown with one smooth move. Her nipples hardened under his eager stare because he paused to watch her in awe.

“You’re so beautiful,” he said with ferocity.

She didn’t have time to reciprocate the compliment before he dipped his head and closed his hot mouth around her nipple.

All her breath swished out of her with a moan. He tongued and sucked at her, and the more he did that, the more wetness pooled between her legs. The ache was consuming her. As if reading her mind, he slid a hand between her thighs, pausing again to stroke her skin before rubbing her with surprising kindness. Slow, lazy circles that made her pant.

She widened her legs, and he used his whole palm to rub her. The sensation was like nothing she’d experienced, which was strange. It wasn’t the first time a man pleasured her, but with Perry, everything was different. Everything seemed new.

He was relentless in his sweet assault, somehow guessing exactly what she needed at the perfect time. The right stroke, the right pressure, the right spot. Perfect.

The release came with enough strength to make her arch her back and shut her up. The scream she meant to let out remained trapped in her throat. She wrapped her arms around him as she enjoyed every ounce of the pleasure spasming through her. He held her in a sweet, sweet hug that melted her heart.

“Let me court you,” he whispered against her skin, his lips brushing a sensitive spot on her neck.

His words shocked her back to reality. She inched back from him, needing to see his eyes. They were glowing with passion and determination that didn’t leave room for doubts.

“I want to court you. Properly. Talk to your father.” He took her face, his chest heaving. “After I court you, I’ll propose. After that, I’ll give you the most luscious wedding ever given, and then I’ll do everything to keep you happy.”

“Perry.” She put her hands over his. “You don’t have to do this. You aren’t ruining me.”

“But you are ruining me.” He closed his eyes for a moment. “I’m not asking out of a sense of duty. I want to court you.”

Goodness. He was serious. He wanted to propose.

She squeezed his hand. “I’m grateful, but you must admit that I’m certainly not the bride you want to share your title with.”

“Why do you say that?”

“The fact huge scandals haven’t involved me yet, it’s a matter of time. There are plenty of rumours about me. I’ve spent the past years doing all sorts of things. Things that will ruin your reputation as well if they come out and you marry me. You saw me in the Scarlet Room. You saw how I behaved. I’m not a maiden, and I tried opium.”

“I don’t care about your past. I’ve trodden the same path. I only care about our future, a future together. I want you. I want more, Edith. I want everything.”

“You can have me. Anytime you want. Even now.” She started to open her dressing gown, but he stopped her.

“No, not like this.” He took her hands although his hungry gaze told a different story.

“I don’t know what to say.” Her voice quivered, but she had to be honest. His proposal was a bit overwhelming at the moment.

“I understand.” Sheer, undiluted pain radiated from him. “With my seizures?—”

“Heavens, no! It’s not that.” She scattered kisses on his hand. “I don’t care about your seizures. It’s me. I’ve just recently found my way back to a normal life. I want to start studying again. I feel…whole again, with a purpose. But everything is happening too quickly. Give me a little time. Let me walk on my feet for a while.”

He smiled, but his smile was sad as if he believed she was asking for more time only to sweeten the rejection.

“All the time you want.”

“There’s something else.” She lowered her gaze. “Even though the Enabling Act has been approved, unmarried female doctors are scorned. A married woman and a countess at that won’t be employed as a surgeon by any hospitals.”

“So if I propose, your answer will always be no, no matter what.” Too much sadness rang in his voice.

“I’m sure we’ll find a solution.” She hugged him and kissed his cheek. “You’re wonderful, Perry. Everything about you is wonderful. I feel wonderful when I’m with you. The world is wonderful when we’re together.”

He squeezed her, burying his face in the crook of her neck. “You know, I won’t forget this night either.”

Let me court you . Those words had tormented Edith for the whole night.

She couldn’t imagine a better suitor than Perry. He had every reason not to trust her or be resentful. Instead, he’d been nothing but kind to her. Not just kind but passionate, generous, lovely, and understanding. She was running out of positive traits to describe him.

But exactly for his kindness, she wanted to start afresh and prove herself she could work hard, as she’d been used to doing, and achieve something. He inspired her to be a better person.

Although she’d be lying if she said she had everything planned out about her studies. One moment, she was determined to try the admission test as soon as possible before even that chance would be gone. The next, fear gripped her by the throat, and she wished to have more time to get ready and reacquainted with the medical books.

She was at home, sitting in front of the warm hearth in the drawing room with her battling thoughts for company.

After last night’s bucket of icy water, she kept shivering. Or maybe it was her worries. She couldn’t deny the strong emotion of having successfully operated on a human, the excitement of doing something she loved.

“Miss, a letter for you.” The maid interrupted her dark musing, handing her an envelope.

“Thank you, Anne.”

The letter was from Perry, but when she opened the envelope, there was only a journal article. She unfolded the piece of paper and read it.

The article praised the work of a female surgeon, Dr. Emily Barber, who had successfully avoided a man’s leg amputation by applying a new technique to clamp the damaged artery and suture the wound. Her achievement was called revolutionary for the history of medicine by the journalist.

How had Perry known she needed a little nudge to make her decision? A lump of emotion thickened her throat. He managed to cheer her up even when he wasn’t with her.

No more excuses. She stood up and marched towards her father’s study without thinking too much.

“Father?” She inched the door open, her legs turning into blancmange.

He raised his gaze from his documents, his brow furrowing. There had been a time when he’d smiled whenever she’d entered his study.

“What is it? If you need money, I’m afraid you’ll have to wait.”

That hurt, but at the same time, it steeled her determination. Father was right. In the past few years, she’d sought him out mostly to ask him for money.

“I don’t want money, Father.” She left the door open in case he wanted her to leave.

He sighed and rubbed his forehead. “If this is about the case of Mrs. Richards, I’ve already told you my opinion.”

“I made a decision.”

“Yes?” he asked without looking at her.

“I want to resume my studies and become a doctor.” Her voice quivered through her short speech, and she sounded utterly terrified to her own ears.

Father remained still. His hand, holding the pen, hovered over the document. He was so frozen she worried he might be sick.

She stepped closer to the desk. “I know I’ve disappointed you. But I decided I want to become a surgeon, and I’ll be grateful if you could help me get the books I need to pass the admission test. So I can start over.”

He removed his glasses, his expression stern. Not the bursting enthusiasm she’d dare to hope for.

“If this is what you want, I’ll absolutely help you in any way I can. Medicine has advanced considerably since you stopped studying. You’ll have a lot to cover, both in anatomy and surgical procedures. After that, you’ll need a proper teacher who’ll administer your test. It’s a huge commitment that requires an equally huge sacrifice. Are you ready for this?”

“Yes.”

“I mean it, dammit!” He slammed a hand on the desk, causing the ink bottle to shake. “This is not a game. We’re talking about your future and the future of the people who will be your patients. Becoming a doctor is difficult for a man, but it’s especially difficult for a woman. Many people will shun you, even though the number of female doctors increases every year. You’ll face a long, arduous battle, and you won’t win unless you’re completely committed to your goal.”

“I am.” She forced herself not to shiver.

His expression didn’t soften. “You’ll forgive me if I don’t trust your word. You’ll prove yourself through your results. Yes, I’ll help you, but I expect you to put every effort and every waking moment of your life into this venture. No more late nights with your friends. No more spending the day in bed, sleeping. No more seeking only what pleases you. I want discipline and honesty.”

Tears threatened to spill, but she blinked them away. She didn’t want to cry in front of him. That would mean starting her new life on the wrong foot.

“Yes,” she croaked out.

“Good.” He picked up his pen again and gestured at the shelves loaded with books behind him. “You may start studying human anatomy again.”

“Yes.” She seemed unable to say something different.

She selected the latest edition of Human Anatomy and Surgery . Goodness, it was heavier than the edition she’d studied before. Scientists must have discovered so much in the past years.

“Thank you, Father.”

He gave her a nod, but she longed for a hug or a comforting word that never came.