Chapter 15

fifteen

I N A FEW minutes, Edith would be in Perry’s study, and he couldn’t stay still.

Sitting at his desk, he struggled to understand the letter in front of him. Some days, when a headache throbbed, reading and concentrating were difficult. The words were clear, but he didn’t understand them. Or perhaps he was simply too nervous that morning.

He wasn’t going to lie. Learning she’d lied to him had been a strong blow. For all those years, knowing she’d studied hard to achieve her goal had been a source of pride and inspiration. Also, her studies had been her excuse not to visit him in Geneva, and he’d never griped about that. Building a career as a doctor was a difficult task—that was what he’d thought.

But now, all her lies hurt. At the same time, he understood how easy chasing pleasure was; it was seductive, addictive, and never enough. He'd wanted to hug her yesterday during her confession, but he’d been unsure of her reaction.

A knock came, and Mason entered. “My lord, Miss Winkworth is here to see you.”

“Please show her in. Would you see that tea is served?”

Mason bowed. “My lord.”

Edith entered in a cloud of blue fabric. Her hair was dishevelled, and her cheeks were flushed. “Good morning.”

Perry stood up and clasped his hands behind his back. “Good morning. What happened to you? Did you run here?”

“Almost. I didn’t want to be late. My mother held me, asking me questions about my job here, and I didn’t know what to say.” She chuckled. “Telling my mother I posed for a nude painting that’s now in Lord Ravenscroft’s personal parlour and that said lord is offering me a job so I can reimburse him wasn’t the right thing to say at breakfast.”

“What did you tell her?”

She paced around the room, stopping in front of the bookshelves. “I was rather vague. I didn’t want her to get the wrong idea about you as well and think ill of you. She has a fervid imagination, quite morbid at times. She asked me if you wanted me to do something inappropriate.”

He nearly snorted a laugh as inappropriate but enticing visions flashed across his mind. “That can be arranged if you’re game,” he quipped. Mostly.

Her beautiful forest-green eyes became two narrow slits. “Lord Ravenscroft, you truly are not a gentleman.”

“I beg to differ. A scoundrel would take advantage of you or show the painting to the world. Oh, wait, that’s exactly what that painter, whom you claim is a friend of yours, did to make money and pay off his gambling debts. So I ask you, who isn’t the gentleman?”

She smiled. He could easily become addicted to her smile. “ Touché .”

“It’s always a pleasure to converse with you.”

A corner of her mouth quirked up, and a naughty twinkle lit her eyes.

Mason, carrying a tray with the tea, interrupted them.

“Please take a seat,” Perry said when Mason left.

She sat on the chair in front of the desk, but he gestured to the chair next to him.

“This chair,” he said.

“Why?”

He pinched the bridge of his nose dramatically, feigning outrage. “You work for me, Miss Winkworth. You’ll do everything I ask.”

“So inappropriate activities it is, then.” She did as told.

“Careful, Edith. I might take up on your offer.”

That naughty twinkle sparkled again. She perched on the edge of the chair. “What should I do?”

He handed her the letter he’d tried to read. “Read this out aloud.”

She took it. “Does your condition cause you trouble reading?” The question didn’t lack kindness.

“Sometimes, when my head hurts, I have problems understanding while reading. I can read the words, but they’re meaningless. All I got is that the letter is from my uncle.”

Her expression softened.

He poured the tea. “Usually, it doesn’t last for long.”

“I actually saw Neville the other day.”

He perked up. “Neville? Are you two friends?”

“Well…did I say something wrong? You look flustered.”

“I’m surprised you’re so familiar with him.” And a little concerned. Uncle Neville didn’t have a terrible reputation; he didn’t squander money, and his name didn’t appear on the scandal sheet, but his liking for women and pleasure was known.

“He’s friends with Daphne and Valentine, but he isn’t my friend. I’m sorry he’s your relative, but I find him upsetting. He was with Daphne, Valentine, and me in the Scarlet Room. Didn’t you see him?”

Perry sucked in a deep breath. The man he hadn’t seen at the gaming table had been his uncle. “Did he witness my seizure?”

“I’m not sure. I was focused on you and didn’t notice where he was. Why? Is something the matter?”

He scratched his chin. The rules of the Scarlet Room were clear. Even if Uncle Neville had seen the incident, he couldn’t tell anyone.

“Albert was very careful not to mention my seizures to anyone. Aside from you, your family, and the doctors, no one knows. My uncle is aware I needed medical treatment in Geneva but doesn’t know about the seizures.”

“Do you worry he might use the information against you?”

“We’ve always had a civil relationship.”

She hesitated before speaking. “He told me the story of his intended, claiming you seduced her and convinced her to break up her engagement.”

“Bollocks. My uncle and I discussed the matter many times years ago. Margaret broke up the engagement of her own accord when she realised she didn’t love him. I simply happened to have listened to her when she was desperate and confided in me. Neville saw us together and drew his own conclusions, the wrong ones, of course. Nothing ever happened with Margaret. She’s now happily married. The fact my uncle still believes I caused the incident is absurd. Anyway, please read.”

She read the letter in a clear tone that helped him understand. “ Dear Peregrine, I received your previous letter about the possibility of ceding the title to me, and I’m more than happy to take the title of Earl Ravenscroft when you’re ready. I appreciate how difficult the past years have been for you, and —” She lowered the letter. “Are you renouncing your title?”

He fiddled with a pencil. “I’ve been thinking about it. Uncle Neville is next in line.”

“Why do you want to renounce the title?”

He turned towards her. “My condition isn’t a temporary situation. An earl is required to attend social events and meetings in the House of Lords, which means being constantly under scrutiny. If someone witnesses one of my seizures, I won’t simply be considered unfit to hold the title but also a danger to society. I want a normal life and decide when I’m in the mood to see others.”

“But you told me your seizures aren’t frequent.”

“But they still happen. Being an earl isn’t like being a doctor.”

“What do you mean?”

He waved at the pile of documents on his desk. “You can certainly become a doctor. You have the brain and the knowledge necessary for the job. I’m not sure I’m now fit for the job of an earl. I need help reading sometimes. Doctors don’t understand the cause of my seizures. I don’t expect people to understand them, either.”

“People always fear what’s different and not easy to understand. Your condition doesn’t impair your cognitive ability. Look at the progress you’ve made. It’s incredible.”

She was talking like a doctor again. Good.

“From experience, I know people don’t care about my cognitive ability. They think my seizures are the result of madness at best and witchcraft at worst. Many people think I’m not sane in the head.” He tilted his head. “Which I guess is true, in a way.”

She moved her hand closer to his. “Yes, some people would lock you up in an asylum only because you can’t control the seizures.”

“Trust me, sometimes I wish I were locked up in an asylum, too. At least my life would be simpler.”

“You don’t mean that.”

He wanted to ask her if she would start studying again, but that would be pushing her. Her presence here was already good progress.

“Would you read the next letter, please?” he asked.

“Of course.” Edith brought her chair closer to the desk, and he caught her fresh scent of jasmine. “Which one?”

Edith had just finished telling her mother about her new job, thinking that would put to rest any further unpleasant conversations, but Mother hadn’t stopped asking questions. Questions Edith didn’t know how to answer.

Why you? What’s the pay? Do you work alone with him? What do you exactly do?

The dining room at breakfast had become an interrogation room. Edith couldn’t sip her tea in peace without being questioned.

“It doesn’t make any sense.” Mother must have said that at least a dozen times. “Why would the Earl of Ravenscroft hire you as his secretary?”

“Because he knows me and trusts me. He’s going through a difficult moment because he’s just returned to London after years of absence, and he needs a friend to help him with his work. That’s all.” And it was true as well.

“So you spend the day alone with him.”

“I work for him, Mother. And Perry and I are friends.”

“I know, but a friend of mine told me that people who receive blows to the head might become dangerous, aggressive, or even be prone to indecency.”

“Ridiculous. Mother, do you believe a friend’s passing comment and not what Father says?” She rose from the chair. “I don’t want to be late.”

The maid opened the door. “Lady Lancaster is here, madam.”

“Marianne, darling.” Mother rushed to Marianne as if in need of being rescued from a dragon. “It’s so good to see you here.”

“Mother.” Marianne kissed Mother’s cheek and gave Edith a worried glance.

Edith couldn’t blame her. “Good morning, Marianne. Tea?”

“Yes, please.” She removed her gloves and eyed the newspaper. “Is it new?”

“Fresh from being ironed.” Edith poured her a cup of tea.

Marianne went straight to the scandal sheet. “Any news?” A quivering note intruded in her voice.

“None, darling,” Mother said. “Is something the matter?”

“No, no.” Marianne let out a forced laugh. “Quite the opposite. I came here to announce we’re hosting a ball next week. I would love to invite Lord Ravenscroft. We neglected our duty to invite him for too long.”

Edith exchanged a glance with her sister.

“Splendid idea.” Mother waved at Edith. “I was just talking with Edith about that. Lord Ravenscroft hired her as his secretary,” she said ‘secretary’ as if it were an absurd job.

“Did he now?” Marianne said. “Interesting.”

Edith cleared her throat. “Yes, he needs help with his work. Apparently, headaches plague him.”

Mother softened. “Poor man.”

“Will you pass my invitation to him then?” Marianne asked. “I’ll send him a formal card, but you might want to tell him first.”

“Of course.” Edith finished her tea, wondering if Perry would be interested in going to a ball. “I’ll see you later.”

“I’ll walk you out.” Marianne followed her to the entry hall.

“Everything is all right,” Edith whispered, checking Mother was still in the dining room. “Perry won’t show the painting to anyone.”

“It’s not that.” She took Edith’s hand. “It’s about what you told us the other day. I had no idea you were suffering so much.”

“Because I didn’t tell you.”

“I should have asked you how you were faring more often. I’m so sorry, Edith.”

“Don’t be.” She hugged her sister. “You helped me a lot.”

“How? Lending you money? Some help.” Marianne shook her head. “You’ve always been the strongest one between us. I didn’t think you needed a different type of help.”

“Me, the strongest? You did all those exercises to overcome your fear of the water. I’m still as scared as a kitten.”

“I neglected you. I was a terrible sister.”

“You got married.”

Marianne’s bottom lip quivered, and she took a deep breath. “I love you, Edith.”

Even Edith needed a deep breath. “I love you too, Marianne.”